Silent Freakin Hill
A/N: This fanfic is purely fanmade and I own none of the Silent Hill characters! Just the OCs! Silent Hill belongs to their owners respectively! Anyhoo, this fanfic is meant to be both humorous and disturbing in its own way. James is single, slightly perverted and longing for Maria. Douglas has issues with being marked as a pedophile, Heather has issues with Douglas's issues, Henry doesn't really know what his issues are or if he should even have any, Maria has issues with being a whore o_o (so not bashing any characters here, I love them all, just wanted to make a humorous [and disturbing] fanfic for once XD) And I'll come up with more rather ridiculous reasons for others characters that we haven't come across yet in the next chapter XD Hope you guys enjoy it!
Chapter 1
Bob Marley's "Every little thing's gonna be all right" begins playing from the alarm clock at 10:02 in the morning,li the sun is shining, today looks promising. Ah, where is James now? Oh right, sleeping there. Oh wait, waking up now? No, he's turned on his side, wake up moron! Music like this can't be left playing, that's not how cutscenes work! This is a cutscene right? Oh wait, this is a fanfic. Fanfics don't have cutscenes, just idiotic authors who like to pretend that cutscenes are legitimate in a fanfic. Start writing properly!
James rolled over on his side and groaned, listening to his alarm clock blast its music and completely ruin his erotic dream of Maria. (Mary's old news) He murmured tiredly and reached over to switch it off, only to knock a glass half-filled with water over in the process. James looked over.
"Oh shit.. better clean that up. A better reason for me to get out of bed I guess." he mumbled, shifting his body out of the covers and slipping his bare feet into some cosy slippers. He peered out at the beautiful weather through the window, yes the sun was actually shining to be frank, he watched the children (no, James is in no way a pedophile/pedo bear) play catch, football and some sad kid who resembled Harry Potter play chess with his other clone-like little friends. James smiled to himself, remembering the innocence he also bore as a child, plus remembering that he stole lunch money from kids like that in High School.
He tore his gaze away from the window and made his way downstairs, comlpetely forgetting about the spilt water that soaked the carpet. Why he had a glass of water next to the alarm clock? He had no idea why. Maria (apparenlty still alive) didn't live with or had any sort of relationship with James unfortunately, but she lived a few minutes away from him. He knew they shared a special sort of chemistry, but neither had budged to make the first move. Although, James already knew he should be the one making the move. But alas, with his nervousness getting the better of him, he hadn't made that move. Yet. The time will come, he shall finally experience every detail of what he had dreamt about, now if only he would just pluck up the courage to tell her how he felt.
Cramming a cinnamon roll into his mouth, he gave it a thought. Maybe he could pay her a visit today? It's worth a shot, he knew it was obvious she felt the same way about him. What was there to lose? He smiled and chewed the contents in his mouth, washing it down with some orange juice. He felt his heart race with excitement, this was gonna be the day! The day he'd no longer be a lonely single man who'd spent his years mourning over the loss of his wife! James raced upstairs and spent a good hour getting dressed, brushing his teeth so that they were a pearly white colour, combing his hair into it's usual glossy style, spraying on cologne so that he smelled so very manly indeed, so manly she wouldn't be able to resist. He had his best clothes on, and best shoes. James was all set to head out the door when suddenly the phone started ringing, he could have let it ring until it stopped, he just could have. But something told him it was best to answer it and so he did.
"Hello?" he asked, the phone held up close to his ear.
"Password please?" a deep voice grumbled.
"What?"
"Close enough, this is James Sunderland right? I have got the right number?" said the voice, suddenly changing from deep and threatening to light and cheery.
"Er, yes, it is. Um, who is this?" James asked suspiciously, thinking some teenagers may be playing a prank on him (for the fourth time this week).
"John P. Smith, at your service !"
"Right. And how can I help you?"
"Now , I know you're a busy man-"
"Busy?"
"Well, anyway, we need your assistance , on an investigation of the country's most feared place-"
"We? Who's 'we'?"
"Why, my colleagues of course, well more so my team to be exact."
"Uh huh.. and what is this investigation about? Where did you say it was taking place...the country's most feared place or something?"
"Correct. Now I've done my research and have heard that you visited a town called Silent Hill a couple of years ago, yes?"
"Uh...yeah."
"Good good, so I haven't been decieved. Well James, today's your lucky day. You'll be joining my team and I on an investigation in Silent Hill!"
James froze, he almost forgot how to speak. To breathe even. "Ex-excuse me?"
"Silent Hill. You'll be helping us with the investigation of that town. We just wanna know if the rumours people have been saying about the town are true.. do creatures beyond your wildest nightmares roam the town in an alternative world of somesort? Does the town experience reality shifts at some point? And since you've had your experience, we've decided to bring you along."
"Wait-wait, hold up. You want to explore Silent Hill? Investigate the place and find out whether or not the place is as mental and horrific as people say it is?"
"Yesyes, correct!" said John cheerily, the man didn't seem at all put off by the idea. He sounded more eager than ever.
"I'm not doing it! Have you any idea what you're putting yourself and your team through! That place is dangerous beyond all reasons! You can't go there!"
"Well, we can't be certain it's like that unless we investigate. And we do need your help James. This mission shall not go as planned without you.."
"But-"
"Did I mention you get paid?"
"As tempting as that sounds I-"
"Please James, we need you!"
"I-I..no listen, I-"
"Please. It can't be all threatening when we're got a number of people working together!"
James sighed. "Ok, fine! I'll go."
