Quantum Realities
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Ranma: Yes, this is my science project, sir.

Judge: It looks like a box. What's in it?

Ranma: Well, for my science fair project, I decided to duplicate the experiments of Erwin Schroedinger in the field of quantum physics. This is also related to the great philosophical question of If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, does it make a sound? Schroedinger theorized that until a phenomenon is observed, both possible outcomes are equally real.

Judge: I'm familiar with the theories of Schroedinger. So what's in the box?

Ranma: Well, we don't know yet. This morning when I packed it up and brought it here it contained a bottle of cyanide gas and a radioactive element which has a fifty percent chance of having decayed by this time. If the element has decayed, the bottle has released the cyanide.

Judge: So . . . ?

Ranma: The box also contained a c-c-cat which my lovely assistant Akane placed in the box. Akane was also kind enough to acquire the c-c-cat for me. She said it was a stray. Anyway, at this point the c-c-cat is both alive and dead, because the possibilities have formed a particle wave between the two possibilities. Only after the box has been opened do we know whether the radioactive element decayed or not. In fact, by the act of looking into the box, you determine whether the cat is alive or dead. Would you like to do the honors?

Judge: Um, you used a real cat?

Ranma: Well, yeah. I wanted to make the experiment authentic.

Judge: I see. (hesistantly opens the box) Oh, god. It's dead. (pause) What an oddly colored cat. I've never seen a lavendar cat before . . . .

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I don't really hate Shampoo, it's just this really bizarre and sick fic occured to me, and I had to write it to get it out of my mind. Please forgive me.