Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I still do not own the Gallagher Girls series.

A Gentleman's Handbook
as told by Zachary Goode

Hi, hello there! My Name is Zachary Goode. If you're reading this, you're probably a fellow dude in need of advice on how to treat a lady or you're a lady wondering if chivalry is really dead, how do I get a knight in shining armor, how do I know if a guy likes me etc. I get it; these are all real world problems and real world questions. But don't fear because I am here to help everyone and anyone who needs it.

Now you're probably wondering what qualifies me to give out such dire information and how do I even know it works? Well, let me start with, I'm Zach Goode. Yes, thee Zach Goode. I don't mean to boast or seem egotistical (although my lovely girlfriend seems to think otherwise) but come on. I'm suave and debonair. I dress with button up shirts and fold the sleeves up. I still open the door for girls. I know how to bring flowers for your mom at the door of your parent's house but also include some form of alcohol for your old man. I'm polite. So polite that I was kind enough to lay out all my tips and tricks to help my fellow bros out there finally land the lady of your dreams. And yes, they are ladies—not girls—ladies.

Because together, we can do this.

Now are you with me? It's going to take a lot of effort but it will be worth it as I've devised a full proof plan. Let me help you help yourself.

1, Understand the Object of Your Affection

Now, it is one thing to look at a girl and think she's beautiful or dare I say if I can be crude, "smokin' hot." But it is another to really know her. You may see a girl across the room from you and immediately feel an attraction. Yes, that is normal. Trust me, I've been there. But you can't just base it off that. You need to find the courage to go up to her, to get to know her.

Start simple. "Hi my name is…" and see where that takes off.

I remember meeting my now girlfriend for the first time. I wasn't really nervous because like I said, I'm Zach Goode. I don't get nervous. But I immediately felt something down the pit of my stomach and knew that this girl was special. Cliché I guess but it was true! I was a man struck by Cupid's arrow. This arrow pierced through my heart like painful daggers but injected this euphoria I know find myself feeling not just the first day I met my girl but everyday after that.

I walked up to the line at my local coffee shop right behind the girl of my dreams. She had earphones on and a book in hand. I eyed the book and noticed it was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Now I've never read Pride and Prejudice but I can tell you one thing, if you see a girl holding this classic. It's either she's a) funny and witty and intellectual. The kind of girl who's smart—who has opinions and thoughts and dreams. The kind of girl who spends late nights in her room watching movies and reading books that have depth and soul. The kind of girl you want to make laugh for the rest of your life. Or b) she's just holding that book because it was assigned on a school reading list of some sort.

I'm going to go on a whim and say it's the former.

So anyway, I look at this girl and don't know how to approach her because I can't just start talking about Pride and Prejudice when I have not read the book. Let's just say the time I was supposed to be reading that in class was spent secretly on my phone playing Candy Crush Saga. But it doesn't seem to matter as the line moves along and she rips an earbud out of her ear with Panic! At the Disco playing loudly. I smile. I love Panic! At the Disco. So that's what I say.

"Aw man, I love Panic! At the Disco," I say loudly enough for her to ear. She turns around and I'm met with these dark blue eyes that look as fierce as glaciers but warm and inviting. That's contradictory because how can glaciers be warm and inviting? Let me think of a better reference, they're blue. As blue as the little Smurfs running around their little village. Okay, no. They're blue but not that blue. Think of the night sky just after a sunset and when the stars start to shine bright. Those were her eyes and I was in love.

She smiles "yeah I'm really feeling their new album." She says more but I can't recollect everything she's saying because I'm too captivated by the curve of her smile, the way her brown hair falls down in loose waves, and how animated she sounds over Panic! At the Disco's lead singer, Brendon Urie. She's passionate and mystical and amazing all at once.

She turns her head around when the cashier asks for her order. I hadn't realized we made it to the front of the line. She asks for her coffee black, just as I do, and I find myself saying "Hey Amanda, make it two. On me." Because I go to this coffee shop regularly, every morning and the cashier, Amanda, knows my name and my order. I watch as Amanda scribbles my name on two cups and immediately passes it on to the other workers. She rings up my total and I pay with my debit card.

We step to the side, waiting for our order to be picked up when the girl says, "thank you but I don't think I should be accepting coffee from a complete stranger."

I smirk my signature smirk and shrug "well maybe we should change that huh?"

"Two black coffees!" The barista, Ed calls out and nods over at me. He places the cups on the counter and walks away. I pick them up then I gently hand one over to the girl. She accepts my offer and says "I'm Cammie."

Cammie.

The name rings in my ears like church bells on a Sunday morning.

She stares at me, waiting for me to respond but I got to keep my cool. Remember, you always have to keep your cool. Girls like guys who keep their cool. You don't have to be cool. But you have to find some form of cool and keep it. "Well, it's nice to meet you Cammie" is my smug reply.

This takes her back and I love the way her eyebrows raise in surprise and confusion. I take a sip of my coffee and nod, "I'm going to be late. But if you're free some time. Call me." I start walking away.

"I don't have your number" is Cammie's reply.

"Yeah you do," I say without turning back and walking out of the shop. Smooth. You always have to be smooth.

Inside the shop, Cammie is still bewildered as she takes a sip of her drink. Only when she brings the coffee to her lips, she notices the markings on her cup. The cup says Zach with a seven-digit number scrawled in messy handwriting. She smiles.

Now you're probably wondering how I pulled that off. Well, I've noticed Cammie in the coffee shop everyday for the past two weeks. I knew she was beautiful but that's about it. I told my friends, Amanda and Ed, that I was interested and once I learned at least two things about her that I liked; I would buy her a coffee. And once I buy her a coffee, have my name and number written on the cup for her.

Now if you can't find some kind of strategy to smoothly let your girl know you're into her. I suggest doing it small and start by introducing yourself. Don't be afraid. As long as you don't give off the wrong vibe, you'll be good to go.

a/n: If this is isn't clear, this is purely humorous and not meant to be taken seriously. Let me know what you think.