Hello! Check my profile for where else you can find me, as well as how to contact me. I've been toying with this idea for a while, and due to recent events in my actual life, I figured I've got an understanding of how the mind works after serious injury. Hope you enjoy this!
It was late on a Thursday night, and Isuke—like most sensible people—was sound asleep. Her peaceful night was shattered, however, when she was reluctantly jerked from a pleasant dream by the loud ringing of her cell phone. She groaned and rolled over to pick it up, looking at the caller, then the time.
"Haruki...it's almost four in the morning," she complained blearily when she answered. "Can this wait?"
"No. If I wait, I'll lose my nerve. I just wanted to say...of everyone from Class Black, you're the one I feel closest to. Even though you can be a pain, you really are a great friend. I...I guess I should tell you the whole truth, huh? No more secrets. So, Isuke...the truth is...I love you. Not as a friend—it's the other kind. As in I'm in love with you."
"Huh? You're throwing this at me over a phone call in the middle of the night? You couldn't have told me in person during the day instead?"
"No, I couldn't. I don't have time."
"You don't have time?" Isuke frowned. An uncomfortable pang hit her heart and she sat up, all traces of drowsiness vanishing instantly. "What's going on?"
"I never thought I'd do this again. I never wanted to do it in the first place, and being driven to it again…it's not easy. But at this point…with the house practically falling apart…there's no other choice. Not enough time before the bills get here, and not enough money to pay them when they do. I have a good life insurance policy from work, and a will leaving everything to my family. The money will keep them comfortable for a while, or at least until they get a steady source of income. Make sure they get it, okay?" Haruki requested.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Isuke asked, her voice sharpening as fear jolted her out of bed.
"I talked to Haru today. About people dying for her. She said it's easy to smile when that happens, because it means the person's death wasn't in vain. Especially if it's someone who loves you, she said it's easy to smile, to be happy you're alive, and to be thankful to the person who willingly sacrificed their own life for you. So everyone I love will smile. My family who I'm doing this for, and even you, since you've said before that it's pointless to hold onto the past...you'll all still smile when this is over. You'll be better off for it."
"Haruki, where are you?" Isuke asked urgently. She didn't bother getting dressed or even putting on shoes, instead grabbing her keys and running through her house to her car.
"There is...one thing I'm leaving to you. It's in the will. I know it's a family heirloom, but it just felt right to give it to you. It's my mother's engagement ring. I'm not proposing or anything; I just want you to have it." Haruki ignored the question.
"Stop saying those things!" Isuke ordered, her heart pounding as she slid into the driver's seat and started her car. "Tell me where you are and I'll come to get you. You're just scared and stressed. You're not thinking clearly. I'm going to pick you up and bring you back to my house so I can keep you safe. You'll sleep in my bed with me, and when you wake up in the morning you'll realize all this is nonsense."
"Sorry, but I can't let you do that. That's why where I am is none of your concern. I won't tell you, so don't bother asking."
Isuke heard the sound of a bell, then an almost instant echo from her phone—and the echo was deafeningly loud.
She's in the bell tower.
Isuke put her car in drive and hoped for no police presence as she shot down the road.
"Haruki. Haruki, listen to me!" she pleaded over the bell as it rang three more times to show the time was four o'clock. Her voice was sharp and sounded more angry than scared. "Don't you dare die!"
"You can't change my mind, Isuke."
"Dammit Haruki, listen to what I'm saying! You can't do this, especially now. You told me you love me, then immediately added that you're about to kill yourself. You idiot! I love you too, so don't do this to me!"
"I know it'll be hard, but you have to keep smiling. I'm not doing this because I'm depressed. I'm doing it to help my family. I'm doing it for a good reason. I love you."
Isuke heard the click of Haruki ending the call.
"Haruki? Haruki! Dammit…" Isuke tossed her phone aside and pressed harder on the gas pedal. Thankfully there were no cars on the streets, even police ones, so she managed to get to the bell tower in about ten minutes instead of the twenty-five the drive normally took. She parked across the street from the building and jumped out of her car, not wasting time on turning it off or even shutting the door behind her.
Maybe she came to her senses and didn't do it. Maybe I'm early enough to stop her. Please don't let her be...
Isuke ran toward the bell tower, around the side of it so she could get to the door…
She felt like her heart stopped when she saw Haruki lying on the ground, motionless. Admittedly shaking, she knelt beside her and felt for a pulse. It took a few seconds, but she picked up a faint heartbeat. She tried to grab her cell phone and swore internally when she realized she'd left in it her car. Haruki's was in her pocket so Isuke pulled it out, careful to not jostle her friend and worsen any injuries. She got to the emergency dialer from the cracked lock screen and immediately called for help.
