Notes: I do not own "One Piece," a most awesome creation of Oda Eiichiro. Everyone should give thanks to Lady Emzebel for beta'ing my horrendous drafts.
Summary: Five years later, the adventures still aren't over for the Pirate King's strongest crewmates.
The minute she stepped through the door, Sanji knew she was trouble with a capital T, R, O, U, B, L, and E. Her pink hair hung down around a rosy, heart-shaped face, the large eyes accentuated by her anti-brow piercing under the right one. The hair directed the blond man's gaze to the top of deliciously firm ass cheeks, which peeked over the waistband of a ridiculously skimpy pair of suspender shorts. The shorts left little to the imagination, revealing a pair of strawberries-and-cream-dipped legs that went on for a country mile, clearly fit to rival Robin's own. Her slender feet were covered by multi-colored knee-high socks, then encased in a pair of supple, black, calf-high boots that accentuated her narrow ankles. Under the fur coat she wore, it was obvious that her white T-shirt was desperately clutching an unrestrained bosom that made Nami look flat-chested. Sanji was pretty sure that shirt would fail if she sneezed and dear God, he planned to be there when it happened. A jade green cowboy hat completed her outfit, matching her green eyes.
'Dear Father in Heaven, thank you for looking after this poor, frustrated son of the sea!'
"Yo, aho-cook? Oi! What the fuck is- oh. Ah dammit, we ain't getting any more food anytime soon, Chopper."
Sanji negligently kicked Zoro in the right ear. He had to remember to boot the first mate's ass out of the VIP section soon if he planned to get lucky tonight.
"No cock-blocking, marimo. I haven't seen an unattached female since we met Kaya's bridesmaids at Usopp's wedding last year and all the goddesses on our ship are married or close enough. Shitty ass All Blue's got every kinda fish alive, but it ain't got nearly enough women. For my balls' sake, I'm charming this pink peach or chopping the boys off."
He stood up, stubbing out his cigarette in a Baratie-shaped ashtray. Sanji's former place of employment had nothing on the swanky barge that Franky had built for him; the number one restaurant ship in the Grand Line, catering to just about anything living. The Eros Cuisine was not as large as the Baratie, giving a more intimate atmosphere, complete with glittering crystal chandeliers that cast sparkling beams of light over the tables. Despite the blatant romanticism and elegant trimmings, the establishment never turned a hungry person away, no matter what species, gender, profession, or attire.
'Thank you, Nami-swan, for bribing the world government restaurant commission!'
Sanji popped three after-dinner mints and was about to go in for the kill when Zoro yanked him back by the shoulder.
"You have three seconds to explain before I kill you anyway, algae-head."
"Just can it, blue balls. Ain't that Smokey's first mate coming in with her?"
Sanji peered through the halo of lust surrounding the pink woman and found the owlish swordswoman in her wake.
"Not bad, if you like the shy-but-violently-passionate type." Sanji did a double-take over his shoulder at the slightly (only slightly dammit!) taller man's face. He grinned evilly.
"Is she why you wouldn't escort Nami-san to that retired marines function last week so she could rob the guests blind? Oh ho ho ho ho!" Sanji leered at the Pirate King's first mate, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"Stop with the Brook impressions already; just cause your lecher-in-arms is back at Reverse Mountain with Laboon doesn't mean we all miss him. I didn't go cause the first mate never touches the captain's woman, particularly when the numbskull would probably kill me by tying me into a pretzel and swallowing me whole. Secondly, I ain't going nowhere with that blood-sucking orange witch, cause it means I'm stuck bailing her ass out or owing her another five mil. Thirdly, me and Tashigi have a long-outstanding duel to see whose worthy of...worthy of...fuck..."
Sanji took his shoe out of Zoro's throat and turned back to the women to see what they had done to shut up the annoying seaweed faster than a crushed voice box. He wolf-whistled as the pink goddess completely ignoring the maitre d' and stalked to a table, inadvertently revealing a stunning profile of her oversized bosom along with Tashigi's attire. The marine had somehow obtained a form-fitting black satin dress with a plunging neckline, the fabric skimming over a tight, muscular frame and ending at her ankles due to a pair of black, patent leather stiletto sandals. Her bolero jacket defined her slim shoulders and further served to highlight her bosom and hips, which were surprisingly ample despite the hardships of marine life. Turning back to Zoro, Sanji realized the man was thinking deeply, given the scowl of concentration on his face.
"I know the pink one. She was one of the supernovas in town, way back when we last passed through Shabondy. Jewelry Bonney. I heard she eats like Luffy. Bitch got ketchup on my favorite shirt."
The blond man mentally noted the information as he mule kicked the other man, happy to put a name to the gloriously pouty face. Whatever cuisine or food she desired it, he'd feed it to her until the sun came up.
"Jewelry huh? Do you think the two of them could be..." Sanji's right eye became a torrid red heart and Zoro could practically see the man's imagination at work, placing the two women in all sorts of smutty positions. He blinked and bopped the other man over the head with a sheathed Kitetsu.
"Now how the hell am I suppose to know that, huh? Do I even remotely look like the resident ship's whore? Oh no, wait, of course I don't, because that's you!"
Sanji simply puckered his lips and left a sloppy kiss on Zoro's cheek. He studiously ignored the man's green face.
"I told you, I was too drunk out my skull to remember and I really didn't care other than Nami-swan and Robin-chwan being happy. Besides, you were actually pleasant for a whole week, for once. Have you considered, you know, actually having sex on a regular basis?"
Zoro's eyes darkened and a subsonic growl radiated throughout the room. Sanji patted him on the jaw before turning on his heels, adjusting his tie.
"Don't even think of coming after me," Sanji warned under his breath, his eyes switching between the women as they sat at their self-appointed table. The chef's eyes nearly dropped out of his head when Bonney's raised one leg onto the table, exposing a flash of pink before the other leg crossed at the ankle.
Zoro was torn; the only fucking thing he'd come for was two barrels of sake and some grub, since Nami had thrown him and Chopper off the Thousand Sunny declaring, 'Couples' Night.' A good fight with the ero-cook would have been a nice bonus. But now, here was the ultimate chance to throw a wrench into Sanji's plans for relief and the thought of the chef neutered was tantalizing. He glanced through the windows in the VIP section's large double doors and any objections died in his chest when Tashigi (who was most definitely not Kuina, not with that body), slid into her seat, the dress falling away to reveal not one, but two thigh-high splits on either side. And to make it worse for a sword-dueling addict such as himself, she was still wearing her sword-belt, Shigure hanging low on her left hip. The green-haired man's tongue stuck to his suddenly dry palate.
'She can't be wearing panties in that get-up!' both men thought, oblivious to the sound of liquid dripping. Sake and what looked like red wine slowly mixed on the hardwood floors in an unsavory puddle. Chopper rolled his eyes to the heavens and pushed both men out into the dining hall.
"You humans and your over-complicated courtship rituals. Hurry up and get laid so I don't have to treat as many patients tonight. And clean your noses!"
As the men grabbed napkins to scrub their faces, Chopper was infinitely glad that reindeer only went into rut once a year. Dealing with sexual desires all year long would have sapped him of his very important brain cells.
'Let's not even discuss pre-menstrual syndrome in a 200-pound female with antlers...'
[~~~]
"Bonsoir, mes cheries," Sanji crooned, hip-checking the maitre d' back to the reservation desk. "As the 45th couple to enter Eros Cuisine, you are entitled to complimentary meals tonight and personal service from the owner and executive chef, moi. Please feel free to order anything your beautiful hearts may desire, on or off the menu."
