Author's Note: This story is set the year of Jeff's graduation, but I can't remember the exact date...It starts at the end of Jeff's grade twelve year, and continues from there. It's easy to tag along, as the time is usually written in the story. The title of the story is all I could come up with for now...
I drummed my fingers on the desk top, and waited for the class to end. It was officially the last day of school. The last day of my high school life. And I was so bored....
From beside me, I heard Jeff snickering at something.
"Shut up before you get caught!" I whispered at him, and tried to look like I was paying attention.
"What are they gonna do? Not let me graduate? I have all the credits I need!" Jeff argued back, and went back to snickering.
From behind me, I heard Meagan snickering as well.
"What are you laughing about?!?" I whipped around, and asked her. Promptly, she shut up. She wouldn't let me know.
I glared daggers at her. "Meagan! Tell me!"
"Don't worry about it, Lindsay!" She said to me assuringly, and across the row, slapped Jeff's hand.
I sighed. Those two were always doing stuff like this to me. Being the new kid of the year, and from Canada, they always teased me. Mercilessly. But, we all knew it was only in fun. None of it was hurtful to any of us. At least we hoped not.
It was our last year in the school. All of us were graduating and each had our own aspirations: Jeff wanted to be in the WWF with his older brother Matt, I wanted to go to a University with some kind of a graphics art program and Meagan...Well, Meagan had no idea of what she wanted to do yet. She was gonna wing it, and see what would happen. Which I thought was ridiculous.
All of the teens heard the last bell of their high school life ring, and we rushed out to our cars. I hopped in mine, and suddenly found Jeff sitting in the passenger seat beside me. Meagan started her own car up from beside mine, and I peeked my head out the window of my car. I realized I still didn't know what the two had been giggling about, and I figured I probably never would.
"Meet ya at Mcdonald's?" I asked her, and she nodded.
As I drove out of the parking lot, and to the local Mcdonald's, I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel to the music flowing through the radio. Jeff smiled in the seat beside me, and when I laid my hand down on the seat to rest, felt his close around mine. I blushed a little. Jeff squeezed my hand in reply, and looked out the window.
A few minutes later, as we pulled up into the Mcdonald's parking lot, I saw Meagan's car, and I unbuckled my seat. Jeff followed suit, and the two of us walked out of the car. As we both came around to meet at the trunk of the car, Jeff put his arm around my waist, and I found myself blushing again. Meagan hopped out of her car, and ran towards us, ecstatic.
I laughed as she neared us. "Happy to be graduating?" I asked, and she nodded enthusiastically.
"Ah'll go get us a booth." Jeff offered, and headed into the Mcdonald's.
I stared after him. "Jeff..." I started but stopped after I saw him head into the Mcdonald's. "Ah, nevermind." Meagan looked at me quickly, and headed after him. After about two seconds, I decided to do the same, but was attacked by someone from behind. He threw me to the ground, playing, and I found myself staring into the eyes of Matt.
"Uh...Hey..." I said to him, stammering. For as long as I could remember, I had a crush on him...But...Jeff had just shown that he had affection for me as well...I sighed from underneath Matt, and he pinned my arms back.
"Hey!!!" I responded, and struggled to wriggle out, but found the pavement underneath me scraping. "Shit!" I yelled, and stopped myself. Matt bent down, and kissed me.
As he moved off of me, I stood up, and stared at him. I felt my fingers touch my lips.
"Matt?" I said to him. He looked back at me, and stepped forward. "What...What was that for?"
"For graduating. Ah'm proud of you." He smiled, and circled his arms around me. I felt short, as I always had with the Hardy brothers, and I rested my head into his chest.
"I can't believe this was my last day of high school ever..." I whispered into his chest, and he kissed my forehead. "And I can't believe you're doing this.." I added.
I always had had a duel within myself over the two brothers. Matt was more like the older brother type to me, ever since I had met him last summer. He always took care of me, whether I was hurt, whether I was feeling emotionally drained, or whether I was just tired. He was always there with something for me, something to eat, a movie to watch, or just comforting me. Even if I was barely showing it, he always knew something was wrong. He could tell. He seemed to pick up on it somehow. I could never figure that out. He was the constant in my life, and when I dreamt about it, if I ever spent the rest of my life with him, I'd be content.
As for Jeff, he was the opposite. Wild, crazy, sexy, cool. He listened to rock music, and rode around on his motorbike when he had the chance. I loved him for that. He was the wild part in my life, the part I enjoyed at parties. He managed to do so many stupid things, I couldn't even remember how many he had done. Jeff was also great for those parties when I had gotten piss drunk, and couldn't drive myself home. He'd take me back to his house for the night, where I usually slept on his couch, and would wake up, kinda confused and dazed. Surprisingly, he had never taken advantage of me, which I admired him for. Any one of those times, he could have easily had his way with me. I guess that was the good part about Jeff: His trust. He stood on his promises, and never let you down on them.
Matt kissed my forehead again, and lifted my head up, his finger underneath my chin. He kissed me deeply, and caressed my back with his hands.
After the kiss had ended, I gazed into his eyes. I was speechless. I had nothing I could think of to say: After the small amount of time I had known the 20 something North Carolinian, I had never felt so much love for him. I couldn't describe it.
We heard Jeff's voice coming near us. "Hey Linds! We found...." He stopped, when he caught the last few seconds of our liplock. His face went from exuberant, to sadness.
"I..." He said, and stepped forward. Matt pushed me out of the way, and Jeff punched him solidly across his jaw. No one words came from either of the brothers as they fought violently on the ground.
I tried to break them up. I tried to pick Jeff off of Matt, who was endlessly pounding Matt in the face. Jeff lightly hit me away, and continued to pound on his brother. Matt refused to fight. He just lay there, his brother on top of him, letting him beat the living snot out of him.
"STOP IT!" My voice rang out in the parking lot, and Jeff looked up. His eyes and face were angry, a horrible expression hung on his frame.
