DISCLAIMER: If I owned HP would I really be in debt up to my eyeballs? Well I don't.
MP: Humor fic ideas are usually the end result of me getting kicked by a plot bunny.
So I was in the shower when an idea hit and now here it is written down for all to enjoy. It has to do with the habit of AU HP fics featuring the same-old same-old to the point where I've decided to attempt a parody. If this flops, oh well, but once I get this out of my head I can get back to work on Bolt Out of the Blue and my NaNoWriMo project (who am I kidding? It's the 23 and I haven't gotten past 12000 words and despite the fact I can type over 60 words a minute It'll take some serious inspiration to get me to 50000 in six days.)
I'd better put this here now: Completely and totally Cracked! Read at your own risk.
Added 11/23/11: Thanks to HAH, the reviewer who caught the misspelling in 'missed'
How to Write Utterly Original AU Harry Potter FanFiction
Care and Maintenance for your Alternate Universe Harry Potter Kit TM
Congratulations! You've just received your very own Alternate Universe Harry Potter Kit TM. Included are these components:
Manipulative Dumbledore TM
Spyin' Ron TM
Snitching Hermione TM
Extra-Sadistic Vernon TM
Town Bicycle Ginny TM
Slashy Draco TM
Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM
And an extra heaping helping of Outrageous Original Characterization PowderTM
Also included is a free complimentary Classically IronicHéartwarming Plot device book.
To use just have Manipulative Dumbledore TM and Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM have an argument, this could even be taken from our complimentary Classically IronicHéartwarming Plot device book which has him discover what Spyin' Ron TM and Snitching Hermione TM have really been doing behind his back. Throw in Extra-Sadistic Vernon TMbefore adding liberal amounts of Outrageous Original Characterization Powder TM over everything before throwing Town Bicycle Ginny TMand Slashy Draco TM into the mix and shake well before adding even more Outrageous Original Characterization PowderTM and taking all your cues from our complimentary Classically IronicHéartwarming Plot device book.
Succeed in doing that and you'll end up with a truly original fanfic which may or may not include:
Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM defecting to Slytherin/Lord Voldemort
Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM becoming an Animagus
Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM going to Azkaban
or being threatened to be sent to Azkaban by Manipulative Dumbledore TM in the headmaster's quest for power
Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM ending up with a female character he had no attraction to in the books what so ever
Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM ending up with a male character, such as Slashy Draco TM, due to the Outrageous Original Characterization Powder TM 's full effects.
Extra-Sadistic Vernon TM beating Harry to a pulp for a minor slight
Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM ends up in a lemon with Town Bicycle Ginny TM also due to the correct application of Outrageous Original Characterization Powder TM
And, if you're lucky some BLOODSHED and Time Travel .
If your fic has any of the above you have used your Alternate Universe Harry Potter Kit correctly.
Q&A
Q: My Manipulative Dumbledore TMis sympathetic towards my Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM what do I do?
A: The request for more Outrageous Original Characterization Powder TM can be placed using our convenient website
Q: My Slashy Draco TM still isn't out of the closet
A: That means you didn't add enough Outrageous Original Characterization Powder TM for the product to function properly
Q: How can I get my Town Bicycle Ginny TM into a threesome with Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM and Slashy Draco TM?
A: Liberal application of Outrageous Original Characterization Powder TM will be necessary. Discounts on bulk orders when applicable.
Q: How cracked is your mind to come up with this crap?
A: I honestly don't know
MP: I will not be the first or last to write a piece like this. If I've pissed off people then sorry. I was attempting to be humorous.
The way I wrote it was inspired by those 'Care of…' fics that float around here that I do enjoy, when they are written well.
Now it's out of my head and I can try getting back to work on my larger projects…I hope.
WARNING: I proofread this myself, meaning there are bound to be mistakes I have missed