Not for the first time that week, Magnus found himself tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. He figured that this was most likely because he was unable to keep himself from thinking, to keep himself from worrying about the fact that his heart was breaking more and more with every passing day.
A week ago, he and Alec had been relaxing, snuggled up on the couch watching a movie when Magnus happened to glace down and notice that some of Alec's hair had begun to turn gray. He suddenly found himself unable to properly breathe, as though the world was crushing him. Getting up, he had gone to splash cold water on his face, hoping that Alec would simply think that he was using the bathroom. When he looked into the mirror, however, not only did he see how pale he looked, but he also saw Alec's worried eyes looking back at him.
He remembered having closed his eyes, trying to erase the thoughts that were racing through his mind. Alec had quickly come to his side, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Magnus, darling, what's wrong?" Alec's voice was so full of love, so soft and kind that Magnus could hardly stand the sound of it. "And please don't tell me there's nothing going on. I know you too well to buy that."
Once Magnus turned to look at Alec, he hadn't had the strength to do anything other than break down. Alec had been surprisingly patient and somehow surprisingly calm, much calmer than Magnus had ever expected him to be over this type of conversation.
Absentmindedly running his thumb back and forth across Magnus's hand, Alec had been thoughtful for a few moments. "Magnus, I've come to terms with my mortality. I'm going to age, and there's nothing we can do to stop it, so worrying yourself sick over it isn't going to help anything. This isn't easy, I understand that, but we've got to work through this. We've got more than just the two of us to think about now. This conversation isn't just about us anymore, it's about Max, too."
Max had just turned sixteen and had finally told them to stop calling him their "blueberry." The thought of Max had caused Magnus to calm down, and Alec had somehow thought that that was the end of the conversation. Magnus had let him think this, but the more he thought of the conversation, the worse things became.
Now, he felt himself relax only because Alec had moved in his sleep, unconsciously snuggling closer to Magnus, placing an arm around him. Magnus tilted his head, placing his cheek on the top of Alec's own head, finally feeling as though he might be able to fall asleep.
Alec jumped as Magnus woke up with a gasp. It was obvious he'd had a nightmare, and Alec had the feeling that he knew what it was about. Turning to look at Magnus, Alec could see the pain in his eyes. Alec could also very clearly see the fact that Magnus wanted to keep this from him at all costs.
Knowing that the longer he waited to say anything, the more time that would give Magnus to find a way to avoid having a conversation about whatever he had just dreamt of, Alec turned to him. "Was it a regular nightmare or one sent to you by your father?" He reached up to hold Magnus's face in his hand, partly to help comfort him, partly to keep him from looking away.
Magnus reached to take hold of Alec's hand, and for a moment, Alec thought he was going to pull it away, but he didn't, he simply held on. "It was just a nightmare, but it will torture me more than anything my father could have thought of."
The problem with Magnus being so honest about what was going on was the fact that Alec could tell how much he meant it. He wanted more than anything to be able to take Magnus's pain away, but he couldn't help but think that he was the source of Magnus's pain. Unfortunately, Magnus seemed to notice this, and he moved to wrap his arms around Alec.
"Magnus, you can't keep this up. I'm sorry, but you simply can't. I'm not immortal. You're going to have to get used to that fact."
Magnus simply stared at his husband, knowing that Alec was likely seeing immense pain in his yes. "Alexander," his voice was much softer than he had intended for it to be. "I'm never going to get used to the thought of losing you."
He jumped slightly as Alec raised his voice. "Why, Magnus? Why is it so hard for you to handle? I thought we heard the last of this years ago, but here you are, bringing it all up once again." Magnus could tell that Alec didn't want to fight about it, but the fact that he had raised his voice made Magnus slightly angry himself.
"I can't, Alexander, because I love you too much." Although Magnus was angry, he was unable to make his voice convey this. "Sure, I've loved mortals before, or so I thought. But every time I lost someone, the pain I felt was nothing compared to the pain I feel at the mere thought of losing you. I love you more than I ever imagined was possible, and that's no something I can easily ignore."