"Oh, but...no, you see...we aren't a couple!" Tashigi babbled, flustered by the smooth, cosmopolitan nature of the blond dandy in front of her. Zoro, who was lurking behind the aho-cook, felt his blood go on a slow boil as the blush rose on the swordswoman's face. Her navy hair, pulled up in a high ponytail with the bangs free, just made the blush more visible and as the image of pink and blue-black hair intermingled in his head, he swore that he'd stab the fucking cook in the foot before the night was out.
'Cause dammit, this is his fault! His lechery is rubbing off on me!'
"See Tashi, told you we'd look great together," Bonney drawled, snapping a wad of chewing gum loudly before hawking it into the gold spittoon in the corner of the smoking section. She eyed the debonair man as he deigned to take her hand.
"Are ya right in the head? Do ya know who I am?" she growled, miffed that the pansy chef was apparently much stronger than he looked. Despite her resistance, she was not able to free herself.
"My sources tell me that you are the legendary supernova, 'Big Eater' Jewelry Bonney. Enchanted to be of service tonight," he replied graciously, as he went down on one knee and brushed a kiss over her captured hand. Jewelry swore as a blush climbed up her chest. His breath had been warm, no, scorching hot on her hand, and the heat had cascaded right down to her core. It'd been years since any man had had such a strong effect on her; a long time ago, back in Shabondy. As the chef rose and finally released her hand, her eyes drifted upwards and she burst out in more colorful language as she caught a glimpse of green hair.
"Roronoa!" she spluttered as she lunged for his throat. Here was the last man to get a rise out of her, if murderous rage could be reasonably compared to all-consuming passion.
The pink woman yelped as she caught the chef's shoulder in her stomach. The slender blond was much stronger than she'd guessed, holding her struggling form with ease. At her side, Tashigi pushed her glasses up and began to reach for her sword desperately, but Zoro was already on her, one hand swallowing both of her own, preventing the marine from drawing. Bonney snarled as Zoro's free hand reached for one of the three swords on his hip, then activated her devil fruit ability. Sanji snapped out an imprecation as he almost lost his attacker, even as his left foot shot out to clash with Wadou's sheath. Zoro growled as he tried to avoid the shrieking, biting eight year-old girl who was valiantly attempting to scratch his eyes out.
The few customers in the restaurant decided it was a perfect time to settle their bills and yes, blast it all, the waiters could keep the change.
[~~~]
Chopper sighed as he heard the unmistakable sound of customers fleeing. That was the third time for the month. He grumbled loudly as he popped a Rumble Ball and burst through the double doors of the VIP section in Heavy Point form. Two minutes later, the restaurant was empty, the main doors were closed, and three tables were broken under Sanji and Zoro, who were strategically thrown 40 feet away from the massive reindeer-man holding two struggling women under either arm. The majority of waiters and chefs were watching from the kitchen doors; as on the Baratie, most of the employees had questionable pasts that typically involved strong affinities for violent confrontations.
Bonney realized that neither her elbows nor her feet were having any effect on the gorilla holding her. It was also quite skilled at holding down struggling children, apparently. She decided to try another route, letting her skin wrinkle and her hair thin.
"How can you treat an old woman this way, ya big ape?" she croaked, her features now ancient and tired.
"Stop manhandling me just because you're strong! I'll slice you in half!" Tashigi added loudly, still struggling to pull out her weapon.
Pity that they hadn't expected the gorilla to pitch them both to the opposite end of the dining area. Chopper reverted back to Brain Point form and snorted indignantly.
"I'm a fucking reindeer, not an ape. What the hell, are you humans blind or something? And for the record, my mother, who is 144 next year, throws scalpels that are ten times more dangerous than that sword. As for you two!" Here he whirled on his hind-legs to berate his crewmates. "I send you two out here to score with women so you can stop terrorizing those of us, namely me, stuck on board the Mini Merry. And what the fuck do you do?"
Sanji and Zoro winced and looked away guiltily. Chopper cursing meant Chopper infuriated, which often meant sutures and bone resets with no anesthesia. Or sake. Or even a consciousness-robbing blow to the back of the head.
"You frigging well rip up the place fighting instead of treating the women nicely and having a good time, that's what! Dammit, are you listening to me? Who even started this ruckus?"
Three fingers pointed at Zoro, who could only glare at his accusers and suck his teeth.
Chopper sighed in exasperation and marched up to his green-haired big brother. Now that the man was partially sitting up, Chopper was easily able to grab his head in his fore-hooves. Staring the man dead in his eyes, the reindeer took out two more Rumble Balls from his hip pouch. He waved them threatening in one hoof as he spoke very slowly and loudly.
"If either - and I mean either - of you two come back to the ship tonight, I swear on Hiluluk's flag that I will pop these two Rumble Balls into my mouth. Remember, Nami and Luffy are having 'Couples' Night' tonight and the Mini Merry is the last place I can go for a night of complete, restorative sleep, uninterrupted by noisy, sex-crazed humans. Please believe that I am already at the end of my tether and I have to deal with that arrogant fuck-hole Law, in person, two nights from now. Remember what Nami promised to do to us if we ruined her wedding?"
Zoro, apparently mesmerized by the Rumble Balls in the doctor's hand, nodded as his eyes widened in terror. Sanji crossed his legs and tried not to whimper.
"Right now, I'm ready to do that to you first and provided that I somehow remember to let you live, or in the event that Franky dunks me before I can finish you off, I'll reattach them for Nami's benefit. We clear on this?"
The men nodded their heads dutifully. The women watched in awe as the doctor, not even four and a half feet tall including antlers, moved back to the VIP room to enjoy the remainder of his meal. The restaurant staff scurried back into the kitchen as he passed, the flower and candle centerpieces on the remaining tables wilting and flickering out under the black cloud over his sweet, furry head.
Sanji pulled two cigarettes out of the top pocket of his aquamarine tuxedo, passed one to Zoro, and lit both with his left leg. Both took a long pull off of the cigarette before exhaling. Zoro took another puff, then passed it back to Sanji, who managed to burn both of them halfway before speaking.
"Why do we keep forgetting how shitty that emergency food supply's mood is when he's finished with surgery?"
Zoro shrugged and manfully suppressed a shudder. He negligently brushed splinters off his open, blue, cotton shirt (with pineapples, the coolest fruit ever) and righted his customary haramaki over black cargo pants. He tapped one booted foot while responding.
"I think we forget that Chopper's five years older and the world's best doctor cause he still listens to Usopp's stories. Plus, he usually has a bitching hoof cramp from holding the tools. We have got to get Kaya to take over some of his duties."
"Wait, that's Tony Tony Chopper? The pirate doc said to be able to cure damn near anything? The one that's been feuding with Law for the past few years?" Bonney asked, her stare following the infuriated mammal. "He's fucking well supposed to be small and cute and like sweet things!"
"He has the lowest bounty out of all the Straw-hats!" Tashigi exclaimed. "He's deemed to be the crew's pet more than the doctor!"
Zoro and Sanji looked at each other and began howling with laughter. Sanji leaned back on the remains of a table and threw his stubs into the same spittoon Bonney had used earlier.