For a second, he thought about it. And decided against it. He went back to punching his brother, and standing up, kicking him in the side. I heard Matt groan in pain, almost scream, as Jeff hit every inch of his brother's body. Still, Matt refused to fight back. Even a tiny bit.
I rushed forward, tears blurring my vision, and I
tried once again to push Jeff away. He slapped me with the back of his
hand, and I felt my body topple back, hit the bumper of a car, and my temple
hit the metal sharply on the corner, and my eyes closing.
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I woke up in the hospital. My vision was blurred, and I struggled to make out shapes before me. Nothing. Just blurs. My head ached, especially my left temple. I wondered why.
My vision began to slowly come back to me, and I saw a young guy in the bed beside me. He was pretty bad looking, his face had been smashed in really well. I wonder who had done that to him. I figured whoever had, I didn't want to get to know them.
I saw a girl's face before mine. "Lindsay..." She said my name.
The young male beside me groaned. I looked over at him. "Is he gonna be okay?" I asked the girl.
She shook her head. "He's got a number of stitches to his head, and possibly a broken jaw." Her face looked tear streaked, like she had been crying.
I could only look down, hanging my head. "What happened?" I whispered, almost afraid of the answer. I couldn't seem to remember any of the events that had proceeded my hospital stay.
The girl looked at me strangely. "Jeff came out to the parking lot, to let you guys know we had found a booth, and he saw you kissing Matt...And attacked him."
"Attacked him?" I repeated back.
She nodded. "Jeff attacked his own brother." At this, my eyes opened wide.
"His own brother?"
She nodded. I looked over at the injured male. Again, he groaned. I stepped out of my bed, and, with my blanket wrapped around me, walked to his bedside. Standing there, I stroked his face as gently as I could.
He murmured, and instinctively, grabbed my hand tight in his, and stroked his face with it. His eyes slowly opened.
"Lindsay..." He said the name slowly.
I said his name back. "Matthew." A tear fell from the corner of my eye.
He smiled, and laughed as much as he could. It strained his body, I could tell, and he was in pain.
"Don't..." I told him. He smiled again.
"Always taking care of me. That's mah girl." He closed his eyes, and fell asleep. I traveled back to my bed, and felt the temple on my forehead throb in pain. Lying my body down, I closed my eyes as well, and slept.
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Meagan watched over her two friends, Matt and Lindsay. She felt her own eyes slipping into a deep sleep. But she couldn't. She had to watch over her friends. She cared for these two so much. Looking at how badly beat their bodies were though, she felt her stomach churn inside. Sure, Matt dealt with this kind of violence when he was in the ring...But nothing like this. Nothing like the rapid beating his brother had given him. And Matt would never, could never bring himself to hurt his own flesh and blood, his own younger brother. Not outside of the ring. In the ring, it was more theatrical, more timed. Not like this.
Meagan saw Matt stir in his sleep, and she watched him gain a sad look on his face. Matt started to cry out. "Jeff! Jeff! Stop it! I refuse to fight you!"
Meagan ran over to his side. "Matt! Matt!" She yelled at him.
He sat up. Sweat dripped off his face. He looked around. He put his head in his hands. Matt looked over at Lindsay. She slept almost peacefully. He couldn't take his eyes off of her though. Shaking, he rubbed his hands through his hair.
Meagan sat quietly in a chair to the side of his bed. She brought her head up. She didn't say anything. Just looked at him.
"Ah was dreamin' an'...Recalling the events from yesterday..." He drawled out. Meagan stood up, and looked at him.
"It's okay. It was just a dream." She assured him. Matt sat there, expressionless. "Where's Jeff?" He asked moments later.
Meagan struggled for an answer. "He went home...Your dad's pretty upset with him."
Matt's mouth opened wide. But he didn't say anything. Just went back to rubbing his hands through his hair, and looking over at Lindsay. Gazing at her. He worried for her.
He watched her breathing silently in and out, and making little sounds in her sleep.Tears came to his eyes, and he let them out. He couldn't stop them.
Meagan put her hand on his shoulder. She squeezed his shoulder, and stood behind him. A while later, she stepped back, and sat back on the chair. Matt sat there, his face blank.
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Jeff stomped up to his room, and started to kick things around. He was angry. That much was obvious. He flopped down on his bed, giving up quickly. He stared up at the ceiling of his room, and felt his mind being drowned by thoughts.
He sighed loudly, and curled up in his bed, his blanket around his body. He wouldn't let himself cry, but punched the pillow on his bed. Why had Lindsay done this? Didn't she know he cared for her? And to see his own brother kissing her...He punched his pillow again. It angered him. As it had since he had met the girl last year.
He let the memory flow through his head, and closed his eyes.
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"Students, we have a new classmate." The teacher broke into Jeff Hardy's thoughts. He stirred, and looking up, caught the eye of the new student entering the class.
"Hi." She said simply. Her voice had an accent to it, something unusual...He shrugged it off, and gazed upon the beauty of the new student. She was young, or looked it at least.
"If anyone of you could help her to her classes for the rest of the day, I'd appreciate it greatly." Jeff's teacher added. He put his hand up, and the teacher nodded. "All right, Jeff, I'm counting on you. Lindsay, take a seat behind him."
The new student nodded, and sat in the desk behind
him. Jeff smiled to himself, and turned back to his task at hand: His math
homework.
Between the first and second period, Jeff helped Lindsay through the halls. "So, where are ya from?" He drawled out.
"Canada." Lindsay replied, and looked at the passing numbers on the doors of the classrooms.
That would explain the weird accent she had. Or, lack of. She didn't have a drawl, like everyone else Jeff knew.
"What's your next class?" He asked.
Lindsay looked down at her roster. "Art." She said.
"Art, huh?" Jeff smiled, and offered his arm to Lindsay. "If you will, ma'am." He said, and laughed. Lindsay took his arm, and joined him in laughing. They headed up the stairs of the high school, and finally arrived at their destination: The Art Room.