"Excellent! We'll be leaving for West Virginia in an hour, please make your way down to the bus stop, we'll meet you there. Good day to you, ! It was nice doing business with you!" he said cheerfully, hanging up. James sighed and put the phone down, so much for getting dressed up. Looks like he'll be heading down to the bus stop instead of Maria's, that John. sure owes him.
James went to get his stuff packed, as they're probably gonna be there for some time. He threw in a couple of clothes and other things he may need on this little trip down memory lane (or town more like). Once he had packed everything, he left for the bus stop, locking the door behind him. Something tells him he isn't gonna survive in Silent Hill this time but hey, it's not like his life was any interesting anyway. He probably wasn't gonna end up with Maria even if he wasn't going to Silent Hill.
Cars zoomed passed, a gush of wind flicking James' greasy blonde hair in his face, he pushed his hair out of his face and looked up over at the bus stop to find that there were a crowd of people standing there. Shrugging, James walked over, thinking they may just be tourists waiting for a bus anyway. John. never mentioned if he'd be there or not, or what time he'd be coming were leaving in an hour anyway, and so far he'd killed about forty-five minutes.
He was greeted by a loud, cheery voice as soon as he got to the bus stop, whipping around, James saw a rather large, muscular man with brown army-like hair stroll over to him, his arms stretched out wide in a welcoming gesture.
"Ah-ha! ! You're just on time!" he beamed, shaking James's hand vigorously.
It came as such a suprise that James had forgotten how to speak. He cleared his throat. "I thought you were leaving in an hour." he said hoarsely.
"Oh, that, well I always like to arrive earlier and since you're here there's no point in waiting any longer, besides, the others left not too long ago."
"Others?"
"I decided to split the team in two, since the truck couldn't possibly carry us all."
"Exaclty how many is in this team of yours?"
"'Bout 56, though we've a few more people now so that's increased the amount of people we normally have. Oh well, it's only temporary."
"Uh huh.."
"Well, let's not be rude now shall we, I haven't introduced you to my crew. Here's my main members: Kevin Baker, quick-witted and my right-hand man!" said John, pointing to a tall, slim man beside him. He had jet black hair that stuck to his head, pale blue-ish green eyes, a thin face and high-cheek bones. He nodded at James, acknowledging his presence.
"Kalayla Armstrong, strong-willed, a little sharp-tongued but the best you can find in a loyal crew member."
Kalayla bore a serious, unimpressed expression, she had a thick head of mahagony-coloured hair (dyed) that cascaded in thick puffs over her shoulder. She had a thick, strong body-frame; there was obviously some muscle in them arms of hers. She mumbled a "hey" in her most bored voice.
"Matt Parkers, you can rely on him for any of your needs for weapons or anything along that category. Deals with shotguns, rifles, dynamites, grenades, handguns; you name it."
Matt had thick, spiky light brown hair that looked quite filthy, maybe due to the amount of objects he had to work with that consisted a lot of ash and whatnot. He grinned wildly at James. "Heyy!" he greeted, that same grin still plastered on his face, James quietly shuddered.
"Benjamin Gates, prefers to use physical violence which involves using his hands, one of my most trusted men!"
Benjamin was a very large african-american, with short black hair and very large muscles. His appearance warned you not to mess with him but as soon as he smiled, that opinion of him faded. His smile made him seem warm and friendly. "Welcome aboard, James!" he said cheerily.
"Scout Johnson, not really reliable on doing the physical work, but she's the brains behind the team. Never underestimate her though, she just may surprise you."
James was surprised. Scout was a small asian girl that looked at least nineteen or twenty, she wasn't really dressed for much shooting action and all that but kept a small handgun strapped firmly against her hip, she had short jet-black hair and black-ish brown eyes, pale skin and bore a nervous expression. James wondered how they even let someone like her in this team, but then again everyone looked pretty much idiotic in their own way in this crew. Like Kevin, she nodded at James.
"And last but most certainly not least, Razor, my most unnusual yet handy crew member."
Razor certainly did live up to his pet-name, and he was quite unnusual, with razor hands replacing his normal ones, James figured he might have been in an accident of some-sort. Scars were visible on every aspect of his face, he had pale grey eyes and looked practically expressionless. Perhaps the accident affected his emotions somehow? James then went back on thinking he bore no emotions, because as soon as they were introduced, Razor's expression changed from expressionless to frighteningly cheerful, with a large grin plastered on his face. He was like an even cheerier and creepier version of Matt. "Hey! Mah real name's Jeremy! You know what I liek fer luunch? Ham sandwhiches!" he blurted in a southern accent. James could not have been any more freaked out. He nodded at Razor, his eyes wide with fright.
"We also have Douglas, who isn't really part of our crew but, like you, had his experiences with the so-called strangeness in Silent Hill." said John, pointing at a rather tired looking old man with a grey stubble, shaggy looking clothes and a hat. He nodded at James.
"Nice to see I'm not the only one people doubt, I'm telling you something freaky's going on in that town." said Douglas, turning to John once again.
"And let's get moving!" John called out, ignoring Douglas's comment.
James looked at Douglas, something about this man seemed almost pedophile-like. And it made James think he may have competition here, but wait. James wasn't a pedophile, but he certainly had his fare share of perverted moments. This Douglas character might have his eyes on some of the likely looking women on this team, or maybe he had his eye on Maria; if he'd ever seen her. Something told James he was being ridiculous, but then again maybe he was. Ignoring his thoughts, James pushed passed Douglas and hopped onto the truck, seating himself next to a pretty hot woman, he smiled to himself.
That'll teach him.