She clasped his hand in her own like it was the only thing rooting her to this world, and she turned her expressive eyes on him. Her gaze was locked on his intently, seemingly coherent even in her inebriated state, and she took a breath. She kept on getting swept away like this; kept on being the last to realize these goddamn important things. Remus quirked an amused eyebrow at her - the same as he always did, the one above his right eye, smooth in it's elevated transition from years of practice, no doubt - and smiled benignly at her. "Yes, Lily? What is it now?"

She befriended the Marauders last year, and had been wondering ever since why she hadn't done it sooner. She knew the answer to that, of course, but it was really just so much nicer to pretend that she didn't. These boys were like no one she had had in her life. They were always there when she needed someone, and they were the only thing that had kept her sane so far this year. "He loves me, doesn't he? That ever living idiot has actually fallen head over arse?" She's drunk and they both know it, but neither one of them voice it. He's her friend, but more importantly he's her brother, so he considers which route to take for this carefully.

And the warm and inviting air around them grows suddenly tense and Remus is no longer amused, but sobered as he looks at her flushed cheeks and wide eyes and wonders how a girl as smart as she could have ever overlooked something so blatant. But it's not his feelings, not his life, and so he takes a breath, "That's not exactly my place to say-"

Her impatience wastes no time, "Oh shut the fuck up, Remus. You know, don't you? You marauders. You all fucking know. He's not exactly subtle," she shakes her head, her hair swishing around her in an effect that reminds him of Padfoot, who he oh so desperately wishes was still sat next to him. Alas, he's not, though. And Remus is left to handle drunk Lily realizing James' feelings and no doubt having a revelation of her own in the process by his lonesome. "He always said he did, but I never believed him. I should have believed him. But why the hell would I? He made such a big show of things, you know? Who could have taken something like that to heart?" She slaps his shoulder in irritation, "Oi! Are you even listening? This is important!"

He's amused again. The importance of her realization is not lost on him. This is Lily and James - of course this is important. She's starting to get it. He would have thought that she figured this out sooner, but in all honesty, she probably had and just not said anything. She was ace at secrets, but she often spoke what was on her mind when she drank and this had probably been plaguing her for a bit. The boys were her best friends, but they were James first and she probably wanted to sort her own feelings before she had to worry about them possibly voicing her secrets to him. They would never, no matter how much they loved James - they just wouldn't do something like that to her - but Lily was always a worrier.

"I have no doubt that your conclusion is important, Lily, but I don't believe that I'm the one you should be talking this through with."

"Well who the fuck else? It's not like I can ask him! He is over there wrapped around the blonde fucking beauty. He loves me though. I think he does. Does he? He does. I know it. I see it now. If he wouldn't have acted like such a damn moron maybe it would be me perched on his lap right now." She seems to be talking only to herself right now, so Remus allows himself time to consider her words. She wouldn't be perched on James' lap like a hungry animal right now, even if the two of them were together. Remus knows that much, and he is sure that Lily does too in the back of her head. She had never been one much for public displays of affection, and he didn't entertain the idea that she would ever be caught straddling James Potter in such away, no matter how pissed she was.

'You know it's just my fucking luck, you know? It doesn't matter what I fucking want, now does it? No!" she practically screams the no, and Remus winces at the shrill nature of her outcry, "I was gonna tell him, Remus. I was gonna say it, but then blonde bitch bounces in out of no-fucking-where and just seats herself on his goddamn lap." Remus sees where this is going just a little too late, and there's nothing he can do to halt the horrible mistake he just knows that she is going to make. "Lily - "

"He's not yours, you tramp!"she chastises, her eyes no longer on Remus, her body no longer sat in front of him. Even in her inebriated state, she managed to get up and turn to face the display on the couch in no longer than a second. Her words are slurred and her vision is blurry, her head is spinning a mile a minute, but she steadies herself on her feet and screams again. "What right do you have to put your skanky ass on his lap like own him? NONE." She answers before the unfortunate sixth year even has time to close her gaping mouth. "Do you even know anything about him? Do you even care about his fucking life? What NEWTs he's taking, whore? What's his favorite quidditch team?"

