Chapter ONE: MISSION

Bella's POV

The rain pounded on my windows in my tiny little room in Forks Washington. The clouds never seemed to go away. Why did it always rain when I cried? I didn't know. My mind must have an inner connection to Mother Nature. On the other hand, my pain was so loud that every inch of the earth could feel it and was crying for me. Cry for me Mother Nature, because I have no tears left. I am past tears, I am unconsolable.

"Please come back to me" I whispered so softly, but no one answered me. No one ever does. I am alone in this world now and the things I know now have flipped it upside down and inside out.

He was gone. Utterly and truthfully gone. My life was over, well in the sense that I am never going to be the same. He came into my life with such a passion and so quickly my world changed and I was in love. Unconditionally and irrevocably in love. And then as fast as it happened he was gone. Just like he said, it will be, as I never existed. But he did. And I know he did. And I remember. And I hurt. Forgetting is much easier to do in books and movies. Every waking moment of my life is now spent trying to forget , yet not wanting to lose the moments I remember. Even now, I sit and try to recall his face, his beautiful god-like face, but it is like it was a dream, hazy and missing in parts. Edward Cullen. I don't want to forget you. His name. I promised myself I would not think or say his name. and there it was again haunting me. Haunting me like my dreams haunted me, his voice and face and kiss and touch; even his sweet inviting scent flooded my sleep and forced me to think of him. Cursed dreams, why do they hate me so much. My life will never be the same. The world I now know that exists can only become more then it was before. It was then as I sat on my bed in my tiny room and remembered what we had shared that I made a vow to myself. Edward had said it was too dangerous for me to be around him and his family. Well who was he to decide? Last time I checked this was my life and I was in charge of it. However, what could I do to change his mind and make him come back? What would I say to him when he came back? "Did you have a nice trip?"

I sat up in my bed and wiped my swollen tear streaked face. Months of crying had really taken its toll on me. I have lost weight on my already too tiny frame and my skin on my face seams to be eternally blotchy. Why am I sitting around crying? It was like the rain seemed to clear all at once and the clouds became less of a nucence. My mind was the nucence now. Running at 10 million miles a minute, vampire speed. How was I going to pull this off? I was totally nuts. I must have lost my mind somewhere back there in that tiny dark hole of depression I was in. I wonder if I was to get it back anytime soon. Nevertheless, in all honesty, I did not want it back at all. Edward and his stupid rules and beliefs, well I found a way around them and we would be together again and there would be noting he could do or say about it this time. Or could he??? " Ugrh!!!" I flopped back down on my pillows and threw my arm over my face. This is impossible. How was I going to get through my life without him? This pathetic life I have lived for the past 6 months is really not working out. Something has to change. If he is not coming back then I am just going to have to make him come back…. But how?

I rolled over and looked at my floor, concentrating on something, anything that would solve all my problems. Then I noticed a small crack in the floorboards. Something I hadn't noticed before. Something I only noticed now, I think, in pure desperation. I threw my legs around, put my foot on the floorboard, and tapped my foot. It echoed softly. Sliding my foot across the board, it loosened from its spot and moved ever so slightly.

" Well that's new." I mumbled while I opened my bedside table drawer to find an object perfect for prying. Digging through my drawer I found my trusty old nail file, how it never lets me down. I practically jumped to the floor and began my efforts to find out why my floor was suddenly loose. Probably nothing I thought. My shear madness had lead me to pick at my bedroom floor. I reminded myself to call Jessica next weekend to get me out of this prison of my room for a night with "just girls" things to do. And then it lifted up perfectly. Like it had been before. I placed the floorboard to the side and again reminded myself to put it back when I was done so Charlie did not see it and call the psyche ward at the hospital to come and get me. He was so worried about me lately He tried to talk to me on several occasions but how are you going to sit down with your father and explain to him why you have been clinically depressed for the past 6 months. Yeah ok Dad, I met a vampire and his vampire family and fell in love with him and made plans to spend the rest of my life with him as a vampire and then he just up and left me, so that's why I have been so depressed…….. Somehow, I could not see that going over very well. Might end up with another call to that psyche ward.

Focusing my attention back to the floor, I looked into the hole in my floor. I did not see a thing. I was going nuts. Great. I put a hole in my floor for nothing. Sighing I reached over the new hole and grabbed at the floor board and it slipped right through my hands giving the palm of my hand a massive sliver as it fell in that big gaping hole.

"SHIT" I swore, as I reached for tissues on my desk to stop the bleeding and inspected the damage of my palm. It was defiantly going to have to be cleaned out. All the dust from in there was discus ting and probably all inside my skin now too. Paper cuts and slivers. Two things that could kill me and not your average normal less clumsy person. I got up and went to the bathroom to clean my hand. Thank god, Charlie was already in bed or he would have been in my room in seconds making sure I wasn't dead. He was so jumpy lately and I don't blame him. I am not exactly the ray of sunshine I was when Edward was here. Edward … I said his name again, This night was really not going well, I would have to make an Edward jar later and remind my self to put a dollar in it every time I said or thought of him. I would be rich in a week.

