The Writer and the Artist

by chinocoop81

She had been the artist, he had been the writer. But now a year has passed since she died, and it's time for their secret to be revealed. RM one shot. Please read.

A year had passed.

That's all that was needed to be said to understand the mood everyone seemed to be in, to understand why they were all looking at the ground. It was all that needed to be said to understand why Julie had refused to get out of her room this morning, why Ryan retreated to the pool house last night after dinner and didn't come out for anything, why Summer started to research any more campaigns, why Kaitlin looked for some way to keep herself busy. It was all that needed to be said to explain why Sandy seemed to lose his smile, why Seth tried to make so many jokes, why Kirsten decided to cook a huge meal that no one could ever possibly eat, why Jimmy had come back to Newport. A year had passed, and everyone knew it, and everyone felt it.

Julie sat in her room, on the bed and under the covers. The light was off, the room was pitch black. She was okay with that though, she didn't need light, she just needed to be swallowed in the darkness. Her daughter had been gone for a year, had been dead for a year. Her oldest daughter, the daughter that she was closest to was dead, forever lost in the darkness.

Ryan stared at the punching bag hanging from the ceiling in front of him. He felt his fists clench, and he stared at his target. He felt the anger and the sadness well up inside of him and he started punching the bag. He let out his frustrations, he was ready to kill, ready to hurt something the way he was hurt. He didn't have anything protecting his hands though, and soon they started bleeding. He didn't care though, he wanted to hurt, he wanted physical pain. Anything was better than the emotional pain that he had right now, anything was better than letting himself feel something. Besides, Marissa had been in pain that night.

Summer was on her computer looking for some type of campaign, some type of escape. She needed something to get her mind off of things, something to make her forget what today was. She saw a campaign that would was today, one for chickens like she had when she was back at Brown. She quickly printed out the information and tried not to look at her wall which held pictures of her best friend. Her friend that would never be able to smile for a camera again.

Kaitlin sat in her room, the room that used to be Marissa's room. She pulled out her phone and called the Ward twins, needing someone to help her escape. They didn't answer though, so she was left sitting in the room that used to be Marissa's…the room that her sister would never sleep in again.

Sandy was watching TV in the living room, but nothing seemed funny. Nothing seemed good enough to laugh at. He didn't smile, wouldn't let himself right now. He had a house full of people that were sad and angry, he couldn't let himself smile. Marissa was never going to smile again.

Seth sat next to his father, trying to make a joke every now and then. He would make fun of the guys on the television, but nothing seemed funny, just awkward. He sighed and tried to be quiet…getting sad at the thought that Marissa could never laugh or roll her eyes at one of his jokes again.

Kirsten looked at the ingredients before her on the counter and then quickly went over her recipe. She nodded in approval to herself when she saw that she had everything she needed. She started following the recipe, trying not to think of how Marissa would never get to eat her cooking again.

Jimmy arrived in Newport and checked into the Mermaid Inn. He went into his hotel room and sat down on the bed, placing his suitcase down on the floor. He looked around the hotel room where so much had happened; so many scandals had taken place. He had just gotten back from Greece, a place that Marissa never got to go.

The idea came sometime around noon, when Sandy got tired of the quiet, got tired of the denial. He called together all of his family. Seth wasn't smiling, Kirsten was mad that he'd interrupted her cooking, and Ryan was sort of in his own little world, with fresh cuts all over his hands. "We're going to have a memorial for Marissa." Sandy had said, proud of himself for coming up with the idea. "We'll invite Jimmy, Julie, Kaitlin, and Summer. We'll all talk about Marissa, and something that stood out about her." He looked right at Ryan who was staring down at his shoes, "And we'll share memories of better times."

Everyone was quiet for a while; no one knew what to say. After a long time, Sandy began to get discouraged, and got up from his place on the couch, and started to leave the room. He was mumbling something about caring and moping when he heard someone's voice quietly say, "I think it's a good idea." He turned to see Ryan looking up at him.

