Kendall doesn't remember anything. All he could remember was that the brunette Jennifer had her fake, plastic lips fixed on James's, both laying flat on the lounge, just after James and Kendall had a lovers' spat. Kendall's memories were as blur as his sight, playing back the moment he caught James, his boyfriend, until when he had ran up to his and James's shared room and nothing after. The blonde glanced at his wrists, blood slowly oozing out of the random cuts that had suddenly appeared. His gaze moved to the broken piece of glass from his empty perfume bottle that was in his other hand, traces of red liquid clearly visible on the sharp edges.

What did I just do? Kendall wondered as his minds took in the scene before him. Kendall was standing on his bedside, his perfume bottle shattered to pieces by his foot, blood on his wrists and he could remember nothing at all. He couldn't remember how the bottle was crushed, why was there blood on both his wrists and the broken bottle piece, and why his cheeks were so damp.

The blonde sank to the floor, ignoring the sharp pricks of the shattered glass on his thighs, and stared at his arms in shock. Kendall had always been the strong one, the one in control of his emotions. Unbreakable. Or so he thought. The shocked blonde dropped the guilty weapon as his body shook violently. N-No way. I just ... c-cut myself?

Kendall fisted his hands, watching in pain and awe as more blood began oozing out of his deep cuts. It was a surprise how Kendall hadn't severely sliced through his veins, what with his lack of meat, and passed out. Kendall continued to squeeze his fist tighter, silently watching as his blood began dripping onto the floor. His knuckles turned white from the pressure and, well, Kendall had to admit that the pain from his hands were successfully dragging his thoughts away from his cheating brunette. He licked at his wounds, slightly cringing as the stinging sensation burned his wrists and the iron-like taste of his blood filled his taste buds. Maybe a little more, Kendall thought when the pain subsided.

His hand shakily grabbed the discarded piece of glass and ran it lightly across an untouched area on his wrists; the part where his veins were bulging out. Kendall's heart sped as short wounds were cut open, small amounts of blood seeping out of them. It wasn't enough. He ignored his conscience that was screaming at him to stop, that he might be accusing his 5 year-long boyfriend of cheating when the brunette wasn't. Kendall pushed the annoying voice to the back of his head as he pressed his item roughly, breaking his skin. This is what I get for being such a useless boyfriend.

Kendall sighed in satisfaction as he dragged his 'weapon' across his wrists, the pressure on it not decreasing by the slightest. Blood slid down his arms when he was done, the pain from his cuts overpowering his pain from catching James in a lip lock with one of the Jennifers'. The wounds were burning and stinging but the depressed blonde took no notice. He felt his vision becoming blurry once again, his body swinging from side to side.

A weak smile formed on Kendall's pale lips. "Yes," he sighed, feeling lightheaded from the massive loss of blood. Kendall fell back onto the cold, hard floor with a loud 'thud'. He felt himself slowly slipping into oblivion as his blood continued to flow out of his body.

"Kendall!"

The blonde could barely move when he heard the familiar voice calling out his name. His room door was slammed open, causing Kendall to squint at the sudden brightness despite being half-conscious. A tall brunette was hovering against him, saying words that Kendall couldn't comprehend. Something wet fell on Kendall's wrists as they were lifted.

"O-Oh G-God!" James screamed as he noticed the deep wounds, some recent and some not, on his lover's wrists. "L-Logan! Ambulance!"

Kendall's gaze became more hazy, catching just a glimpse of Carlos and Logan, who had appeared at their door. Logan was frantically dialing on his phone, screaming at the top of his lungs. The blonde's gaze then moved to his boyfriend, who was desperately trying to stop the bleeding, tears dripping from his broken hazel eyes.

"Don't d-die on m-me, Kendall!" James was screaming as more tears streamed down his face. "Please, bab-baby! D-Don't close you-your eyes!"

Kendall's face was as white as James's lucky white v-neck and that scared James to no end. James continued forcing Kendall to stay conscious, screaming and crying uncontrollably at the thought of losing his other half. It took a few minutes before paramedics came to send Kendall to the hospital. They worked on his wounds quickly, bandaging them in hopes to stop any further bleeding. The other three guys quickly climbed into the ambulance with Kendall's nearly lifeless body, all sobbing in fear of losing their leader and best friend since pre-k.

