Ripper22's Randomly Random Short Stories!
By: Ripper22
Chapter One: Ness Merges with the Infinite!
Disclaimer: This Fic is where all the Smash Mansion Competition stories go. Enjoy, people who have decided to waste a bit of their life just for meeee!
One day, Ness decided to become a Super Hero! He proceeded to jump off of stuff and fly.
"I AM...SUPERMAN!1" said Ness, jumping off of a chair and landing on the ground painfully.
"Ness!" said Lucas, putting a fourth band aid on Ness, "Stop doing that! You could hurt yourself really bad, or-"
Lucas realized Ness was jumping off the Kitchen counter onto the Kitchen knives below.
"Ness! There's KITCHEN KNIVES BELOW WHERE YOU'RE GONNA-" screamed Lucas.
Ness got impaled on the knives.
"April Fools!" chuckled Ness heartily.
"HOW IS IT APRIL FOOLS IF YOU JUST GOT IMPALED ON A BUNCH OF KNIVES?!" screamed Lucas.
"Can you feel the sunshine?" sang Ness, going into sporadic seizures and dying.
"What do I do now?" asked Lucas, confused. "And...Ness...Ness is...They bleed! They bleed blood! I never knew!"
"We could hide the evidence!" said Pikachu, coming out of nowhere.
"Where did you come from?" asked Lucas.
"YOU MAY KNOW EVERYTHING I'M GOING TO DO BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU AS I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO DO! STRANGE, ISN'T IT?" asked Pikachu, smiling.
"Are...you okay, Pikachu?" asked Lucas, scratching his head, "Because you seem very-bacon, bacon, and more bacon-schizophrenic today!"
"Just...hide the evidence, okay?" asked Pikachu angrily.
Pikachu went to go get a shovel while Lucas carried a dead Ness to the backyard.
"I'm back!" said Pikachu, with the shovel in his mouth.
He ran into a well.
"Wells can be used to retrieve water," said Pikachu, dizzy.
"Hey guys! What are you doing?" asked Link, coming from nowhere in particular.
"Hi Link, wanna help bury Ness' body?" asked Lucas cheerfully.
"Sure," said Link, walking forward and picking up a shovel.
"I'll help too!" said Meta-Knight, brandishing a knife.
He ran up and used his knife on Link, stabbing Link's jugular vein.
"We meant help us with hiding the body!" yelled Lucas angrily as Pikachu came to.
"Ah," said Meta-Knight, wiping his blade on Link's tunic. "On the positive side, we now have more work to do?"
Lucas and Pikachu glared at him angrily.
As Lucas, Pikachu and Meta-Knight were digging a hole to bury Ness and Link's bodies, Jigglypuff and Pichu walked up.
"Hi guys watcha doing?" asked Pichu.
Pichu noticed the bodies.
"Why are Ness and Link sleeping, with Strawberry jam all over them?!" asked Pichu.
"We were having a uh...a picnic..." said Lucas nervously.
"Yeah, a picnic! Then Ness and Link fell asleep while eating sandwiches!" said Pikachu, making up a story.
Jigglypuff smiled cheerfully and pretended not to notice.
Then, she said something in Japanese, and then exploded.
"At least we don't have any remains to bury for Jigglypuff!" said Meta-Knight loudly.
"Yeah," agreed Lucas and Pikachu.
"I'm okay!" yelled Ness, suddenly jumping up and flexing his arms.
"We thought...we thought you died!" said Lucas.
"Now you are!" screamed Meta-Knight, hitting Ness with the shovel. "DIE ZOMBIE!1"
"I'll take it from here, thanks," said Pichu, taking the shovel from the swordsman. "DIE ZOMBIE!1"
He hit Ness with the shovel.
Ness died.
"You idiot!" said Pikachu angrily, "Now we have to bury him!"
"Well, on the positive side, we know for a fact he's...dead?" said Meta-Knight sheepishly.
"You have issues, man!" said Lucas angrily.
"I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES." said Meta-Knight angrily.
Lucario and Victor Fox walked up.
"Oh look, guys, Victor Fox decided to show up OLOL" said Lucario incoherently.
"I just came by to see how old Lucario is turning," smirked Victor.
"I'm turning 166 today!" cheered Lucario.
"Figures, are you getting fat also like Garfield?" asked Victor casually.
"I wanna Gold Star, Victor!" said Lucas, sobbing.