So they called everyone, and everyone agreed reluctantly to come over. Julie and Kaitlin arrived first. Julie wore big sunglasses that were supposed to cover her red and puffy eyes. Kaitlin was holding a bag in her hand, and handed it to Ryan at the door. She muttered the words, "Mom said to bring this….", and then walked into the living room behind Julie.

Jimmy arrived next, and he held in his hand a post card from Greece. He gave Ryan a sad look, and said, "Because she never got to go." Ryan just nodded and put it next to the bag that Julie and Kaitlin had brought, and sat down and waited for Summer.

When Summer came she held a bag like Julie and Kaitlin's and handed it to Ryan. "Just some stuff that she loved." She explained to Ryan as he stared at the bag. He just nodded, not saying a word. Not a word was needed.

Seth came down from his room holding his sketch pad and a copy of the Atomic County graphic novel. He put it next to the rest of stuff, and mumbled, "Super heroes aren't supposed to die."

Sandy and Kirsten brought pictures of Marissa…from when she was a baby and when she was just starting school. They placed in next to everyone else's items, and sat down together on the couch.
Ryan was the last to sit down though. He held a plastic bag with many items in it, but no one could see what. When everyone gave him a questioning look because he kept the bag in his hand, he said, "No need to ruin the surprise."

For a couple of minutes, everyone looked around awkwardly. No one knew how to start, or what to say. Kirsten was the first to speak up. "I always thought that she'd end up being my daughter in law." She turned to Ryan who was staring at his boots like they were the most interesting thing in the world. "But she never got the chance."

Julie spoke up after that, "I thought that would happen too. She was always happiest when she was with Ryan." She said this as she stared straight at Ryan who finally looked up with watery eyes.

"That's true….she was always happiest with Atwood." Summer said quietly. "She would always smile more, and laugh more. She wouldn't drink as much either."

Ryan nervously fidgeted with his hands for a while, as everyone looked at him with expectant eyes. He finally said, "It wasn't supposed to be over." He swallowed hard and said, "We agreed in the Model Home, it wasn't over yet….there was still a chance. She's not supposed to be dead. She should be here with us, and we should be celebrating that she's finally back from Greece." He looked at Jimmy sadly and said, "She's supposed to be with you."

"I know." Jimmy said with a sad look. He looked away from everyone, and said, "I know."

"She didn't deserve to die." Ryan said angrily. "She had just graduated high school…she didn't deserve this."

"No one ever does." Sandy said softly.

Everyone was quiet for a long time, there was really nothing to say. Finally after a while, Sandy decided that it was time to break the silence. "Kirsten and I brought some pictures." He said, picking them up. He looked at them momentarily before passing them around the room. "It's just baby pictures and stuff….stuff that Julie and Jimmy had given us a while back when her and Seth were kids." He shrugged. "It's nothing too special…but we still kept them."

Julie started sniffling while looking at the picture and said, "She looked so beautiful…"

"She always did." Ryan said quietly. "Always so beautiful…"

Julie smiled sadly at him and nodded. "I'm sorry for ever doubting your love for my daughter Ryan." She said sadly. "I just didn't want to blame what went wrong on myself…so I found someone else."

"It doesn't matter anymore anyways." He said, looking down. "But I forgive you. I know you were just trying to keep your family together."

"We actually brought some stuff." Julie said, reaching for the bag that Kaitlin had brought in. When she talked, she directed all her words and looks to Ryan, knowing that he probably cared about her most out of everyone. He was the one that she spoke her last words to. She pulled out one item from the bag and handed it to Ryan. It was her share bear. "She loved this thing. We gave it to her when she was a newborn, and she's slept with it ever since."

Ryan carefully stroked the bear, trying to fight back tears by biting his lip. "She loved this thing." He said softly.

"We also brought some pictures of her." She said, reaching in the bag and pulling out the pictures. Ryan looked at them and saw that a large part of them were pictures of him and Marissa, on the beach or kissing, thinking that no one was paying attention. He picked up one of the pictures and running his thumb over her face tenderly. "They were in her room when Kaitlin cleared it out. She loved you so much Ryan."