"That 'pet' grows over 30 feet tall and virtually unstoppable when he pops too many Rumbles," he muttered bitterly as he stood up amid the wreckage. The blond threw a kick into Zoro's ribs, encouraging the swordsman to smack him in the back of the head with a sheathed sword as he rolled his larger framer upwards. Sanji sighed, ran a hand through the shaggy golden hair on the right side of his head, and turned to smile at his last customers for the night.
"Let's try this again, mellorines. I'm Sanji, owner and executive-"
"Devil-leg Sanji! Straw-hat's head of black ops!" Tashigi yelped, her hands covering her open mouth. "Few have ever seen you and lived. It took two years to even get a photo for your wanted poster! You and Roronoa are supposed to be Monkey D. Luffy's strongest enforcers!"
"Argh! You frigging Straw-hats are all over the bloody Line! You idjuts almost got my crew scooped up in Shabondy with your stupid antics on those Tenryuubito! I can't believe your bastard captain became the Pirate King!"
Zoro snickered, clapping his hands on the chef's sagging shoulders. He could afford to offer some sympathy to the blond, as it seemed that the cook's mission for sex was now a distant dream in the face of another set of Straw-hat haters. Sanji shrugged him off and pinned the first mate with a glare. The green-haired monster could only shrug in response.
"Hey, not my fault that your own reputation can freeze you out, curly-swirly. So when will you be going back to Kamabakka for altering?"
Tashigi raised her glasses and peered into Sanji's narrow face. Replacing her glasses, she pointed one finger at the blond man.
"Okama."
Bonney nodded sagaciously, her hand on her jaw.
"With that girly face, he absolutely has to be. Should have seen it earlier, what with the eyebrow and the bangs..."
Said eyebrow picked up a violent tic as the Straw-hat chef turned a murderous, bloodshot eye on the Pirate King's smirking first mate. After a few seconds, the eye rolled up to the heavens, then closed as Sanji brought his head down.
"See, this is why I pray for patience and not strength, or else I would've already committed nakama-cide," Sanji mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose between two yellow-tipped fingers. He delivered a swift strike to the green swordsman's shin and thoroughly neglected the other man as he hopped around in pain.
"My dear goddesses, I can thoroughly assure you that I am far from an okama. Rather, I am merely a slave of your combined beauties, sworn by the power of love to serve you both in any and every capacity tonight. In particular, it would be my delight to provide you ladies with a sumptuous repast, completely free of charge, as an apology for my crewmate's past boorishness."
Sanji bowed low to the two women, a gentle smile on his lips. They cocked their heads to one side. Zoro slapped his face and muttered incoherently about aho-cooks in general.
"Haa? Yer willing ta let me stay and eat for free? Lemme ask ya again, chef-boy, are ya right in the head?" Bonney queried once more as Sanji came back up. She usually had to threaten her way into a restaurant; not once had she been invited to eat, for free no less. She leaned over and used one finger to poke his chest, sneering slightly as two blushing roses bloomed in his cheeks.
"Ya better not blame me if ya ain't got enough food to open tomorrow," she cooed, grinning as blood flowed from his nose. Her body and the way she flaunted it always got men's attentions, usually leaving them speechless. What she did not expect was for him to clasp her hand in both of his and kneel before her.
"Mellorine, I swear on my life that you will never leave my establishment hungry, or I will seal these doors for failing such a delicate vision of ecstasy. I would never call myself a chef if I could not sate the appetite of a heavenly nymph such as yourself."
Bonney felt the unusual heat of his body as it flowed through her hand and could only stare in shock at his open, earnest face. Not one food dispensing business in all the seas had ever wanted to feed her till she was full, but this deceptively fragile man was staking his livelihood on his ability to satisfy her appetite. She could tell that blood was rushing to her face and now she was the one suffering a nosebleed. Sanji stood up and replaced her jade hat on one side of her cascade of pink locks with great flourish. Zoro smirked as the two women wavered; he should have known that the chef would go above and beyond the bounds of flattery when his nuts were on the line. He just wished the raven-haired woman with the sword would stop flushing like a schoolgirl under the aho-cook's banal drivel.
'Wait a minute, is that fucking target practice shit-cook challenging me?' the green-haired man fumed as Sanji winked nastily at him. 'Oh I'll show him, damn prince of Idiotvania.'
Zoro turned to the sword-carrying female and bowed towards her. He ignored the gourmet chef's murmur about rustiness as he stared Tashigi in the eye, taking great effort to maintain a neutral expression even as her blush deepened. He worked his face into a faint, non-menacing smile, which grew a little as the dark-haired woman's stance relaxed a notch.
"Excuse me for my intrusion earlier. It would be a great honor to have you join us for dinner. We mean no harm and as such, I would invite you to do my peace knots."
Releasing his swords from his belt, he smoothly lowered himself into seiza and offered all three meitou and three lengths of twine to the marine. She blinked uncertainly, but accepted each sword with reverence, her fingers moving with surety as she wrapped the twine around the swords' hilts, making them as secure as she could against one of the strongest men in the world. As Zoro stood to replace his weapons, she stumbled back on her tall heels, then over-corrected, causing her nose to slam into his solid chest. She held her breath as Roronoa's strong fingers wrapped around her shoulders, resisting him momentarily as he tried to push her back upright. Her face was flaring red, making her look more like a tomato that a human.
"Geez, I'm so clumsy. Sorry." she muttered, unaware of the mental chaos the motion of her smooth lips on his bare skin caused. She eventually let him help her up, but kept her eyes downcast as she rearranged her dress.
'Way to impress the opponent, Tashi.'
"S'right," Zoro responded in a low mumble. He was ashamed; to his ears, he sounded like a bumbling, oversexed brat. Who else fell victim to such powerful waves of raw lust from a brief, accidental touch, question mark cooks excluded? Tashigi, however, thought that he was barely restraining his anger or worse, disgust; looking down on her as a pale copy of a great woman. Recovering swiftly, she threw her head back in defensive anger and glowered at the green man.
"You're still not worthy of these swords, Roronoa. I will take them from you!"
The pirate swordsman regarded her, his eyes cool and calculating. Rolling his shoulders, he folded his arms across his broad chest and nodded once, sharply.
"After dinner, we'll duel."
Before Tashigi could object, Bonney grabbed her hand and began dragging the woman to the VIP section, where Sanji stood holding the door.
"Enough chit-chat you two, foreplay's over. Cook, put yer money where yer mouth is and feed us! And don't bother with the menu, just bring two of everything."
Zoro grasped his swords, a strange feeling washing over him. The swords were trembling in their sheaths as the swordsman tried to put a name to the emotion. It was on the tip of his tongue and it made him think of the crew's gunner - ah, that was it, apprehension. Zoro knew he wasn't necessarily the best at not getting into trouble, but whenever certain people were concerned, his nerves seemed to become acute to foreboding doom. He wondered if this was how the sniper felt as he gave Sanji The Look. The Look conveyed the swordsman's rabid distrust of people to its fullest and was every bit as accurate as Usopp's If-We-Land-On-This-Island-We'll-Get-FUBAR-itis.
"These women are beyond suspicious and they're gonna bring us a world of trouble," The Look stated earnestly, as its owner sauntered into the restaurant's private dining section.
Sanji could only shrug as he let the door go and followed his crewmate inside.
"I still think it'll be worth it, marimo."
Nevertheless, the restauranteur felt a bit better when he drop-kicked an eavesdropping sous-chef back into the kitchen, successfully motivating his staff to wake their asses up.
