"What if Clarke is dead, Marcus? It's been six years, we could have survived on the ground a year ago, but we haven't been able to dig our way out yet. They went to the ring. What if they never made it? What if they did and they think we are dead? Marcus, what if my little girl thinks I'm dead?" Abby says to me as we settle down in our seats in Octavia's office.
"Abby, we can't think like that," I say. Abby's worry is familiar one, but with each passing day of the extra year down here; her fears have only increased. I place a hand on her knee and hope she finds some comfort in my touch.
"They have been digging for a year, Marcus. There doesn't seem to be any end to it. What if they have tried to make contact? What if she thinks I'm dead? I can't do that to her again, Marcus. Raven said there wasn't enough fuel to get back down." Abby continues as if I hadn't spoken. She jumps from one fear to the next without pausing.
I am about to try and calm Abby again, but Gaia and Indra enter before Octavia does. Abby and I both stand as Octavia enters; she has really become a leader in her own right. In some ways Octavia has become twice the leader any of us ever have been. Indra was right; she has learned from everyone. From Bellamy, she uses her heart. From Clarke, an unwavering belief that there is way to a solution. From Indra, she become a warrior. Unfortunately, from Thelonious and me, she has seemed to learn from the Ark, that if certain rules aren't followed there is to be an execution. Luckily, she has changed what is a capital offense. People in the bunker aren't executed for everything; only for killing another person and there was one warrior that had tried to force people into fighting him. She has strict rules for food, but refuses to kill for that; any thief must fast for the meals they stole then they have double the workload after their fasting. Perhaps, Octavia is proof that the next generation will do better.
Octavia sits behind the desk and looks over to Gia, since it was she who called for this meeting, "We have made it through the rubble, Heda." Gaia says.
"Has anyone been out yet?" Octavia asks.
"Yes, Jaha from Skaikru, he wanted to… check the air? We are awaiting your word for the first group to go." Gaia replies. Even after all the teaching we have done about radation, Gaia and most of the Grounders seem still be confused by most of the science behind Priamfaya.
"For the first group out of this, I want someone from Skiakru to continue to monitor the radiation levels. Just because the air was fine for the few minutes Jaha was out this bunker doesn't mean it'll stay that way. I don't want anyone to be exposed to a radation level that will kill them if it isn't safe after prolonged exposure. I know those on the digging crew were likely exposed, but the protocol that Dr. Griffin as instituted by testing every worker, should keep them protected." Octavia states. There is a knock at the door, "Enter."
"Dr. Griffin," one of Octavia's gaurds says and hands Abby a tablet.
"According to Thelonious' findings, the radation level on the surface is in a safe enough range that we would all be okay. These first tests from those directly in contact with the air shows that they are fine, no adverse effects. Though it's only been fifteen or so minutes, based on these results I would recommend a small group and those in the group be monitored before we allow the rest of the bunker to leave." Abby says.
"Mount Weather's logs showed that if they were given our blood they were fine for a while before they would show symptoms," I say vaguely recalling going through the logs for Mount Weather's treatment protocols. I felt more than saw Indra and Gaia tense at the mention of Mount Weather.
"Yes, that's true. Which is why if we were patient and waited twenty- four to forty-eight hours to monitor the group who broke the surface we would know for sure. But, it's been a long six years and we should look to see what is left. I would recommend small groups, with no essential personnel." Abby finishes.
"Indra?" Octavia prompts. It is rare to see Octavia make a decision without the consult of everyone in the room.
"I understand very little of the science, but we must make sure it is safe for our people to return. I agree with Abby, we should send a team sooner rather than later. We should go now, assuming that we have enough medicine for the effects of the radation." Indra says.
Everyone looks to Abby, "We have enough for twenty- maybe twenty-five serious cases, and the exposure would be immediate and we will be able to treat as soon as symptoms appear."
Octavia sits back in her chair and thinks for a minute and I am again reminded that she is no longer a reactionary warrior, but a leader. She waits a long while before she speaks, "I will be among the first to go."
"I strongly advise against that," I say, "The people in this bunker follow you, and we can't risk losing you. Another conclave wouldn't be in our best interest especially if we are going to be in the bunker."
"If the levels are safe, then I have nothing to worry about. I will not send people to the surface as a test if I am not willing to go as well." Octavia counters.
"I want to be on the first team out as well," Abby says affectively ending my pleas for Octavia to change her mind. I turn to Abby, but after seeing the look her face I know I won't be able to convince her to stay either.
"I would expect nothing less." Octavia answers, "I would like to leave in half an hour, would that provide a more concrete idea about what the air on the surface will do to us?" Octavia asks.
"Yes, but I would still want to monitor all of us who go now. The diggers and Thelonious were only exposed for a few minutes, we would likely be exposed for hours," Abby replies.
"I understand. Monitor those already exposed. When we return we will be monitored as well," Octavia says. With that Abby gets up and leaves the room.
"I will prepare two guards and scouts," Indra says and goes to leave the room. Gaia follows her out as well.
I get up to follow them out, "Kane." Octavia calls before I can get to the door. I turn to look at her, "I would like you to go with us as well."
"I'm not sure this that is a good idea. With you and Indra leaving someone needs to stay behind and to maintain peace within the bunker. There should be someone who isn't at risk for radation poisoning." I say.
