A Special Sacred Place
by Una Moonstar
Disclaimer: At the moment I am so awed by the feelings the inspiration for this fic stirred in me, I can only say I don't own Sailor Moon.
Original ANs: I got the inspiration for this short piece from a fic called Gilbert's Letter by AngieJ (also known as Ebony Elizabeth). It's a beautiful piece that represents one of the letters Gilbert Blythe may have written to Anne Shirley while he was in medical school in Kingsport and she was a high school principal in Summerside (Anne of Windy Poplars). The book only showed us her letters to him, and I'm sure all fans of the series wished they could have seen his letters in reply. I think this letter could easily have been one of them. I found it at – read it. You won't be sorry you did.
New ANs: I haven't been able to find the piece of fiction that inspired this story for a long time, but I can still remember the feelings it brought forth in me. Powerful, oh so powerful. I'm still quite proud of this one, and not just because I managed to get it under three pages. Enjoy!
(fade out...)
(begin story...)
The setting sun displayed all its glory over the whole of Tokyo one typical Friday evening. Orange and red sunlight filtered through the white lace curtains of the fifth floor apartment of one Serena Shields as she hummed a playful tune to herself while making dinner.
She wanted to have everything ready for her husband of just over a year. She only had morning classes on Fridays and knew that Darien would be exhausted after a long day of observation tours at Tokyo General. She smiled as she remembered how his happiness radiated off him when he had received his letter of acceptance a month ago. It had taken three weeks to rearrange his schedule with his professors, but being the honor student he was, they were more than willing to accommodate the accelerated program.
Just as the now-matured blonde was pulling her beef stroganoff from the oven – she thanked Lita silently for all the extra lessons when she saw it was perfect – the front door opened and the sound of slow, heavy footsteps was heard.
"Darien? Is that you?" she called as she pulled down dishes from the cabinet. Serena became worried when there was no response. "Darien?" She reset the oven to a setting that would only keep their dinner warm and walked into the other room after depositing the dish inside.
Her sapphire blue eyes widened when she saw what was waiting in the living room. Darien sat on the couch, head in his hands, his coat still draped over his tall frame. A completely dejected air surrounded him and threatened to dampen any optimism Serena could muster. Still, she drew on her inner strength, the strength that had served her so well as Sailor Moon, and approached her soul mate. "Darien, what's wrong? What happened?" she questioned quietly.
The ebony-haired man flinched as his wife placed her hand on his slumped shoulder. "I… I don't know if I can say."
Serena barely caught the muffled words. "Will you try?" she asked as she sat beside him and put her arms around his crestfallen form. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say."
His head rose slightly, and one midnight blue eye peered at her. "I know," he breathed. "And that means everything."
She smiled and gave him a brief squeeze. "Whenever you're ready."
They sat there like that for another fifteen minutes while Darien took the time to breathe and settle the light shaking that had been affecting him all the way home. He finally raised his head completely and unconsciously leaned into Serena's embrace. "I… I saw a man die today."
Serena's eyes grew wide and tears began to form. "Oh, Darien…"
"It was supposed to be a simple procedure; it wasn't even life-threatening. An appendectomy, can you believe it?" He rubbed his hands over his face before continuing. "It… burst while they were opening him up. On top of all the toxins that had been released into his system, the bleeding was unstoppable. All that blood…" His face fell once again into his hands.
Serena did the only thing she could think of: she held her husband and said nothing.
Soon enough he calmed himself so he could complete his tale. "I think the worst part about the whole experience was what Dr. Kugawa said afterward. 'That's the way this game works sometimes, son. You have to be able to harden yourself to sights like this.' I didn't know what to say. As we started to leave the observation room, I could feel my body start to shake. I could only be grateful I was leaving after I had turned in my notes. I don't really know how I made it home."
"I'm just glad you did," Serena whispered.
Darien flashed her a brief, weak smile. "He wasn't just a patient, Serena. He was someone's son, brother, friend, neighbor. And even if he were none of those, he had to serve some sort of purpose on this Earth. He was needed for something." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm afraid, Serena. I'm afraid of becoming desensitized to it all. It was different as Tuxedo Mask somehow. Yes, the world, and even an individual, sometimes depended on the accuracy of my aim – more importantly your life did – but there was something that kept it all in perspective. I guess maybe I was at a greater distance, not actually holding someone's life in my hands, able to feel their labored heartbeats under my skin, a heartbeat that would fail if I made one mistake.
"I wanted to become a doctor to help people. I wanted to make sure that no other child would go through what I went through, because I would save their parents." He released a derisive chuckle. "The arrogance of youth. I saw that others couldn't do something I wanted done, so I automatically assumed I could do better. Then I watched him slip away…"
Serena bit her lower lip as she watched him lose himself in the recent memory. Her heart was breaking in the knowledge of his pain, and that she could do nothing to ease it. She squeezed him once again, feeling helpless.
The subtle reassurance in that comforting gesture brought him back to reality. "I don't want to lose the ability to feel. I never want to look at someone who is brought before me in need of my abilities as a mere subject or lump of flesh. But it feels like that's what they're trying to teach us, what they want us to learn. Dollar signs and statistics."
Serena ignored the tears that rolled down her cheeks as she not only heard but felt the pain and anguish this was making her beloved go through. She laid her head against his shoulder and let her love for him flow through their link.
"I know what I have to do now. I must strive to reaffirm the humanity in man, to never forget the dignity of my patients.
"To be able to do that, I have to have some place I can go, some special, sacred place I can go to find myself again after losing myself in my day's work. Some place I can refill my own humanity after sharing it with others who need it far more than I do." He turned his head to gaze on the golden child beside him and let his arms wrap around her. She snuggled fiercely into his embrace. "I know where I'll find that place, Serena, for I'm already there."
She looked up at him, finding his dark gaze focused completely on her. "What do you mean?"
"It's you, Serena. You are my place of renewal and hope, untouched by the darkness that surrounds us all. My light that will always guide me when I am lost and cannot find my way home. You've already done it tonight. I didn't think I would ever come to terms with what happened. But I have, and I did it in your arms, in your love.
"I live for the moments I spend with you. All your chatter, all your gossip and tales of the girls – I live for it all. All your hugs and impulsive expressions of love – they heal me. Everything reminds me of who I am and why I'm doing what I'm doing.
"I get quite a bit of ribbing for being married at such a - let's see, how did they put it – young and tender age. I should be out experiencing the world – and as many women as possible, I imagine." He smiled the boyish grin that always set her heart a-flutter. "That seems to be the typical hobby of the students in my classes. But I want you to know that you're more important than all that. You are my oasis, my strength, my hope – and most of all, my love. The days all seem to go by so fast, what with classes and books and reports and labs and studying…" He reached out a tender hand and caressed her tear-stained cheek. "All that's real is you," he whispered. "Always take care of yourself, Serena, because by doing that you take care of me. You are everything." He leaned down and met her lips with his own, letting all the pent-up feelings of the day be released and all the passion he felt for the amazing woman in his arms consume him.
"I will always be here to heal you, Darien. Always," she whispered as they slowly fell back onto the couch, the world forgotten, their all-consuming love reaching new heights.