Rumpelstiltskin is scared. Possibly more scared than he'd ever been, even counting when Baelfire had almost become leverage in the first Ogre War. He looks around the room, the back of the pawn shop, and slowly, carefully, he lets himself break.

He can hear Bae's screams as he let his hand go, and then he's falling. Falling into the portal, falling out of Rumpelstiltskin's grasp and life. He can hear Baelfire tell him that he's a hero, centuries later.

He can hear Belle's tears as he screamed at her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her roughly in his anger. And then she's gone, gone, gone. He can hear her forgive him for it, decades later, hear her tell him she loves him.

Rumpelstiltskin wishes he could believe that. Rumpelstiltskin had done so many bastardly things, so many inhuman choices he'd made.. He doesn't deserve love. He doesn't deserve to hear lies - lies that claim he's a hero, claim he's worthy of love.

Through glassy eyes, Rumpelstiltskin is dimly aware that someone's entering the shop. But by this time, he's too far gone to care. It could have been Zelena, and he wouldn't have been able to pull himself together. He was a wreck.

And then he's breaking, heaving sobs escaping through his slack mouth as he clutched tightly at a pillow. The sobs hurt his ears, he sounds so pitiful, but he can't help it, damn it! As much as he hates to admit it, his Belle was right about one thing; He can't be strong all the time. Sometimes… even monsters needed to break down.

"Rumpel?" A voice jerks him out of his trance, and he looks up in fear, struggling to swipe at his tears. "Rum, what's wrong?" And then, with his eyes still filled with tears, he knows who it is. "Belle." he murmured.

"What's wrong?" Belle drops down to sit beside him on the cot, her knees bumping against his as she struggles to sit comfortably. "You can tell me." She whispers as she drops a kiss to his shoulder.

Rumpelstiltskin shudders, looking at the blob that was Belle, struggling to regain his composure. "I- I'm just having a bad day, sweetheart." And it wasn't even a lie, but it didn't begin to scratch at the mountain of horror he felt.

"I'm sorry, Rum." She whispers, and she's pressing her lips against his forehead gently. "I wish I could fix it for you."

"So do I." he admits.

CROSS POSTED ON ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN

I AM AN ADMIN OF A RUMBELLE FACEBOOK GROUP: Rumbelle For The Win

LOTS OF LOVE, KINDLE