A/N: Hello! Welcome to a NEW fanfic by me, A Darker Side of Light! Well, here you have it. I have given up on writing serious stories, except for one, and will proceed to tell you the account of this story, which would be titled, "The Lord of the Rings Stars Live in an Apartment", but that gives it away. It's like a SOAP OPERA! WOW! So, on with the show!!
Disclaimer: I have a confession to make, ok? I don't own Lord of the Rings!! I DON'T!! STOP FOLLOWING ME, EVIL LAWYERS!
Chapter One: When Love is Blind and Totally Oblivious to What Should Happen
"Hello! Welcome to Sunny Acres Retirement Facility! These apartments are fully loaded with amenities, and our caring staff is always ready to make sure your life in retirement is fun. Our newest building, Mordor Towers, is reserved only for those who have been in or are linked to the Quest to Destroy Evil. Now, our landlord, Grima Womtongue, is going to say a few words." Says our bright and sunny announcer, named Paul.
"What did I tell you, Fred? Don't be so happy. Wait. What's that? This thing is on? Cripes! Oh. Hello, Free Peoples! We've heard that you want reality TV, so my apartment complex retirement facility has agreed to let you film to show the Free Peoples what reality TV really is! I mean, the Simple Life? Sure, those two are good looking, but come on! We party all night and sleep all day. We don't care what anyone says about us. We rock. Go us." Grima says, ending in a flat monotone.
"Thanks, Grima!" Says Paul; oblivious to the fact that Grima called him Fred. "Let's start this Reality TV Soap Opera!"
In Room 28, Floor 3...
"AIIII!!!" Screams Galadriel. Her hair is in curlers and she is wearing a pink fuzzy bathrobe.
"What is it, my dear?" Celeborn asks, running in. He is wearing a blue bathrobe.
"THIS!" Galadriel screams, throwing a magazine at Celeborn entitled, 'Elf Chicks All Wet'.
"GASP! HALDIR!!!" Yells Celeborn.
Haldir runs in from Room 29, across the Hall. He is wearing faded jeans and a white tee shirt that says, 'I'm dead. So what?' but he is really happy because he has been reincarnated!
"You rang?" Asks Haldir in a bored voice.
"What the devil do you mean by it?" Asks Celeborn, his face going a violent shade of red.
"By what? My lord." Haldir says, adding the 'my lord' hastily.
"This!" The magazine gets tossed to Haldir.
"GASP! LEGOLAS!!!" Haldir screams, as Legolas runs in from Room 36. He is wearing jeans and a red shirt that says, 'Juicy'.
"Yeees?" Legolas asks, straightening his hair.
"What's this, eh?" Haldir says, as the magazine gets tossed to Legolas.
"GASP!! ARAGORN!!" Legolas yells, as Aragorn runs in from Room 2 on Floor 2. Weird. He is wearing a black shirt that says, 'Bite me' and jeans.
"Did someone call?" he asks, looking around at the Elves. All with blonde hair, mind you.
"What's this, huh?" Legolas asks, showing Aragorn the magazine.
"No! That's Gimli's!" Aragorn yells, as everyone does a double take.
"Wha..what?" Celeborn asks, reeling back.
"Wasn't Arwen a model for that magazine?" Asks Haldir.
"Haldir, shut up." Celeborn says, overcoming his shock.
"Yes, my lord. Sorry, my lord." Haldir says, very monotonously.
"Look what you've done, the lot of you! You've put my darling into trauma!" Celeborn says.
Galadriel has been sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth and muttering. She has been crying and hyperventilating.
"Tell him!" she says, looking at Haldir.
"Tell me what?" Celeborn asks.
"Uh..." says Haldir, going pale.
"Well, this is just twisted." Aragorn says, sitting down on a couch and taking off his shoes. Everyone nearly faints. A green vapor emits from his shoes. He puts them back on, and everyone breathes again.
"Good point." Says Legolas, also going to sit on the couch.
"The Lady Galadriel and I..." starts Haldir.
"Yes, yes?"
"Are.... We're in love." Haldir mumbles.
"WHAT???" Celeborn screams and faints.
"Oh, Haldir, we don't have to pretend anymore!" Galadriel says, looking very happy indeed.
"What a relief." Says Haldir.
"Oh, Haldir, I love you!" Says Galadriel, running into Haldir's arms.
"And my love for you is deeper than the sea!" Haldir says.
"Sea? That reminds me of something..." Legolas says.
