It Just Feels Right: The Past
The smell of cologne, the taste of a cold beer running down the back of my throat, and the feeling of an
all-time high. That's what I remember most. Most people remember lies, the deception, and my nasty
ways. Four and a half years ago, I was happy. My relationship with my boyfriend, had reached it's
peak. Both of us wanted to be married, neither of us wanted commitment. My career was at it's height.
Fans knew me everywhere we went, and they were happy to see me. Matt and I, had been together for
nearly seven years. We were the happiest we've ever been. Then the month I was out due to injury,
Adam came along. He was a tall, blond, womanizer. At first, I was only disgusted with him. I wanted
nothing to do with him. Soon, Adam was out with an injury too. He started hanging around a lot. He
never seemed to have a home. Eventually, I saw something in Adam. I couldn't break it off with Matt.
Matt made me happy. Adam was stupid and childish, not that Matt didn't have his moments. I spent
many nights, wondering what to do. Clearly, Adam wanted me, my body, and my stardom. Matt
wanted everything, my love, my sickness, all of that. So why was I having problems? How did it come
to this? I don't know. I just can't answer those questions. One morning, I woke up in Matt's arms. The
night before we had been inseparable. We were clinging to each other, it was like he was my life
source. The sparkle in his eyes stunned me. Laying there in the morning light, I saw everything I'd
always seen. He still wasn't awake. I sighed. That was when he woke up. The look in his eyes was
different, they were sad eyes. Looking back now, I think he knew he was losing me. He knew some
day I'd be gone. Tears were desperately close to spilling over for both of us. I can't remember if they
were happy tears or sad tears. We sat there for an hour looking each other over. Then he sat up and
look at not just me, but my heart and said, "Amy. I love you. Please don't ever leave me." I died that
day, on the inside anyway. I'd let him down by thinking of Adam. And just days later, I really hurt him
by being stupid. I watched him get out of bed and go else where before I got up. The phone rang
several times, there were many knocks on the door. I didn't care I sat in the bathroom floor, crying. I
don't know for how long. I sat on the shining white floor coated in tears, not caring what was going on
outside. I finally stood up. I looked in the mirror and saw myself, the dirty liar I was about to become
was making it's way to the surface. I saw it poking through my skin. I was sickened. Then I thought of
my happiest times with Matt. If he saw me like this, he'd know. I then made a decision. One that
sparked it all. I decided to go to the kitchen and drink myself back into a deep slumber. I thought I was
alone. Somewhere in the house though, Adam was waiting. When I had downed an entire bottle of
vodka, he appeared like an mirage. I reached out for his hands and like a miracle from God, there was
a solid. He wasn't a mirage, he was real. He was right where he thought he was wanted and I was
drunk. I don't remember much else. I woke up in a strange car, my clothes were scattered everywhere.
Adam was passed out in the seat next to me. I put two and two together and realized I had slept with
him. I grabbed my clothes and carefully left the scene. I crept through the streets like a ghost. No one
needed to see me getting out of his car. Eventually, I made it back to the house. I was walking up the
drive way when Jeff (Matthew's younger brother) caught me. I was scared. He was normal, he hadn't
picked up on the bad vibes. He didn't say a word. He saw my face, the look of horror and walked away.
My make- up was still a mess from the previous crying spell. My hair was a mess. I shoes were
screwed up. I don't think I even had my pants on right. I sank to the ground when I saw Matt asleep in a
chair on the front porch. He waited. He waited so long he passed out. I was silently crying, inside and
out. I walked to the back door and sneaked in. I jump in the shower and stayed there for a while. Matt
heard the water running. He rushed in the house. I locked the bathroom door before he made it. He was
silent for a few a minutes then, he sadly asked, "Amy. Where have you been?" I scrambled to find an
answer. I told him I had been with the girls. He then went to the living room. I didn't hear anything for
awhile then the door swung open. Matt had some how picked the lock. His face looked like mine, sad.
He stood there for a minute, grabbed a chair and starred at me. I knew what he wanted. He wanted an
explanation as to why I didn't come home. I convinced him to go to the bedroom and I'd be right there.
