I do not own any of the characters of Sandra and Woo! They belong to Oliver Knorzer!
A/N: Friendship takes on a whole new dimension when a raccoon goddess gets involved!
Woo To You, Too!
Chapt. 1: Mirror Mirror
Sandra burst through the door of her home, looking angry to tears.
"Stupid Cloud! Stupid Larisa!" she grumbled, tossing her backpack to the floor. She plopped herself down on the couch, half expecting her father to come running in to see what was wrong with his precious baby girl. That is, until she saw the open note on the coffee table.
[Don't wait up, sweetie, I have a date with Melody! There's a frozen pizza in the fridge! You know what to do! Love, Dad]
Sandra wrinkled her nose at the thought. "Ugh! Pizza?! Again?! That man's head is going to fill up with sausage and cheese one day!" The young girl picked up her books, and went to her room, thinking a nice soak in the tub would soothe her bruised ego. She found her pet raccoon, Woo, curled up on her bed, as he was apt to do more often, now that the weather was slowly beginning to creep towards winter. Seeing him made her smile again. Woo was her friend, totally unassuming, and non-judgmental. He gave fairly honest advice based on what he observed of the humans, but she did not want to wake him for something that was probably a misunderstanding anyway, and quietly set her things down next to the computer.
The days of autumn were becoming more obvious, the leaves on the trees slowly losing their green coats, exchanging them for more colorful fare. Larisa liked the season, for the changing leaves reminded her of her fiery passion: flames. Today she had dressed up in oranges and reds, like the firecracker she was. Her boyfriend, Landon, went back East for a Christian seminar, which his mother insisted he attend. With Landon gone, Larisa began to flirt with Cloud, Sandra's boyfriend, with whom she once had a huge crush on. Sandra understood this about her friend, and they often found themselves teasing poor Cloud, who during the past summer, had been caught in an embarrassing predicament between the two girls, flaunting their maturing bodies in front of him. Sexy bodies were the topic once again. Larisa, having developed a little more than usual since the summer, was wearing a light sleeveless shirt in spite of the chill in the air, and pushed her burgeoning boobs together to show more cleavage, while trying to get another rise out of the boy.
"What do you think, Cloud? Are they 'centerfold' worthy?" she giggled. He was on to her antics, but still began to redden. He crossed his arms, diverting his eyes away.
"I prefer smaller breasts, . . . like Sandy's . . ." That brought a hardy guffaw from Larisa, and a scathing glare from Sandra.
She stormed off, leaving Cloud with a foot stuck in his mouth, apologizing profusely, but she would hear none of it. Larisa restrained him from running after her, for she knew Sandra would cool off after his faux pas, and be a bit more reasonable. Besides, she was partly to blame for instigating the whole business.
"Let her be, Cloud. I know Sandy. She'll calm down!" In spite of the sad look he now bore, he knew she was right. Sandra wouldn't let it go just yet, but it would eventually come, then she'd be the one apologizing. They'd kiss and make up, which was always the best part, then all would be well once more.
But, for the time being, Sandra would remain pissed at both of them.
Bubbles
In the privacy of her own room, she practiced making angry faces in the mirror. It was no use, she was already regretting her earlier actions, and couldn't find it in her heart to stay mad at her two best friends.
The young girl went into her bathroom to start a bubble bath going, making sure the water temperature was right, before pouring in the required amount of bath beads. She glanced towards the bed to check if Woo was still sleeping, and grabbed her fresh set of pajamas from her dresser. She pulled off her sweater, then the undershirt, leaving her bra on. Her shoes and sweat pants came off next, and she looked herself over in the closet door mirror once more, turning to the left, then the right, checking the profile of her bust. "Stupid Cloud." she muttered again, and removed her remaining articles of clothing, tossing them in the hamper.
The tub was nearly filled, and Sandra rolled her pony-tail into a bun before tucking everything under a bonnet. She closed the door, leaving it only slightly ajar, to conserve the warm steam, now beginning to fill the room. A couple of drops of a honey-lilac liquid, completed the bath, and she stepped in, slowly lowering herself down. Immediately, she began to feel better. It reminded her of happier times, with her mom sitting nearby, watching her play with her tub toys. A pleasant memory, but not enough to remove the sting of her sudden loss. It was an incredibly sad time in her life, but finding Woo so soon after, filled at least a portion of the void it left in her heart.
