This is, of course, all for shits and giggles :) After recently rewatching the first Kingsmen (but yet to see the second, as of writing this), I knew I absolutely had to do a story with Ignis for it. Add in the irony that he literally is a kingsman and my muse spared me "no quarter" to write this. Hope you enjoy!

The Infamous Ice Cream Incident of Insomnia

It all started with...

"Hey, Ignis, let's go get some ice cream! There's this place downtown that just released this new flavor that I'm curious to try," Noctis suggested, lifting himself from his stomach from where he had been lying on the couch. "It's only going to be available for a limited time so I wanna get some while I can."

Ignis looked around the barely twenty year-old prince's apartment, taking in everything that needed to be done and sighed. "I'm admittedly rather busy, Noct. Unless you're going to clean the house…"

Noctis paled. "I…think I'll leave that to you."

But of course. "Then I'd like to take care of everything now while I'm here. I have my own home to also keep up, you know." He returned to drying the dishes, expecting the conversation to be closed, but Noctis got up and came to sit at the bar on the other side of the counter.

"You work too hard, Ignis, take a break! Come on, the place I want to go to has sea salt ice cream, just like from Kingdom Hearts! Even you had to admit you liked that game. We'll go eat some and it'll be just like Roxas, Xion and Axel. Though we don't have a firecrotch…"

"Language, Noct. And am I to assume that I would be the blond Roxas and you the raven Xion?" Ignis added with a smirk.

Without a pause, Noctis confirmed, "Xion wishes she could look as good as me. Now let's go already! The place will probably be packed and I don't want to have to use my position to get a seat. But…I will if it comes down to it," he added seriously. "Sea salt ice cream is a matter of life or death!"

Yes, your life or death, Ignis resigned himself, knowing what going out would mean. Drying his hands, he went to the spare bedroom in the apartment and changed clothes. He slipped on his usual attire reserved for when at the citadel, comprising of black slacks, his favorite silk patterned shirt and a suit jacket. He checked his shoes—oxford, not brogues—to ensure they were presentable before slipping them on. With a quick peek in the mirror to ensure his hair was equally fashionable, he met Noctis in the entrance hallway.

As the door closed behind them, Ignis Scientia donned his alternate role, the Kingsmen spy codenamed: Tristan.

~.~.~

They'd barely sat down outside with their ice cream before Ignis noticed two suspects sitting at the back at tables twelve and thirteen. For Noctis' part, he was busy eating and bragging on the phone to Prompto, whose lamentations of jealousy could be heard clearly from where Ignis sat. He would've told the prince to take more care into assessing his surroundings, but that was his job. And right now, the two from the back were eyeing His Highness with the focus of a Zu going in for a kill. One of the men was beginning to reach into his suit jacket…

"Need to use the loo, be back, Noct," he muttered and slipped out his seat.

"Uh-huh…Hey, Prompto, my ice cream came with a Winner stick! And I'm going to give it to…Gladio!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" was the last thing Ignis heard from their table.

At the same time he reached the tables at the back, the two men were beginning to stand. To the one pulling a gun out his pocket, Ignis snatched it with the strike of a viper and twisted. There was a muted crack and he put a hand over the man's mouth to keep him quiet. Ignis gave an apologetic smile to the staff that saw the man suddenly bend over in pain. "My friend had too much ice cream. Kingdom Hearts fans, am I right?" They nodded with thorough understanding.

However, with his hands busy with the first man, he was too late to stop the second from approaching Noctis' table. When the staff had resumed their work, he quickly stabbed a pen into the first man's neck, dealing a powerful sleeping potion. After carefully helping him to sit back down, he strode quickly between the tables to reach the second assassin but—too late.

The man put a hand on Noctis' shoulder. The prince looked up, thoroughly confused and definitely affronted at being touched so candidly.

Ignis pulled another ballpoint pen out his pocket and hoped his aim was true…

And then the man suddenly jerked, stumbling away with a hand pressed to his chest. Bypassing Noctis, Ignis quickly grabbed him and led him inside to the men's bathroom. It was thankfully empty so he dragged him to the last stall and locked the both of them in. He easily found what had hit the man, a tiny bullet that also released a sleeping agent. This could only be…

He easily scrambled up the bathroom stall and headed back outside to the dining area. Noctis had gone back to talking on the phone and Prompto could still be heard complaining but Ignis focused his gaze on the building across from the café, about four stories up. There, he saw the barrel of a gun poking out a window and just the faintest hint of blonde hair not altogether tucked under a black beanie. In his own ear, a crackle sounded and Prompto's voice reached him. "You owe me one, Tristan."

"I had it, Percival, I didn't need your interference," Ignis snapped under his breath. He sat back down at the table with a pleasant smile to the prince. Noctis wasn't paying attention.

"All in all, Prom, this place is pretty sweet. Pun intended," he was saying, chewing on his WINNER stick.

"Damn, I sure wish I could be there," Prompto said, his voice in both Noct's and Ignis' ears. Only Ignis caught the barely perceptible taunt.

"I do believe I'm rather ready to go, Noct, if that's alright," he said stiffly, placing some bills on the table and getting up. "They'll be selling this flavor in stores shortly, you can get more then."

Noctis also got up, licking a paper napkin to dab around his mouth. As he followed his advisor back to the car, he informed him, "It's not the same when it comes out a carton. The nostalgia just isn't there anymore. Nobody loves sea salt ice cream because they think it's the greatest flavor ever—that title goes to pecan pralines n' crème and I'll fight anyone who disagrees—but they love it for how it's presented and the memories it stirs up. That's what we just created here, Ignis: a memory."

"Yes, and unlike many of the game's characters, it's one I'm sure I won't forget," Ignis added with just the tiniest sprinkle of bitterness. From the car, he looked up at the building across from them once more but now, the window was empty.

Back on the table, Noctis had abandoned the Winner stick.

Try saying that title three times fast :)

Also much nostalgia abound in this chapter. Forgive me to those who've never played a KH game. At the time of writing this chapter, KH3 SHOULD be on the horizon but...they've been saying that for the same amount of time it took them to come out with Final Fantasy Versus-I mean, FFXV :)