"Oh, sorry, but I left all of my gold stars at home." said Victor.
"If I gave out stars on how old everyone was, Lucario would win because he'd have the most!" said Victor coyly.
Lucario punted him into the next county.
"LUCARIO IS OLD!1" said Victor before he flew into the next county.
"So, can I join the picnic?" asked Pichu hopefully.
Pikachu, Lucas and Meta-Knight stared at one another.
"Um...sure..." said Pikachu nervously. "Why don't you...go get a picnic mat for us?"
"Okay!" said Pichu, running to get a tarp to put on the ground.
"Can I be in on the picnic too?" asked Lucario.
"Sure, oldie!" said Meta-Knight.
Lucario backhanded Meta-Knight, but because he had a spike just below his knuckles, he slashed Meta-Knight with it.
"OH GOD" screamed Meta-Knight, bleeding.
"Sure you can, Lucario!" said Lucas, laughing nervously, "You can get the...uh...the food!"
"Okay," said Lucario, walking inside.
"We gotta do something fast!" said Pikachu to Lucas, "Pichu and Lucario can't find out we killed Ness and Link!"
"Agreed!" said Lucas.
Meta-Knight ran around, screaming as he bled.
They started digging twice as fast as they had been.
They were just about to stick the bodies in the hole when Pichu and Kirby ran outside with the tarp.
"I heard you guys were having a picnic," said Kirby, running up to them, carrying the bundled up tarp, "And without me? You sly dogs!"
"Can we sleep with Link and Ness?" asked Pichu.
"Pichu, you're the most ignorant person I've ever met." said Pikachu angrily.
"Is being ignorant a good thing?" asked Pichu.
"Sure," said Pikachu, "When we're HIDING A CORPSE!"
He bashed Pichu on the head with the shovel.
"Now look!" said Lucas angrily, "Another freaking corpse to bury!"
"No, I'm okay," said Pichu weakly, on the ground, bleeding.
"DIE YOU IDIOT" said Pikachu, bashing his smaller counterpart with the shovel angrily.
Pichu didn't die.
"Oops?" laughed Pikachu, nervously.
"I'm telling!" sobbed Pichu, limping off to go tell.
"Is there something wrong here?" asked Kirby, weirded out.
"Um, no!" said Pikachu and Lucas at the same time.
Meta-Knight fainted from blood loss.
"Why don't you..." suggested Lucas before seeing Lucario walk out with hordes of food. "Why don't you eat all of the food Lucario is bringing out and eat it?"
"Okay!" said Kirby happily, inhaling the entire food in Lucario's hands.
"Wow, after all the hard work of carrying it over here!" said Lucario angrily.
He went back inside, as Kirby followed him.
"Go get more food, Lucario!" yelled Lucas. "Now let's bury the bodies!"
They threw Ness' in.
He regained consciousness.
"Oohh, where am I?" asked Ness, dazed.
Link's dead corpse hit him, which knocked him out again.
"There," said Lucas, "All we have to do now is bury them, and we'll be saf-"
A taxi drove into the Smash Mansion's drive way, and Victor stepped out.
"I'm back!" said Victor, smiling. "Miss me?"
"Quiet you fool, we're concealing a murder here!" said Lucas angrily.
"Oops?" said Victor. "Can I help?"
"Sure, distract Lucario when he comes back out, same with Pichu and Kirby!" said Pikachu. "Then we can have a picnic with them!"
Pichu ran back outside, covered in stitches and band aids. Master Hand followed, obviously tired.
"See? See, Master Hand? See?" asked Pichu triumphantly, "They still have the shovel they hit me with!"
"Fine, I'll go along," sighed Master Hand, "Which one hit you with the shovel?"
"Pikachu did it!" smirked Pichu.
"Pikachu..." said Master Hand angrily. "When you hit Pichu with a shovel..."
Pikachu winced.
"...you're supposed to kill him with it!" finished Master Hand.
"WHAT?!" asked Pichu, horrified.
"Just kidding," said Master Hand. "Pikachu, you're gonna sit in time out for twenty minutes!"
"What for, Master Hand?" asked Pikachu innocently.
"For not finishing off Pichu properly!" said Master Hand.
"Yeah, for not finishing me off prope-HEY!" said Pichu, angrily.
"I hate you all!" said Pichu angrily, running back inside the mansion.
Pikachu followed Master Hand inside the mansion.
Lucario came outside with more food, Kirby inhaling some of it.
