Hello! This is a present to my NGoF beta, cardcaptor eternity as a thanks for a job well done! Also, this story just had to be told because I believe it is very important. I don't think any of us are happy with Danzo's current position so it's time to shatter that dream of his.
Anyway, this is my first time writing a crackfic so please be forewarned. There may be a bit of Sasuke OOCness, but that's what crackfics are all about—right?
Sasuke sprinted through the trees. Now I can finally destroy Konoha! he thought with glee. I can just imagine what the village will look like, all broken down and worthless! Kind of like that—wait, WHAT?! The former Konoha nin stopped jumping and stared at the scene before him with a mixture of awe, shock, and anger.
What was left of Konoha was stretched out before him. It looked like someone had risen the entire village up to the clouds and then dropped it. Sasuke could tell that they were starting to rebuild, but it appeared that it would take a year to get it back to its former glory.
"The handiwork is not too bad," he mumbled, staring at it intently. For some reason, the sight both excited and pained him. It was where he grew up after all. Sasuke shook his head to clear it of those happy memories and replaced it with anger. He was the one who was supposed to lay siege on Konoha! The only one who had a right to destroy the village was him! They had wronged him of so much that it was practically his right!
"I guess all there is to do is find out who did this and make them pay myself," Sasuke decided. "Sure hope I don't run into Naruto." With that Sasuke leapt from the tree he was standing on and made his way into the village.
Iruka wiped some sweat off his brow and sighed. He couldn't believe it was possible, but Konoha was in worse shape now than it was during the Kyuubi attack nearly sixteen years ago. What was even stranger was that everyone was alive! The chuunin had been busy collecting bodies when something white flew overhead and the next thing he knew, the four bodies he had found under rubble were up and moving! Iruka nearly had a heart attack.
The four shinobi were just as surprised as he was, but thankfully Tsunade's summon explained the whole situation. The only way Iruka had been able to believe that there was a mass jutsu capable of bringing everyone back to life was because the proof was standing right in front of him. Believing that Naruto had wrought the change in Pein though, was much easier for him to process. The fact that it happened though made the academy instructor very irritated.
When it all came down to it—all they got out of the attack was a ruined village. The fact that there were no casualties was a total blessing, don't get him wrong, but couldn't their adversary have had some sort of village rebuilding jutsu? Having to clean up was going to be a pain in the—
"Yo, Iruka-sensei." He glanced up and grinned happily at seeing Kakashi.
"You're all right! I was so worried!" Iruka abandoned his current project and walked over to the jounin. "I had no idea what happened between you and Pein after you saved my life and I . . . " Kakashi's expression was hard to figure out.
"I failed," Kakashi said quietly. "Dying is quite an interesting experience," he joked.
Iruka's eyes widened. He didn't want to think about what would have happened if Naruto found out his sensei had died. "I'm so sor—"
"What are you doing here?" Kakashi interrupted. Iruka frowned and turned to see who the jounin was glaring at. His mouth dropped open at the sight. There were only so many surprises he could take in one day.
"Sasuke?!"
"What happened to the village?" Sasuke asked, ignoring the shocked glances from all around him.
"What's it to you, traitor?" someone called out. Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"I don't have time for insults. What happened?"
Kakashi folded his arms and stared at the ground. "Pein attacked Konoha." He couldn't meet his ex-student in the eyes because it pained him too much.
"That traitor!" Sasuke growled. It was supposed to be me!
"We already knew you were a member of Akatsuki," Kakashi said quietly. "And now you're declared—"
"A missing nin." Everyone's attention was directed to the left. To their dismay it was Danzo.
"Oh, really?" Sasuke chuckled. "And just who are you?"
"The 6th Hokage—Danzo." Sasuke stared at him in disgust.
"Is this a genjutsu or something? What about Tsunade?"
"She risked her life for the sake of the village and hasn't woken up yet. Probably the only thing she's useful for," Danzo laughed. "Now things are going to be run the right way around here. Starting with you! Arrest him!" Danzo's personal Root force moved forward but Kakashi reached Sasuke first.
"I can take it from here," he said calmly.
Sasuke scowled at his ex-sensei. "I don't want to fight you—"
"Just listen carefully," Kakashi whispered, pretending to tighten his grip on the boy. "Shikaku informed me that I am next in line for Hokage. Get rid of Danzo and I can pardon your status as a missing nin."
Sasuke frowned and considered the options. All I really wanted to do was kill the elders, so this might actually work for me. He smirked. "I'll accept your offer."
Five minutes later found Sasuke and Danzo facing off while being surrounded by quite possibly the entire village. No one said anything, but they were all thinking the same thing. With Danzo out of the picture things would go a lot better for the village and despite their feelings towards Sasuke they silently cheered for him.
"I'm sorry your career has to end like this," Sasuke smirked as he grasped the hilt of his katana.
Danzo smiled. "Say all you want but you're going to die like every traitor should." The man knew he wouldn't be able to hold his own against Sasuke, but he was confident his Root operatives would jump in at the right time and save him.
Kakashi was standing in the middle. He raised his hand up in the air, and then threw it down dramatically. "START!" As soon as he jumped out of the way Danzo steadied himself, bracing for Sasuke's attack. To his and everyone's surprise, Sasuke chuckled and let go of his katana. The missing nin then slowly started walking towards Danzo as if there was nothing going on.
"What are you doing? Aren't you going to attack me?" Danzo yelled. Sasuke tsked.