"Oh, no. There's no use now. You leased the apartment, you have to stay in it." Aragorn says, taking Legolas and the fainted Celeborn down to the pub downstairs.
"What did Celeborn think? What will he think?" Galadriel says.
"Don't worry, my love. We'll see through this." Haldir says, as they hug. Aww. Not.
Meanwhile, in Room 24 on floor 5...
"I'M SICK OF YOU!"
"AND I'M SICK OF YOU!!" Scream Boromir and Eowyn, yelling from across the room at each other. Eowyn has a football jersey and shorts on, and Boromir is wearing a shirt that says, 'Who do you think you are?' and has basketball shorts on. He is happy to be alive.
"Leave me out, please leave me out.." Faramir mutters, hiding in a corner behind a couch. His shirt says, 'Got Cheese?' like in the 'Got Milk?' way.
"You're rude and manipulating!"
"You're obnoxious and mean!"
"You're evil and malicious!"
"You're sarcastic and cynical!"
"Leave me out of this, leave me out of this.."
"LITTLE BROTHER! Why aren't you sticking up for me?" Boromir yells.
"BOYFRIEND! Why aren't you sticking up for me?" Eowyn yells.
"You're so immature! Go haunt a house!"
"What?" ask Boromir and Eowyn.
"Go fall in a ditch! Go pop out of a toaster!" Faramir yells.
"Huh?"
"You always fight! I'm sick of it!" Faramir says, walking out and slamming the door.
"Is he right? No, wait. I'm right! I always am!" Boromir says, stopping to think.
"I have a confession to make." Eowyn says.
"What? If you're gonna tell me that I'm right and you're wrong, I already know." Boromir says, looking pleased with himself.
"No, that's not it." Eowyn says.
"Bugger."
"What I mean to say is: Faramir, he's so young and immature. Frankly, he scares me. He's a little loopy if you know what I mean." Eowyn says.
"He's been that way forever." Says Boromir.
"So, he's a little too young." Eowyn states.
"Where is this going?" Boromir asks.
"Don't you understand?" Eowyn asks, her eyes looking all glowy.
"In all honesty? No." Boromir says.
"ARGH! You men are all the same! First it was Aragorn, then Faramir...." Eowyn screams.
"What were you going to say, before you started to blame us men for everything?" Boromir asks.
"I LOVE YOU, BOROMIR!!!" Eowyn says.
A/N: Well, that's the first part of the Rather Twisted Plot of Sunny Acres. Hmm..interesting. Check back for a new chapter soon!
Disclaimer: I have a confession to make, ok? I don't own Lord of the Rings!! I DON'T!! STOP FOLLOWING ME, EVIL LAWYERS!
Chapter One: When Love is Blind and Totally Oblivious to What Should Happen
"Hello! Welcome to Sunny Acres Retirement Facility! These apartments are fully loaded with amenities, and our caring staff is always ready to make sure your life in retirement is fun. Our newest building, Mordor Towers, is reserved only for those who have been in or are linked to the Quest to Destroy Evil. Now, our landlord, Grima Womtongue, is going to say a few words." Says our bright and sunny announcer, named Paul.
"What did I tell you, Fred? Don't be so happy. Wait. What's that? This thing is on? Cripes! Oh. Hello, Free Peoples! We've heard that you want reality TV, so my apartment complex retirement facility has agreed to let you film to show the Free Peoples what reality TV really is! I mean, the Simple Life? Sure, those two are good looking, but come on! We party all night and sleep all day. We don't care what anyone says about us. We rock. Go us." Grima says, ending in a flat monotone.
"Thanks, Grima!" Says Paul; oblivious to the fact that Grima called him Fred. "Let's start this Reality TV Soap Opera!"
In Room 28, Floor 3...
"AIIII!!!" Screams Galadriel. Her hair is in curlers and she is wearing a pink fuzzy bathrobe.
"What is it, my dear?" Celeborn asks, running in. He is wearing a blue bathrobe.
"THIS!" Galadriel screams, throwing a magazine at Celeborn entitled, 'Elf Chicks All Wet'.
"GASP! HALDIR!!!" Yells Celeborn.
Haldir runs in from Room 29, across the Hall. He is wearing faded jeans and a white tee shirt that says, 'I'm dead. So what?' but he is really happy because he has been reincarnated!
"You rang?" Asks Haldir in a bored voice.
"What the devil do you mean by it?" Asks Celeborn, his face going a violent shade of red.
"By what? My lord." Haldir says, adding the 'my lord' hastily.
"This!" The magazine gets tossed to Haldir.
