Gensokyou. The Land of Illusions. Home and refuge for any supernatural being one could think of, reaching from cute fairies to ancient gods.

And one shrine maiden.

One shrine maiden who's presently pissed of.

VERY pissed of.

"Fuck that damn Gap Hag!" cursed Reimu, slamming her tea cup on the table.

Marisa and Alice, who were just inviting themselves into her humble shrine for an impromptu visit, stopped dead in their tracks. If there would be a book about basic rules of surviving in Gensokyou, three things would be at the top of the list:

1. If Yukari Yakumo is bored, run

2. If Flandre Scarlet is pissed, pray

3. If Reimu Hakurei is pissed, run AND pray

Judging by Reimu's behaviour, 1. and 3. are in session right now. Which doesn't bode well for anyone in a 10 mile radius.

Realizing that the shrine maiden already took notice of them, and escape is therefore not an option any more, they reluctantly accepted their fate.

"What did she do this time?" asked Alice, carefully walking to the opposite side of the table, with Marisa close behind her, who's ready to use her fellow magic user as a living meat shield if shit hits the fan.

Wordlessly Reimu hold up a folded piece of paper.

Alice sat down and took it out of her hand, opening it while Marisa looked over her shoulder.

Dear Reimu,

I noticed that you were pretty stressed of lately, so I took the initiative and placed a little present in the main hall of your little shrine.

Raising their heads, they noticed several half unwrapped boxes at the corner of the room.

They contain a TV and several DVD's from the Outside World. The show was one I enjoyed greatly, and I'm sure it will help you to wind down, too.

Love, Yukari

The dot on the 'i' was replaced with a heart, despite her name being written in kanji - it's Yukari Yakumo, don't question it.

"So what's the big deal?" asked Marisa in confusion. "Yukari gave you a gift and you flip out? Ok, it's unusual from her to actually be nice, but..."

"Look at the back side," countered Reimu, looking at her tiredly.

PS: I stole your donation box, I'll return it after you watched ALL seasons.

"... Yeah, that sounds more like her," relented the witch.

"Damn her, the only reason I'm so stressed is because I have to solve one incident after another for her," complained the armpit-flaunting priestess, her head resting in the palms of her hand.

"Look at the positive side, as long as she wants you to watch this... DVD's, she'll probably leave you alone," tried Alice to comfort Reimu.

Marisa meanwhile was searching through the boxes.

"I have seen this stuff at Rinnosuke's shop once, no idea how they work through."

She lifted one of the cases up in the air.

"Red vs. Blue?"

"The only one who knows how those stupid things function is that airhead at the Moryia Shrine, and I wont go and ask her for hel...," started Reimu, when suddenly a gap with multiple eyes opened above her, and said airhead (also known as Sanae) dropped out and crashed into Reimu.

As the hole in reality closed again, Marisa and Alice could only stare at the two shrine maidens, who (unintentionally) got very intimidate which each other. With Reimu getting a close view of Sanae's... assets, which tried their best to suffocate her.

While this normally would only count as a minor mishap between two girls, this situation wasn't normal.

Mainly because Sanae was wet... and since the towel opened during her descent, also currently naked.

- Half an hour later -

After the unavoidable freak-out, an explanation and a fresh set of clothes (courtesy of Reimu), everyone agreed to help the distressed priestess out. They thought it would be in their own interest to try and calm her down before she starts an incident all on her own.

Reimu was just happy that she didn't have to suffer alone.

While Sanae was arranging the TV (and preventing Marisa from taking off with some of the goods), Reimu and Alice prepared some tea and snacks.

Some time later, they gathered at the table, and Sanae turned the television on.

The screen lit up, showing both the name and the logo of the studio.

"Rooster Teeth?" asked Sanae, tilting her head in confusion.

"I can't imagine an odder name for whatever this is," Alice agreed with a raised brow.

"Could be worse," challenged Marisa with a sly grin.

"Like what?"

"COCK BITE!" the 'ordinary' magician stated, falling over in laughter while the others groaned in annoyance.

The view faded to show several men in futuristic armour with some kind of vehicle, and a big font stating 'RED' floating next to them, as a catchy tune started to play.

~ Roses are red, ~

~ and violets are blue. ~

The camera zooms to the man with red amour in front of the vehicle, while another font identified him as 'SARGE'.

~ One day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch Avenue. ~

Next was the one sitting in the vehicle, wearing orange (Or is it yellow? Gold maybe?) armour, as he turned his head to look to his left. 'GRIF'

~ It's red versus red, and blue versus blue. ~

Now it was the man in maroon, aiming the vehicle's strange cannon-like weapon to the side. 'SIMMONS'

~ It's I against I, and me against you. ~

The final one, wearing the same suit as the first one, was holding a gun as 'DONUT' appeared in front of him.

The view zipped across the field to some kind of gray base, showing two soldiers next to yet another big vehicle, one with blue armour and the other in black.

~ Violets are blue, and roses are red, ~

~ living like this, we're already dead. ~

The man in teal (Aqua?) pulled his gun out and posed in a heroic stance, while the name 'TUCKER' appeared in the front.

A cobalt-armoured soldier was standing on top of the base, aiming a long rifle around, as the name 'CHURCH' came in from the side.

The soldier in black armour, identified as 'TEX', turned invisible and quickly back to normal as the font went behind him/her.

The final soldier in blue jumped out of the vehicle, aiming his weapon to the ground. 'CABOOSE'

~ Hop in my car, ~

~ it don't have any doors. ~

The vehicle started to glow. 'SHEILA'

The camera zoomed out towards the middle of a field, showing a soldier in brown armour. 'LOPEZ'

~ It's build like a cat,

~ it lands on all fours.