"The ambassadors will keep their people in line, while Dr. Griffin monitor us," Octavia states evenly, "I need you for something else, something that might be more important than search the surface" I give her a questioning look, but before I can say anything she continues, "We are what is left of the human race down here. You have been cautioning me about Bellamy's survival in the ring for the last six years."
"I just don't want…"
"I know, you want me to be optimistic, but you also want me to remember that space was a Hail Mary and there are challenges up there that might have been hard, if not impossible, to overcome. Doctor Griffin has been working with the clan healers to incorporate their medicine with Skaikru's medicine, but if Clarke can't found, if Bellamy… if they didn't survive we still need Dr. Griffin. I think you would be the best person to get Dr. Griffin to understand that she is needed. That she has to continue to help the human race survive and I believe you would be the only one capable of getting her to see that."
"Octivia…" I begin.
"I don't know what it would mean to lose a daughter, but I do know that we need more than one Skaikru doctor in order to keep the human race going. And you know Abby is the best bet we have for that right now. We need Abby and Jackson working together." Octavia finishes. I look at her and I know she is right. Abby has told me that the healers from the other clans are willing to learn our ways, but that some of the healers don't have the necessary steady hands to perform surgery. Abby has talked about expanding her teaching to those who had steady hands and had some interest in learning how to save lives.
"I took her decision away from her before Priamfaya, I will empress upon her the importance of living, but I won't force her to live again." I say. I only got Abby to agree to live after we gassed everyone by reminding her that Clarke was still out there; if Clarke doesn't come back I'm not sure she'll find it within herself to keep going. For almost a year after we sealed the bunker Abby kept going with the hope that she would be reunited with Clarke again.
"I want you there to remind her of responsibility," She says, but relaxes and finishes, "but you are right we can't make someone live if they don't want to. All I want you to do is remind her that if… if Clarke is gone she would want her mother to keep helping. We both know that is what Clarke would want." Octavia says.
I turn towards the door, "I do hope they survived up there and they are just waiting for us to dig ourselves out."
"Me too," I hear Octavia whisper as I exit her office.
We make our way through the tunnels and after a few hours of making our way through the rubble and we are on the surface. I look up at the sky and am instantly reminded of when we landed with the Ark. The sun on my face and the smell of air is just as freeing as it was when we landed.
"Heda," calls a scout.
We all turn to look at the scout and we see seven people standing in the distance; they are too far away to make out who it is. I look at everyone Indra and the two guards have tightened their grip on the swords on their belts. I put my hand on the gun at my waist, but keep another on Abby. Just to make sure she doesn't make a dash for the first group of people we see in hopes of finding Clarke; having lived through Abby looking for Clarke once I am keeping my eyes on her at all times.
Indra and the two guards slowly make their way towards the new arrivals with Octavia, Abby and I following at a much slower pace. Abby is between Octavia and I because as a doctor she is needed much more than either of us are; if it came down to it we could find another leader among the ambassadors, but doctors are in short supply.
As we get closer I hear the group repeating, "We mean no harm. We come in peace." We get to the group and it's Bellamy and everyone from who went to space. They all look well, a tad underfed, but none of them look injured.
"Where's Clarke?" Abby immediately asks when we get closer to the group. I look at them again and realize that Clarke isn't with them. I look over at Abby and she is looking past Bellamy and Raven as if Clarke might be bringing up the rear, "Where is Clarke?" Abby asks again this time her voice shakes.
Bellamy and Raven look at each other; I feel dread and hoping against hope that I am wrong by what that look means. Abby's legs buckle under her next to me; I know she saw the look pass between those two. I race to catch her and hear her continually muttering, "No. She had to survive. No. Please. No."
"I'm so sorry, Abby," Raven says and she kneels in front of Abby. Raven wraps her arms around Abby in a tight hug. I keep my hand on Abby shoulder, but I don't say anything.
After a while Abby's sobs begin to soften long enough to ask, "How?"
Raven and Bellamy look at each other again before Bellamy speaks, "Before the Deathwave hit, we needed a satellite moved in order for the ring to turn on and we had a lot to do in order to be able to take off in time. Clarke went for the satellite alone and…"
"We waited as long as we could, Abby, I promise you, but when the radiation started to affect the avionics, we had to leave without her." Raven finishes.
Abby looks up at the seven who went into space, "This satellite, that Clarke went after, it was important?"
"She is the only reason we made it to the ring alive," Bellamy answers and the rest nod in agreement.
"We should move inside the bunker, the sun is setting," Indra says.
I nod in agreement and I give Abby my hand in order to help her up and we begin to walk towards the bunker. Abby and I are in the front right behind one of Octavia's guards and she is leaning heavily on me. I keep one arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. I can hear her sniffling occasionally, I look over at her and she her wiping the tears from her eyes as they drop. Behind me, I can hear Octavia and Bellamy reuniting, they keep the voices low. Bellamy's pride at knowing Octavia not only survived, but thrived as a leader, is hard to miss. Octavia seems equally as proud of Bellamy's ability to survive in Space. Good, I think. At least most of them made it down.
"Marcus?" Abby whispers as we make our way back into the bunker. I bend my head to indicate I heard her, "She's dead, Marcus. My baby girl is dead." She sounds hollow. Her voice says more than her words. She's hollow, worse than when Jake died. Worse than when Clarke left after Mount Weather. Worse than every what if conversation we have had in the last six years. Seeing the group that went to space and came back without Clarke, her voice has lost the hope that has kept her going the last six years.
"I know," I say because there isn't anything else to say. Not now.