Ryan just nodded, not saying anything, knowing that his voice would crack and come out shaky if he did. Summer reached into her bag next and said, "Coop loved to shop." She smiled weakly and pulled out some of Marissa's purses and stuff. "She always let me borrow stuff…I just forgot to give these back to her. I guess she never got them back…" Summer suddenly started to break down and leaned into Seth's shoulder and started sobbing.

"Shh, it's okay." Seth said soothingly. Ryan watched the exchange, and felt a pang of jealously hit him. He should've been comforting Marissa when things got bad, he should've been there for her when she needed to cry. He should've been the one that she told her secrets, that she shared her deepest thoughts with. But now he was left with no one, watching Seth comfort Summer.

"She was my best friend." Summer said after a while, wiping her eyes. "She was my very best friend. We'd do everything together…go to the movies, have sleepovers, stay up late at night talking about boys.." She glance and Ryan and sadly said, "She always talked about you like you were her hero. You should've heard her. It was always Ryan this and Ryan that. She never had something bad to say about you. Whenever something bad happened in your relationship, she blamed herself. She loved you more than anything. Whenever she talked about you, she'd have this dreamy look in her eyes. I miss her so much…"

"We all do." Kirsten said softly.

Jimmy pulled out the postcard and said, "She would've loved it in Greece. It was such a nice place. She would've been thrilled to go there." He looked down at the postcard in his hand and said, "I wish she had been there with me. I know I'd made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I wanted to make things right. I think I just ended up making everything worse."

"Don't say that." Ryan said quietly. "It was the right to do…offering her an escape from Newport. She needed that trip, even if she never actually got to go on it."

"So what did you bring Atwood?" Summer asked. Ryan looked down at the bag that he was clutching tightly.

He pulled out the first item. It was the Model Home mix. He started a story about it. "When I first came to Newport, she asked me what kind of music I liked. At the time I didn't know. We went to the Model Home, and one day she comes over to me with a shy smile on her face and hands me a cd….the Model Home Mix. She told me, 'Here's a little bit of everything.' I listened to it, and when she came over to see me the night that the house burned down, I was playing 'Hallelujah' by Jeff Buckley. My CD was lost in the fire. On my eighteenth birthday, she made another one for me. She ended up giving it to me secretly by putting it on the pool house bed when I was out somewhere. I had thrown it out earlier in the year, but I ended up going back and getting it I listen to it every night."

He reached into the bag and pulled out another item. It was a picture of them at the beach. "This was taken a couple of months after she shot Trey. She never pushed me to talk about that night, and I wish I would've talked to her about it. The picture was taken the day that we decided to stop moping around waiting for Trey to wake up, and go out and have some fun."

He reached into the bag and pulled out a small card. "This was the card she gave me for Chrismukkah." He looked down at her handwriting and little doodles that she'd made on it. "She says in it that she's sorry she's spending so much time with Johnny. She says that she loves me, no matter what I think about her and Johnny. She says that she's glad that we'd been together that long. She says that no matter what, we'll get through anything, together."

He reached in and pulled out a black shirt. "She gave me this shirt for Chrismukkah along with the card. She said it would only make me look even more hot for her."

He pulled out a piece of paper with doodles all over it. "She drew this for me when we were in study hall together. There's a boy holding half a heart, and a girl holding another half. Together, they make one heart. At the bottom she wrote, 'That's us, we share a heart.' I kept it, even though she did it when I first came to Newport and we first got together."

He pulled out another item, this time her Harbor Sweatshirt. "This is her sweatshirt. Everyone's seen her wear it before. I remember the time that she wore it at the bonfire the most because I knew then that I still loved her. I remember that the whole night, I just wanted to be around her, to talk to her, to hold her. I remember that she'd just broken up with Alex, and I finally felt that we had a chance together again."

He reached into the bag and pulled out another item. It was a letter in an envelope addressed to him. "This is the letter she wrote to me the day that she died. She says in it that she loves me, but she needed to leave. She said that right now, there was no way that we could work. She said that in order for us to move on, she needed to leave. She also says that she left something else for me in the pool house."