The girl opens and closes her mouth, shocked by the insults the usually esteemed head girl is currently flinging at her and it's with even greater surprise that Lily realizes that it's not even James on the couch. Sirius sits staring at Lily like she's batshit crazy, pinned under the weight of Ashley Adams, who just so happens to be the girl Lily has been calling 'blonde bitch' in her head for the better of ten minutes. The entirety of the common room is silent from her little episode.

Lily opens her mouth to apologize, but the girl, red in the face with embarrassment and anger has risen from her straddling of Sirius Black and slaps Lily, hard, across the face, leaving a stain as dark as her red hair on her cheek. Before Lily can get a swing of her own in, she is thrown upside down over a shoulder and is being carted from the common room at much too quickly a pace. She tries to mentally calm her stomach and she closes her eyes to limit the nausea rushing to her tummy.

When she opens her eyes again, three of the marauders are crouched in front of her. She's propped against a wall and she vaguely registers that her ass is cold from the stone flooring she is seated on. She doesn't know which one of the boys she was carried by, but she's willing to bet that it's Remus because she doesn't know where Pete was during her outburst and Sirius would have normally let the fight go on a bit longer.

"There's a girl, how are you feeling, Lily flower?" Sirius brushes a thumb across her cheek and gives her a wide smile.

She tries to bite his hand and glares at him with everything she can muster. "Well there's that answer. Bloody hell woman, trying to bite my fucking hand off, trying to bite poor Ashley's head off; we ought to fetch you a muzzle."

Peter mutters that he thinks that Sirius has one he could loan her and the other two marauders crack a grin at that before growing serious once more. "How much have you had to drink?" Peter asks her in a no nonsense manner and Remus barely holds back a scoff.

"I would say at least two bottles of whiskey, if not an ocean of rum," Remus deadpans.

"Not enough, apparently," she grits out.

"Lily, this is important. You need to calm your temper. Now I know that that's hard for you red-headed birds, but give it a try, won't you, love?"

Sirius' self-proclaimed charm is the last thing that Lily wants to put up with right now and rather thinks that she would be better off finding James and shoving him against the wall for a good snog. She says as much and is met with irritated scowls from her brothers.

"You do understand that that is the absolute last thing we are going to let you do, right?" Peter never plays overly sensitive when his friends are drunk, and as much as kid-gloves bother her, she wishes for a little more compassion.

"Well why the fuck not, Pete?" Her face is flushed still, and no one can tell if at this point it's from alcohol or anger. "I want him to know, and it's not like it's bad news, now is it?"

"You don't want him to not know if you're being serious - " Remus is cut off at this point by said drunk redhead and it only fuels his impatience with her.

"Of course I'm not Sirius! I'm Lily!" The joke is badly timed and she knows it, but it's something to shut them up. She doesn't want to hear them tell her why she can't tell James how she feels.

"Don't start with that, Evans. We all know what you're doing," Peter is glaring at her again and it makes her feel a little like a child who is being scolded.

"Whatever. You guys don't know what the fuck you're on about," she starts to lift herself from the floor, using the wall behind her to push against, but Sirius' hands on her shoulders guide her back down.

"You need to sober up, love. You're really going to regret this tomorrow."

She rolls her eyes at Sirius and Remus takes a turn stepping in again. "You know that this is going to be all around the school by tomorrow? It's not everyday the head girl gets pissed and cusses out a younger student."

She pales a little at that, though the handprint and the blush stay prominent on her cheeks. She's silent for a while, and she desperately wants to just drink some more and find James, but she knows better. These boys are looking out for her like they always do. So she glares, but concedes. "Fine. But you arses are getting me back to my room. I can't make it up the steps alone."

"We can't go up the stairs. They'll turn into a slide," Sirius points out to her and it leaves them paused in their plan for a moment.

