Chained Heart

San's thoughts after she and Ashitaka part ways at the end of the movie

"Ashitaka, you mean so much to me," San said sadly, "but I can't forgive the humans for what they've done."

"I understand," he replied, surprising her. "You'll live in the forest and I'll go help them rebuild IronTown." He looked up at her and smiled. "I'll always be near. Yakul and I will come and visit you whenever we can, alright?"

She smiled and nodded, and Isamu and Kenta turned and walked away from Ashitaka and the IronTown, back toward the forest. San looked over her shoulder and saw him watching them go. She blushed and turned back around, burying her face in her brother Kenta's fur.

Ashitaka was so different from any human she'd ever encountered. He defended the IronTown and he defended the forest. He was quiet and calm and understanding. He was just and loyal. And there was something about him that was utterly intoxicating.

She breathed in deeply and inhaled the scent of Kenta, the forest, herself, and Ashitaka. The first time his scent was on her, she recoiled with loathing. Now, she relished in it. Yes, it was a human scent. Yes, she hated humans. But she didn't hate him. She actually cared for him.

A low growl formed deep in her throat, and Kenta's ear twitched backward to her. How dare he be so different, so alluring. He'd saved her life and yet prevented her from killing the Eboshi woman. She tried to kill him and wound up saving him instead. They actually saved each other, in many ways.

And when he held her close those few times, he didn't do it because he thought she couldn't defend herself. He to ease his own mind, to make sure she was near him and not going anywhere.

Ashitaka never tried to change her, either, which was something all humans tried to do. He never questioned her identity as Moro's daughter or as princess of the wolf gods. He didn't try to control her or make her human. If she wanted to leave, he would let her leave. He didn't protest when she said she couldn't stay in him. He never tried to restrain her or put a leash on her.

But by being so different he had put a collar around her heart! He had chained her permanently between the wolves and the humans. She could never forget about him now. She could try to hate him for being human, but that would never work, because he wasn't like them. How dare he sentence her to this inbetween fate?

Yet, she realized, he was stuck in the inbetween as well. He always had been, right from the beginning. A stranger from lands far away, he didn't belong with the people of IronTown. He came into the forest with her, but he didn't belong there either. They were stuck inbetween, but they were stuck together.

She saw up and held the crystal dagger out in front of her so she could inspect it. Why he'd given it to her, she didn't know. Moro told her he wanted to share his life with her. Perhaps this was his way of telling her that.

San sighed and looked back over her shoulder, but Ashitaka and Yakul were gone. Her heart spasmed slightly, and she put a hand over it to calm it. For she would see Ashitaka again, she knew, because he had promised, and he was a man of his word.

"That's not the last we'll see of him, is it?" Isamu asked.

"No, it isn't."

"He'll be coming around, then?" Kenta asked.

"I believe so."

"Is that boy to be your mate?" Isamu asked.

"Perhaps," she replied nonchalantly.

"Then I suppose we're still not allowed to eat him?" Kenta asked.

"That's right," she said firmly.

San smiled slightly and her brothers rolled their eyes at each other. She may not know what was to become of her, her brothers, or her forest, or how she was going to handle being inbetween the wolves and the humans, but she did know that Ashitaka was going to be there. And that was comfort enough.