"Here ya go." Jeff told her, and Lindsay thanked
him. She walked into her class, and Jeff traveled to his.
At lunchtime, Jeff met up with Meagan, another Canadian, and hugged her. "Going for lunch, right?" He asked her. She nodded, and the two ran to her car. Jeff was about to open the car door, when he saw Lindsay exit the front doors of the school. She looked around, and finding no one to hang with, started to head back into the school. Jeff yelled at her. She heard him yell her name, and she saw him standing near Meagan's car.
"Hey." She said quietly, and held her books in her arms. He smiled at her again.
"Wanna join us for lunch?" He asked her. She blushed a little, and nodded.
"Cool." He said, and opened the car door, sitting in the passenger seat. She opened the back door, and sat down in the back seat.
The ride to the Hardy's house was a long one, it seemed for Jeff. Finally, Meagan parked the car in the lot, and the two ran up to the door, through it, and into the kitchen. Quietly, Lindsay stepped out of the car, and walked through the open door.
Jeff and Meagan rushed around the kitchen, and grabbed food from the freezer, popping it into the microwave.
"Oh, Lindsay, meet Matt. My older brother." Jeff said to her. Politely, Jeff saw Lindsay shake Matt's hand. He figured it was a Canadian thing.
Sitting down, once all the food was warmed up, Jeff noticed himself sitting across from Lindsay. She looked away, wouldn't make eye contact with him.
Matt stood in the kitchen. "Lunchtime for you guys, huh?" He asked. Meagan and Jeff nodded. Matt laughed.
Jeff looked at Lindsay, and she sat there, quiet. "Talk to us, Linds. What's up?"
She looked up. "Not much....My classes aren't so bad right now. You don't have a bad little school here." She smiled. "I'm sorry for not talking that much...I've never moved to a new city, let alone a country. I'm getting used to the lifestyle here."
Jeff looked at her. "Lifestyle?"
"Yeah...I used to live in a city, and was surrounded by the sights and sounds of it...And then I move out here, to North Carolina, in a small town. It's a big change."
Jeff smiled at her. "So, you went from city girl to country bumpkin?"
"Heh, yeah. Dad loves it. He grew up in a small town, but mom and I want to be back in Canada..." She trailed off, and looked around nervously.
Matt pulled up a chair beside her.
"Canada?" He laughed. "Meagan's the only other Canadian around these parts."
Jeff saw Lindsay smile.
"Another Canadian? Awesome!" She was thrilled suddenly, and she started to talk rapidly. "So, when did you move down here?" She asked.
"About a year before you did." Meagan laughed. "So, I'm not the newbie anymore."
Lindsay laughed. "Yeah...I guess not!" She bit down into her lunch.
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Opening his eyes, Jeff sat up slowly. He breathed raggedly, and looked at himself in the mirror. He was a wreck. His hair was a mess, and bags were underneath his eyes. His clothes, which he hadn't changed since the day before, were wrinkled, and dirty in spots. He punched the mirror, shattering the glass, and left his room, his hand bleeding.
He climbed into his car, and drove towards the local hospital. His hand bled profusely, but he ignored it. He parked the car and walked up to the receptionist's desk. He asked for the room Lindsay had been placed in, and when he was told, ran to it.
Slamming the door open, he ran to Lindsay's bedside. She was asleep, and he fell at the feet of her bed, and started to cry.
That's when he noticed Matt and Meagan were in the room, watching him. Meagan smiled at him, and walked over.
"Jeff? She's okay...Just sleeping."
He sighed in relief, and brought himself up. He grabbed
the closest chair and sat by her bedside. Just like his brother was doing,
he watched over her. For once, Jeff forgot about the rival between he and
his brother. All he was worried about was Lindsay. He couldn't believe
he had hurt her like that, had managed to backhand her so hard...
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I was let out of the hospital a few days later, and thankfully, before the grad. I had about two days to get everything together, to get myself ready for it. It wasn't enough time, and by the time the day came for all the ceremonies, the bruise on my temple still hadn't gone. Jeff's hand had been stitched up since he had cut it in his mirror, and Matt's wounds had since cleared up. The two brothers were still a little at odds, but still went to practice, and if they were lucky, a match between other local wrestlers.
I had plans that morning with Meagan to go get our hair done at the local salon, and Matt and Jeff had picked us up to take us. Even though Meagan had her own escort, the two brothers were still sweet about driving us around, and enduring our appointments. Matt was going as my escort, so it worked out for the best.
By the evening, everyone was ready to go. Jeff had picked up his escort earlier in the day, and Matt had stuck with Meagan and I. Meagan had picked her escort up an hour before the ceremony, and we had all decided to meet at the Hall where it was being held beforehand. I had to take Matt to pick up his tux and get him changed. When that was done, we headed to the Hall.
The ceremony went great. We met up with Meagan and Jeff and their escorts, and everything in the ceremony went flawlessly. Of course, everyone looked gorgeous in whatever he or she seemed to be wearing. The dance and banquet came after that, and those went great. There were no hitches the entire time. Which was good, in my opinion. The two brothers were behaving themselves it seemed.
At the dance though, Jeff started to act a little jealous. If he saw Matt and I dancing too close, he'd send his older brother this withering glare, as if to tell him, 'lay one hand on her, and I'll kill you.' This made me angry, since I had told Jeff numerous times since the fight that I wasn't his. As far as I could tell, I didn't belong to anybody.
After the dance, we had all had plans to head to a friend's place for grad celebration. Matt, Meagan, and Jeff's and Meagan's escorts decided to go home, complaining of being too tired. I wasn't going to let that wreck my fun, so I grabbed my stuff and got a ride with Jeff over to the friend's house.
I don't remember much after that. There was alcohol at the party, and by the end of the night, Jeff and I were wasted. I had no idea how we managed it, but somehow we got home, and without dieing. The next memories I have are of waking up in Jeff's arms. Which wasn't so bad. But I woke up in his arms, in his bed, and naked.