"Well we could set her up in the Heads Office. There's a couch in there, right?" Peter's suggestion is logical and well-received by the boys, but Lily has always been a stubborn one.

"I am not sleeping in the Heads Office. No." She has no room to argue with them, really, but she refuses. That room is too damn small and the couch is uncomfortable and she won't do it. She won't.

"Well where do you suggest we put you, then?" Sirius doesn't actually expect a valuable response from her so he's half-turned back to the boys to debate more options when she kicks her leg at him to regain his attention.

"Why can't I sleep in your dorm? James' old bed should be empty." Sirius looks ready to shoot down her idea, but then he hears it and it's not the worst suggestion he's been handed tonight.

"It would work. James sleeps in the head dorms now. And we won't have trouble getting her up to our room. Unless you factor in nosy classmates," Remus adds in.

"Well we can just come up with a distraction for that, can't we?" Peter asks.

"I don't see why not. We don't have the cloak, so we'll just have to rush her up, but that's no big issue." The boys all agree and then they send Sirius into the common room to come up with a suitable distraction. He tells them to count to twenty before making their attempt and it's to Sirius Black attempting a strip tease that they reenter the common room. The sight is wholly disturbing, and they hasten to get Lily to their room before Sirius loses the focus of the crowd.

When they get to the room, she's disappointed to find that she doesn't have pajamas, so she borrows clothes from Sirius' trunk to sleep in and stumbles to their loo to change. Remus is glad that they'll be able to keep an eye on her from the room, after they've got her settled into James' old bed and he hopes that she won't make any ill-minded attempts at liberation throughout the night.

The whole event goes without a hitch until early the next morning when James enters the dorm. He's heard the rumors of Lily screaming at someone over Sirius' virtue at breakfast, but he could dismiss rumors easily enough. What he was truly worried to find was that she hadn't returned to her dorm that night. He asked Marlene if Lily had slept at the seventh year girls dorm the night before, but she had denied that Lily had. So it was in desperate attempt to assure Lily's safety that he rushes to his old dorm to fetch the map. He never considered that she would have been right there when he opened the door.

She's standing in front of his old bed, donned in Sirius' clothes and looking hungover like you wouldn't believe. Remus and Peter are on the other side of the room, most likely looking for a hangover draught, and don't notice James' arrival until Lily sounds his name.

"James!" A blush rushes to her cheeks and she realizes what she must look like. "What are - that is… um… What are you doing here?"

James holds back his temper and quickly takes in the state of the room around him. Lily's clothes from last night are piled by the foot of his bed and Sirius' own garments are spread on the floor between James' old bed and Sirius'. Lily looks guilty and Remus and Peter seem apprehensive. James doesn't like where this is going.

His jaw clenches and his tone is cold when he speaks. He notices that she isn't meeting his eye, instead staring at the wall over his shoulder. "I was worried," he bites out, "when you didn't arrive home last night. I see that you were well taken care of."

Lily flinches under his hard gaze and tries to hold back the shame she feels for last nights events. She nods quietly and tucks her hair behind her ears before ducking down to pick up her stuff. She looks helplessly to the bathroom door, hoping that Sirius will be vacating the loo soon enough for her to make her escape from the room.

Remus and Peter exchange worried glances and try to think of a way to subdue James' anger. Lily's shifting awkwardly between her feet and looking horribly like she might cry if James continues to glare at her the way he is.

"James," Remus starts to try, but then the loo door opens and Sirius comes out of the bathroom to see Lily out of bed. He grasps his towel a little more firmly in his hand and winks at Lily, not picking up on the mood of the room yet.

"Morning, love. You're looking fit in that getup."

Lily blushes at the comment, out of embarrassment, not flattery, and bows her head further. Her voice is hardly audible, "Are you done in the loo, Sirius?"

Having taken the short period of silence to understand the feeling of the room, Sirius nods and isn't surprised to see how quickly she darts to the bathroom door.

