Falling inside the black Chapter 1: prelude, a gossip girl fanfic

a/n: I wrote this a couple of weeks after ' oh brother where Bart thou? ' but I edited it after ' in the realm of the basses' so it can make sense but it's basically the same except for a couple of details. This story has a lot of my personal story and feelings and it was a little hard to write it , especially in Blair's point of view . I'm doing my best so hope you like it!

Prelude of Falling inside the black

Author: youknowyouloveme91

Summary:'Once again I have fallen into the darkest side of myself , the one that is affected the most by the mean reds , the side that hurt myself the most.' Post 2.14. B becomes bulimic after C left her. and all the drama comes along with his arrival CB B's POV

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Gossip Girl ( yet jk ) , not any quotes/lyrics used .but i do own this story

Rating: PG-13

(this is after 2.13 but all the episodes are going to be post 2.14.)

(a/n: this is the night Chuck left her)

Tonight I'm so alone
This sorrow takes ahold
Don't leave me here so cold
(Never want to be so cold)

I've never realized how beautiful NYC is in the night

I woke up at 3 am just to realize he was gone , i tried to keep my mind off of him , he was gone , my chuck bass was gone , i could feel my cold tears coming down from my eyes , rolling down my cheeks. I didn't care i needed him , to hug me and tell me everything was going to be ok , to kiss me and make me feel like i was flying.

' I will stand by you though anything'

those words were stuck in my head . It would mean everything to me if he did say something like that , but it meant nothing to him . all I got back , a piece of paper:

I'm sorry for everything

you deserve better

don't come looking for me

-chuck

I felt death , my hands were cold .

I Blair Waldorf was stupid enough to tell Chuck Bass I loved him and then he left ME.

Your touch used to be so kind
Your touch used to give me life
I've waited all this time, I've wasted so much time

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Three weeks after the wedding and Chuck Bass mysterious despairing , Eleanor and Cyrus where having breakfast when I came downstairs. My mom was showing him some clothing stuff that he wasn't interested in at all. And that drove my dear mother crazy , but she loved him so much to tell him and Cyrus didn't now her enough to realize.

'Blair darling , don't you think you been eating too much? You should start watching your calories!' my mother said , of course she didn't love me enough to shut up.

'Eleanor she looks fine' my stepfather said , after all he wasn't that bad...

I wasn't able to stand all this the only two people that could help were Serena and my daddy, both too far away from me both have left me. And Chuck my one and only , the only one I would be able to love so deeply was missing in action.

Don't leave me alone
Cause I barely see at all
Don't leave me alone

I went to my room with an enormous piece of chocolate cake , that I got just to mock Eleanor. And I ate it while watching 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' that movie usually calms me down but this time I couldn't pay attention , all I could think about was things like ' You are going to throw all your work to get your perfect figure to hell as pathetic as this?' and as soon as I finished the cake , I felt so ashamed of myself. I felt like there was only one solution , I ran to my bathroom , let the water run , so no one can hear and I did what I promised to everyone , even myself , I wouldn't do again. I stick my finger down my throat and made myself think I was leaving my troubles behind along with the chocolate cake.

Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Falling inside the black
Falling inside falling inside the black

Once again I have fallen into the darkest side of myself , the one that is affected the most by the mean reds , the side that hurt myself the most.

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I started my day like everyday it was pretty much stuffing my face with the most delicious things I've ever tasted , and then leaving them behind along with my troubles (purging).

You were my source of strength
I've traded everything
That I love for this one thing
(Stranded in the offering)

I never though i was gonna say this but i need Chuck.

Don't leave me here like this
Can't hear me scream from the abyss
And now i wish for you my desire

I was supposed to meet Jack Bass in a bar he had news , that guy was a Bass , he was disgusting and glanced me like if I was naked. Its was new years eve so I had to be home before 7 pm.

Its been a while since Lilly contacted Jack Bass and he was helping me to find chuck. He said not to look for him , but he never said his uncle couldn't!

' Bass make it quick , some of us have a family to be with in new years eve'

' I think I know where Chuck is" he said with the most perverted smirk I've ever seen ( beside chucks)

"where?" I felt my heart stopped i wanted to ,scream ,jump and kiss chuck... my heartbeat became faster and faster , and my mind kept screaming 'chuck , i Love you'

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I suddenly felt sick , well not really but I pretended I did. I told jack to excuse me and I went to the bathroom and made myself throw up. This time I didn't mean for it to happen I just felt like I had to do it

.Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Falling inside the black
Falling inside falling inside the black
Black, black, black

When I got out I saw Jack staring at me like he knew what I was doing.

' are you following me?'

Falling in the black...
Slipping through the cracks..

.--------------------------------------------

so after that day Jack would send me like 8 texts per day asking about my eating disorders , and I finally told him what was going on , so he can leave me the fuck alone and he did , I made him promise to keep that in secret .

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from: Jack Bass

I'm back got him headed to appartment

let the games begin

A/N: the 'mean reds' are from Blair's favorite movie Breakfast at Tiffany's

lyrics ' falling inside the black- skillet'

I'll try to make next one better and longer , I promise A LOT of drama coming and more C/B/J

and sweet CB moments.

If I get time I will post it tomorrow around this time =)

thanks for reading

xoxo Yas