I realized then that Jeff and I had come back to his place, and probably finding no one home, headed up to his room, and being wasted, had slept together.
I cried. I couldn't believe I had let myself be so stupid. As I lay there in Jeff's arms, he woke up slowly, and I sat up, wrapping the blanket around myself.
Jeff realized what had happened quickly, and nervously, raked his fingers through his hair. He didn't look at me at all, and I sat there, crying.
I heard Matt's soft footsteps coming up the stairs, and I almost screamed. If he saw Jeff and I together in bed....
He opened the door, and I cried out.
His mouth fell open when he saw the lack of clothing on Jeff's and my own body. All I could do was sit there, crying, holding the blanket up against my body.
Matt was silent. He stood there for a few seconds, and grabbed onto the door for balance.
"Matt...." I said, whispering. "Matt..It's.....I can explain this..."
Jeff still held his head down, hiding the expression on his face.
"You slept with Jeff?" Matt said. He wasn't yelling; but he had that tone that told you he was hurt, was crying inside.
I nodded. I looked away from Matt, ashamed.
"Mah god..." Matt voiced, and I heard his retreating footsteps down the stairs. I knew I had hurt him. Hurt him deep inside, and he was screaming. Screaming inside. I knew him that well; I knew how Matt reacted to the things I did.
I brought my hand to Jeff's face, and rubbed his cheek.
He looked up at me. "Ah...Ah can't believe ah did that..."
"I know...Neither can I..." I told him. I crept forward, and crawled into his lap. He curled his arms around me.
"What are we gonna do now?" Jeff asked me.
I didn't have an answer for him. "I don't know..." I whispered, and the tears fell from my eyes again, as I thought about Matt, and the pain I was causing him.
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I still can't explain what went on between me and
Jeff that night. I know that, being Jeff, he has an amazing sex drive...But
the fact that he finally let it go on me, and that I replied kept on bugging
me...And it would for a while. For a long while.
I walked into that Hardy's household, and greeted Jeff. He was making supper, or attempting to. Matt was nowhere to be found.
"What's for dinner?" I asked playfully, knowing that it probably wouldn't be that good.
Jeff stared into the oven. "Chicken an' potatoes." He told me.
I nodded, and decided I wouldn't break the news to him until dinner. "Where's Matt?" It had been a few months, about two, since the night Jeff and I had spent together...
I rubbed my stomach, for hunger, and for something that was developing in there. Another life.
"Out back. Working on the arena we built. Practicing more an' likely." Jeff told me.
"Thanks." I said, and headed out back behind the house.
As I headed back there, I wondered why Matt was practicing by himself. I soon found out the answer to my question.
"Hey there." I said, leaning against the back screen door.
Matt looked up. "Lindsay!" He smiled and ran towards me, enveloping me into a large hug. "Where the hell have ya been?!" He asked.
"Around..." I answered. It had been about two months since the two had seen me. Or anyone from Cameron had seen me. "Mom and dad were moving their stuff back to Canada, and I was stuck with them." I shrugged. "They're letting me stay here for the time being. Until the end of next year. I'm moving back home after that."
Matt gave me this pitiful look. "Moving back? Why would ya wanna do that?"
"I miss some of my friends from Canada...I don't have any real communication with them."
Matt sighed. He didn't say anything else, and by this time, I was used to it.
"You cut your hair." He noticed.
"Yeah. In-between the moves. Decided I needed something better while living here in North Carolina." I shrugged again.
"And ya nose is pierced..." He looked at me weirdly, and I laughed.
"You don't get many people out here like that, do you?"
"We do...Ah was just never expecting it of you..."
I laughed again. "Matthew, you should know me better than that. I've always been known to do crazy things to my body."
Matt blinked. "I never knew you to do that..."
"Eh, doesn't matter. It's done." I rubbed my stomach again. "Jeff's cooking supper inside. Should be done soon. I'll call ya when it's done."
He nodded, and went back to what I had been found him doing: Practicing flips, aerial moves.
I found Jeff sliding the chicken out of the oven inside, and it looked golden brown. I came up behind him, after he had placed the chicken on the oven, and hugged him around the waist.
He shrieked, which was funny to hear from him. I giggled, as I stepped back.
"Don't do that! Shit woman!" He swore at me, and he turned swiftly around on his heel. "Supper's done."
"Okay." I said and yelled out back to Matt. "Boy, supper's ready!" I tried in my best Southern accent. It didn't work though, and Matt came in laughing his ass off, Jeff joining in.
"What? What?" I looked around innocently. Or tried to.
"Nothing..." Jeff laughed, and set the table.
We sat during dinner, with myself being the most talkative. I talked about Canada, my visits home, and my trip back. Jeff and Matt listened intently to me. When supper was done, and they were both quiet, I told them what I had been waiting to all night.
"Matthew...Jeffery..." I said slowly. They looked at me. "I have something important to tell you..." I rubbed my stomach again. "When I first left to go back home..." I paused, collecting myself, "I was kinda worried..."
Jeff interrupted. "'Bout what?"
"Well....I missed about a month worth of my menstrual flow..." Jeff and Matt looked at me curiously, kind of not understanding me. "About a month ago, I found out I was pregnant."
Both gasped loudly. "Pregnant?" Jeff gulped.
I nodded. "Positive that I'm pregnant." I choked back tears.
Matt, as usual, was silent.
"Are ya sure it's my child?" Jeff said.
I nodded again. "I've never slept with anyone else Jeff. Anyone."
"Mah god...." Matt's usual little reply.
I drank down the last of my glass of milk. "That's why I came over here. To tell you this."
Jeff and Matt suddenly seemed intent on finishing their dinner.
I couldn't help it anymore, and I let the tears out.
I ran out of the house, to my car, and curled up in the front seat.
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I have no idea how long I had sat in there, bawling my eyes out. It was night by the time I crawled out, and back to the Hardy's house.