"You shitty numb cunts, what the hell do I pay you for?" Sanji snarled as he strode through the kitchen doors. "Two Luffy specials, one Zoro bonanza, half a Swordsman's Deluxe with salad, on the double!"
[~~~]
Bonney was soon tearing through a small trolley full of soft, fresh dinner rolls and rich pots of thick, creamy butter. In the corner of the room closest to the kitchen, the pink piratess was able to rock her chair back against the wall, her foot against the table edge. Tashigi settled in next to her on the woman's left. She silently sipped her water while Bonney indulged her stomach, her mind replaying the recent brawl.
"Why didn't you use your devil fruit power on them, Bonney?"
Choking on food, Bonney harshly swallowed down the two rolls she had been chewing and chase it all with water. Using a fist to pound her chest, the female supernova found herself struggling to answer the question.
"Well, see, that sword freak, he's...I know ya ain't stupid, Tashi. Anyone worth a bottle of piss on this fucking hellhole of an ocean can sense that Demon God Roronoa Zoro is bad news; underlined, bold font, all caps, BAD NEWS. He could probably kill us with a table knife at 3 months-old or 300 years-old. And that fucking curlicue chef he's playing pals with, Devil-leg...ah...Devil-leg..."
"Devil-leg Sanji?" Tashigi added helpfully, trying to will away a blush at the thought of Roronoa as she had first met him, compared to the man he was now. Sipping a small cup of green tea that one brave waiter had just brought out for her, her mind was barely focused on Bonney as she stared at the world's best swordsman napping next to the reindeer doctor, two tables away. She tried not to giggle as the doctor maliciously wiggled a large, brilliantly colored feather under the snoring man's nose.
'He's grown his hair out,' she mused, noting the change from short, practical spikes to hair just long enough to slick back into a short ponytail. 'I wonder if that was planned, or if he just forgot to cut it.' She adjusted her glasses as she scanned the man slowly; looking for weaknesses, of course. No, utterly not gazing at the muscles bunching under his bronzed skin, stretching and contracting smoothly over each other, like sharks gathering for a feeding frenzy. And certainly not ogling the way his shirt embraced broad shoulders, while allowing a large, milky smooth scar - rumored to be a gift from his first duel with Mihawk - to play hide and seek with her attentive eyes.
She had been pulled to him by Wadou Ichimonyi; dragged behind him by Justice; thrown into violent chaos as he unwittingly revealed a past that she'd never known, and now Fate had thrown her back into his clutches, stripped of almost everything. It wasn't fair, why did she get the short end of the stick? She was the one who had taken on the flag of righteousness, using her great sword against criminals all over the world. He'd gone around using his famous swords for money and carnage.
'And women, most likely,' she pondered ruefully. She bypassed the streaks of jealousy in her musings, trying to convince herself that they were the remnants of a different person. The dark woman sighed and tried to pull her mind away from her pre-destined foe, not noticing the heated countenance that passed over Zoro's face as she stopped staring at him. Fortunately for her, the female pirate that she had been forced into cahoots with hadn't actually spoken since the pause in conversation began.
"Sanji, huh," Bonney whispered, a contemplative look on her face. Her reactions to that man were strange; she felt like a young mare trying to catch the eyes of a roving stallion for the first time. Maybe because he was treating her like a princess, which a former crew full of frightened men could testify that she most certainly was not. He was the first man, other than Roronoa, who hadn't looked down on her or her devil fruit ability, all muscle, bluster, and testosterone. And, in complete defiance of the fact that she was the bane of any restaurant on the Line, Devil-leg Sanji had bowed to her, trying to get her to stay instead of begging her to leave. It was the most confusing thing she'd ever experienced, leaving her with the annoying sensation of being a top spinning off-kilter. It was just like the time she'd been stuck on that runaway horse; she could only hold on and pray that the ride wouldn't hurt her as much as it thrilled her.
'Can't even remember the name of that damned animal.'
She glared at Sanji through the large window in the wall that was her ringside view of the kitchen. The slim man ruled the room like she ruled her ship, biting off impressive cascades of swearing while liberally applying his steel-capped dress shoes to anyone who wasn't keeping up. So far, he'd easily dodged six attempted knife attacks, two thrown cleavers, 15 bad tomatoes and a chef with a large pot of demiglace sauce. He emphatically left boot prints in half his staff, sensitively tasted and seasoned every single dish in the making, deftly plated 16 enormous trays, all while suavely smoking another cigarette. As he loaded the vast food trolley, also known as the Luffy Meal Express, Bonney wondered if some Queen of Transvestites hadn't purposefully switched their genders at birth. The thought died when he locked eyes with her.
'Nope, that look is way too male. Though milky-face would look good in drag if he shaved a bit...'
His flaxen hair was much longer than in his old wanted poster, now hanging past the nape of his neck, with a fuller goatee. His right eye, the only one visible through his overgrown bangs, seared her skin like a raging fire, the sky blue color surrounding an inner circle of dark blue, similar to the colors at the heart of a flame. The eye suddenly transformed into a brilliant pink heart that reflected her likeness, causing Bonney to shake her head. People just did not look at her like that. Lascivious leers, sure, her idea of a comfortable outfit drew them all the time, but not such complete adoration. Suitably disturbed by his rapturous gaze, Bonney wrenched her attention away from him and back to Tashigi's question. She tried to think up a convincing lie; she actually had no idea why she'd spared the Straw-hat spy commander, but her lower abdomen said it had to do with the smell of dough, tomato sauce, and the smoky overtones of tobacco and grilled fish.
"Devil-leg Sanji is at least as strong as Roronoa, and probably a lot sneakier in a fight. For a good, honorable, ex-marine like you, he'd be a whale of trouble to battle even as a three year-old, far less an eighty year-old. Ya'd probably end up helping him escape, knowing you and yer stupid ideals. Finally, the reindeer? I figured if both of them were afraid of him, I'd better not risk pissing him off."
Tashigi nodded slowly, ready to concede to the other woman's wisdom as she watched the restauranteur pass a large food package to the doctor, who waved halfheartedly while leaving through the main dining area. The sword-wielding woman was a keen duelist and a seasoned warrior on open battlefields, but she was still trapped by military conventions and morals. She had yet to learn the mental flexibility that kept pirates paranoid and alive. She did wonder, however, why she was the one that Bonney thought should fight Devil-leg.
[~~~]
With only four people left, the staff had already begun the cleaning process for the night, turning off the lights save for those for the kitchen and the VIP section, where Sanji was currently providing Zoro (now awake) with his third barrel of sake for the evening. There seemed to be some confrontation of wills, because the men were giving each other looks that could flatten Little Oars, Jr., jaws locked and grim. At last, Zoro snorted and stood up. Pulling the untapped barrel of sake over his shoulder, he strode over to the women, dragging his chair behind him.
"You shitty piece of kelp, don't scratch my floors!" Sanji yelled, slamming the trolley into the swordsman's back.
"Sorry, he used his last bit of floor wax to lube the broomstick shoved up his ass," Zoro droned, ducking the flying roundhouse that almost removed his head. He blocked another leg strike with the back of Shuusui and groaned internally as Tashigi's dark brown eyes filled with wonder.
'How the hell can she take Kuina's features and make them look so damn soft and deadly, like a sword wrapped in doeskin...'
A savage heel to the shoulder broke his reverie and he remembered to keep speaking. "Dartboard's lazy and wants me to sit with you so he only has one table to clean after the staff's gone home. D'ya mind?"