I did just as I told him would. I sat there beside him. He was in his own world.
"I'm losing you Amy." His sad eyes avoided contact with mine. I thought, "Yes you are."
"No your not Matt. I love you." His eyes changed.
"Then way did you sleep with Adam?" Damn, was it really that obvious?
"I. He. But. I was drun-" He cut me off.
"I found the bottle. I saw the bathroom. How long Amy? How long?" He was a cross between angry
and sad.
"Just last night. I was wasted he was here, and I don't remember the rest." I shook his head. My head
slowly turned to the ground. When I looked up, he was gone. He had grabbed his things and he left.
Then, I tried to remember. Remember anything, even if it didn't change a thing. I couldn't think. I
remembered crying in the bathroom, and reaching for the vodka. But, that was it. I waited twenty
minutes to see if Matt was still here. He was gone, his car and all. I went back to the kitchen, and
flipped through our black book. I found Adam's number and dialed the phone. I rang once, before he
picked it up.
"Uh. Hello?" I could hear the grin on his face.
"Adam.. It's Amy. Get your ass over here. Now!" I was fuming with anger, just as I should have been.
"Okay lover. I'll be right over."
"Damn it don't call me that." I thought I heard him breathe in, but I hung up too fast to be sure. I started
pacing around the kitchen. I guess it was twenty minutes later, that the doorbell rang. I swung the door
open, motioning for him to sit down. Instead he approached me, arms wide open. In his hands he held
my ring. MY RING. The ring Matt used to propose to me.
"Give me that." Lunging at a six foot tall man isn't smart.
"Not so fast. What's wrong?"
"You know what's wrong. You took advantage of me you jerk!" Were tears streaming down my face? I
can't remember.
"Hey. You were asking for it."
"No. I was wasted Adam. You knew better."
"You wanted it. You told me you wanted me."
"You saw the empty bottle. You had to have heard me crying."
"Yes. But, you told me you'd dreamed about me ever since we met."
"No. No. I didn't I'm not stupid."
"Apparently so. You said it. You got what you wanted." Just then the door swung open. It was Jeff.
Things were falling, and fast. He looked at me with disgust. Damn, that hurt. It hurt so much for,
someone whom I considered my brother, to turn his nose up at me. A slammed Adam against the wall.
The only sound was their breathing and my heart beat. My lip started to quiver. Jeff had the look of
death in his eyes. It scared me so much. Adam struggled, and Jeff tightened his grip.
"S-Stop." I whispering and tears were choking me up. Then Matt walked in the door. His gaze shifted
from me to Adam.
"I knew it. In my house? While I was gone? Even with Jeff next door?" I fell to the ground, " Get up
Amy. Your fine damn it. Get up and get outside, now." I just looked at him. He then grabbed my arms
and gently lifted me to my feet. He would have never hurt me. I slowly walked outside. I heard muffled
screams and curse words. Matt and Jeff's dad showed up. He just looked at me. Of all things, he smiled
and said, "You are who you are. That's never going to change. I'm just glad your not letting Matt chase
you down." He briskly walked past me, and entered the house. The muffled noises stopped and soon I
heard someone walking around the house. About an hour later, Matt came outside with a bunch of
boxes. He started stacking my things on the porch. I didn't say a thing, I don't guess he had to. Soon
there was an overwhelming amount of boxes and odds and ends. Seven years worth of things, all on
their way somewhere else. Jeff and his dad came out the door. Jeff refused to look at me. He had a hint
of blood on his shirt, something told me is wasn't his. Adam never came outside, or at least through the
front door. I saw plenty of Matt, but none of Adam. I really screwed up. It was then when I thought,
"Maybe, if I go to rehab, Matt will take me back." I found out later, that rehab didn't matter. It did no
good for me. At the same time, was there anything that would do me any good? But, back to that
fateful day. After all the boxes had been marked, Matt came out with set of keys. He quickly changed
his mind and turned back into the house. I heard him on the phone with someone. He must have been
calling a hauling truck of some sort. Soon, a truck pulled up. The women in the car, jumped out and
started taking things to the truck. The look on their faces were amusing. They seemed to want to know
why the were called, but didn't ask questions. It was evident that he wanted me gone.