Sandy slid deeper into the tub, becoming one with the bubbles. A soft rapping on the door made her look up. It was Woo.
"Sandra? May I come in?" he asked.
"Sure. I was just thinking about you!" She thought nothing of him entering when she was bathing. They'd taken plenty of baths together when she first got him. She was younger then, and didn't really care if she was bare naked in front of him. Besides, he once told her he thought humans were ugly! Imagine that. Even though she was older now, things never changed. He'd even come in when she was sitting on the toilet, but she drew the line there as she got older, and required him to knock first before entering.
"Is everything all right?" he asked, "I thought I heard some banging around downstairs, and here you are, taking a bubble bath. You only take bubble baths when you're upset about something!" She gave a sheepish grin.
"Y-yeah, that was me. Cloud put his foot in his mouth, and said my breasts were too small, and I got mad at him!" Woo took a quick glance.
"But your breasts look fine to me! Why did he tell you that?"
"Larisa was teasing him, and showing off her own boobs. She was trying to get another boner out of him, but he slipped up on his comeback!" Woo chuckled.
"Honestly, the things you humans get excited about! I'm glad we raccoons only have to put up with it once a year!"
"You mean, like, during mating season?"
"Yes." Sandy put her arms up on the side of the tub, placing her chin on her hands.
"What's it like?"
"Well, during mating season, the females release a scent that drives us males absolutely crazy with the mating urge! We end up competing with each other for the female! Afterwards, the winner and the female go off together, and there's much cuddling, and licking between the . . ." Sandra rolled her eyes.
"Stop right there! You told me about this once before!"
"But you were younger then. Aren't you a bit more open-minded now?"
"If you mean curious, then maybe. I figured you were going to give me some super graphic, porno version of what goes on!"
"I can, if that's what you want! And by the way, . . . you smell really nice!" Sandra was taken aback by his words, and she blushed fiercely. Woo smirked. "I meant there's something in the water that smells really nice!"
"I-I knew that!" she said, a tiny bit of embarrassment colored her reply.
"Nooo, you thought I meant a 'mating scent'!" he snickered.
"It's lilac and honey, for your information!"
"Of course it is! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll let you finish your bath in private!" As he began to leave, Sandy called out to him.
"Hey, Woo! Wanna watch a movie with me? My dad went out on a date, and I'd like some company tonight!" The raccoon stopped short of the door.
"Sure! What are we going to watch?"
"Over the Hedge!"
"Really? A movie about a talking raccoon? How unlikely is that!"
"I'm making piiiiizza! Are you in?"
"If you insist!" He shut the door, and made a dive for the tub. A few moments of splashing and raucous laughter ensued.
After Sandra's shortened bath, she prepped the oven for the frozen pizza, and stuck the dvd into the player. She placed a half bag of potato chips in a bowl, and brought it out with a tub of spinach dip. Some grapes and apple slices for variety, completed their snacks for the night. The ding of a timer reminded the girl to put the pizza in, and she scrambled to find a pan for it. Fifteen minutes. She reset the timer, and joined Woo on the sofa to watch a bunch of shorts before the main movie started.
It had been a while since they enjoyed some fun time together. Woo was spending more time with Lily and the kits in the forest, and Sandra was beginning to spend an equal amount of time with Cloud. She would still be with him tonight, if not for his slip of the tongue. On the other hand, Woo had been playing a little too rough with the kits, and accidentally dropped two of them, attracting the ire of mama Lily, who immediately banished him for a week. Thus the two found themselves together once more, like the good old days, which, by all accounts, was only about two years ago. The raccoon sat on the floor so he could be closer to the food, while Sandy lay sprawled across the sofa, picking at the chips and dip as she pleased. An occasional scratch between the ears let Woo know she was right behind him, and not be so messy with the food he was gobbling down. She got up when the timer went off, and took the pizza out of the oven. Her furry friend followed her into the kitchen, for he loved the smell of melty cheeses and sausage, and couldn't wait to get his paws on a slice or two.