"Seriously, you should have let Sungdai run you through, fucking witless moss ball. Mademoiselles, I apologize for this green lout's intrusion. I'll be happy to forcefully remove him from the premises..."
"No, wait!" Tashigi started, her eyes still on Shuusui. "I...uhm...it's not a problem for me if you sit here. I'm not...I'm not a marine anymore - hell, I currently have a bounty on my head - so anyway, I won't be trying to arrest you in the middle of dinner, if that's what you're worried about..."
Here she darted her eyes up to Zoro, meaning only to glance at his reaction to the news that she wasn't a marine anymore. She immediately regretted that impulse to sneak a peek, because she was trapped by his dark eyes, black upon black, with a flickering in the middle that made her sink deeper and deeper.
'Stare into the abyss and it will stare back at you...'
Jewelry suddenly shot up, pointing an accusatory finger at Sanji, who had been busy arranging multiple dishes on the table in front of her. He had given up on drawing Tashigi's attention away from the lichen-head, leaving a small plate of salad and a platter of onigiri between them.
"Now I know who ya remind me of, dartboard! Satyr! That damn horse almost killed me running away from the farm!"
The others were too shocked by the outburst to say much, even as beads of perspiration ran down the back of their necks. Sanji finally managed to croak out, "Eh?"
Jewelry sat back, looking pleased with herself as she threw another roll in her mouth.
"See, one of the first horses I ever broke in was this buff-colored colt, a strange mix between a Curly and a French Trotter." Here she was interrupted as Sanji dropped a heel on Zoro's head as the green-haired oaf sniggered. The blow essentially seated Zoro opposite Tashigi, where the algae-head proceeded to doze lightly.
"So this colt, he's a beaut to work with, takes me no time at all to train, works as calm as you please. So after about two years, I go and declare him ready to work, feelin' mighty right proud of myself. Well one of pappy's men tries to get up on the varmint and he gets thrown for trying. Another one tries it and almost gets kicked in the head. I end up get the tanning of my life from my pappy and he gives the horse to some other man to train. All this time, the crazy colt is busting his way outta pens just to find me and he injured damn near four-fifths of the cowboys with his wicked kicks."
Jewelry hadn't realized it, but she had a wistful smile on her face as she reminisced. Sanji stopped dead in his tracks, for once forgetting about food as the piratess' cheeks flushed and her smile became broader.
'Shit!' Sanji thought as he puffed out a stream of nicotine hearts, his canines crushing the filter of his cigarette as he fought the urge to kiss her. 'This woman could be dangerous to my bachelorhood.'
"It took two years before those idjuts on the farm finally figured out that the colt just plain hated anything male; couldn't barely tolerate even the best of them. I laughed my fool ass off when pappy brought the horse back to me and cussed it out, telling me that it was 'a godforsaken satyr' like them horny goat-beasts outta the old stories. Seems he always let the mares on the farm beat him in races, or get to the water trough first, or eat all the best hay, lovesick fool. Since my pappy hated it so much, I named that horse Satyr and he was the best one I'd ever owned. Damn fool idjut got himself shot going hog wild in a brawl. Bullet went through his left eye, then lights out."
Bonney sniffled lightly and silence descended on the table. The kitchen staff decided that this moment was too personal to spy on and made a quiet exit than became rather hasty when their boss' glare shifted onto them. As the employees fled the scene, Zoro roused himself from his semi-slumbering state and pointed a finger accusingly at Sanji.
"Ah, that poor horse, he got reincarnated as you and Eyelashes at the same time!"
Sanji brought one of his largest steel trays down on the man, dents be damned. Bonney couldn't smother her guffaw as the welt came up on Roronoa's head. Seeing the green idiot in pain made her feel good. Hell, the moment Chef Devil-leg had laid out the numerous platters on the table, the intoxicating aroma of perfectly prepared food steaming up at her, her whole mood had improved. Now if only the quantity and taste matched the scent.
"Oi, pussy chef, is this all the grub? This barely counts as a first course!"
Sanji blinked, fluttering golden lashes against fair skin. Damnation, he was beginning to entice her other appetites when she hadn't even satisfied the main one. Bonney trained her eyes on the chef's body as he bent over to light the candle centerpiece on the table; she was well-known for her perception (when she wasn't starving) and she was definitely looking at a fine specimen of humankind, male or female.
"Ah, mellorine, forgive my ineptitude. These petite morsels are solely hors d'oeuvre. I would not wish to dull your fine appetite so early in the meal. Voila!"
Bonney's eyes glistened with joy as Sanji uncovered platter after platter of bite-sized pizzas.
"My sources inform me that you are quite the fan of pizza, fougasse, foccacia, and the like. I altered the Eros Cuisine's menu to accommodate your extraordinary tastes. These light, foccacia-based appetizers are delicately topped with the finest onions, olives, peppers, and spinach, which all blend harmoniously to awaken your digestive system. Along with the marinara and olive-oil dipping sauce, I am confident that you will thoroughly enjoy..."
Hand trembling, Bonney ignored the blond's spiel and popped one of the doughy delights in to her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully, her tongue working over the flavors that exploded in her mouth before she swallowed.
"...paired with this excellent red wine, from the valley of...mmmph!"
Sanji stumbled as a mass of hot pink gluttony jumped into his arms and stuck her tongue down his gaping mouth. Before he knew what had happened, he was covered in red lipstick smears and feeling faintly violated. Sanji's mind shrieked with joy before he fainted dead away, his eye reflecting nothing but hearts and kisses.
[~~~]
Zoro felt the sweat beading down the side of his face as he observed the interaction between Bonney and Sanji. He closed his eyes wearily as the ero-cook fell and turned his attention back to his sake and the not-Kuina.
"So, Tashi..."
"It's Tashigi," she mumbled, turning her attention to the salad that the unconscious chef had placed before her. She always became a bit nauseous watching Bonney put away ridiculous amounts of food and right now she could not afford to show more weakness in front of her enemy.
"I thought she said Tashi...?"
"That doesn't mean you can call me that, you arrogant bastard!" she barked, slashing at him with her dinner knife. She banged her knees sharply under the table's rim and bit the inside of her cheek before slipping on one heel and banging the back of her head on the chair behind her. She cursed in sotto voce as she thought she heard the demon sniggering. Didn't he know how annoying he was?
'You knew all that stuff from before was just empty flattery. Ignore him, Tashigi. He'll leave if you ignore him.' she thought, giving herself a mental pat on the back for her patience.
"Are you always this clumsy?"
Tashigi sighed, closed her eyes, and pointedly ignored the question as she ate a forkful of greens.
"Ok, how about this; why aren't you a marine anymore?"
Tashigi made it a point to complement the chef on his choice of leafy vegetables; it was amazing that the unconscious pirate cook had guessed that argula was one of her favorite vegetables.
"Whatever. What are you doing with that gussied up pig over there?"
Tashigi's eyebrows twitched, but she concentrated on the pleasurable taste of the vinegarette that coated her next mouthful of salad. Zoro popped one eye open to watch as she ate, slowly licking his own lips as the salad dressing coated her lush mouth. He repressed a moan as her tongue ran over her ruby lips, capturing the dressing's flavor and the full attention of his fourth sword.
"Fuck a duck, what're you doing this far out on the Line?" he asked, more to himself than to her.
Her hand shook as she ate more of the salad. It really was quite refreshing to the taste buds after months of hardtack.
"So, are you and Smokey still sleeping together? Eh?"