The screen changed to show the smaller of the first vehicles being driven on the field, and then zoomed to Grif and Sarge talking. Then the view focused on Church and Caboose standing next to each other, as Church waved his weapon around, just to quickly fade to Donut with a flagpole in his hands, then the big vehicle shooting, to Tex, then to a man in a grey suit.

~ My car's like a puma, ~

~ it drives on all fours. ~

Several different scenes played out, some purple object flying in space, both sides shooting across from one another, Grif and Tucker in their team's respective vehicle, and a variety of other activities as the song continued to play out.

~ Red versus red ~

~ Blue versus blue ~

"RED VS BLUE" – "SEASON 1"

"The song was actually pretty good," said Reimu, nibbling on a cookie. "The lyrics didn't make much sense through."

"Season 1? How many are there anyway?" asked Marisa her fellow blonde.

"Let's see, I count... wow, seventeen cases," Alice answered, digging through the box.

"Seems like we'll be here for some time!" smiled Sanae, clapping her hands in excitement.

Reimu groaned.

"Season 01 / Episode 01: Why are we here?"

The camera zoomed up to Grif and Simmons, standing next to each other on top of their base.

"That armour looks actually pretty impressive," mused Reimu, looking at the green-haired priestess. "Is that normal for the Outside World?"

"That looks a bit more advanced then anything they had the last time I was there," answered Sanae, tapping her chin in thought as she looked at the roof. "But it's possible they have something similar by now."

"Hey," started Simmons, turning to Grif.

"Yeah?"

"You ever wonder why we're here?"

"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of... some cosmic coincidence, or... is there really a God? Watching everything? Y'know, with a plan for us and stuff? I dunno, man. But it keeps me up at night."

"... Gotta admit, I didn't expect them to start with a philosophical discussion about the meaning of life," Marisa mumbled, scratching her head in confusion. "That's some pretty heavy stuff there."

"But why is he talking as there is only one god? Is he simply ignoring all the others?" wondered Reimu, sipping at her tea.

Both soldiers stared at each other in silence.

"... What? I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?"

"Oh. Uh... yeah."

"What was all that stuff about God?"

"Uh... hm? Nothing."

Silence.

"Way to kill the mood, dude," deadpanned Marisa, but then started to laugh. The others joined in too, but a bit more collected than their friend.

"... You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Awkward~," sang Sanae, still giggling.

"Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."

"Wow, sucks to be them," said Reimu.

"Mhmm."

"The only reason that we set up a red base here, is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there, is because we have a red base here."

"I will not say that THIS is the stupidest thing I ever heard, because honestly? I have seen and heard even more moronic stuff around here," started Alice, shaking her head in disapproval. "But it's still in the Top 10."

The others also gave sounds of agreement.

"Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other," answered Grif.

"No no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today and they were to come take our base, they'd would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo."

"Yeah, that's total bullshit," agreed Marisa.

"What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys," Grif commented.

"So they were originally planning to fight aliens?" asked Sanae, reaching for the plate with the cookies, only to realize that Marisa already ate all of them.

"What, like the Lunarians?" said the witch, rubbing her stomach in contentment, while ignoring the stink-eye the former outsider gave her.

"Kaguya and her rabbits were originally from earth," said Reimu, sighing at the antics of the two. "I believe they are talking about real aliens."

"I wonder how one single human could destroy an entire armada on his own," thought Alice aloud, but only got shrugs in response.

The camera changed to show Church and Tucker, both standing on a cliff a decent distance away from the red base, with the former looking through a long riffle, while the latter was standing behind him.

"That looks like on of those cannon things that the crazy bunny girl uses sometimes," noted Marisa.

"They're called 'guns'," Sanae explained. "And they come in lots of different shapes and sizes. Judging by its length, I'd say that one is a so-called 'sniper riffle', used for long-distance attacks."

"What are they doing?" Tucker asked.

"What?" replied Church, lowering his weapon.

"I said, what are they doing now?"

"Godamn it, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!"

"He sounds a lot like Reimu," grinned Marisa, getting an annoyed shove from said shrine maiden.

"You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit! Don't bitch at me, because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my d-,"

"Wow, too much info?" grimaced Alice.

"Okay, look. They're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from now when you ask me 'What are they doing?', my answer's gonna be: 'They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there'."

"... What are they talking about?"

"You know what? I fucking hate you."

"Snarky, easily irritated, and even easier annoyed. I think I found your soul mate!" teased Marisa.

"Fuck you," replied Reimu eloquently, kicking the blonde magician in the side.

"See!? You're made for each other!" gasped Marisa from the ground, trying to catch her breath, while her butt was comically raised to the heavens.

- Back to the Reds -

"Talk about a waste of resources," Griff complained. "I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life. Y'know, fight them."

"Yeah, no shit. That' why they should put us in charge."

"I have the feeling you two wouldn't be in charge of taking care of a rock," mocked Alice, covering her mouth faux seriousness.

"They'd probably lose it," joined Sanae in the joke.

Sarge appeared, looking up at Simmons and Grif.

"Ladies, front and center on the double!"

"Fuck," groaned Simmons.

"Yes, sir!" answered Grif.

Fade to black.

"What the fuck, that's all?" complained Marisa. "We didn't get any action at all!"

"Let's play the next one," urged Sanae her fellow priestess, who snorted in irritation, before snatching the remote and pressing play.