"I'm sorry." Was all he could manage.
It was inadequate. He knew it and they knew it, but he could not- for the life of him- come up with anything better.
He had contemplated, hard, what to say to them on the way over. As soon as they had left Denton's his thoughts had begun to churn, attempting to come up with something less feeble than 'I'm sorry'.
"You're going to have to ask them, you know." David had said.
His stomach had clenched itself in a knot. If they were going to go through with this, they needed the newsies. They needed every single one of those boys on their side. He had known, if he was honest with himself, that he would have to apologize to them. He wondered vaguely if David would do it for him.
"You aren't getting out of it. Don't even bother asking me to do it for you."
Jack grinned slightly to himself. David was annoyingly sharp. He had known Jack would have liked to ask him, but he had also known he would not. David's feet turned down the familiar wide alley. His stomach twisted. He had not expected to have to go now, though there was no reason not to.
He knew that his newsies would forgive him. Knew that they would not hold a grudge. That was the kind of boys they were. Still, he worried. He had, after all, betrayed them. He, their leader, had turned on them. He wondered if they would ever look at him the same. He wondered if he would ever receive more than the cold stares he was getting now.
David had gone in first, with Les at his heels. Sarah had followed her brother with one last deep brown gaze and half a smile. He had heard them greet David like an old friend, heard the swell of welcoming voices and a few hands raining down on his back and shoulders.
"Got someone here who's got something to say to you fellas." He had announced.
He had understood his cue and stepped into the room. He received no welcoming shouts, only stunned silence. His eyes slowly panned the room. Everyone had frozen absurdly in what they had been doing. Time itself seemed to stand still.
Racetrack had yet to look down to see what numbers had turned up on the dice he had just tossed. One of his eyebrows arched upwards as he withdrew his cigar from his mouth and licked his lips expectantly. Mush stood nearby, clutching the pole of a bunk bed like the safe place in tag for security and support. Blink's ever-cheerful, wide grin was gone from his face. His mouth actually hung open.
The rest of his boys were there too. Boots had his arms crossed on his chest. Snitch leaned an arm on Skittery's shoulder. He could even see a pair of narrowed Brooklyn blue eyes in the back of the room. Why he was there, Jack did not know.
"I'm sorry." Were the first words that came out his his mouth. They were the only words in his head.
None of them responded. It was as if he stood again outside the distribution center. Their faces were exactly as they had been that morning. He was sure each of them were remembering how they had felt, seeing their leader desert them. There was darkened, hardened anger from under the low brim of Racetrack's cap. Hurt and confusion was written all over Mush's open-mouthed gape. Blink's lone blue eye looked shocked and disbelieving. Cold fury and suspicious distrust emanated from Spot's narrowed slate gray-blue eyes.
Their words from that morning rang through his mind.
'I trusted youse!'
'Seize tha day, eh Jack?'
'Traitor!'
'We don't need you!'
David's face had only held stunned disappointment. His expression had been the hardest to look at. Jack looked to him now for support. There was something like a grin on his lips.
"Your gonna have to do better than that."
He sighed and stared up at the ceiling in attempt to escape their faces. His empty mind could not fix on anything that did not sound hollow and insincere. As it happened, he did not need to give a speech.
"What was it, Jack? Tha money?" Racetrack's voice was heavy with contempt even though he would do almost anything for money, almost anything for a bet.
"Sure, I did it for tha money and my chance ta live free. I want to get outta hea. Escape New York." He said truthfully.
It cost him something to admit that money was a part of the reason. These were his newsies, his brothers. He couldn't understand why a few dollars had tempted him so, now that he was standing here facing them all.
"But it wasn't tha only reason. He said- he'd come down hard on youse guys. He said-"
He hesitated. He did not know how to tell them that he had done it for them. He had wanted to protect them. He hadn't wanted to see them beat up on the streets and thrown into the refuge. If he could prevent that, he would gladly face the scorn and wrath of his own boys to protect them.
As he looked at his newsies, he saw the stupid irony of it quite plainly. The truth was that they didn't want his protection. They wanted to be beaten up and thrown in jail if the cause warranted it. He saw it in Blink's black eye and in the absence of Crutchy's face in the bunk room. They wanted to stand up for what they believed to be right. Like he had done at first.
Oddly, all the heads in the room turned to Racetrack as he stood up. It was strange to see the boys look to someone other than him. When the newsies had been unsure of themselves, they had always looked to him first. He had never realized it before. He knew by they way they looked at the little Italian that they respected him and trusted that he would do the right thing for all of them. He suddenly felt crushed that he had lost that look from his newsies. He only hoped he could do something to earn it back.
Racetrack paced nearer. He puffed on his cigar to keep it from going out as he stared at the floor, composing his thoughts. Jack braced himself for the blow that was surely coming. He wasn't going to bother to stop Racetrack from giving him the black eye he knew he deserved.
Then Racetrack spit in his hand and held it out to him.
Relief poured through every muscles and bone in his body as he mirrored Race's motion. He wanted to scream his thanks. Wanted to tell them all that his betrayal had good intentions. Wanted to tell them that a second chance meant the world to him. His throat was closed too tightly for words however, but he could tell by Race's smirk that the boy understood.
Blink's cheerful grin was back. Mush looked positively delighted. Even Spot's face in the back looked satisfied. Les gave a happy little squeak and threw his arms around Jack's waist. He looked up at his hero with round, astonished eyes.
"I knew you were just spyin' on em, Jack!" He cried.
Jack smiled, but shook his head. He wanted even the child to understand.
"I wasn't kid. I was on their side. Stupidest thing I eva done."
The kid's face clouded with confusion momentarily, but cleared almost immediately.
"But you're on our side now, right Jack?"
"Sure am, kid." He nodded with a grin. "Sure am."
Racetrack shook his head and puffed on his cigar again, but Jack did not miss the tiny smirk on his lips.
"So what now, Jack?" He asked.
Every head in the room turned to look at him. Every eye fixed him with an expectant stare. He momentarily basked in the glow of their acceptance and renewed respect. Their leader had returned to them.
"I got a plan."
A.N. I don't own Newsies. Hope you liked it. A New York Minute will be updated soon. Thanks for reading!