I knocked lightly at the door, and Jeff opened it. He let me in, and said, "Night's pretty cold. Might as well stay here for the night."
I nodded through my tears.
"That's a girl." He told me, and directed me to the living room. I curled up on the couch. The tv blared in front of me, shots of WWF stars flashing before my eyes. I told myself that now Matt and Jeff would never make it. Not with a bastard child. I sure as hell couldn't support myself.
I didn't sleep that night, and when I heard Jeff and Matt stirring upstairs, headed up there. I found Jeff running to his brother's room in his boxers, and I had to laugh. Tears came again to my eyes, but these were laughter ones.
Jeff bounded into Matt's room, jumping on his bed, and waking him up.
"Shit, boy! What the hell!?!?" Matt yelled, and Jeff stood off in the room.
"Matt! We're gonna be in a house show!" He screamed. I laughed again. The site of Jeff screaming was too much, and I bowled over in laughter, giving away my hiding spot.
"Ah! Shit!" Was all I heard Jeff yell, before he ran back to his room, and pulled on a pair of jeans. I laughed even more.
He walked back to Matt's room. "I gotta call this morning, and they want us to come do a house show!"
Matt blinked, and then it sunk it. "Whoohoo!" He yelled with his brother, and hugged him. I sat on the stairs now, and I smiled. In all the time I had known these two, I had never seen them, since all that happened over the summer months, hug. I was happy for them.
Jeff came running to the stairs, and picked me up, swinging me around. I laughed, and as he let me down, I looked up at him.
"You seem happy!"
"Lindsay, it's our dream come true!!" He said. I smiled, but inside I faced reality.
Jeff didn't notice how upset I was, and kept running around, ecstatic. Matt laughed, and walked out of his room, dressed in a pair of pants and socks.
I smiled at him, trying to show my happiness. Being Matt, he noticed something was wrong.
"Lindsay..." He drawled out.
"Hm?" I looked at him.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing, Matt." I smiled again, even more fake than the first.
He embraced me. With his arms around my waist, and his mouth close to my ear, he asked me, "What's wrong?"
I gave in. "It's great and all that you and Jeff have this house show you're doing for the WWF. I'm happy for you. I just...I can't support myself and a child, Matt. But I don't want to get in your way, either."
"You won't...You didn't know this was going to happen, Linds. None of us could have predicted it." He hugged me again.
"I know...But...Shit." I said. I pulled myself out of Matt's arms, and walked down the stairs. He followed me. I curled back up onto the living room couch, and stared out the front window.
He sat down beside me, and automatically, as I had done so often in the last year or so, wrapped myself up in his lap and his arms. He held me tight. I didn't cry. I had no reason to. All the tears had been let out already. Jeff raced around, and finally found the two of us in the living room. He balked a little, but saw that it was just a comfort for me, nothing else.
Jeff sat down on the other side of the couch, and rubbed my back. I smiled, and curled up even more into Matt's arms. For once, the two brothers weren't fighting over me.
"Jeff...Can you call Meagan? I want to see her again." I told him. I hadn't seen Meagan since grad. I missed her a lot. She was one of my best friends, and being away from her for so long was affecting me.
"Sure." Jeff said. He went to the kitchen, and picked up the phone, dialing Meagan's number.
"Hello? Can I speak to Meagan?" I heard Jeff say from where I sat. "Hey Meg! Lindsay's over- Yeah, she wants you over here pronto. Is that okay? Cool. See ya in a few."
Jeff strode back to the living room. "She said she'd be here as soon as possible."
I smiled, and stood up. I stood in front of the window, and watched for her car, which was a piece of junk. We had always laughed about that.
I watched as a few minutes later, her car came rolling up the Hardy's driveway. I ran outside to the car, and as soon as Meagan placed her foot on the ground, hugged her tight.
Releasing from the hug, she looked at me and said, "Happy to see me?" To which, I embraced her again. "Obviously!" She smiled, and led me back into the house.
Jeff and Matt sat on the couch, looking worried, and Meagan tried to cheer them up. She hopped into Jeff's lap, and hugged him around his neck. He sat there, with Meagan and I joined Matt on the couch.
"So, what's the big news?" Meagan asked. "Jeff sounded impatient or something on the phone." She ruffled her fingers through his hair, which I noticed was growing out. It was chin length on him now.
I held my head down, and finally muttered, "I'm pregnant." I paused. "With Jeff's kid."
At this, Meagan flew up from Jeff's lap and joined Matt and I on the couch. "When did this happen?" She asked me. I had never had the guts to let anyone but Matt and Jeff know about that night.
"You remember that party we went to? Or you were going to go after grad?"
She nodded.
"Well...Jeff and I became drunk, and somehow ended up back here. I woke up, in his arms, in his bed, naked."
She gasped. Loudly.
"Soon after, my parents started to move their stuff back to Canada...I was with them for most of the time, and I missed a month of flow...I went to the doctor, took one of those pregnancy tests, and found myself pregnant." It rushed out of my mouth.
Meagan hugged me tight. "You must be so scared..." She said, and I cried. Like I had often done in the past month or two.
I sniffled. "I don't know what to do now...I can't support myself and a kid while I'm living here...There's no way."
Jeff spoke up. "You can move in here, once the baby's born."
I blinked. What did he just say?
"You have your own place to stay right now, right?"
"Yes." I said.
"Then once you give birth, you can live with us, until you move back to Canada." I blinked again.
"Are you serious?" He nodded. Matt shot him this look, but didn't seem to mind it.
"You can stay with us until then, I guess." Matt echoed his brother's words.
I smiled. At least I would have some support until then...
Meagan sat back in the couch. "Why don't you stay at my place until the birth? That way you won't have to worry about paying bills, for food, and such while you're pregnant."
"Um..." I bit my lip. "I guess..."
She nodded. "You are. You don't need to worry about anything else."
I sniffled, and smiled. I stood up, and headed to the door.
"I'm gonna go pack my things." I told the three.