"Where do you want to go?" His voice startled me. At first I thought he was going to explode. Then, he
gave me the car keys and told me to leave. He said the truck would follow and take my things where
ever. The car was horribly cold on the inside. The radio was tuned to Matt's favorite station, the seats were set back the same way Matt left his in his car. The rear view mirror was focused on the house. I didn't touch anything. It was supposed to be this way. Everything reminded me of him, the smell, the touch, everything. I breathed in and seethed out. I turned to look in the back seat. Matt's good leather jacket, my shoes, a few CDs, and a few boxes of odds and ends were all that were left. The sound of the engine starting sounded unfamiliar like it was new or something. I didn't have anywhere to go, and I didn't want the women in the truck to go on a goose chase. I thought to myself, "Was there any place that was mine before Matt?" I had to ask myself out loud before it hit me. I did have a place. Somewhere in Georgia. I was born and raised there. That was where I needed to be. My sister Aubrey used to live there but, we haven't spoken since we were teens. My parents moved to Florida when I turned nineteen. My house was extremely small and reminded me of a smaller Barbie house. It was a gift from my mother, she also furnished it herself. Meaning, it was light, perky, and disgusted me a lot. Then, I got out of the car and walked up to the truck. To my astonishment, the two girls were whispering in each others ears. Neither of them noticed me until my hand flew up and smacked the window. The jumped up and rolled down the window, "Yes?"
"How old are you girls anyway?" They grinned and looked at each other.
"Um I'm twenty my name is Precious. She's twenty two and her name is Shelby." The way she said it really pissed me off. I had planned on asking them if they cared to drive to Georgia but, screw that.
"Yeah. I need this stuff hauled to Georgia. Like today." The stunned look on their faces was hysterical.
"Okay. You lead we'll follow." They rolled up the window, and I walked to my car. Matt was still on the porch. I think he was crying, but I'll never know for sure. After that, I went to my "home". The first week or so, I slept through everything. The second week, I got a phone call from Stephanie McMahon. She wanted me to make a decision, "Go to work. Or stay home, indefinitely." I chose to work. I loved wrestling. I loved making the fans happy. When I go to the arena, I stood in front of the entrance and breathed in. Cigarette smoke, cool air, and coffee. I followed the scent of coffee. I smiled to expresso machine was in gear and one of the Divas was standing in front of it. As I neared the woman, she turned around, it was Maria. She was new and had been a ball of joy when I'd been there before. She wouldn't speak to me. Usually we would greet each other with some stupid hug. She gave me this look that not only let me know, that she knew what happen but, also her opinion as well. I continued to work for a year before I couldn't take it anymore. The McMahon's had used what happened in real life to write a storyline fight. I wanted to work, and I wanted to go out with a bang. I didn't plan on retiring so early,but I had to. My mental state, was counting on it. I left and never looked back. My house soon, filled up and stripped down in a sense. I painted the walls, changed everything up until I was happy with it. Somehow, I met a guy. We started a band. It was successful, we toured Europe. It was fun but, we fell apart. I was axed out of the band and once again, I was home sleeping all the time. I went out one day to a tattoo shop, hoping to find a nice tattoo. The shop was like any other, the front was mostly glass. The windows withheld, tattoo after tattoo. I sat underneath an angel and a portrait of Betty Page. After a few minutes of waiting, a women with big, red hair asked for me to come to the front desk. Once there, I signed papers. The girl at the desk, was short, skinny and the longest blond hair I've ever seen. She had lines of baby blue, and pink running through her hair as well. Her build was much like a pin up girl's. Her eyes were a simple shade of green. Her nose, lip, ears, and the small section between her lip and nose wear all pierced. She didn't seem familiar until I saw a beauty mark above her lip. My sister had the same one and it was so noticeable. I was starring at her for so long, she noticed.
"Can I help you with something?" She sounded annoyed.
"What's your name?" She sighed and put down her pen. Her hands rose to her head and she rubbed her temples.
"Aubrey." There was no way.