Immediately in her absence, Sirius turns to James, "Prongs, look, it's not what you think."

James is eerily quiet and glares at Sirius in such a way that it makes him feel smaller than a flake of dust. "Yeah, because it's never what someone thinks it is, right? What the fuck, Padfoot? You're supposed to be my best mate. You know how I feel about her." His tones are quiet and harsh and Sirius feels ashamed despite the fact that nothing even happened.

"James, really. I swear. I would never," Sirius was about to raise his hands in surrender, but he remembers that he is in only a towel and so only raises one hand.

"Oh please, Sirius! She was in your fucking clothes. You're own fucking clothes are all over the floor!" James' voice started to rise a little, but he quickly lowers his rant to be quieter so that Lily might not hear.

"James, calm yourself. He didn't do anything with Lily. She slept in your old bed," Remus gestures to James' messy sheets and instead of softening his anger, it makes his blood boil even more intensely.

"You fucked her on my bed? On my fucking bed, Sirius? Really?"

"NO!" Remus, Sirius, and Peter all quickly silence the idea, and James seems to simmer down a little.

"You better get to explaining this quickly, Padfoot. Explain now, or so help me Merlin," James' eyes scream murder and Sirius hastens to validate what had happened.

"Look Prongs, she was drunk, all right? We just took her up here to get her to bed. We didn't know where else to take her. She had a pretty rough night - I don't think I've ever seen her that hammered - and we wanted to make sure she stayed safe. Nothing happened. It was all completely innocuous. I solemnly swear it."

"He's telling the truth, James," Peter holds hangover draught in his hand, and you can tell from the sore stance he holds that he probably hasn't taken any yet. James looks at him and doesn't think of anything to say before Sirius cuts in with something more.

"If you don't believe me, ask Lily. She'll tell you the same exact thing."

Lily chooses that moment to reappear from the bathroom. She scans over the scene with her eyes and darts to the door, muttering a farewell as she makes her exit. Peter follows after her to give her some of the potion, and returns a minute later to see that James has made his bed and is sitting on it silently brooding, Remus has picked up a book, and Sirius is getting dressed in the loo. The entire aura of the room screams that the day won't be any fun at all.

She expertly avoids him the entire day. If James hadn't gotten to know her so well over the past year and a half, he would have chalked it up to mere coincidence that their paths hadn't crossed at all. But he knows Lily well, and she isn't in any of her usual hangouts. The windowsill she favors on the third floor is vacant and the classroom on the second floor that she sometimes studies in yielded the same results. He is growing desperate to find her by lunch, if not just so that he could stop looking; by dinner, he has just about had it.

He finds her in the Great Hall by the end of the table, eating as if she hasn't been hiding from him all day long. She stiffens when he sits down across from her, but otherwise shows no signs of discomfort.

"Lily," his tone isn't cold nor friendly, but even. He's irritated, of course, but he knows that pissing her off won't get him any answers and he has been waiting all day for clarification.

"James," she doesn't look up from the spaghetti she's twirling around her fork, favoring to stare at the noodles in place of his clenched jaw and emotionless expression.

"How's the hangover, then? I would have asked after it earlier had I been able to find you in this bloody huge castle."

She hums, "Fine, thank you. Surprised you couldn't find me, I've been around."

He calls her out, "Bullshit."

This finally causes her to look up, and she glares at his confrontational expression. She doesn't want to talk about last night. As far as she's concerned, it was in the past and it doesn't matter anymore. She is embarrassed and angry that she is embarrassed, and it is all over just an unfortunate event that doesn't require discussion.

In James' mind, though, he's sure that Lily's avoidance means that she has screwed his best friend - he doesn't want to consider if it was his old bed or Sirius' bed anymore - and that she doesn't want to talk to James about it. It all really just sucks for him. He had thought that they were making progress. He had been her friend for a while now, and sometimes it seemed like she was hinting that she wanted more. James definitely wants more. He wants that like you wouldn't believe and it was never within his reach. She chose his best friend over him. She chose Sirius, who was definitely more arrogant and immature than James was. It just isn't fair.

