Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or the song used in this fanfiction.
A/N: I try to always write something that has a happy ending, something that can actually give you hope. I'm not a big fan of country music but when I heard this song I couldn't help but write this. As I wrote this I wanted the readers to feel what Jade was feeling. I wanted to show that not everyone will get a happy ending, that sometimes we make mistakes that even if we want to fix them it will be too late. This is my first song-fic so hopefully everyone will enjoy it. Sorry if I have any grammar mistakes I didn't have time to correct everything. If you like this story don't forget to review.
(Jade's Pov)
It's 7:35 she's someone else's wife
I wake up to the sound of my alarm, I turn to the other side of the bed. Where she's suppose to be. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I took it for granted. I can't help it when a single tear falls down my eye.
I abruptly raised my hand and wipe my eye. I can't cry I'm Jade fucking West, I don't cry. It has been four years since I graduated from Hollywood Arts. Four years since I first asked Vega to be my girlfriend. I know how the hell did I ended up falling for her? Not only was she annoying as hell but I acted like such a bitch yet she always reached for me.
After we had a big argument I noticed something. It exited me just how alluring her eyes were when I made her upset, upset enough to smack me across the face. Of course I didn't let her get away with it I made sure she paid for it dearly.
I guess I fell for her when I saw that it didn't matter how hard I pushed she always stood up, she never cried. She always took each hit, each hurtful word straight on, not even once did she back down.
I love twisting people's feelings, because it doesn't matter how hard you try to hide it, everybody breaks at some point, but she didn't, and I loved her for it. Now I realize of what a fool I actually was. I should have notice something. I always assumed that I could read her like an open book, I always thought that she sucked at hiding her feelings. Now that I think back to it I realize that we never communicated properly.
After each fight, after each argument, even after the hard make up sex. I never told her how I truly felt. I assumed that she loved me, I assumed that she wouldn't break but even the brightest star falls at some point.
I can get on with my life,
It's been really hard to accept that she's not mine anymore. Harder to wake up knowing that she's in his arms. I know I drove her away, I know I wasn't the perfect girlfriend, I knew all that but I didn't care.
I can't believe that she would walk away from me.
(flashback)
"Vega, where the hell do you think you're going!?" She wasn't suppose to leave me, she was the one that would always be by my side.
I remembered the emptiness in her eyes as she told me what I feared. "Even after all this time you can't even call me by my first name. What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving Jade."
I know I shouldn't have said the things that I said. "Damn it, Vega don't tell me that you found someone else!? Fuck, I knew you weren't the goody two shoes that you pretended to be. Tell me does he fuck you better than me?" I should have notice the hurt in her eyes, but I was too engrossed in my hatred.
That was the very first time that I heard her swear. "After all this years of us living together, after everything that I helped you with, after all the love that I gave you. You think that I would cheat on you! Fuck you Jade."
Her words cut deeply into me, but my mouth started moving on its own. "That's what you've done this past years, Vega I never heard you complain." I thought that she would break, I thought that she would slap me, I knew that I deserved it, but instead she just shook her head and left.
(end of flashback)
I didn't do anything to stop her. I should have grabbed her hand, I should have run after her. But my stupid pride got in the way. I truly believed that she would come back begging on her knees for me to take her back. I didn't want to believe that I was the one who was wrong.
And that thrills me.
I believed that nothing scared me, I love to watch people get hurt, I love to see people in pain, but it scares me that she can actually live without me. It frightens me that I can't live without her, that each day it feels like I'm slowly dying. I want to go back, I want to return to a time where it was normal for me to not care.
Why the hell did I give up on her so easily?
She married him today,
Her daddy gave the bride away.
We spent two years, two fucking years together. We lived together, in our own apartment. I know I never told her that I loved her, I know that I never expressed my emotions, but I thought that she knew. That was my biggest mistake, I didn't fight for her. When the wedding invitation arrived in our, no, in my apartment it broke my heart.
I still thought that she would returned to me, When I knew that she started dating that asshole of a guy. I thought that she only did it to spite me.
I didn't notice that a year had already passed by, I didn't notice because time seemed to fly by as each day, turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months. The seasons changed and by the time that I noticed, she was about to marry him.