I walked out of the door, and felt a little more happy than I had before.
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I managed to pack my things quickly, and I had lived with Meagan for about a month before the unimaginable had happened: I woke up one morning, to find myself bleeding. My bed was covered in blood, and I remember sitting there, stunned. It had only been 6 weeks or so into the pregnancy, and I had had a miscarriage. I reached over to the phone, after I managed to calm down, and dialed the Hardy's number.
"Hello?" Matt's voice answered, after it had rang a few times.
I stifled a choke. "Matt? Is Jeff there?" I asked.
"Hold on." He told me. I heard him yelling for his brother, and soon I heard Jeff's voice on the phone.
"What's up?" He asked me.
Slowly, bringing the words to my lips, I told him, "Jeff, I woke up this morning, and..." I sobbed a little. "I had a miscarriage."
I only heard breathing from the other end of the line. "Are you sure, Lindsay?" He asked me.
I didn't say anything. "Yes..." I finally whispered into the phone.
"Are you okay?"
I sniffled. "No..."
"I'll be right over with Matt." Jeff told me and I heard the phone click.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Numbly, I walked down to the door, and opened it. Meagan had left for work early that morning, and wouldn't find out the news until she came home in the evening...
Jeff and Matt walked in quietly. I offered them the couch in the living room to sit on. I hadn't taken a shower yet, and I knew I looked horrible. Still, the two brothers didn't seem to notice, as they sat down in the living room.
I sighed, not knowing what else to say to the two. I was too numb, too in shock to say anything.
Jeff held out his arms to me, and I crawled into them. I felt safe, warm, but I still found myself crying uncontrollably.
"Sssh...Sssssh...." He whispered into my hair. My eyes were red, my hair in clumps across my head. I had my pj's on from that morning.
I saw Matt head upstairs. He brought the blankets I had slept in downstairs, and asked me where the washer was. I pointed to it, in the back room, and he headed there, putting the sheets in the wash.
I cried even more. It had only been 6 weeks...Only 6 weeks. Just as I was getting used to the idea of giving birth, that gift had been taken away.
I curled up more into Jeff's arms. He cradled me there, held my head against his chest, and kept whispering to me. I have no idea what he was saying, but I knew it was comforting me somehow. That's all I knew.
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For the rest of the day, the two stayed with me. I couldn't do much of anything on my own, since I was still in shock. Over everything that happened since grad. All of the stupid things I had done. Sleeping with Jeff, kissing Matt before the grad....All of it came rushing back.
I heard Meagan's car clank into the parkway. She parked, and stepped out, and walked into the house. She stopped when she saw me.
"Oh my gosh...What happened?" She said as she ran towards me.
Through my tears, I told her. "This morning...I woke up...and found blood....on the bedsheets....I had a..."
She stopped me. "Don't say anything more, hon." She told me. Taking my hand, she led me upstairs and started a bath for me. She checked the water with her hand, making sure it was warm, but not too hot, and filled it.
I stood there for who knows how long. Meagan had headed downstairs, to find some clean towels for me to dry my body with, and to get some clean clothes for me.
She returned moments later, but what seemed like eternity to me. She laid the clothes and towels down, and told me that she would be downstairs with Matt and Jeff if I needed anything. I nodded to her, and she closed the bathroom door as she exited.
I stripped my clothes off, and sunk into the warmth of the bath. It felt nice, after all that had happened, to relax. A song floated through my head as I lay in the bathtub.
I've been searching for you
I heard a cry within my soul
I've never had a yearning quite like this before
Know that you are walking right through my door
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
A sacred gift of heaven
For better worse, wherever
And I would never let somebody break you down
Until you cried, never
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
At every time I've always known
That you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen without her king
I longed for you, my love forever
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I began to sing the lyrics to the song, and I didn't care if anyone heard my off key singing. I needed to release everything I had gone through, all of the strife I had dealt with. I crawled out of the tub, dried myself off, and pulled on the clean clothes that Meagan had set out for me. I walked downstairs, and entered the living room.
All three heads looked up to me. "Hi..." I said quietly.
I smiled a little. Meagan stood up, and offered me her spot on the couch. I sat down, and watched the tv. As usual, Matt and Jeff were watching WWF. I watched it a little, and wondered if the two brothers would ever make it into the league. They had done the house show already, and were onto bigger things. I didn't know for sure though, as I was in a state of shock for the rest of the month. The boys went to practice every day, went to the gym, and by the time winter came, I noticed they had bulked up. A lot. Not like they weren't already muscular...
Meagan had a job at the local Subway, with minimum
wage, and taking classes at the
She was doing really well, and I was proud of her in her studies. I
was working at a grocery store in town, getting paid minimum wage, just
enough to pay for monthly rent at Meagan's, for food, clothes and other
items. I wasn't going to go to college until I moved back to Canada, which
wouldn't be for another half a year at least. My life had cleared up a
bit as well; I didn't go to any parties anymore, and was safe to stay away
from the people who I knew would invite me. I was still single, which bugged
me a little. I didn't want to get into a relationship with either Matt
or Jeff, as I knew it would one or the other. So, I opted for the best
option: To be single until I was back in Canada.
I hadn't seen much of Jeff or Matt over the winter months. They were busy in the gym, and touring with the WWF. I had some weird work hours, and whenever the two came home, it seemed I couldn't find time to see them. I was always too tired too. Meagan saw them the few times they were home, and would see them. Often, when she came home from the visit, she'd let me know what they were up to.
Both of the boys were still single; neither had found
a girlfriend yet. I figured it was the fact that they were on the road
a fair bit. If they did get a girlfriend, it wouldn't bother me...Or would
it? It crushed me inside to think of either one of them with another girl.
But, that was their choice, not mine to make. I wouldn't interfere with
that.