She doesn't speak because her mouth was too busy being pulled into a tight line. James speaks again, "You haven't been around. Or actually no. From what I've heard, you have been around. Tell me, Evans, how it is that you came to find yourself in Sirius' clothes this morning?"

She hisses her words like a hot fire ready to spit flames, "That's none of your business, Potter."

They rarely use each other's last names anymore, unless it's in jest or anger. The derisive way she says his surname is a stab to his heart, but he presses on. He's sure that they had had sex, but he wants her to admit it - needs her to admit it. He needs to hear that his best friends have hurt him like this. It won't settle in fully until he does.

"Like hell it isn't!"

"Just leave me alone, okay? I don't want to deal with this right now!" She throws her fork down in front of her, the sound being absorbed by the mound of spaghetti on her plate.

"Well too damn bad! I want to talk about it!" He slams his palms on the table and the students around them start at the sudden sound. He glares at them until they look away and when he turns back to Lily, he's surprised to see her eyes had welled up a little.

"I don't care about you or what you want, James Potter. You made your feelings pretty clear this morning. I don't want to talk to you, not now, not ever."

"I just want to talk, Lily," his tone is softer now from guilt at upsetting her, but the damage had been done.

"Why? So you can make fun of me? So you can laugh? My feelings don't amuse me! I don't think it's funny. I don't choose to feel the way I do. You could at least show me a little respect and not throw them in my face. I didn't plan for last night to go the way that it did. I messed up and I don't want to talk about it, okay? It's bad enough that I made a complete arse of myself in front of our peers. Just - just - UGH! Just leave me alone, Potter!"

She shoots up from her spot at the table and hastens away from James. He gets up to follow her, but a group of second years blocks his chase, and he loses sight of her.

He growls at the missed opportunity and kicks the stone wall. The pain that shoots through his foot doesn't satisfy his frustration at all and he leaves the hallway in search of somewhere to calm down.

The door to the seventh year boys dormitory slams open and a fuming Lily Evans stomps into the room and throws herself down on James' old bed. Remus and Peter look up from Peter's essay with wary expressions and Sirius carefully sets aside his motorbike catalog. Lily muffles her frustrated scream in James' pillow.

"Well hello to you too, there Evans," Sirius pleasantly intones.

Lily lifts her head from James pillow and immediately turns her angry eyes to Sirius, "What the hell is his problem, Sirius? Is he purposefully being a dick to me? Because that's not okay. I'll jinx his bloody bollocks off if he is!"

"So this is about James, then?" Sirius rubs his palms together, "Oh joy!"

Lily levels one of her deadly glares at him and Sirius quickly sobers. "Sorry. Right then. So what happened?"

An annoyed cry rips itself from Lily's throat and she tugs her hands through her hair, "He's a dick! He was practically fucking laughing at me for having a crush on him. And he pretty much called me a whore!"

"James called you a whore?" Remus asks, surprised.

"Well not in so many words, but he highly suggested illicit going-ons!"

"Lily, you need to tell us in clear words what happened," Peter offers. He opens up his nightstand drawer and retrieves a stash of chocolate before tossing a bar of Honeydukes Finest at the irate redhead.

Lily nods her thanks at Peter for the chocolate and viciously tears into the package. "Well I was minding my own business at dinner and pratface came up to me and suggested that I had been around. And to make it worse, he practically accused me of having sex with Sirius! Which number one - ewww! And two - why the hell should it even matter to him?"

"Hold one!" Sirius cuts in, "Ewww!?"

"Oh, shut up, Sirius!" Lily groans.

Remus stifles his chuckle and attempts to help, "So he didn't call you a whore then?"

"He practically did, Remus!" Lily's face glows red in irritation and embarrassment, "And he has no right to do that! He knows how I feel about him - the entire school does! And instead of trying to have a mature conversation with me about it, he just teases me about getting pissed and sleeping in Sirius' clothes!"