He pulled out a final item, and fingered it gently. "It was another letter. In it she said that she had a feeling that someone else would read my other letter. She said that you can't always trust the postal services. So she gave me this letter secret, for only me. I will share with you some of it. It says that she loved me more than words could describe, that she was sorry for everything that went on in our relationship. She says that she wanted to be with me, she really did, but she needed to give us a break before anything could happen. She said she needed to make up with her dad, and needed to know what life was like outside of Newport. Then she said that when she came back, she planned on going to Berkeley with me. She said that she didn't expect me to wait for her, and that if I had a girlfriend when she came back, she'd understand. She said that if she couldn't have me as a boyfriend, that she wanted me as at least a friend."

He put it down and looked at everyone. "I would have waited, but I never had the chance."

Everyone looked at him, shocked by this new piece of information. Summer looked at him, and said after a while, "I never knew that Coop was the romantic artist." She joked.

Ryan's mouth lifted into the smallest smile. "She was always surprising me. We just never told anyone, it was something just for the two of us."

"So what did you do for her?" Seth asked with an amused smirk. "I mean…you had to have done something in return for all this. What's your secret?"

Ryan shook his head and said, "That's for me to know, and you to never find out."

"Come on, please…." Seth pleaded.

Summer added in, "We need to know the whole story Ryan…"

Sandy said, "I want to know this little secret of yours."

Ryan finally sighed and rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. I would write her little notes. You know, the occasional, you're beautiful…or you mean the world to me. She was the drawer, I was the writer."

Everyone burst out laughing, and Ryan glared at them. Julie was the first to gain control of her laughter and said, "You guys were quite the romantics huh? What happened?"

"When Johnny came….we stopped." He said sadly. "She was always so busy with him, that I felt that she didn't have enough time for me. Besides…she was at a different school…so we could no longer do it during study hall."

Everyone nodded and Ryan had a sudden need to go. "There's somewhere I need to go." He said, getting up and putting his stuff back in the bag and taking it with him. No one questioned him, because everyone knew where he was going.

He drove through Newport, turning to look at the beach that held so many memories for him…for them. He drove until he arrived at the entrance to the cemetery. He drove inside and then parked on the side of one of the roads leading through it. He walked over to the grave that he had been to so many times before. When he reached it, he put his hand on the cool marble and stood there, rubbing his finger over it. This was what she'd become. "Hey. It's been a year already." He said with a shaky voice.

He sat down, but kept his hand on the cool stone. "It's been a whole year. I can still see it you know…the accident. I have the occasional nightmare sometimes, but I'm doing a lot better than I was that night…and the nights that followed it. I know that you never really got to go to Greece, but I looked it up on the internet last night, and I got you these pictures." He said, pulling some pictures out of his pocket. He set them down against her tombstone and then said, "That way you can get a change of view.

"Your mom's been doing pretty well lately, Today just seemed to be the day that we all sort of broke down. I started punching the punching bag again, but you have to admit it's better than cage fighting. I don't know what came over me when I did…I just knew that I had to let out some steam. It hurt too much inside you know…I guess that's what I do instead of cutting myself.

"Our secret was found out today." He said with a small smile. "I told them about your little drawings and doodles you were always giving me. I even showed them one…but don't worry, I only showed one.

"I think I'm going to go now. The Cohens are going to get worried, and we don't want that." He stood up and got an idea. He tore a piece off of the white part of the Greece picture, and felt in his pockets and found a pen. He scribbled the small note, 'You took my heart with you that night…' He set the paper down next to the picture and said, "I love you…I know I didn't say it near enough, but I do.'

He started walking away. When he reached his car, he saw that there was something on the windshield. He picked it up and saw that it was folded. He opened it up slowly, and looked down at it, gasping when he saw what it was. It was the note that he'd just wrote to Marissa, but then there was something else at the bottom, right next to it.

A drawing.

A drawing of a woman with a heart, holding it to her own chest, and hugging it tightly.

And a note at the bottom said, I'll keep it safe.