"Darn it Kirby, quit inhaling all the food!" said Lucario angrily.
"Fine," said Kirby angrily.
Lucas sighed angrily.
"Lucario! Victor uh...said he wanted to make old jokes about you!" said Lucas nervously.
"What?" asked Victor.
"Why I ought to..." said Lucario angrily.
"Go along with it, start insulting him and Kirby, so I can bury the evidence!" whispered Lucas.
"Lucario, you're old...and you smell." said Victor. "And Kirby is a soccer ball!"
Victor ran out of Smash Mansion gates, followed by Lucario and Kirby.
"Now, to finish the jobs and bury the evidence!" cackled Lucas evilly.
Ness regained consciousness, and tried to climb up out of the 10-foot deep hole that Lucas and Pikachu had dug.
Meta-Knight also regained consciousness.
"Help me with burying the bodies, Meta-Knight!" said Lucas nervously, "All we have to do is put the dirt back in the hole, and then we're done!"
"Okay," said Meta-Knight, picking up the shovel that Pikachu had hit Pichu with.
Ness was almost out of the hole when Lucas, who had his back to the hole, was flinging dirt wildly back into the hole.
"OW!" said Ness angrily, rubbing the dirt out of his eyes.
Lucas and Meta-Knight continued to wildly toss dirt inside the hole, unaware that Ness was still alive.
"Stop that!" said Ness loudly.
"Did you say something?" asked Lucas, confused.
"No?" said Meta-Knight, confused by the question.
"Alright then," said Lucas, continuing to throw dirt wildly into the hole.
When half of the dirt was back into the hole, Pichu had come back outside, with a camera.
"I have photographic proof that you killed Ness, Link and Jigglypuff!" said Pichu, holding up the camera triumphantly, "The entire time I was going to blackmail you, and I still will! Pay me a hundred thousand dollars in cold hard cash by midnight tonight or I will give it to Master Hand! He will kick you two and Pikachu out of the smash Brothers, and make me the leader of the Smash Brothers! There is nothing that can stop me, NOTHI-"
Kirby, who was running by, inhaled Pichu.
Victor ran around in circles around Lucas and Meta-Knight, desperately trying to escape Lucario's wrath.
"Kirby, help me chase this jerk!" said Lucario also going around and around.
"I'm tired," said Kirby, sitting down.
Lucario tripped on Kirby and fell into the hole.
...
...
Lucas, Victor and Meta-Knight buried him alive with Ness and Link.
"We're done!" said Lucas, Victor and Meta-Knight.
Pikachu ran back out.
"I'm out of time-out!" said Pikachu, smiling. "Let's bury those bodies!"
"We already did!" said Lucas.
"Really?" asked Pikachu.
"Yes." said Lucas angrily.
Ness jumped out of the ground and did a few front flips before landing on the ground and flexing his muscle.
"I'm alive!" said Ness.
"How?" asked Lucas.
Ness put on his 'Nerdy explanation glasses' and said, "Well, I have this button, see, and it keeps me alive, so-"
Lucas took the button.
Ness died.
Applause.
LIST OF USED QUOTES (WITH THE QUOTER'S NAME (Out of 30 total Quotes to use)):
-
1. (Line 5) ""Can you feel the sunshine?" sang Ness, going into sporadic seizures and dying." -Ness
2. (Line 12) "They bleed! They bleed blood!" -Lucas
3. (Line 16) "YOU MAY KNOW EVERYTHING I'M GOING TO DO BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU AS I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO DO! STRANGE, ISN'T IT?" -Pikachu
4. (Line 17) " bacon, bacon, and more bacon" -Lucas
5. (Line 25) " Wells can be used to retrieve water," -Pikachu
6. (Line 18) "... stabbing Link's jugular vein."-Narration
7. (Line 21) " Jigglypuff smiled cheerfully and pretended not to notice." -Narration
8. (Line 13) " Then, she said something in Japanese, and then exploded." -Narration
9. (Line 19) "I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES." -Meta-Knight
10. (Line 20) "Oh, sorry, but I left all of my gold stars at home." -Victor
11. (Line 3) "LUCARIO IS OLD!1" -Victor
12. (Line 22) " Pichu, you're the most ignorant person I've ever met." -Pikachu
The Quotes were from Smash Mansion Writing Competition #2.
Review, and tell me if you liked the nonsensical nonsense that this was!
I will do more for future Smash Mansion Writing Competitions.