"Lily, I honestly don't think he knows how you feel about him," Remus says.

"Like hell he doesn't!"

"Lily-flower, James' head is so far up his arse when it comes to you that I doubt he would even notice if you shoved your tongue down his throat."

"Lily, James has had a crush on you since forever. Even if people are telling him that you like him, he's not going to believe it until it comes from your mouth," Peter adds.

"Oh so it's up to me to make him understand? If the idiot really bloody loved me, then he wouldn't have been so fucking rude earlier!"

"He can't help it, Lil. He's jealous. He thinks that you slept with Sirius last night. He's distraught," Remus tries.

"Well he's an idiot if he thinks that! I've made it clear for two months that he's the only one I want!" Lily spews.

The door opening immediately catches everyone's attention. James hesitantly steps into the room, and with a sullen voice asks, "Can I speak to Lily? Alone?"

The other three boys stand up and start to leave the room, Sirius making sure to push Lily back down onto the bed before he leaves so that she won't try to make a run for it.

When the door closes behind them, James starts to speak. "I need to apologize, Lily."

"Well I'm not going to disagree with that," she bites out. '

"I happened to catch the end of your conversation with the boys before I came in and I - I need to explain. I've had a crush on you for years. And when I really started getting to know you this year, my feelings got deeper and I let them get in the way of being a good friend to you. And I heard what you said about Sirius and it's not my place to get between you and him. And I wish that you liked me instead of him, but it's up to you and I know that you care for him deeply - your impassioned arguments made that pretty clear. And I know I'm buggering everything right now - but I guess. I mean - I want to say I'm sorry and that I'll step back? I don't think step back is right. I just won't get in the way of you guys. Your happiness is what really matters to me and - well. I guess… Sorry. I'm sorry and I'll lay off."

James continued to study his hands for about a minute after he finished speaking, but Lily's extended silence is really starting to make him feel uncomfortable so he looks up. She is still sitting on the bed, but her mouth is hanging open and her eyes are wrinkled on the sides. She looks to be in a state of disbelief and a little angry, so James swipes his hand through his hair and shifts awkwardly between his feet.

It takes her a little while longer, but she eventually manages, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

James' head shoots up so that his shocked eyes can meet her squinted ones. "Wha -"

"What the hell is wrong with you? I've been openly flirting with you for two months, James! I haven't held back at all and you think that I want to get with Sirius? I can't - What? - Just. How? How the hell did you bugger that up? I practically threw myself at you!"

"But last night with Sirius and Ashley and you yelled and -" James looks completely confused and Lily vaguely wonders if the boys had put a Confundus on him. He can't be that oblivious… right?

"I thought he was you!" Lily spits back at him. Her cheeks flush red and she hopes that James thinks that it was in anger and not from the all-encompassing embarrassment that she feels.

He tries to quell the hope in his voice, but he doesn't really manage it, "Really?"

Lily growls and launches herself off the bed at him, "Oh fuck it!" She reaches her hands up to pull his head down to hers and kisses him. It's short and slightly awkward and she presses a little too hard, but she still feels tingles all over and her rage immediately vanishes.

James stares at her with shocked eyes and doesn't waste a second in grabbing her around the waist and pulling her closer. When his lips are a breath away from hers, he whispers, "I swear to Merlin if this is some joke the lads are playing, I will slaughter them."

"It's not a joke," Lily breathes back.

James grins roguishly at her, "Good. Because I am not ready to stop doing this." He kisses her. Even though it's urgent, his lips are soft on hers and he expertly deepens the kiss. When he finally pulls back, she is out of breath and having trouble thinking straight. "Go out with me, Evans?" He whispers against her mouth.

She hits the back of his head with her hand, but answers him with another mind-blowing kiss.

A/N: Hey guys! Just another Jily fic because I'm Jilytrash. Let me know what you think about it all!