"GASP! LEGOLAS!!!" Haldir screams, as Legolas runs in from Room 36. He is wearing jeans and a red shirt that says, 'Juicy'.
"Yeees?" Legolas asks, straightening his hair.
"What's this, eh?" Haldir says, as the magazine gets tossed to Legolas.
"GASP!! ARAGORN!!" Legolas yells, as Aragorn runs in from Room 2 on Floor 2. Weird. He is wearing a black shirt that says, 'Bite me' and jeans.
"Did someone call?" he asks, looking around at the Elves. All with blonde hair, mind you.
"What's this, huh?" Legolas asks, showing Aragorn the magazine.
"No! That's Gimli's!" Aragorn yells, as everyone does a double take.
"Wha..what?" Celeborn asks, reeling back.
"Wasn't Arwen a model for that magazine?" Asks Haldir.
"Haldir, shut up." Celeborn says, overcoming his shock.
"Yes, my lord. Sorry, my lord." Haldir says, very monotonously.
"Look what you've done, the lot of you! You've put my darling into trauma!" Celeborn says.
Galadriel has been sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth and muttering. She has been crying and hyperventilating.
"Tell him!" she says, looking at Haldir.
"Tell me what?" Celeborn asks.
"Uh..." says Haldir, going pale.
"Well, this is just twisted." Aragorn says, sitting down on a couch and taking off his shoes. Everyone nearly faints. A green vapor emits from his shoes. He puts them back on, and everyone breathes again.
"Good point." Says Legolas, also going to sit on the couch.
"The Lady Galadriel and I..." starts Haldir.
"Yes, yes?"
"Are.... We're in love." Haldir mumbles.
"WHAT???" Celeborn screams and faints.
"Oh, Haldir, we don't have to pretend anymore!" Galadriel says, looking very happy indeed.
"What a relief." Says Haldir.
"Oh, Haldir, I love you!" Says Galadriel, running into Haldir's arms.
"And my love for you is deeper than the sea!" Haldir says.
"Sea? That reminds me of something..." Legolas says.
"Oh, no. There's no use now. You leased the apartment, you have to stay in it." Aragorn says, taking Legolas and the fainted Celeborn down to the pub downstairs.
"What did Celeborn think? What will he think?" Galadriel says.
"Don't worry, my love. We'll see through this." Haldir says, as they hug. Aww. Not.
Meanwhile, in Room 24 on floor 5...
"I'M SICK OF YOU!"
"AND I'M SICK OF YOU!!" Scream Boromir and Eowyn, yelling from across the room at each other. Eowyn has a football jersey and shorts on, and Boromir is wearing a shirt that says, 'Who do you think you are?' and has basketball shorts on. He is happy to be alive.
"Leave me out, please leave me out.." Faramir mutters, hiding in a corner behind a couch. His shirt says, 'Got Cheese?' like in the 'Got Milk?' way.
"You're rude and manipulating!"
"You're obnoxious and mean!"
"You're evil and malicious!"
"You're sarcastic and cynical!"
"Leave me out of this, leave me out of this.."
"LITTLE BROTHER! Why aren't you sticking up for me?" Boromir yells.
"BOYFRIEND! Why aren't you sticking up for me?" Eowyn yells.
"You're so immature! Go haunt a house!"
"What?" ask Boromir and Eowyn.
"Go fall in a ditch! Go pop out of a toaster!" Faramir yells.
"Huh?"
"You always fight! I'm sick of it!" Faramir says, walking out and slamming the door.
"Is he right? No, wait. I'm right! I always am!" Boromir says, stopping to think.
"I have a confession to make." Eowyn says.
"What? If you're gonna tell me that I'm right and you're wrong, I already know." Boromir says, looking pleased with himself.
"No, that's not it." Eowyn says.
"Bugger."
"What I mean to say is: Faramir, he's so young and immature. Frankly, he scares me. He's a little loopy if you know what I mean." Eowyn says.
"He's been that way forever." Says Boromir.
"So, he's a little too young." Eowyn states.
"Where is this going?" Boromir asks.
"Don't you understand?" Eowyn asks, her eyes looking all glowy.
"In all honesty? No." Boromir says.
"ARGH! You men are all the same! First it was Aragorn, then Faramir...." Eowyn screams.
"What were you going to say, before you started to blame us men for everything?" Boromir asks.
"I LOVE YOU, BOROMIR!!!" Eowyn says.
A/N: Well, that's the first part of the Rather Twisted Plot of Sunny Acres. Hmm..interesting. Check back for a new chapter soon!