I still didn't do anything I watched as all of my friends tried to talk to me, I know they were talking to her too. Nobody believed that our love could die so easily, after all even when I took her for granted, I always made sure that she would only be mine, only mine. But when the day finally came I attended the wedding with the purpose of stopping that charade.
I heard a tear roll down her face,
And that kills me.
Yet when it finally came to it, I couldn't do it.
(Flashback)
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony-" that's all the minister said as he stopped to look at me. I walked straight to the very front row and took a seat. I saw him giving me a glare but I didn't care. She was mine, and I would take her with me, even if I had to dragged her.
The minister continue with his speech as I looked at Tori. It's so ironic that I could never actually say, her name when we were dating but now it comes so naturally.
"Therefore if any man or woman can show any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace. " I was about to stand up when I saw her.
A single tear felt down her eyes, to her beautiful cheekbones, and finally landed softly on the ground.
Cause now I can see why
She's finally crying.
For the first time in my life I saw what true pain is. Tori had the most devastated look as she silently pleaded for me to not do what I wanted.
(end of flashback)
I died in that moment. I finally understood all those fights that we had, every time that I yelled at her. All those times that I let my jealousy get the best of me. Just because she never cried, just because she took it without losing her composure, it didn't mean that she was strong, it didn't mean that she would always be there for me.
How was I suppose to know
She was slowly letting go?
It hit me like a ton of bricks, she didn't just decide to leave me one day. She didn't leave me for anybody else. She left me slowly each day, each fight, each tear that she didn't cry. Each argument that I won, nobody was at fault but me.
She was slowly giving up and I didn't notice because, I took her for granted, I didn't value her like I should. I didn't love her like she wanted. It was me the one at fault if only I had realize what was in front of me.
If I was putting her through hell
…Hell I couldn't tell!
I didn't notice when she started pretending. I didn't notice when our fights destroyed her completely. I was such an idiot. Why, why didn't she said anything?
She could've given me a sign,
Opened up my eyes.
She knew that I'm such a stubborn person, she knew that sometimes you have to tell me things straight to my face, I don't do subtle hints, she should have said that I was treating her like shit. She never complain about my attitude, she never complain of how much pain I caused her.
She never gave me a fucking sign. Not once did I notice that I was making her suffer. Hell, I wouldn't have minded if she had slapped some sense into my ego, or my pride.
She was the reason for my smiles, she was the reason my world was no longer black. She became my light but not even once did I told her that.
How was I suppose to see…?
I know I'm the one at fault, I know I'm the reason our relationship turn out so bad, but how the hell was I suppose to see? In a relationship you're suppose to be able to tell your partner everything, from the good to the bad, you're suppose be comfortable enough to let them in, to let them see the you what you hide behind a broken mask. Yet neither of us actually talked about our insecurities, about our fears, we never talked about our future. I always have been one of those people who live for the moment, but I never notice that my moment was passing me by in front of my eyes.
She never cried in front of me.
Not even once did I saw her cry, not once but in her wedding she shed a single tear. A single tear that told me what I feared, I was already too late, even if her heart never erases me completely, she wouldn't take me back. Because even if the fire turns to ashes, even if the ice melts, you cannot change what already happened.
Once a person breaks your heart, once a person lets you down so many times, once a person cheats on you, no matter how hard you try, you can never truly trust them again.
Even if you let them in you always fear, that they will break you, just like the first time.
I know Vega is strong, I know my Tori can overcome anything bur I forgot that she also has one of the most fragile souls, one of the most honest hearts, it wouldn't matter how many times she took me back, it wouldn't matter how hard we tried, she would have always remember how easily I destroyed her heart.
Yeah maybe I might've changed
It's hard for me to say
I never listened to her, and that was my mistake. She deserved someone who could love her with all their heart, someone who will never cause her pain, someone, someone other than me. I didn't deserve her, I never did.
But the story's still the same
It's a sad one.
It hurt me deeply as I did everything in my power to not stand up, beat him to the ground, and take her away. It shatter my whole world as they said their vows. It destroyed me when I saw Tori kissing him, she looked gorgeous, so breathtaking, and it took me so long to realize it.
And I'll always believe
If she ever did cry for me
I always thought that if I made her cry it would be because she couldn't take any more of my crap. I thought that she would be like the rest I was so afraid, everyone that I loved always left me. I didn't want to make that mistake, so even when I had her close I would still keep her away.