James held Kendall's hand, studying the pale as a corpse face and pressing kisses on the white knuckles. "Don't leave me," James sobbed silently. Kendall's eyes suddenly closed completely, causing the brunette to panic before Logan pointed at the heart monitor that was still, thankfully, beeping. James wiped his tears with the back of his hand before pressing his lips to Kendall's pale cheek. Tears continued to roll down his face as the ambulance sped past traffic, reaching the hospital in minutes.

The three boys were told to wait outside as Kendall was pushed into the ER. James sank down to the floor, his back pressed tightly against the wall, as Logan and Carlos stood next to one another. They wondered what had pushed Kendall, their strong leader, that far, to the extent that his life was now at risk.

James placed the blame on him, thinking that it was because of the stupid fight that he and Kendall had that morning about something the brunette couldn't even remember anymore. He broke down as fat tears flowed freely down his face. Carlos and Logan sat next to him, placing their arms around the taller but younger brunette, and tried to console the hazel-eyed boy.

"I-It's my f-fucking fau-fault!" James sobbed, pulling his knees closer to his body. "I-If w-we hadn't f-fought, this wou-wouldn't have hap-happened!"

Carlos shot Logan a concerned look, signaling that he didn't know what to say. Logan sighed. "James, please, calm down," Logan said, forcing his voice to be firm. "Don't blame yourself. We'll ask Kendall himself when he wakes up."

The two shorter members of Big Time Rush tightened their hug around the brunette, allowing James to cry until he deemed himself calm. No one knew how long it was until the doctor came out of the ER. By then, Katie and Mama Knight had already arrived. Katie was even called aside for God knows what. All James heard was 'transfusion', which pretty much means that Kendall still had a chance to live. Only if Katie had the same blood type as Kendall.

James was the first to jump up and force information out of the exhausted doctor, his strength making it impossible for anyone to pull the brunette away. The doctor tried his best to calm the frantic brunette. "Is Kendall alive?" James screamed, ignorant of the fact that the other visitors were staring at him.

"Yes, he is," the doctor replied calmly. "He's lost a lot of blood but, thankfully, the blood transfusion was a success. He's safe now."

James, finally, smiled softly. His face lit up despite his messy hair and the tear tracks that led down his cheeks, knowing that his lover boy was alive, that the blonde would still wake up next to him every morning. James released his tight grip on the front of the doctor's shirt and sighed in relief. His worried gaze met the doctor's blue eyes as he asked in a soft voice, "Can I.. Can I go see him now?"

The doctor nodded and smiled gently at the troubled brunette. James took in a deep breath as he pushed open the door to Kendall's ward, regretting it immediately as the stench of medicine and blood entered his nostrils. The brunette ignored the smell and sat on the chair next to Kendall's bed. The blonde's eyes fluttered open as James dragged the chair backwards. His bottle green eyes were a blur as he looked at the brunette.

"J-James?" he croaked, stretching his arm out to touch James, wondering whether it was reality or just a dream. However, the tubes inserted into his arms stopped him, tugging and inflicting a sharp, short pain when it was stretched just a tad bit too far.

James sat and smiled gently, grabbing hold of Kendall's now alive hand. "Oh God, I-I thought I w-was going to lo-lose you, Kenny," James whimpered, gripping Kendall's hand tightly.

Tears slipped past James's already shattered exterior, dripping onto Kendall's knuckles as James's lips remained glued to them. Kendall's still pale lips turned into a frown. He tugged his hand away, ignoring the sudden pain, and, as tears escaped his own eyes, croaked, "Why are you even here? Go back to your fucking Jennifer!"

James hazel eyes widened in surprise. Wait, what? Kendall turned his face away, muttering, "I should've just died and left you with her. You'd be happier."

"W-What? Kendall." James's tears continued flowing as Kendall's words sunk into the brunette's head. "What are you talking about? If you left, I'd go with you! You know that I love you too much to leave you, right?"

Kendall scoffed. "Sure, that's why you were k-kissing Jennifer! I should've just cut deeper and bled to my end." The blonde closed his eyes with an exasperated sigh. "Leave."

James gaped at his boyfriend. So that was why Kendall had done it. He stood and cupped Kendall's cheeks, turning his head to face the brunette. Kendall kept his eyes shut, not wanting to see any form of emotion in the hazel eyes that he had loved from young to cause him to melt and forgive James. James waited for Kendall to open his eyes, even a bit. After a while, James's shoulders sagged as he sighed. Fine. If Kendall wanted to be stubborn and not listen, James knew what he had to do. He lowered his head and crushed Kendall's lips, causing the blonde to gasp and allow the brunette's wet muscle to pass his lips.