"Careful, Woo, it's still pretty hot!" She donned kitchen mitts to remove the pizza from the oven, and placed it on their chopping block for slicing. He kept his paws away as Sandra sliced it up, and remembered the first time he tried to grab food fresh out of a hot oven. He learned his lesson that day. Fortunately, some quick thinking and a bucket of ice solved that problem, otherwise he would have to be taken to the vet.
She plucked a morsel off, and blew on it to cool it down, before handing it to him. Woo liked sausages for they reminded him of big fat caterpillars, only firmer, and oilier, but tastier. He liked human food for that reason, but realized it wasn't all that healthy, so he ate lots of fruits, nuts, and vegetables whenever he could. His master would never be able to survive in the forest on her own. Or would she?
They both grabbed paper plates, placing a couple of slices in each, and headed into the living room, where their movie was already starting. Woo was quite excited, not so much about the raccoon movie as about all the food laid out before him. Likewise, Sandy was not interested in the movie. She just wanted to spend some quality time with her pal, whom she felt she had been neglecting.
Somewhere before the end of the movie, Woo had joined Sandra on the couch, his head plopped down on her lap, hinting for a nice tummy rub. She giggled, then obliged him.
"Your tummy feels awfully taut," she thumped it like a drum, "shall I put away the rest of the food?"
"My dear, you severely underestimate the food holding capacity of my kind!"
"But you look like you're about ready to burst!"
"Nothing that a soothing tummy rub can't fix!" Sandy just smiled and continued rubbing.
"So what did you think about the movie?"
"Meh! It's like I told you! Totally unrealistic! If I was that bear, I would have eaten all of them, and be done with it! Hibernation be damned!"
"Says the real life talking raccoon! Wanna watch another? I don't think my dad is coming home anytime soon!"
"I'm getting kinda comfortable now. What kind of movie is it?"
"A scary movie!"
"Scary?! If I have to watch that, you'll definitely have a problem with my food holding capacity!"
"Don't think I've forgotten that time when Cloud scared you, and you peed on me! Let me try an experiment . . ." she giggled. Sandra took a grape, and bit it in half, waving a piece in front of Woo's nose. "If you explode, I'm gonna use your hide to wipe up the mess!" He knew she was kidding. His eyes followed the grape as it zig-zagged, left and right. But he surprised her by grabbing her hand with his paws, drawing it closer to his mouth. Instead of taking it then and there, Woo licked at it, nibbling her fingertips with his teeth, before taking the half grape. It sent an unexpected thrill through her body. He was playing one of his raccoon games with her, in a way asking "Do you trust me enough to put your fingers in my mouth?" She would play this same game with him. North took another grape, and held it between her lips. She again hovered over him, and he took it, brushing his pokey lips against hers. She smiled, curious. They had smooched before, playfully, sometimes accidentally, sometimes because of dreams, but never . . . romantically. She tapped him gently on the tip of his nose.
"What are you doing?" she asked. He looked at her from upside down, his dark eyes slightly amused.
"After seeing that movie, I was just wondering if that is how all humans perceive us forest animals." She raised an eyebrow before answering him.
"Well, we do tend to anthropomorphize . . .
"Anthropo . . . what?"
"It means that we like to imagine that in some ways, animals think and act like us!"
"Like me, for instance?"
"You are a unique exception, but it's a definite plus if you can talk! Now tell me, what were you trying to do back there?"
"I thought maybe if humans think of us in a certain way, then might we forest creatures not also think of them similar to us?"
"How so?"
"Among male and female raccoons, we sometimes exchange what you might think of as . . . 'gifts' . . ."
"That's cute!"
". . . when we're sizing each other up as potential mates!"
"Wait a minute! You're sizing me up as a mate?!"
"No! It's a way to assess how much your potential partner would be willing to provide for you! Please don't misunderstand me, Sandy! You asked, so out of common courtesy and trust, I'm telling you! I don't really think of you as a 'potential mate', but you do provide me with food, shelter, and belly rubs, so by raccoon custom, I'm supposed to reciprocate!"
"Huh! How fascinating!"
"You're not . . . offended . . . are you?"
"I'm kinda flattered, actually!"
"And I don't think of you as my master, either, but in raccoonish, we have no equivalent word to describe what humans call a 'girlfriend'! All females, regardless of species, are either mates, or potential mates!"
"Does that mean raccoons are horny all the time?" she snickered.