Zoro looked around, distinctly hearing the sound of a kettle whistling, which was suspicious because the aho-cook was never one to leave anything on the stove once he was done cooking. His nerves suddenly screeched warnings at him and he narrowly avoided a salad fork trying to impale his left hand.
"What the hell?" he yelled, rocking back from the table.
"His name, you green barbarian, is Vice-Admiral Smoker and I've never slept with him! Unlike you base scum, we marines don't go around having sex with everything on two legs! In fact, Vice-Admiral Smoker has been like a father to me since I was...and you...you...damn Straw-hats took that from me!"
Tashigi dropped her fork and fell back in her chair, eyes filled with tears. She covered her face with her hands as she tried to breathe deeply and calm herself. This was not the time to breakdown, but since the Vice-Admiral had used his haze to save her from the prying eyes of Mariejois, she'd been running from marines, hounded like a criminal, when the only thing she had done wrong was survive Vegapunk's cloning experiments. Now she was helping Bonney who was looking for a new crew, all while trying to figure out who or what she really was. They'd had no intentions of going near the Straw-hats, only sailing into All Blue because they were following the advice of the Kuja pirates. She wondered if Boa Hancock had known that Straw-hat crew members were here and choked out a curse on the Pirate Empress for sending her right into the arms of the one man she never wanted to see again.
She did not anticipate Roronoa's rough, calloused hands covering hers and pulling them gently away from her face. She was still crying when he awkwardly pushed up her glasses and handed her a napkin.
"Hey...look...if this is about Dr. Vegapunk's plant, I...I'm sorry, but we only did what we had to there," the swordsman began tentatively, before sitting back down. Dealing with weepy women was Sanji's forte, not his, but the bastard was still dazed on the floor, only now sitting up. Bonney just gave him a glare over her pile of food, a look that said, 'I ain't saving yer ass this time.' Tashigi snuffled loudly into the napkin. This whole situation annoyed Zoro even more, causing him to run both trembling hands through his green locks.
"It wasn't like I had a fucking picnic doing it either, ok? What the hell, I buried the original Kuina when I was ten, how the fuck do you think it feels to see a pumped-up clone of her running at you with three swords? The cocksucker didn't even age her, just left her as a preteen wielding half the known meitou in East Blue! Shit, I'm the one that killed her! I had to make her dead all over again!"
Zoro was heaving, replaying that horrible battle once more; the sickening sight of the Kuina-clone's blood running down Wadou; the too-young grin of malice as Kitetsu was taken from him; the metallic, whispery laughter of the sword as it tasted his flesh for the first time. These memories were some of the reasons why he drank, if only to blur them around the edges, so he proceeded to broach his keg with Shuusui's hilt and pour the liquor straight down his throat.
"So are you planning to kill me...the first prototype?"
Zoro choked, spraying sake over Sanji. Coughing loudly, he lowered his keg and looked back at the dark-haired woman hunched over the table, hands now gripping her knees. She raised her head defiantly and he followed her gaze down the length of the black blade. Grunting, he sheathed the sword, which drew her attention back up to his face. Her chocolate eyes blindly scoured his stoic expression for the truth, while he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before answering the question.
"Straw-hat rule #7: It's never a crime to exist. Didn't you hear about Enies Lobby?"
Tashigi's blurry eyes widened a little and she felt a few more tears track down her cheek. Her lips curled upwards slowly and then she was drinking in a rare scene that even her poor vision could not mistake. The world's best swordsman, the strongest man alive, the terrifying first mate of the Pirate King, Demon God Roronoa Zoro was blushing. It was faint and instead of making him look cute, it actually made him look like he was having an apoplectic fit, but he was indeed blushing. She felt relieved giggles bubble up in her chest as she reached over to wipe a line of alcohol off of his chin. He turned redder and then her laughter exploded out of her in gales at the very moment that Sanji hit the stunned swordsman in the jaw with a flying kick.
"You shitty moss ball, how dare you make a woman cry!" Sanji roared, goaded on by feminine laughter. Bonney cheered loudly for the soaking wet chef, who turned back to her with his thumbs up and a blindingly bright grin.
"Now how bout that main course, hun? Can't ya see us gals starving over here?" she whooped, the last of the appetizers in her left hand, a bottle of red wine in her right. Tashigi raised her glass of water and downed half of it to sooth her parched throat.
"Roronoa?" Tashigi asked lightly, watching the grumbling green man as peeled himself off the wall. Waving off her concern, he slid a hand in his pocket and whistled as he walked toward his crewmate. Smirking, Zoro slapped the blond man on the shoulder and whispered in his ear before returning to his seat.
"Usopp's Spell: Ten teething tarantulas tiptoeing on tables."
Bonney blinked as a yellow and blue ball curling itself in her arms, one large eye peering around frantically. She clumsily held him up bridal style as he scoured the room for - was he mumbling about spiders? Grunting, she surreptitiously groped his ass and patted his back as the blond's hysteria faded.
"Ehyup, we definitely got hit by the okama-bat," she muttered to herself. After placing the chef on his feet, she was immediately rewarded with another heated kiss on the back of her hand and numerous flattering comments on her strength and bravery. That ended abrupt as Zoro made another comment and then Sanji broke down in a torrent of swearing that literally caused paint to peel off of the restaurant's walls, leaving the women amazed at his verbosity and talent. The swordsman, for his part, simply stuck a finger in his ear, flicking dried wax at his blond nemesis as the man retreated to the kitchen to retrieve the main course. Zoro ignored his rival's shrieks and ravings while he got comfortable again, choosing instead to take a long swig from his keg. As he paused to wipe his mouth, Tashigi pushed her glasses back down, then reached out and timidly placed a hand on his arm.
"If it's not a problem, Roronoa, I would really like...love to know more about Kuina."
[~~~]
Somehow, the four of them spent the next two hours eating and drinking, talking and laughing like old friends. After turning off the rest of the lights in the restaurant, Sanji finally brought out desserts and tea for everyone, and was sitting back in his chair as Zoro related how Kuina used to bludgeon him with her bokken. The tale did so much to explain the green-haired man's thickheaded, mulish temperament. It was a strange and fearful thing to see his nakama in a talkative mood, but it probably helped that the conversation's partner was just as maniacal about swords and dueling.
'Me, I prefer the challenge of feeding people well,' the blond gourmet mused, watching with hooded eyes as Bonney - or Jewel, as he had been ordered to call her - polished off another of his famous fruit tarts. The juice from the tart was smeared all over her lips, replacing the scarlet lipstick with a more natural shine and color. The cigarette's embers were reflected in his eye as the pink-haired woman sat back in her chair with a contented sigh. Her stomach bulged over her shorts and Sanji was forced to swallow thickly as a carnal thought scurried through his head.
'Wonder if that's how she'd look if she were pregnant for me...Shit!'
Sanji was forced to pull out his tuxedo handkerchief and act as if he had a sneezing fit; his nose was almost gushing blood. It was worse than the first time he'd read Marine Goddesses of the Grand Line: Love Hina edition. When Bonney started caress the mounding belly, feet splayed wide on the table, his face paled rapidly.
'Gonna die of blood loss at this rate! Hang on, Mr. Prince!'
Fortunately, Zoro recognized the chef's perilous condition and eventually decided that it'd be more trouble that it was worth to explain the blond's death to the rest of the crew. Sighing, the green-haired man sat back, puffed out his chest, and proceeded to scratch his balls.