"Whole name please?"
"Okay. I don't know who you are, but it's Aubrey Marina Dumas." Tears filled my eyes.
"Oh."
"What's your deal? You don't even know me. What's your name?" She was being so sarcastic.
"It's Amy Christine Dumas." Her jaw dropped.
"No fucking way."
"Yes way." She stood up, I was mistaken she was as tall as me. She hugged me and ran back behind the desk and yelled for someone named Phil. There was no answer. Aubrey seemed annoyed, at least it wasn't towards me.
"Oh. I forgot he's getting a tat. Oops." She grabbed my hand and pulled me into one of the other rooms.
The door eased open, and there was a man covered in tattoos sitting in a chair. His shirt was pulled up so that it sat on his shoulders, his long black hair hid his face. The tattoo artist was clearly absent at the time.
"Yo. Phil, this is my sister Amy that I was talking about." The man's shirt slid back into place and his head bobbed up.
"Oh. You two look nothing alike." He laughed a hearty laugh, "Hey. You look familiar." He tilted his head sideways and scratched his beard, "I know. Your Lita." Wow. I have to admit he was gorgeous and even then, I couldn't escape that.
"Yeah. But you can call me Amy." I can't see how he knew me. I don't have red hair anymore it's pitch black. I'm not caked in make-up. Oh and my boobs are propped up and on display.
"By the way, I'm Phil Brooks. You probably know me as C.M. Punk." He held out his hand. I took it. Such a strong grip.
"I'm afraid I don't know you." He looked at little confused, "I don't watch much of W.W.E. Anymore. I'm a T.N.A kind of person."
Relief crossed his face, "Oh. Yeah their okay I guess." Aubrey was obviously agitated by the wrestling talk.
"Um. Amy I get off in ten minutes. You wanna go somewhere?" She was fiddling with her nails.
"I'd like to get my tat, but after sure we can go anywhere you want." It was then that it hit me. Why was Phil here if he was with W.W.E? Isn't he supposed to be somewhere?
"Hey Phil, why are you in Georgia anyway?"
"Oh. I was here with the company but, I've known your sister for years so I decided to stick around for awhile." At first I thought they were dating or something.
"Dean would kill you if he heard that." Aubrey giggled, I don't think she can really laugh. It must be a blond thing.
"Who's Dean?" I was probably the only one who didn't know.
"My fiance." Okay. That solves that, their not together. The last thing my sister ever said to me, (before we parted) was "If you become a nasty wrestler. I'll hate you forever. Wrestling is for freaks." So why the hell was she best friends with one? I didn't say anything, instead I checked my watch and decided it was time for my tattoo session.
"Is anyone available?"
"Oh. Right. I could do it if you'd let me." She made one of those pouty faces, my dog makes when he wants food.
"Fine." She jumped up and down doing some sort of happy dance. Where was the hateful bitch that used to inhabit my sister's body?
"Gee Aub don't you think you should lay off the sugar?" Phil laughed so hard the table shook. He was for sure a wrestler. That was a wrestler laugh. Long story short, my sister gave me a tramp stamp. Phil and I started going out. I bounce around from Georgia to Chicago and everything in between. I've been a little better since then. My sister and I are like twins. She into the "scene" type deal. I don't mind it's like Gothic but more piercings, and wild colors. It's not so bad. Hell I even listen to country music more often. I just happen to love Sugar land due to the song "Settlin'" . Anyway, I've been better. No my career isn't at it's peak. No I'm not married to Matt Hardy. But, I am emotionally stable and dating a gorgeous punk. So yeah, that's the past and now your in the now. Because, I'm not settling. I've had enough of so so for rest of my life. So raise the bar high.
~Author's Note~
Okay, I know I don't have many fans but, I'd like to change that this coming year. Everyone who reads my stories, I'd really like for you to help make me more popular. Make Youtube videos, tell your friends, whatever is in your reach. But most importantly please give me some reviews! I hope you all have a Happy New Year and a Happy New Decade! Also on January 10 I'll be releasing a new fanfict about Lita called It Just Feels Right. And depending on the response I might release a CandicexPunk Fict.