"Mighty impatient for a Hokage, aren't you?" He held out a hand and before Danzo could do anything three snakes burst out of the ground and wrapped themselves around Danzo's body. Sasuke leaned in close to Danzo and blinked slowly. When Sasuke opened his eyes Danzo found himself staring into the fearsome three tomoe of the sharingan. "Tsukuyomi."
Suddenly everything around Danzo disappeared with the exception of Sasuke. Danzo glanced down and saw that instead of snakes there were iron chains holding him down, and he was currently in a vast wasteland with a red moon shining up above. Everything was gray or white, and the sky was a blood red color.
"It's time for you to atone for what you've done to my brother," Sasuke growled.
"W-what are you talking about?" There was no way he could know about that—right?
"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Sasuke yelled, grabbing Danzo's tunic and pulling him closer. "Making him massacre my entire clan just because a few of them were potentially dangerous! Do you have any idea of how ruthless and heartless that is? You should have just gotten rid of those who were planning it. Don't take it out on the entire clan!"
"It was for the good of the village!" Danzo protested. "I had Konoha's best intentions at heart."
"By massacring one of the most prominent clans? I don't think so." Sasuke let go on Danzo and stepped back. "While it may seem like I have mixed feelings about Konoha, I will not permit someone as evil and wicked as you to rule. Time to face your doom."
Danzo laughed. "Torture me all you want, Uchiha. I have trained my body to resist torture." Yet at Sasuke's feral grin, the one-eyed man couldn't help but shrink back.
"Oh, I'm going to torture you all right. Just not like this." Sasuke lifted his hands up to the sky, and then threw them down. As if by magic, the landscape was transformed from the dreary black and red, to a shining wonderland. The sky was blue as blue could be, and the grass was so pure and clean it burned the eyes. Brightly colored butterflies fluttered past and Danzo could swear there was some happy music playing in the background. Colorful horses pranced all around and all kinds of furry creatures were chattering away happily.
"What is this?!" Danzo demanded. He resisted the urge to vomit at all the cuteness.
"What—this?" The Hokage's attention was focused back to Sasuke and almost gagged. Instead of the Akatsuki cloak and white shirt, Sasuke now wore a bright pink kimono with a floral design and there was a flower crown delicately perched atop his raven hair.
The Uchiha smirked. "Don't like my outfit? I think it's starting to grow on me. Though I must say, I think yours is much better. Take a look." Danzo gasped and glanced down at the small puddle of water that had magically appeared before him.
His previous clothes had been removed and were now replaced by a neon purple kimono with pink, smiling flowers on them. The bandages around his eye were gone and in their place was a cloth with a heart on it. As if that wasn't enough, he somehow wore the make-up that geisha typically wear.
"I think the colors really bring out your eyes," Sasuke cut in. "Or rather—eye."
"What are you doing to me? What kind of sick joke is this?"
"You're about to endure seventy-two hours of the most horrifying torture," Sasuke said. The contrast of his smirk against his particular choice of clothing made him all the more sinister. "I designed it especially for you. Get ready." The Uchiha lifted his hands and all the rabbits and raccoons grew five feet, now looking like a deranged drawing made by a toddler.
"Sic him."
Danzo shrieked in fear as the adorable monsters came barreling towards him with wide, sparkly eyes. When they reached him they then alternated giving him hugs.
"I WUV YOU!"
"YOU'RE SO PWETTY!"
"WILL YOU BE MY FWEND?"
"YOU'RE THE PWETTIEST PWINCESS!"
The Hokage was soon smothered by the charming animals. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE HUGS! THEY BURN! THEY BUUUUURRN!!" Just when he thought he couldn't take anymore, suddenly Danzo was freed from the creatures. As he slowly opened his good eye, he noticed in horror that Sasuke was standing before him.
"One second has passed." Danzo couldn't believe it. There was no way that was a second! What was going on?
"I control time and space inside this jutsu," Sasuke said. "You have a long way to go." Suddenly a hundred other Danzo's appeared all around him, each with their accompanying set of deranged forest animals. Danzo had never felt more scared in his life.
"Let's continue."
The second after Sasuke opened his eyes, Danzo let out a bloodcurdling scream and fell to the ground as the snakes that held him there disappeared in a puff of smoke. All the onlookers gasped in fear as they saw the state that Danzo was in.
"But it was just a second!"
"How could he have gotten so beat?"
"I'm surprised you're still alive and not a vegetable," Sasuke remarked. Danzo couldn't respond. He was panting too heavily and his head was still swimming from the torture.
"But no matter. Now that your defenses are down there is no way you can prepare yourself for what happens next."
"Get him!" Danzo suddenly found his voice. "Attack him Root!" The Hokage glanced at his special team of operatives, ready for them to save his life, but it looked like they were hesitating. "What are you standing around for? Do as I say!"
"They're not going to listen to you anymore." Danzo refocused his attention on Sasuke.
"What are you talking about?"
"They see that they finally have a chance to be rid of you," Sasuke explained. "I'm sure that they highly value their freedom and they won't ever have to be bossed around by the likes of you." He smiled. "You're finished." The ground rumbled and those watched glanced around for the source of the noise. When they saw what it was, they jumped out of the way quickly, not wanting to be in the way.
"Behold—MY NINJA CATS!" Sasuke cackled, gesturing to the vast expanse of cute but ferocious felines behind him. "SIC HIM MY PRETTIES!!"
What happened afterwards would be told in the centuries to come. The most heartless and cruel Hokage Danzo only had his post for a few hours.
He was defeated—by rabbits, raccoons, and a collection of kitties.
So, what did you think? I hope I was able to make you chuckle and I wished something like this would happen in the manga. XD Oh well, can't have everything.