Yep, that sent the blood back to the right places. Sanji wasn't sure if he should thank the other man or flambage him to death. Grousing miserably about a sudden stomachache, the chef settled for kicking out Zoro's chair. He nonchalantly removed his tuxedo jacket and loosened his tie as his savior cracked his head on the floor. Damn, that would leave a stain on his waistcoat.
Bonney, for her part, was almost too dazed to notice anything around her. For the first time in a long, long time, she wasn't just full, oh no. She was utterly stuffed from head to toe, completely unable to force in another crumb.
'And Straw-hat Luffy eats at least 2 more of these specials? Fuck, he's a monster!'
She shuddered euphorically as the exquisite feast refueled her, her nerves twitching eagerly as her energy returned. She and Tashigi had been on the run for a while now and she hadn't realized how low her own reserves had been before she stepped into Eros Cuisine. She glanced at Tashigi, who was wobbling in the chair next to her; the ex-marine had barely slept in the past few weeks, and her condition would soon be taking a toll on her, no matter how well Bonney controlled it.
"We should get going," Bonney declared shortly, clambering to her feet. Tashigi wavered as she rose, putting a hand on Bonney's shoulder to steady herself.
"No, not yet Bonney. Zoro, we have a duel to attend to."
"Tashigi..." he began, his body burning with the sound of his name from her unwitting lips. He tried to swallow, his throat choked with desire that swiftly turned into horror as Tashigi fainted, falling into the table and pulling Bonney down with her.
[~~~]
In a flash, he and Sanji were on their feet, scooping the women up in strong arms and broad chests. Sanji was busy dealing with a spitting pink hellcat while Zoro waited impatiently for the accident-prone female to regain consciousness.
"Good God, I think that prick of a scientist purposefully encoded a clumsy gene in me." Tashigi wondered aloud as she buried her scarlet face into Zoro's chest. The swordsman bit the inside of his cheek and counted to ten very slowly. How could the woman be so completely unaware of the havoc she wreaked when her soft, dark hair slithered against his collarbone? Her breath was ghosting across his jugular like a knife, slicing through his usual restraint with disturbing ease. She groaned as she massaged her temples, pushing the glasses high up on her head.
"Guess I give Kuina a bad name," the raven-haired temptress continued drolly. "At least I wasn't on top a flight of stairs this time - whoa, are you ok, Roronoa?"
"Yeah, just peachy," he grumbled, securing his grip under her legs. He'd almost dropped her when he thought of her clumsiness and a flight of stairs, his mind screaming at the possibilities of never meeting her again.
"Tell us where you berthed, Jewel-chan. The least we can do is carry you out," Sanji offered gallantly, even as Bonney tried to heave herself out of his grasp.
"Leave me alone, chef-boy! Goddamn Life Return hasn't set in yet, just let me waddle my way back out!" she snapped, trying hard to avoid the heat building in her belly as she caught glimpses of his pale skin under a white shirt. When had that happened? It didn't matter; she was in a vulnerable position with a man overpowering her. Her body went into complete revolt.
"Just relax and let your meal digest naturally," the blond insisted, staggering slightly under her flailing limbs. He was suddenly forced to drop her as he felt himself shrink rapidly.
"What happened?" he squeaked, trying to peer out from a mass of oversized clothing. As his head popped out of his shirt, Bonney blinked from her spot on the floor where she'd landed.
'What a cutie pie~!'
Blond hair surrounded a cherubic face, the skin snowy around apple-red cheeks. A large blue eye blinked up at her, turning into a large heart as it met her face.
"Jewel-chan, you're so beautiful from this angle!"
"Uhm, oops. Sorry, hun, let me fix that."
Sanji was suddenly back to normal, give or take a few months, but his quick return to normalcy caused his clothes to suffer. The waistcoat slid off and the shirt came out from the pants, which were now pooling around his feet, along with his boxers...
Zoro was never so envious of someone's poor eyesight as he was in that one moment. He so wished that he was as blind as Tashigi, because then he would not be suffering such mental trauma. Bonney smirked mischievously as the chef swiftly pulled his trousers up; now that was a sight worth paying for, even more so than the food. As Sanji re-buckled his belt, she decided to have mercy on the man, stepping towards him to fix the remainder of his bangs over his still-concealed left eye.
"I won't be carried, but I will ride. Gimme a piggy-back out to the end of that pier you got out back?"
"Mellorine! It pleases me to no end to be of service!" the blond crowed as he turned and knelt before her. She easily threw her leg over him, a smooth, practiced move that showed years of riding experience, then wrapped one arm around his neck.
"Gee up!" she cried jokingly, not expecting the man to listen to the commands. Suddenly, she felt the wind in her hair as Sanji dashed through his kitchen and out of the staff exit, into the cool night air. Bonney grabbed her hat with her free hand and whooped gleefully as they took off down the pier.
"Try not to get lost, slow ass kelp-head!" the cook shouted, laughing at the swordsman who was left choking in a cloud of dust.
"Go fuck yourself!" Zoro roared at the receding figures, pulling Tashigi imperceptibly closer as the wind swept past them. He sucked his teeth loudly as the aho-cook disappeared from view, leaving him alone with his opponent and future star of his wet dreams.
'Right, next time I'm going with Brook to see Laboon. Wait, then I'll be asking her to see her panties. Great, everyone's bad habits are rubbing off on me.'
He began walking in the general direction that Sanji had sped off in, feet clomping loudly on the creaking wood. Tashigi, still woozy, had been startled by his movements, and now had her hands wrapped around his neck for extra support. He sighed and wondered if he'd somehow broken his divine luck.
"Sorry, if I'm a burden to you right now."
Zoro grunted noncommittally. She wasn't the problem in the least.
"Give me a few days and you'll get your duel. I'll whip your ass too."
Zoro really wished that she would stop talking. Her lips were soft as sin and his resolve was crumbling. He began to curse the moment he'd met her in Loguetown, wishing that they'd never met in the sword shop, or better yet, that they could have stayed in town longer. He shook his head, earrings rippling musically as he tried to clear his thoughts before speaking.
"Shush. You need to rest before you think about dueling."
Tashigi raised her head to glare at the swordsman. It spoke volumes, even in the faint starlight of the nigh-moonless night. Sighing heavily, Zoro smirked as her blurry, doe-brown eyes glowered at him, ruby lips pressing into a thin line as one eyebrow lifted into the air.
"Yeah, I, the great Roronoa, am advocating rest. Even I have limits. Come by again and I'm sure curlicue and the others will be happy to tell you how much I sleep."
Frustration and dizziness warred in her head, so she cut her disbelieving comments short, choosing instead to sink into Zoro's warmth. He was thankful for that; he couldn't believe that he'd just invited her to visit again.
"Why couldn't we just have stayed in that sword shop in Loguetown? Then we would have been together longer. You were so cool when you challenged Kitestu..." she thought, unaware that she was speaking aloud. The hands crossed behind the back of his neck squeezed him lightly as a finger trailed down the edge of his left ear. Zoro heard the blood as it began pounding through his veins and all his meditation was suddenly for naught.
"Roro-" Tashigi started as she steadied herself on her feet. Her shoulders were now supported by the rough wood of a small ship. One of the swordsman's arms was still under her back, while the other hand was gripping her glasses, keeping them safe at his side. Their swords clash against each other once, then Shigure's hilt caught and mingled easily with Shuusui, Wadou, and Kitetsu. Zoro's face was close enough for her to see him clearly; he was wearing the same expression that she had seen fleeting over his face when he had beaten her the first time in Loguetown.
