Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7
-.,.-
"Cloud, is she alright?" She wouldn't stop shaking. She just stood there, looking through the window, into the room. But the blinds were down.
"I don't know," I answered. And I really didn't know. There were so many things in my life that I was sure of. I know it never seemed like it, but really, I wasn't dense. I know how the world works. I know what people feel when they feel it. I know what this means, and why you should or shouldn't do that. I wasn't dense. I'm not dense.
But I really didn't know. And the thing was, it scared me.
When I was born, I didn't know what my life was going to be like. Yes, that was one thing I didn't know. But that I was fine with. For most people, not knowing what life leaves for them is a terrifying concept, one that keeps some people awake late into the night. But I usually slept well. Except for those occasions when I just had to get out of the house, out of that closed in area.
Guilt. That I was scared of. Aeris. What happened…scares me. I wanted her to know that I really didn't mean for it ever to happen. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Or, behind myself rather.
This scared me. A lot.
"What if she doesn't make it?" Still shaking.
"I don't know."
There was that bittersweet realization.
I didn't know. And she's still shaking. So I gave Yuffie a hug. But I think it was more for me than for her. She sort of calmed down in my arms. But I couldn't calm down.
My mother once told me that time was the best healer. It seemed so. Only time could tell who leaves and who stays. I was scared yet again; time didn't seem like such a good judge. In fact, not too long ago, it had taken two people, two friends of mine…much, much too early. Even so, hopefully time would realize that she wasn't ready to leave yet.
-.,.-
I woke up to the sound of the prolonged beep from the EKG lines.
My vision was foggy as I strained to recall the past events. I was in the hospital lobby, with everyone else. They approached me, saying that I could go in. I started to talk to her, knowing deep down inside she probably couldn't hear me. But I kept talking on. And then I fell asleep.
Sure enough, I woke up in that same plastic chair, except this time, it was different.
I looked up at that monitor, and nearly screamed at it. That stupid red line.
I removed the oxygen mask that was cupped around her face. I removed all those fucking tubes that were telling me that she was gone. Only I knew whether she was gone or not.
She's still here.
I wondered how long I would keep kidding myself like this.
-.,.-
It was hard to ride the fenrir, since I had to pin her arms to my sides with my elbows and strain my fingers to grasp the handle bars. I remember those times we she would wrap her arms securely around my waist all by herself. I remember how I would drive a little bit slower, just to stay like that longer.
Now, I had to pin her ice cold arms around my waist, and drive fast.
I was getting frantic. I knew that if I didn't sit down soon, I'd become hysterical.
It seemed to take forever to get home. As I was dismounting, she fell to the ground. That's when I lost it.
I let out a strangled yell, something between a scream and a sob. I picked her up, and sat down on the steps, placing her against me, leaning her head on my shoulder.
I glanced into the pocket of my pants, staring at the little white box sticking out.
I pulled out with my shaking hands, and looked inside. I always thought Cid had the worst habits, but right now, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.
-.,.-
The sun was starting to rise, and I had gone through two cigarettes.
I threw the rest of the pack of cigarettes in my pocket, and picked her up bridal style. Something I hoped I'd be able to do very soon.
This was too soon.
Subconsciously, I let her legs drop to the floor and used my free hand to rub my head, thinking about all the times I'd imagined me proposing, her crying saying yes, throwing her arms around my shoulders. I know I sound like a little girl fantasizing, but I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to pop the question.
And then, she just had to become sick all of a sudden.
I picked her up again, and carried what was left of her up the stairs, into our room.
I sat down on the bed. I looked down at her, laying there, eyes closed, skin cold and white.
I knew soon I would have to tell everyone else. I'd have to let go. But I just couldn't at the moment.
That night, I held my Tifa in my arms for the last time.
-.,.-
-A heart will keep beating long after it's been broken.