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When spring hit, I had a better job, and was slowly getting my life back together. I was busy with choosing the school I would enroll in, and the classes I would take, and the application form...It was a large process, but necessary. I never saw Matt or Jeff during the spring. Their work with the WWF had picked up, and they were more frequently in matches. I was happy for them, but I missed them a lot. I couldn't write to them, because they didn't have a permanent residence, but every so often, I would call them. They were both happy to here about how I was doing, and how my life was going.
Meagan had finished her first year in school, and had finished 4th in her class. I was more than proud of her. She had her life intact at least, and was able to do schoolwork. She took care of me if something emotionally destroying happened to me. It was rare now, but when it did, she was always there. She would leave her work, or her school to come home, and feed me, clothe me, etc. I was becoming a bit dependent on her for everything. Kinda like I had done with Matt and Jeff.
I wrote about missing them often in my journal. They were the two best friends anyone could have ever had, and had always been there for me. Their dream was becoming reality, being in the WWF, but I wished they were at home, making supper, or playing some sort of stupid game with Meagan and I. I missed our old crew, the people we had hung out with in school. I was nineteen now.
Spring passed quickly, and it was summer soon. I was almost ready for school. My application had been sent in, and my portfolio was ready to show to them when I received the acceptance letter. It wouldn't arrive until August, but I made sure I was ready. Meagan was getting ready for her second year of schooling, getting her application in. She was accepted quickly, and the list of classes included. She was happy.
I realized this would be the last summer I would
be in Cameron. After this, in August, no matter what, I was moving back
to Canada. To my home country. It made me sick inside, physically sick,
to think that I was leaving my best friends behind, the world that I had
grown to love. Jeff and Matt came home for a vacation that summer, for
July and August. I was happy. I hadn't seen them since last winter.
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I woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. "What the hell do you want?!" I screamed. I did not want to be awake at this time in the morning.
"Pizza delivery!" I heard a familiar voice yell back.
I squealed. "Jeff!" And ran to the door. I opened it, and there the two Hardy brothers stood.
"Hey." Matt said to me. I hugged him, and went to hug Jeff, but I noticed someone beside him.
I stopped short. Jeff put his hand out to shake mine, and I did so. It was so formal, it wasn't like him...
"Lindsay, meet my girlfriend." I almost screamed. I wasn't expecting this, wasn't expecting it at all.
"Hi." I squeaked out. The girl nodded back to me. She didn't talk much, I noticed over the rest of the summer. She was shy, quiet, the complete opposite of Jeff.
"So, what are you guys doing back?" I said, changing the subject.
"We get a holiday." Matt filled in for me.
I smiled. "Come on in, guys. The place is always open."
As the three walked past me, I took a good look at Matt and Jeff. By now, they had both grown their hair out to past their shoulders. It was longer than mine, and I wondered why they were doing that to their hair. I figured it was for the image, for the WWF.
I sat down on the chair in the living room, Jeff sat on the couch, his girlfriend on his lap, and Matt beside Jeff.
"I'm moving back to Canada at the end of August." I told them.
They were quiet for a moment, and Jeff finally said, "Hey! That's great! Ah hope you have a great time back home, with all o' your friends!" I laughed.
"Yeah...All of my friends..." I muttered to myself. "It'll be great, I'm sure." I smiled, but fakely. "You guys want some dinner? I can cook you something." I offered.
"Sure." Matt said.
"Why not?" Jeff added.
I headed to the kitchen, and grabbed some spaghetti out of the cupboard. "You want spaghetti?" I yelled.
"Yes'm!" I heard them yell back. As I waited for my water to boil, Matt walke dinto the kitchen. He hugged me tight, and put his arms around my waist.
"Something's wrong." He stated.
"Hm?" I looked at him. "Nothing's wrong."
He laughed lightly. "Something's wrong, Lindsay. I can always tell."
"Nothing's wrong, Matt. I'm fine."
He gave me a look, telling me that he didn't believe me.
I refused to let him know.
He sighed loudly, and unwrapped his arms from around me. "You're not gonna tell me, are ya?"
I shook my head. I noticed the water was boiling, and I put the spaghetti in. I set the timer on the oven for 10 minutes, and turned back to Matt.
"Why are you hiding all of this from me?" He asked. He leaned against the doorway. I peered behind him, and saw Jeff tickling his girlfriend, and my stomach turned.
I looked back to Matt.
"Hiding what?" I asked him.
"Hiding what you're thinking, hiding what's going on in that pretty little head of yours." He stepped forward. "I wanna know what's going on, Linds."
I kept my gaze down. "I...I..." I stammered. I burst into tears. After everything, after letting it all go, it came back. It rushed into my head, everything starting from that day after my last class in high school. I pushed past Matt and ran up to my room. I felt him come after me, and through my tears, saw Jeff stop tickling his girlfriend. He looked up at Matt, and then at me, as I rushed past.
I ran into my room, and slammed the door behind me. I threw my shirt off, and flung myself into my bed. I was there for a while, and when I collected what I could of myself, the blankets below me were soaken wet with tears. I sat up, and reached for the teddy bear that Jeff had given me for the celebration of my first birthday. I hugged it tight to my chest, and looked at myself in the mirror facing me across the room. As usual, I was a wreck. My hair was a mess, and my eyes were red from crying.
"Shit!!" I screamed and threw the teddy bear at the mirror. I went around the room, finding any pictures of Jeff and I, and ripped them up. I tore at them savagely, and my face was wracked with anger as I did this.
A knock came at my door. I stopped, and looked up. Jeff walked in.
"Shit..." I muttered. "Don't you know not to walk in on a girl when she's only wearing her bra?!" I screamed at him.
He grabbed my shoulders, and held me straight. "Shut up and listen to me, Linds!" He yelled at me.
I turned my face to the side, afraid he would hit me. He didn't though.
"I'm on the road constantly, okay? You're not the first girl in my life anymore! I met someone who I love, Lindsay! Deal with it! It happens to everyone! Besides, ever since grad we've grown apart..." He trailed off.
"Jeff..." I bit my lip. "I...I miss you and Matt so much..." Was all I could say.