It only took a couple minutes for the ambulance to arrive, but every passing second left her more afraid than the last. She kept her fingers over Haruki's wrist to monitor her pulse and stared at the faint stirrings of her breath. It was painful to wrench herself away from Haruki when the paramedics arrived. They fastened a stiff collar around her neck to keep her still and carefully put a backboard under her body so they could lift her onto a gurney with minimal change to her position. They put straps over her body, preventing the ambulance ride from jolting her around too much. Isuke crossed her arms across her chest in a futile attempt to offer herself some comfort.
"She'll be okay, right?" Isuke asked.
"We'll do our best," one of the paramedics promised as he helped another gently load her into the ambulance. It sped off and Isuke closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm herself.
"Excuse me, miss, but can you tell me what happened?" A voice asked. Isuke opened her eyes to see a police officer standing in front of her with a notepad and pen ready.
"Her name is Haruki Sagae," Isuke said hoarsely. "She has a large family and barely makes enough money to support them. I've tried to give her money to help time and time again, but she always turns me down because she doesn't want me to run out. She's stubborn that way. She called me tonight...and told me to make sure her family got her life insurance money and everything in her will. I tried to talk her out of it and told her I'd come get her and keep her safe, but she wouldn't tell me where she was. I figured it out when I heard how loud the four o'clock AM rings of the bell were from the phone and drove as fast as I could, telling her to not do it, which is why I didn't call for help right away. She hung up while I was in the car, but by then I couldn't think about anything except getting here. I was hoping she'd already come to her senses or I was early enough to stop her, but she'd already jumped. I got the clarity of mind to call for help as soon as I saw her...I just hope I wasn't too late."
"And...your name and relationship to her?"
"Isuke Inukai. We're close friends. I need to get to the hospital. I'm listed as her next of kin because the only living relatives she has left are her siblings, but they were all still minors until recently when the oldest one turned eighteen. Haruki just never got around to changing the information. And even if I wasn't listed as her next of kin...I still need to be there for her now. I can't let her be alone."
"I'll tell my partner to drive you there in your car, since you're probably too shaken to be behind the wheel right now. We'll make sure to call her family in the morning too, so they'll know what happened, but we'll tell them there's no need for them to come down because you're already taking care of things."
"Thank you," Isuke replied. Her body felt numb and there was a deep ache in her chest as she went to wait by her car. She didn't even hear the words a police officer said when he came to her. She sat in the passenger's seat and pulled her seatbelt over her body by habit only.
I never knew I could feel this much pain. Dammit Haruki...look what you're doing to me. You'd better not die on me!
Sitting in the hospital was agonizing. A nurse came over to give her slippers and a blanket for comfort, also setting a pillow beside her in case she got tired. The idea of sleep was completely foreign to Isuke though. She stared at nothing, clutching the Styrofoam cup of hot chocolate one of the police officers had given her. She'd forced some of it down to reassure him that she was fine so he'd leave, but putting anything in her mouth made her stomach turn.
Her phone rang and she ignored it, But it only rang again. And again. Again. Whoever it was kept calling back, so Isuke finally rubbed a hand over her face and picked up her phone.
"Whoever you are, stop calling me," she told the person on the other end flatly.
"Isuke, where are you?" her mother's voice asked. "Papa and I drove by your house on our way home, and your car was gone. Is everything okay? You're usually home at this time." Isuke sighed and tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling.
"I'm sitting in a waiting room in the hospital. Haruki's in surgery, because she's so…so stupid. I want to walk into the operating room and slap her for what she did, that big fool."
"I won't ask what happened. Just take care of yourself, or you won't be able to take care of her," Eisuke replied, clearly understanding that his daughter didn't want to talk.
"Alright, Mama. I will," Isuke promised. Eisuke hung up and Isuke put her phone down again, setting her cup on the short table in front of her as well to pull the blanket more closely around her shoulders.
She'd better be okay.
After almost twelve hours, a doctor came over to her and she shot to her feet, blacking out for a couple seconds from the sudden motion. The doctor's face was unreadable, either because he was excellent at hiding his emotions or because Isuke was too tired and distraught to see them. She wasn't sure which.
"It was a touch-and-go surgery," he began, "but she pulled through. She's not out of the woods yet though," he cautioned at Isuke's sigh of relief. "She's comatose right now, and we don't know if she'll wake up. Unless she does, we won't know the full extent of her injuries or the effects they have on her. You should go home and rest—if she wakes up, you'll be in no condition to care for her unless you take care of yourself. Being sick or exhausted means you won't be there for her. We'll call the minute her condition changes."