"What are you doing, Zoro?" she asked in a faint whisper. Her heart was racing. She licked her lips in apprehension...exhilaration...anticipation, as his eyes drew her into their scorching black flame.
Zoro groaned loudly as her pink tongue swept over her lips. What little restraint he had dissolved when she called his name in that husky whisper. He was lost again, but this time he could admit it.
"I'm doing what I bloody well should have done five years ago."
His dry, warm lips were on hers, smothering any sounds as his embrace crushed her body against his. He tasted of rice and sake and sharp metal, his scent the tang of steel and oil and powder. His teeth nipped her bottom lip and she hissed, the pain both sharp and sweet, like the bite of a blade. Her mouth opened slightly as he nipped again and then she was drowning in his flavor as she slid her tongue over his. Zoro grunted as he shifted his footing slightly to press himself against her fully; he forced himself to pull away, barely able to keep a grip on his desires, but what he needed to say was more important.
"Thank you for choosing the swords. Your advice helped me keep my crew alive for most of our journey."
Tashigi's eyes darkened, now resembling good, thick coffee. She was panting as she moistened her swollen lips with her tongue, her breath an invigorating zephyr of green tea and crisp leaves. Her lips quirked upwards at his gratitude, her quick fingers snapping the band around his ponytail and sinking into his thick locks. Her skin flushed as her rival brushed against her; small hands filled with determination as she dragged his lips down to her.
"No, you stayed alive because I'm the only one who can defeat you," she whispered, the strong words and hot puffs sending him right around the bend as he claimed her mouth with long-repressed passion.
'Bonney can wait. This time everything can wait.'
[~~~]
"I think ya done outrun them Injuns, hun," Bonney whispered in Sanji's ear. She tried not to laugh at the shiver that went down his spine, causing his muscular back to throb against her pleasantly. It was a downright pity that her ship was already so near; she felt like she could ride him forever.
"Are you sure, Jewel-chwan? I'd carry you anywhere you like!" he begged pitifully, his eye rolling up in the socket as he felt her smooth body slide down his back. He reluctantly released his grip on the back of her legs, taking one last chance to caress the soft skin under her buttocks.
She whacked him on the head with her hat, but his grin was decidedly unapologetic as he turned around. His boyishness was infectious and Bonney couldn't help but laugh with him. She felt slightly giddy; even though the faint sliver of the new moon in the sky, it felt as if the night was light up with a million candles when he focused his attentions on her. When she chivalrously offered him her elbow, Bonney felt like a real classy lady.
"If I'd met ya first, I probably woulda had a better impression about you Straw-hats," she mused aloud, as he linked his arm with hers. "Sorry I spent so much time tryin' ta getcha killed."
"Perfectly fine, dear lady," Sanji declared graciously as he waved off her apology. "I'm trying to kill half the crew myself on a good day."
They walked in companionable silence until she bumped him with her hip, indicating her ship. It was decked opposite the Mini Merry; a small caravel not unlike the original Going Merry. The figurehead was similar to Going Merry's ram, but Sanji figured that it looked more like a glasses-wearing goat. Bonney patted it lovingly.
"She's an old girl, but she takes care of us out here. Sometimes I swear she sails herself."
"Oh I don't doubt it," Sanji muttered as he put his hands in his pocket, his cigarette now a faint glow in the water below. It never ceased to amaze him how much the Going Merry's sacrifice could still affect him, even five years later. Bonney looked him over as he remained engrossed in far-flung memories, somewhat surprised that he had not made a snide comment about womanish vapors. Her pappy had looked down on any of her observations as 'foolish female frippery' at best; he'd once wanted her committed as a lunatic. This fine, fair man next to her would have made her old man bristle in outrage. Cooking, dressing fashionably, and fawning over women were not manly traits back home.
"Let me check your ship for roguish knaves, Jewel-chan. I could never forgive myself if some desperado crawled out of your room to assault you."
His voice took her out of her brooding and she watched as her (not yet, but she'd make it soon) blond prince charming was up on the ship in one hop. Bonney shook her head and began climbing the rope ladder that hung off the side of the ship. By the time she was at the top, his alabaster hand was outstretched, waiting to help her up.
"All clear and in order, fair maiden," he reported, his voice gravelly as he pulled her up. She stepped on deck and pretended to brush her clothes off rather than focus on his sapphire gaze. She could feel his eye sweep lovingly over her body, now back to normal after her glorious stuffing.
"Are all ma undies there?" she asked mildly, a knowing smirk on her face. She coughed, then tried to keep her expression impassive as Sanji shuffled his feet.
"Sanji," she growled and put her hands akimbo, one booted foot tapping out a promise of pain on the deck.
"I swear, I didn't take any!" he promised effusively, going down on his knees. He really did like look at her from this angle, didn't he? "I just peeked at the ones in the top three drawers!"
"You mean the pink, frilly thongs?"
Sanji's face exploded in a flood of blood. He could barely speak and Bonney figured she should stop teasing him before he had a stroke or spontaneously combusted. She grabbed his ears and, using them as convenient handles, pulled his mouth up for her easy access.
'Good God Almighty!' was her last coherent thought as Sanji wrapped both arms around her thighs and stood, effectively sweeping her off her feet. With her head above his, she was in complete control of the kiss, and she deepened it as she savored his smoky sweet taste. She was very interested in not breathing again until she heard a bump on the ship's starboard side.
"What was that?"
Sanji gasped, his breathing ragged as he tried to remember why he even needed air. He would have to pour an entire bottle of rum out for Davy Jones tomorrow, because Jewel-chan could kiss. Keeping Bonney up with one arm under her sweet behind, he leaned over to see who or what had interfered with the first action he'd seen in seven months, diligently trying not to burn up with homicidal rage at being torn away from fruity lips and a dewy mouth. His eye widened for a bit, then he straightened up with a smirk on his face, anger dissipating rapidly.
"Nothing, just the marimo and Tashigi."
"Shit, that green-haired demon has bad timing. Why aren't they coming up?"
"They're a little too busy, Jewel," he replied, idly playing with one smooth pink lock, curling it around his deft fingers.
Bonney frowned. She had been interrupted by those two sword-freaks and she was not in the mood to offer them any quarter. Her body had been throbbing like a drum, every stroke of his tongue making her heart thump heavily beneath her ample chest. She was seriously considering the benefits of pitching Tashigi overboard as fit punishment for interrupting, but the woman could swim like a fish. Bonney settled for throwing the remainder of the ex-marine's granny panties into the drink later in the morning.
"Busy doing what?" she barked, thumping the chef's shoulder with one hand. "Dammit, I was trying to kiss you silly just now-"
His free hand snaked its way into her hair, singeing her scalp with its heat. She moaned helplessly as his lips kissed up her throat, before he brought her mouth back down to his.
"Then why don't we get back to that, hn? I'm pretty sure I don't need my intelligence anyway."
Oh yes, this chef was definitely a cornucopia where all her hungers were concerned.
[~~~]
Author says:
Sorry Lady Emzebel, this was supposed to be a crack SanBon gift, now it's becoming a free-for-all. This is chapter one of something that is looking plenty epic, provided that anyone else is even curious about it. I won't know if it's worth it unless you happy readers leave reviews, so get clicking!
- UPDATED TO CORRECT THE EFFECTS OF RANDOM SITE FORMATTING ERRORS -