They were the tears that you can't see,
You know, the bad ones.
In our first anniversary I didn't took her to any fancy place, I didn't took her to celebrate, instead I spend it alone drinking too afraid to do what I planned. I didn't want to get married because that would mean that she had tied me down, and I believed that nobody could own me. I believe that giving her the ring that I had made just for her would be my worst mistake, I should have just talked to her about it.
I should have just said that I was too scared of how badly I wanted to spent the rest of my life with her. I never felt like that with Beck, I never imagined a life with him, but with Tori I wanted to give her the rest of my life.
The next year when I finally managed to do what I wanted is the year that she couldn't take it anymore.
Now I can see why
She's finally crying.
As the wedding ceremony ended I stood up and left, I didn't congratulate her, I didn't wished her the best, because deep inside I would always regret, not stopping her that day.
How was I supposed to know?
She was slowly letting go
I didn't know how I made it into my apartment, but when I did all the memories came back crashing down deep inside of me. I pulled my scissors out and cut everything that reminded me of her, I cut everything in my path until my apartment looked like a storm had passed through.
There were tears in my eyes. My heat felt like it was cut into little pieces. I fell to the floor and for the first time I sobbed her name.
If I was putting her through hell..
Hell, I couldn't tell!
That's the first time that I realize if that was how I made her feel then how the hell did she stayed with me for so long? How the hell did I not notice? How the hell did she manage to smile each day? Why, why didn't I notice what I had? Why?
She could've given me a sign,
Opened up my eyes.
How was I suppose to see?
I stand up and made my way to my closet I couldn't think of her anymore. It's been a year since then, a really long year. I don't talk to the gang anymore. Because that would mean that I had to talk to Vega and I can't do that, I can't cause her any unnecessary pain.
I dressed for another day, I grabbed my car keys and make my way to my favorite café. I run into someone without looking I was about to apologize when I saw who it was.
My heart stopped as I saw Tori looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes. She was as beautiful as ever, but what surprised me was the tiny lump that I saw in her stomach.
Without a doubt I know now
How it ought to be
I didn't know if I wanted to run away, or to kiss her hard on the lips. She didn't say anything as she probably waited for me to give her a sarcastic comment to insult her like I used to do. She was no longer mine, she was having a baby with her husband. She probably regrets those two years that we spent, and that's when it finally hits me.
Cause she's gone and it's wrong
And it bothers me
"I apologize for running into you I should have paid more attention. I hope you have a good day." that's all I said as I watch her beautiful face one last time. I could truly see that she was surprised because I never apologized. What she didn't know is that I was apologizing for not realizing how much she meant to me. For not stopping her that day. I gave her a gentle smile as I walk to the café.
I heard her yell my name but I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. I wouldn't be able to look at her without remembering that she has someone else in her life, someone that wasn't me.
Tomorrow will I still be
Asking myself
I don't know how long it will take before I can finally say that I'm okay. I don't know how much time it will take before I can close my eyes and not see her walking out of my life.
I don't know how many more years I will still be asking myself if I did the right thing, when I didn't stop her wedding that day.
I don't know how long it will take for me to breath again, I don't know how long it takes for a heart to heal, but I know that I will always have the questions of what would have had happen if she would have given me a sign, or if I had notice that she slowly let go.
Would I have reached for her that day? Would I have told her how much she meant to me? Or would I still be here regretting every second that I will never have with her?
How was I suppose to know?
She was slowly letting go.
If I was putting her through hell
Hell I couldn't tell
I guess every person have their regrets, their mistakes, and their own personal hell. When you lose the only person that you love, you realize that love is not something that you take for granted. Even if it was only for two short years, I don't regret this suffering that I have. She was my girlfriend, she was my everything I should have noticed something. Now that those two years are gone, even if we ended up in arguments and stupid fights, I cherish every memory as my last.
She could've given me a sign,
Opened up my eyes.
I'm glad that she's happy even if she's not with me. She deserves a family, a husband who will listen to her.
How was I supposed to see?
How was I supposed to see?
She never cried in front of me.
Hell I couldn't tell.
I will always regret not reaching out for her, just like I will always love her.