"Alright," Isuke agreed despite a sharp tug of reluctance as the doctor repeated her mother's advice. "I'll wait for your call." She gathered the few belongings she'd brought with her (and kept wearing the hospital's slippers, which were surprisingly comfortable) and left, finding her car and sliding into the driver's seat. She rested her forehead on the steering wheel for a minute or two before letting out a shuddering sigh and sitting up to start the car. She'd go home, force sustenance into her stomach, and get some sleep. After that, there was an errand she had to run.
But first she had to recover her strength—then she'd track down the address she needed. It was time to pay a visit to the person responsible for Haruki's condition.
Once she was fully fit—four days after Haruki's hospitalization—Isuke stood on the front porch of a small house in a quiet neighborhood. She slammed her fist against the door so hard that the wood cracked slightly. After a few seconds, Haru opened the door with a cheerful smile. Instantly, Isuke barged into the house, grabbed Haru's throat, and slammed her against the wall so her feet were several inches above the floor.
"You!" Isuke snarled, enraged. "It's all your fault!"
"Haru!" Tokaku cried. Isuke turned her head to see Tokaku charging, a knife at the ready, so she threw Haru at her. Tokaku instantly dropped her knife to catch her girlfriend, and Isuke turned to fully face them.
"Why did you talk to her like that?" she demanded furiously, clenching her fists. "Why didn't you keep your damn mouth shut about that, of all things? Do you have any idea what you did? You might have killed her!"
Tokaku turned and ran, Haru still in her arms. Isuke picked the knife up from the floor and chased her to the living room, where Tokaku lowered Haru to the couch and stood protectively in front of her, ready for a fight.
"Why are you after Haru?" Tokaku asked, glaring.
"I was just going to kill her for revenge, but an eye for an eye is fine too. She put someone I love in the hospital, possibly to never wake up again, so it's only fair that I kill someone she loves in return...you'll do nicely," Isuke explained with a twisted grin. Haru sat up, a hand over her throat as she coughed and stared at Isuke with wide, confused eyes.
"How can you say Haru nearly killed someone?" Tokaku shouted, drawing a knife from her boot and coming at Isuke. Empowered by cold fury, Isuke easily disarmed her and grabbed her shoulder to fling her to the ground. She lunged down and pinned Tokaku to the floor, then tried to bury her knife in her throat. Tokaku grabbed her wrist and struggled desperately for survival.
"Isuke, why...why would you say those things?" Haru asked, clearly confused. "What do you think I did?"
"You opened your big mouth to the wrong person! Of all people to tell about how easy it is to smile and be happy after someone dies for you, how thankful you are to that person for their sacrifice, how it's even easier to smile and be happy if it's someone who loves you who died for you...of all people, you told Haruki. She'd tried to die for her family once already, but you still opened your damn mouth and told her how great it is to have known people who loved you enough to willingly die for you. Haruki, the one person from Class Black who'd already tried to do it there, is the one you told about all the benefits of living on after people died for you! You told Haruki, and now...she's..." Isuke gritted her teeth, forcing back the tears that threatened to streak down her face.
"What are you talking about?" Tokaku growled.
"I'm talking about Haruki calling me at four AM so she could say goodbye to me! She said Haru had told her all about how enjoying life after someone dies for your sake is so easy. She told me to make sure her family got the money from her life insurance and everything in her will. She told me she loved me and she was leaving something important—her mother's engagement ring—to me. Then she jumped off the fucking bell tower! She's in a coma, possibly to never wake up, and the doctors won't have any idea how bad the damage is unless she regains consciousness. It doesn't matter that Haru wasn't there to physically push her off the bell tower. Her words are what did it, so it's still her fault!"
"How can you blame Haru? I'm sure she didn't mean for that to happen!" Tokaku retorted.
"She should have known! Haruki will do anything to make sure her family survives, even if that means killing herself! You were both there when she tried to do it in Class Black. Haru made suicide for the sake of loved ones sound noble and glorious instead of telling her the truth: that it makes everyone left miserable. She made it sound like the perfect solution!"
"Inukai, don't be ridiculous! You're upset and looking for someone to blame for what happened, but Haru didn't tell Haruki to commit suicide. That was Haruki's choice!"
"It's not Haruki's fault!" Isuke denied fiercely. "There are only two people to blame, and Haru's one of them."
"Then who's the other?" Tokaku growled. "You should be going after them instead, because that second person undoubtedly meant harm while Haru didn't!"