"Let me put it this way," he peered deep into her eyes, ". . . I've often wondered what you would look like as a raccoon!"
"Now you're pulling my leg!" Sandy laughed, "But truth be told, I'm also curious about what you would look like as a human, 'cause you can be quite charming at times!"
"Ha ha ha! I imagine I would be the handsomest guy you ever laid eyes on!"
"Really? Because most raccoons look alike! I'd recognize you right away because I'm familiar with your facial patterns, but I might have a problem if there were a dozen like you running around!"
"I'll prove it to you! There's a way you can see me as a human, and I can see you as a raccoon!"
"Oh? And how are you going to make this happen?"
"One word! See-o-ahtlah-maka-skay!"
"The raccoon goddess?"
"We'll need to put together an offering plate of her favorite goodies to attract her here! She will certainly have some way that we can see each other as human and raccoon!"
"What? No Pizza?!
Sandra cleared off the coffee table in preparation, and Woo raided the fridge and pantry for anything that would make a suitable offering to the goddess. They lit some candles and incense, more for mood enhancement, only because Sandra, being a girl, insisted. They sat facing each other, and held hands as Woo called out the goddess' name in the prescribed fashion.
"Oh Great and Glorious One, Seeoahtlahmakaskay! Come and partake of this feast we have prepared for a special audience!" A few minutes went by.
"Nothings happening, Woo!"
"Shush! She comes now!" Shortly, a gentle breeze filled the living room, and the candle flames wavered. The room now smelled of wildflowers, lilac and honey. The goddess appeared, seated on a cloud, and hovered near the offerings.
"A fine feast for your goddess! I accept it, but I smell pizza, and yet there is none here!" Sandra was about to jump up.
"I can get you some!"
"Don't trouble yourself, little one, I'll just help myself!" She zoomed into the kitchen, and returned with a couple of slices. "I love pizza, but no one ever offers me any!" She looked into the eyes of Woo and Sandy, still sitting on the floor, and holding hands. "Oh my! Is something wrong? Are you not happy with Lily, dear Woo?" Sandra looked around nervously, and blushed once more.
"You are jumping to conclusions, Madame Goddess! This is my friend . . ."
"I know who she is, Woo, I'm just teasing!" The goddess stepped off her cloud, and sat down next to them on the floor. "Sandra North, you want to know what Woo would look like as a human, and Woo, you want to know what Sandra would look like as a raccoon! Such an unusual and interesting request! I am intrigued!"
"Has no one ever asked you for this before?"
"Not that I can remember! But then, you are the only talking raccoon in the world, and the only one with the ability to communicate an idea from a human! Because of that, no raccoon has ever developed the kind of relationship that you and Sandra have."
"You can do this, no problem?" asked the blonde-haired girl.
"But of course!" the goddess stood up with a flourish, "Now then, children, how would you like to begin this fantasy of yours'? Would you, Woo, want to spend time with Sandra, as a human? Do human type activities, and meet her friends on equal footing? And you, Sandra North, do you want to spend a like amount as a raccoon, following Woo in his footsteps as he travels through the forest, meeting his friends and doing things that all raccoons like to do?"
"Uh, . . . really, we only wanted to see what we both looked like as human and raccoon! We were hoping you had something like a magic mirror we could look into?"
"Nonsense!" she dismissed Sandy's objections with a simple wave of her hand, "Where's your sense of adventure! Let me handle this! This should be lots of fun!"
Without another word, the goddess created a magical mist that swirled around both Woo and Sandra. They heard her voice, as it faded like an echo in the distance. "A time as each, you both shall be! Have fun! I know I will!"
End Chapter 1
A/N: Lots of fun for . . . who?! Let me say first, I love Sandra and Woo, and have been following it faithfully for several years now! It's manga-esque characters (they're supposed to be tweeners!) and storylines touch on some very adult themes (human rights, diabetes, homosexuality, school bullying, the foibles of the social network, to name a few!), making it even more surprising since it is promoted as a comedy strip. But then, I don't really need to tell you readers this, now do I?
Like many who read S&W, I'm still waiting for an explanation of how Woo can talk. To tell you the truth, I don't think we're gonna get one!
I've made references to a number of S&W comic strips. See if you can identify them all!
When Woo first met Lily, he caught a fish for her! That's the kind of "gift" he was talking about!