Title: My God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles

Author: Nox / Incensio Lady

Part: 1/1

Disclaimer: Not mine, isn't that a bugger

Fandom: Primeval

Pairing: Stephen/Nick

Summary: Helen always got what she wanted…what he had too.

Warnings: Slash

Spoilers: All of season 1, especially Episode 6.

Author's Notes: I just saw the last episode and got bunnied like mad, this is the result. Title from Anna Nalick – Breathe.

Nick hunched over on his couch. Today had been the worst in his memory. Loosing Helen had been hard but they'd never been as close as everyone had thought. He loved her, he really did but the dynamic of their relationship was never what it should be. They had gone from vying in the academic field to in the personal. Nick had been ready to settle down, to be in a normal relationship, have some children even, Helen wasn't.

The others thought that her manipulations were something that had developed after she left, Nick bitterly sighed, he knew better. Helen had wanted a husband, a house to come home to, so she decided on Nick and she had got him. It wasn't until a few months into their marriage that he even really met her, even really saw her. The games she played, the way she used her sexuality to toy with him. But she was good at her game, she still fed him enough scraps of the affection he craved to keep him, because Helen never lost and she still wanted to keep him. That's why she had come back, not to take Stephen with her, though he was sure she was as surprised as he was when Stephen walked away, but to rub it into him that she had still won, she'd taken the one thing he had wanted. Stephen. From the moment Nick had seen him he'd wanted him, from the first moment when he had glanced up from his desk only to drown in blue-green eyes he had wanted Stephen.

For those first few months he had just wanted to bend him over his desk, papers sticking to his sweaty skin, artefacts digging into his belly, it was lust, more consuming then Nick ever imagined it could be. Then Stephen had been there every day, working with him, eating with him and Nick fell, slowly, almost imperceptibly, bit by bit he had fallen and then Stephen had been the one he thought of every night as he fell asleep in a cold bed and every morning as he work up to Helen's cold feet digging into his calf. But he couldn't, wouldn't, risk what they had as friends to pursue something that he was sure Stephen would never welcome, that first intense lust had changed into an almost physical need for Stephen's presence and Nick wasn't going to give him a reason to leave.

He must have seemed so angry, but right now he needed some time alone before he reassured Stephen that he didn't blame him, some time to control all the images his mind created from the fantasies of Stephen and the remembrances of Helen, some time to blank it out so when he saw Stephen he wouldn't break down. He let them think he was grieving for Claudia as they left the anomaly site, and he was, he mourned the loss of the bright woman who had the strength he had admired in Helen but without her cruelty, someone he thought he might even be happy with, maybe even love in a way, someone who could help him forget Stephen impossibility and Helen's manipulation. He grieved the loss of the world who would never remember her, but he grieved his loss of Stephen more, he had lost him to Helen, another piece in her game. Nick rested his head in his hands and sighed brokenly, he'd never really had Stephen to lose but it still felt like his heart was being ripped out.

He sat there, slumped on the couch, for almost an hour, fighting the tears and the burning in his chest before a knock on the door roused him. He struggled to his feet, the muscles of his back protesting as he stood, the world dreamy and unreal in his exhaustion and pain and walked to the door. Stephen stood there as he opened it, his eyes bright against the dark sky and looking so gut-wretchedly pained that it was all Nick could do for a moment not to grab him and hold Stephen against him, tightly and close and just not let him go. He must had waited too long because Stephen's face crumpled and his eyes fell to the floor as he turned his head to walk away. It took a moment for Nick's body to move and Stephen had turned almost completely away from him before he lunged out, grabbing Stephen's shoulder.

"No, Stephen…" Nick trailed off, unsure of what to say. Stephen turned back towards him, his face filled with hope, achingly beautiful. Nick paused for a moment, frantically trying to compose his thoughts into speech.

"I…I don't blame you, Helen." He laughed bitterly. "She got what she wanted, I know that better then most, she always got what she wanted."

Stephen's confused gaze met his and Nick smiled sadly.

"There's a lot you didn't know about her, about us; her manipulation, her cruelty was always there she just doesn't bother to hide it now. You weren't her first lover, I knew, I always knew, she made sure I did when it would hurt me most, it…" he took a deep breath and looked straight at Stephen. "It was always someone who was important to me."

Stephen stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his shoulder and stood for a moment, offering his silent compassion.

"You know I'm sorry, I should have never that."

"I know." Nick said, almost his entire being focused on the warmth that bled into his skin from Stephen's hand on his shoulder.

He glanced up at Stephen and was startled at how close he was, Stephen's hand was cupping his shoulder, fingers curled around onto his shoulder blade and his face was less then a foot from Nick's.
His eyes were so bright and his pain so obvious and Nick couldn't stop himself in time, even before he realised it his hand was cupping Stephen's face and he had lent in, capturing his mouth. His other hand was on Stephen's back and he was pulling him close as Stephen's mouth opened in a gasp and his tongue dove in. Then his mind caught up with him and he pulled back, stumbling over the doorstep, horrified at what he had just done.
He couldn't think of anything to say and so just stood there, eyes on the ground, he heard Stephen shift and waited for the punch or to hear him walk away, but neither of them came. Stephen came closer and then his hand was on his face and Stephen's thumb was stroking his cheek and Nick looked up at him, meeting those eyes that he had fallen for in the first place and they were laughing at him, dancing as Stephen smiled.

"You said she chose people who were important to you, why did she choose me?"

The clenching in Nick's chest was finally fading and he felt like he could float.

"Because you were more important then anyone else."

And Stephen kissed him, hand on his face and fingers digging into his back, running his tongue along the top of Nick's mouth and Nick just tried not to faint. He brought his hand up to Stephen's shoulder, holding on, and buried the other in his hair. A dog barked in the distance and they pulled apart and just stared at each other for a few moments before Stephen took Nick's hand and led him into the house, closing the door behind them.