"No! The second person tried desperately to talk her out of it! She told Haruki to stay where she was until she could pick her up, and that she'd sleep in the same bed as her to keep her safe! She begged Haruki to tell her where she was, figured it out when she heard the bells over the phone, and got there as fast as she could, but she'd already jumped. She called for help, stayed by Haruki's side, and sat in the hospital's waiting room for hours, hoping she'd survive. She...she can't forgive herself for being unable to convince her to not do it. She can't forgive herself for being too late to stop her. Even if she survives...I won't ever forgive myself for failing to keep her safe."
"Isuke..." Haru said softly, sounding like she was about to cry in the same moment that Isuke's efforts to keep her tears behind her eyes failed. Tokaku managed to kick her off and grabbed the knife when she dropped it. Isuke stood and saw Tokaku coming at her with her knife aimed to kill, but all the fight had been drained out of her, leaving her unable to even attempt to defend herself or avoid the attack.
Dammit Haruki...you're ripping me apart.
"Tokaku, stop!" Haru cried. Tokaku froze instantly, just a couple inches away, and turned to face her girlfriend.
"Haru, she's unstable. She tried to kill you, and she'll do it again as soon as you let your guard down."
"Tokaku...don't kill her. Can't you see how much she's hurting right now? She's crying. Please...let's just make her something warm to drink."
"...Fine," Tokaku gave in reluctantly, lowering her knife and stepping back. Haru came over to Isuke and gently took her wrist to pull her to the couch.
"Sit down," she urged softly. "I'll go make you some tea. Tokaku, can you go get one of my extra handkerchiefs for her, or at least a box of tissues?"
"Alright. Just stay alert; there's no telling if she'll attack you while I'm out of the room."
"I will," Haru promised. Tokaku shot one last glare of scrutiny at Isuke, then headed down a hall while Haru went to the kitchen. Isuke clenched her fists in her lap, hating this. She hated that these two were helping her. She hated that she couldn't find the strength to leave. She hated that she had been reduced to someone so weak and deserving of pity.
She hated it all.
Despite all of that though, she still accepted the cup of tea Haru gave her, and she still kept the box of tissues Tokaku brought well within her reach. She knew it would be stupid to reject these offerings when they were free of charge. Besides, the tea was surprisingly good.
"Isuke, you...you're really in love with Haruki, aren't you?" Haru guessed softly after about half a minute of silence. "Deeply. You came here because you're afraid she'll die before you get a chance to have a relationship with her."
"I had no idea she felt that way. Relationship? Hell, I've never even kissed her, and now it might be too late for that," Isuke replied bitterly. "I love her, and I told her during that phone call, but I might never get to say it to her face. She's just…such a bothersome idiot. If she was anyone else, I'd hate her for doing this to me. But since it's her, I'm just angry at her."
"Everyone has a weakness, Inukai," Tokaku told her, her voice sharp and crisp. "No matter how great you think you are, you have weaknesses. Get used to it."
"Tokaku!" Haru hissed in reprimand, elbowing her girlfriend. Isuke just glared at the Azuma and took another sip of her tea.
So she remembers how expertly I exploited her weakness back in Class Black, she thought with a trace of smugness. I'm flattered.
At that house, Isuke had been successfully distracted from the thought of blame, but she had no choice but to face it on the drive home. Haru wasn't at fault—she'd genuinely had no idea that Haruki was planning suicide and wanted to make sure she wouldn't leave everyone permanently broken by her death. She wouldn't have said it if she'd known. Isuke's grip on the steering wheel tightened as she found herself facing a cold, hard truth:
The only person she could blame for Haruki going through with her suicide attempt was herself. She'd known what Haruki was planning but hadn't been able to talk her out of it or get there in time to stop her.
I'm the only one to blame.
Isuke spent a week trying to cope with the guilt she felt. She pushed it away enough to have a clear mind, but the uncertainty of Haruki's condition always brought it back. Nothing would keep it at bay forever unless Haruki recovered. Guilt wasn't easy to shake off, after all.
As Isuke finished putting away groceries from a quick run to the store, her cell phone rang and she looked at the screen. It was the hospital, and her heart pounded as she answered.
"Hello, is this Isuke Inukai?" a woman's voice greeted her. She seemed about to continue with the place she represented and the purpose of the call, but Isuke cut her off.
"Yes. Did something happen to Haruki?" she asked, keeping her voice as calm as possible to muffle her fear and anticipation as she tightened her grip on her phone.
"Yes," came the reply. "She's awake."