He sighed. "I'm sorry, Linds. You're moving back to Canada an' everythin'...It's...Hell." He sat on the end of my bed. I stood there.
"Jeff..." I managed to say. Tears came back to my eyes. I breathed heavily in and out, and joined him on the bedside. I placed my head on his shoulder. He stroked my hair with his left hand.
"I just wish this wasn't happening to me...I miss you all so much..Even Meagan. She's never home anymore, out working or at school...Damn it..." I whispered.
"I know...All of us have fallen away from each other...Especially you. I care for you Lindsay, I always will. But nothing more than a friend."
That was a slap in the face. I stood up sharply, and told him to get out of my room. "Get out! Get out! And don't come back! Don't you ever come back, Jeffery Nero Hardy! Never, you hear me? Get out!!!" I screamed at him with all my might. He looked at me blankly, and numbly stood up, walking out of my room.
Matt walked in.
"Not you too..." I said.
"Listen to me, Lindsay." He said.
"No. No, I'm not gonna listen to you! Fuck! Fuck you, Matt Hardy! You're the only one who I ever gave a damn about! The only one I ever loved, Matt! Don't try to pull anything on me! Don't you even try!" I yelled at him. "Go away! Leave me alone! Just go away!!!" I threw my face into my bed, and cried.
I heard him leave my room, closing the door softly behind him. That was the last I saw of either brother, until the end of the summer, when I received my acceptance letter, and was packing my belongings. Meagan had the day off, and we had gotten up early to pack my things. After that, we headed around town, and I took pictures of Cameron. Of the scenery, of the people, of the places that I loved to hang out at.
I managed to reach the Hardy's house, and take a picture of their front yard. I hoped no one was home, and even if anyone was, I sure as hell wasn't going to ring the doorbell.
I took the picture quickly, handed the camera to Meagan, and found myself tackled from behind. I twisted my body around, to find Matt. I roughly pushed him off of me. I remembered the last time he had done this, and how it had messed my entire life up. As I gave the camera back, I saw Jeff standing in the porch, leaning against the banister.
"Get the hell away from me, Matthew." I said gruffly to Matt.
"Ah came to say goodbye to ya." He said. I looked at him.
"I already said goodbye to you a while ago." I snapped back.
He rushed at me, and tackled me back to the ground. "Tell me what the hell is wrong with you, Lindsay! What made you like this?!?!"
I didn't dare answer him. He shoved my shoulders into the grass, hard.
"Tell me!!!" I was silent.
"Damn it, Lindsay!" He swore at me, shoved my shoulders hard again, and stood up over top of me.
I glared at him. "Leave me alone, Matthew. I finished with you and Jeff a long time ago. I'm going back home, and that's all there is to it." I picked myself up, and walked to the car. Meagan sat in the driver's seat. "Good luck with your wrestling." I told him, as I stepped into the car. As we drove out of the parking lot, I looked behind, at the Hardy's yard. Jeff was comforting Matt, and Matt stood there, his hands at his side, his face wrenched into a look of pain.
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I moved back to Canada soon. My parents were more than happy to see me, and I had given Meagan my address and phone number, so we could keep in touch. The ride back to Canada was long, and hard. I thought a lot about all the times I had spent with the crew, hanging out, and all that we had done together. I thought of everything that we had gone through, and all that we had managed to live through. Together, as a group.
In my new place, I wrote Meagan often. She wrote back, and when we could afford it, called each other. In our phone calls though, never once did we mention the brothers.
I would flick on my television every once in a while, and would manage to catch WWF. I would sit and watch it, and I would see the brothers, living out their dream. Even with the nasty goodbye I had given them, I still felt happy for them. They were living out their dream, and it was awesome. The fans they had, the energy they created in the ring had stayed with them over the years.
Meagan, from what she had told me, was moving from Cameron to New York. She had found the job she wanted, after her schooling was done, and was ecstatic when I talked to her.
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I didn't really know how to close that chapter of my life, the chapter with all four of us. I still had some of the pictures from high school, and some of the things the brothers had given me. I'll never give those up. I love going back on those memories, and looking at what we did. It makes me happy, even though it shouldn't. I'm happy for Jeff, and his girlfriend.
I'm 22 now, done my schooling, and with a job of my own. I'm stilll single, but I've dated off and on. One of the reasons I haven't committed to a relationship is because of what I shared with Matt and Jeff. Nothing could compare to what we shared, whether it was as friends, or more than that. I still think about what went on those summer months, and wishing that I would trade anything to have them back.
I don't wanna hear about it anymore
It's a shame I've got to live without you anymore
There's a fire in my heart
A pounding in my brain
It's driving me crazy
We don't need to talk about it anymore
Yesterday's just a memory
Can we close the door
I just made one mistake
I didn't know what to say when you called me baby
Don't say goodnight
Say you're gonna stay forever
Oh oo Oh, all the way
Can you take me high enough
To fly me over (fly me over) yesterday
Can you take me high enough
It's never over
Yesterday's just a memory (yesterday's just a memory and)
I don't want to live without you anymore
Can't you see I'm in misery
And you know for sure
I would live and die for you
And I'd know just what to do when you call me baby
Don't say goodbye
Say you're gonna stay forever
Oh oo Oh, all the way
Can you take me high enough
Can you fly me over (fly me over) yesterday
Can you take me high enough
It's never over
Yesterday's just a memory, I'm running
I was running for the door
The next thing I remember
I was running back for more
Yeah...
Don't say goodbye
Say you're gonna stay forever
Oh oo Oh, all the way (all the way, all the way, yeah)
Can you take me high enough
Can you fly me over (fly me over) yesterday
Can you take me high enough
It's never over
Can you take me high enough
Won't you fly me over (won't you fly me over) yesterday
Can you take me high enough
It's never over
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First set of lyrics taken from "Again" by Lenny Kravitz. So sue me if the song didn't exist back then....
The second set of lyrics come from a song called "High Enough" by the Damn Yankees.