I just came up with this at 5 in the morning. I just can say that I'm not thinking straight :)
With a slight crook on my brows, I let my eyes open and see the darkened room. Barely audible gasp came from the parted lips, and a feeling of sudden discomfort made me grab the end of my pillow. But then I found the beautiful silhouette sleeping very next to mine. Now every tensed muscle of my body gets relieved a little.
I still have him. 'Cause I have still have him within my reach.
As if I wanted to make sure of it, trying hard not to wake him up I let my fingers slowly run down his soft skin, Feeling the sense of his warmth, now I am brushing his lips then his chin. It was then he suddenly opened his eyes with a light body shake.
"Huh......Jeez! You scared the shit out of me!" His hoarse voice was filled with obvious annoyance.
But he wasn't the only one who jumped here. It took a bit for me too to come myself again.
I must have startled him out of his peaceful dream.
"Sorry. Jay. Never meant to awake you or anything. Baby. Just go back to your sleep. okay? I'm really sorry." Again My hand gently touched his arm to comfort him.
"Why didn't you drive home anyway? I told you I'm too damn sensitive to share my bed with anyone." His arm bluntly slipped out of my grip though.
He's right. I was supposed to leave his bed after making love to him. It was his only rule.
I said nothing but sat up on the edge of his bed. I have to say that I was expecting him to get angry, but his words are still bitter and rather harsh.
Maybe it was my silence that irritated him even more. Apparently now he's not in a mood for going asleep anymore, he got out of bed and turned on the light.
"You really want me to go over this, again, Chris? I don't need your after sex cuddling up out of intimacy or affection whatsoever!"
At first, both of us seemed to be entirely satisfied with this so-called friends of benefit agreement. It was me messed the whole thing up and started to want some more of him. As time goes by, it just grew to be this much unbearable that I can't hide anything from him. This is so pathetic. It's all fucked up. I'm even spending restless nights these days because of him.
"Jay. Listen.......really feel sorry for tonight.......It's just......I don't wanna force you into anything. I'll just be going. Get back to your sleep."
"It's not just about tonight. You've been acting like you're so in love with me. I think It's no more working for me. Chris. I'd rather screw with conscienceless assholes."
My mind just became blank. His every word came shot through my chest like a bullet. But i'm just feeling numb. nothing. Now I am barely breathing with my bleeding heart.
That's it. It's just that easy for him. Because, To him, I mean nothing more than a fuck buddy.