Alec looked at him with a blank sort of look, a look that told Magnus that he had not been expecting to hear what he had just heard. For a moment, Magnus expected him to either yell or cry. But instead of doing either, instead of even speaking, he simply stood up and walked out the door.
Alec somehow found himself in the training room of the Institute, letting arrows fly without really focusing on what he was doing. He knew that walking out on Magnus last night had been the worst thing he could have possibly done, but he hadn't been able to keep himself composed, and composure was what Magnus needed right now.
He hadn't lied when he told Magnus that he had come to terms with his mortality; after years, he certainly had. But seeing Magnus so torn up about his aging was enough to tear him apart from the inside out.
Too preoccupied with his thoughts, Alec didn't hear Max come in until he cleared his throat. "Hey, Dad," his voice was soft, and Alec automatically knew that he had some kind of knowledge of what was going on. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
Alec lowered his bow, turning to face his son. Giving the best smile possible, he walked toward the wall, slowly lowering himself to the ground and motioning for Max to join him. Max was smiling as he moved to sit beside of his father, and Alec prayed that the conversation they were about to have would be a good one.
"You remember the day I found out that you weren't immortal like Dad and I?" Max was still smiling for some unfathomable reason, and Alec couldn't seem to speak at all. "I remember it pretty clearly. It was honestly one of the worst days of my life. Growing up, I had always thought that our little family would be together forever, and then I found out that only two thirds would be here forever."
Looking down at his hands, Alec was startled to see that he was shaking slightly, and he hoped that Max couldn't tell. Max reached over to take his hand, and what he said next left Alec even more speechless. "Here's the thing, Dad. I want you to be happy. And if you wouldn't be happy with becoming immortal from one of the options you have now, then I don't want you to. I'd rather lose you than have you stay with us and be unhappy."
Somehow, Alec finally found his voice. "It's not that I don't want to become immortal, you have to know that, son. It's just that I'm not too keen on the idea of becoming a vampire or using black magic just to live forever."
"I understand that, Dad, and I'm working on helping Dad understand that, too." Max's eyes were full of such love and innocence that Alec had to look away for fear of breaking down. The thought of leaving Max was just as painful as the thought of leaving Magnus. "We'll get by without you, maybe terribly at first, but I promise you I'll make sure Dad is okay no matter what happens."
They had stayed and trained together for a couple of hours, both of them just letting off steam. Alec had been terribly grateful for everything that Max had said, but he had been unable to find the perfect words to let his son know. He had somehow been relaxed by the time they had spent together, Max staying as silent as possible, letting his father think.
As they walked back into the apartment that night, they both stopped in surprise. Looking at Magnus, Alec was sure that he had never been so conflicted in his life. When Magnus stood, he was just as graceful as ever, but that wasn't what was startling Alec.
Magnus had aged himself, made himself appear to be about the age Alec himself was, and the effect was breathtaking to Alec. Seeing a change on someone who was supposed to be as stable as the passage of time was both thrilling and terrifying. His first thought was that Magnus somehow looked as amazing as ever.
Watching Magnus walk toward them, Alec was unable to say anything. Magnus smiled sheepishly and reached to take one of Alec's hands. "I hope you don't mind, Alexander. But I just thought that this would help me deal with the fact that you're aging. If I change as well, then your changes won't seem as extreme to me."
Alec knew he needed to say something in response, but he couldn't find his voice. He wasn't sure there was anything he could say that would be worthy of what Magnus was doing for him. "Well, I, for one, love it." Max spoke up, a smile on his face once again. Magnus chuckled and inclined his head in thanks to his son.
"Alexander?" Magnus purposely kept his voice soft, and Alec smiled at the sound of it. "Please say something. I can change back if you don't like it."
Reaching up to cup Magnus's face in his hands, Alec chuckled himself. "No, Magnus, don't change back. I couldn't be happier right now." Stepping forward to kiss Magnus, Alec decided that he didn't need to be immortal, that his little family had already made him the luckiest man alive.