I turned on the tap and let the hot water run over the palm of my hand and sucked in my breath sharply. It stung, really bad. Fumbling around in the medicine cabinet I found the tweezers and pulled my hand from the hot water, God, I didn't even need the tweezers, the sliver that was in my palm was almost the size of the floor board its self. I am glad Edward wasn't here to see this display of my clumsiness..hmm.. Another dollar for the Edward jar. I really had to do something. I can't go on for the rest of my life thinking of someone who didn't even want me ""You don't want me?" "No" that day in the woods was coming back now all too fast. I began to cry again. How could he say those things to me? He didn't love me?? He didn't want me?? Were vampires really so much different from humans that they could turn their emotions on and off like that? I wiped the tears away from my face with my good hand and looked down at my injured one. Looking closer I positioned the tweezers and pulled. OH MY GOD. The pain was too much and on top of that, it bled more. I stuffed my hand under the hot water again. The pain got worse. Fumbling through the cabinet again, I found large sized band-aids and toweled my hand dry before putting one on my hand clumsily. Defiantly not the work that Carlisle would have done. Cleaning up my mess, I turned off the tap and went back to my room hoping that my noisiness hadn't woken up Charlie.

I had almost completely forgotten about the floor with all my pain , so I bent over and reached in the hole to pull out my floorboard and replace it. Before reaching the missing board my hand grazed something soft like velvet, and hoping it was an old stash of secret money, I pulled out the package to inspect it. It was a package of red velvet with something inside. Placing it on the floor, I looked at it carefully. It couldn't have been there that long because it hardly had any dust or dirt on it at all and still looked fairly new. I untied the black ribbon that held it together and folded back the fabric. Inside was a piece of paper and some other various objects. I bit my bottom lip and picked up the piece of paper and opened it, and gasped and started to sob uncontrolably. It was a letter to me from Edward written in his ever so perfect handwriting. Wiping the tears, I began to read:

Dear Bella

I hope that are finding this letter many years from now and you have forgotten about me almost entirely, but not completely. Something selfish in me still wants you to remember me until the day you pass on into the next world after you have lived a long and happy life surrounded by people who love you and cherish you as much as I do and always will for eternity. I know what I said to you in the woods that night and please know that I only said those things so you would try to move on without me, and not try to find me. I left you not because I do not want you or love you, but because I love you too much to watch, you get pulled into a world of evil and damnation. We are monsters Bella, remember that, But also remember that you made me the happiest man in existence for the time we were together and I will never forget you for all the years that I am on this earth. Live a long and happy life Bella.

I love you more then words could express

Edward

I stared at the letter for a very long time before moving. My tears falling to the floor and on the paper. I placed it aside and looked back to the package. There was my photos of him that had been removed from my album and my CD with my lullaby. Picking up the CD I very carefully placed it in my CD player and hit play. More emotions flooded out of me when the familiar piano started playing. Edwards's hands had made this sound coming from my CD player right now. He had made this song out of love for me. He still loved me. He never stopped loving me. My brain was going a mile a minute as I looked at these pictures and hit repeat repeatedly on my radio. My mind was thinking something……… I had to be with him. I didn't care about being in danger and he is not a monster at all. He is beautiful, more like a God. I had to be with him again. And then it clicked in my head. I stuffed the letter and pictures in my pocket and crossed the room to pull out my very old and woren suitcase. Stuffing it with clothes and necessities I wasn't crying anymore. I was actually smiling. For the first time in the last 6 months, I was smiling. And it was because somewhere deep inside of me I knew I was going to be with him again sometime very soon. I had a plan and it was going to work damn it.

I froze.

Charlie

What was I going to do with him?

I couldn't hurt him. That wasn't fair. But I had to do what I have to do to see Edward again. Reaching in my desk I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen:

Dad, I'm really sorry. I'm going to be ok I promise I'll be fine. No worrying ok? I love you. I'll be back sooner then later.

Love Bella

I left the note on my bed and grabbed my suitcase, the keys to my truck and all the money I had saved up over the last year, which was not very much at all and turned out the light to my room. For the first time in a long time i was happy. I had a mission and a purpose and it was going to follow through and i was going to get what i wanted. Edward still wanted me and i would never stop wanting him. Now i was just changing my fate and my destiny. I was tired of waiting for things to change on their own i was going to take it into my own hands now. Then a thought stopped me dead in my tracks like a freight train blowing its horn inchs from my ear . Something occured to me that could singlehandedly distroy my whole plan. I looked around my room one last time to see if i forgot anything else, not knowing it would be my last time ever in my room, and right before I opened my bedroom window to sneak out, and I said out loud,

" Alice Cullen! If you can see what I am doing then see me saying this! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ANYONE!!"

And with that, I slid out my window and down to my truck.