James pinned Kendall's shoulders to the bed, ignoring the squirming blonde as his tongue made it's way around Kendall's wet cavern. He poured every inch of his love and care into the kiss, hoping that Kendall would realise that James's heart belonged to him. Only him. Kendall was panting for breath when James pulled away, his bottle green eyes now wide open. His cheeks were rosy red and his lips were slightly swollen from James's passionate kiss.

James rested his forehead against Kendall's. "Jennifer threw herself onto me," James explained. He pressed his finger on Kendall's lips when the blonde wanted to argue and shook his head. James wanted Kendall to know the truth first. "She kept on saying that she could give me everything you couldn't. I told her that there would be no one else but you because you're the only one I want."

James sighed as he relived the scene in his head. "Then, she went ballistic, claiming that she had been in love with me ever since she saw me. I was about to run off out of pure fear when she pushed me back onto the lounge and straddled my hips. I was trapped, Kendall," James whispered. "I tried to push her off but I couldn't. I couldn't even hit her because she's a girl and, well, it would be bad publicity. I continued trying to push her off me. That's when she kissed me, Ken."

James slumped back onto the chair next to Kendall and buried his face in his hands. "Fuck, it was horrible. Her fake lips felt like I was kissing sandpaper. Her boobs were nothing compared to your body. I hated it, Kendall."

James cried into his hands. The green-eyed blonde finally looked at his lover. James never cries. Never. Not unless it really scared him to death. As much as the brunette was confident and a great actor, James could never fake fear and tears. Kendall knew at once that his assumption was wrong. He sat up on his bed, still ignorant of the irritating tubes, and opened his arms as far as the tubes let him. "Come here, baby," Kendall said, noticing the bandage wrapped around his wrists.

James flew into Kendall's arms, the force of it causing Kendall to topple backwards onto the bed with the crying brunette. The blonde stroked James's silky hair softly, humming a tune that he knew would calm James down. He felt James's sobs slow down as the brunette buried his head in the crook of Kendall's neck. Kendall continued stroking James's messy hair and humming, feeling guilty for accusing his boyfriend of cheating.

James finally stopped crying after a while, Kendall's affection and hums working its magic on him. James never knew how that tune always managed to calm him down, even since pre-k. All he knows is that he's glad that he had finally explained to Kendall. The hazel-eyed boy looked up at Kendall, who was still humming aimlessly, unaware of the pair of eyes staring at him.

"Kenny?" Kendall's gaze met James's, his bottle green eyes now filled with guilt and love, all mixed into one. James shifted carefully onto his back, not wanting to tug any of the tubes that were inserted into Kendall's body. He grabbed Kendall's hands and stared at the bandages. "Why'd you do this?"

Kendall averted his gaze and stared at the ceiling. "I can't remember how but, after I saw you and the Jennifer, I lost control and, somehow, shattered my perfume bottle. I only realised what I did after I felt the sting and the blood that was oozing out. I guess I was so hurt that I continued doing it, especially after it dragged the pain of that scene away," Kendall admitted, a blush evident on his cheeks. He had been stupid, he knew. "I thought you were cheating on me. I couldn't take it. I never want to lose you, James."

James smiled softly as he kissed the bandages. "Idiot, I'd never leave you."

Kendall smiled sheepishly as he pressed his lips on James's forehead. "I know, love. I wished I had realised it then."

"Yeah, you wouldn't be here," James answered nonchalantly, turning onto his stomach and staring at the blonde. "We could be at home having make-up sex instead of being here."

Kendall grinned at his loving brunette. James's expression was nothing but playful. He wiped the tear tracks away and kissed James gently on the lips. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"Never do this again, okay?" James playfulness was replaced with worry as he rested his chin on Kendall's chest.

"I'll never do it again," Kendall replied, stroking James's hair again. "Well, unless you tell me everyday, without fail and surprisingly, how much you love me."

"You're so insecure, Knight." James rolled his eyes as he snuggled closer to his blonde.

"Well, to be in love with a pretty boy like you, it's a given." Kendall wrapped his arms around James's chest, tugging him closer. "And I'll beat everyone who tries to lay a hand on you next time, boy or girl."

James chuckled. "And I'll beat you up if you cut yourself again."

"I already said I won't!" Kendall groaned. James smiled into Kendall's chest. "If I have you, there's nothing to cut about."

"I love you," James whispered, nuzzling his nose into Kendall. "There's no one else but you."

"Forever and always?" Kendall asked, out of habit.

"Forever and always. You're so stuck with me, Mr. Blonde."