This started out as a scene for "Sexy" and kinda morphed into it's own story. I really want to keep that story and storyline as "PG" as possible, and this didn't seem to fit. No real explicit actions or thoughts here, but definatly skirts the T rating, wish there was a T+.
I hope I goy Kurt right in this, I really think I did. If I could just package him up in a little bow and keep him safe under my bed I would be very happy. I never want to see him get hurt. He deserves some real happiness and love, and I hope that Klaine brings that about for him.
I don't awn any part of Glee, much to my sadness. If I did, Puck would have his shirt off in every scene, and Klaine would be happily married with little gay babies
"Thanks Dad" Kurt said as he gathered the pamphlets and walked up to his bedroom.
That has to have been one of the worst moments of my life he thought. I can tell it ranked right up there for him to though. I am glad that he didn't go all out on details, that would have been more than I can handle. Emotions I understand, I can relate to, and I'm glad that he chose to talk about it that way.
It had been a rough week or so, between Blaine's Rachel date and subsiquent bisexual scare, being told he looked like he had gas pains really Blaine, gas pains? during the rehearsal of Animal, Blaine offering to tell him about sex so not going there, way too awkward, and now the discussion with his dad.
Kurt didn't necessarily have a problem with physical contact, or even physical attraction. I mean he had very non-friendly thoughts about Blaine. The way his hand felt when he would walk up behind him and massage his shoulders when Blaine was tense, funny he rubs my shoulders to calm down. The way that looking into those hazel eyes made butterflies hit his stomach, and even sometimes caused a little tingling just a bit further down. The way his hands felt when he grabbed Kurt's to drag him off on some wild crazy adventure. But most of those thoughts flitted around in the "Curl up on the couch and spoon" or "Let me nibble on your neck and hear you whisper my name" range rather than the "Let me stick my hands down your pants" kinda thing.
Kurt never really thought about sex in the terms his dad had laid out. I mean, honestly, who were his role models? As much as he loved the New Directions kids, they changed partners faster than most people change their underwear. They weren't exactaly the poster children for healthy teen age relationships. Between Puck and Santana they had probably slept with half the student body. Sex was just that, sex, nothing more for most of them, and the problem was he didn't think like that.
In all honestly he thought that his feelings fit more into his dad's description of the "Women's thought process" Big suprise there. After all you are probably the biggest case for homosexuality being genetic. I mean really, slim, eyelashes and eyes that any girl would kill for, long dainty fingers, everything about you screams gay. Kurt had realized long ago that he became emotionally invested easily, sometimes too much so. And that was what scared him about anything relating to sex. The intimacy involved and the potential to have his heart broken. Aside from the whole physical pain and embarassment thing.
Kurt had been honest when he told Blaine that the had watched "those movies" really just a few scenes on a free website he found online, but they were disturbing beyond the tattoo statement he made. There didn't look like there was anything enjoyable about sex, from the little he had let himself see. It looked awkward and painful. There were lips and tongues where there was no reason for them to be. There were muscular dominating men hard and rough and as close to violent as he thought he could bear to see. There was nothing there but lust, and Kurt didn't get lust.
Kurt got what his dad said about women realizing that sex was about being intimate with someone. Being vulnerable and giving away a part of yourself. Understanding that once you took that step that there was no going back. So he didn't think that he was likely to end up in the "2 guys – sex is just sex" thing, but it scared the hell out of him none the less.
On top of that Kurt always struggled so hard to keep himself in control, the hair had to be perfect, the outfit must totally match, no matter how much he hurt he tried not to show it. He still didn't understand how he had broken down his walls with Blaine so easily, even more so than with Mercedes if he wanted to be honest with himself. The walls, the image, the perfect skin and look and persona, just didn't go with rolling around on a bed, sweaty, gasping for breath and doing the things he saw in those movies. That would be letting too much of himself out, too much of himself go. He just couldn't see it, didn't want to see it.
He admited he was curious tho. Curious if there was more to this whole thing than what he had seen and picked up from the guys at McKinley. So he picked up the top pamphlet in curiosity and opened it up. He was surprised to find out how much actually counted as sex. How much intimacy was involved other than the actual final end all act. There was a lot that seemed to have been left out of those movies.
He was actually encouraged by the statement that some men never, in their whole lives, performed that act, but still had perfectly happy and healthy relationships. He never considered nipples as an erogoneous zone before, or fingers. He never really thought about the touch of fingertips being a prelude to something else, because of that huge leap between fingertips and what he saw in the movies.
For some reason, for the first time in his life, Kurt actually thought about how it would feel to have someone's fingers running over his bare chest. Someone's lips teasing at his neck. Someone's fingers running down his stomach and holding onto his hips. He heard himself sigh as he let his fingers graze over his thighs, wondering if it would feel that good to have someone elses hands there. He imagined someone's hands slowly unbuttoning his shirt, slow fluttery kisses on his chest with every button. He imagined looking up into a gorgeous pair of hazel eyes looking down at him, in between slow kisses on his lips. He imagined Blaine's hands ….. NO, shit no, you are not going there Hummel. Friend, big brother, mentor, doesn't think about you like that or he wouldn't have calmly suggested a clinical discussion about sex like some counselor.
Kurt threw the pamphlets on the floor and walked calmly into his bathroom, turning the shower on full cold, and stepped into the spray.