Chapter 1- The Attempt
Alright! This is not only my first fanfiction, but my first time on this app as well! I hope that you guys enjoy the story! I will be posting again very soon! Please Enjoy and Review!
Ponyboy's POV:
When I walked up to the school I was suddenly stopped by someone calling my name.
"Ponyboy! Ponyboy!" An unfamiliar voice called. I searched my surroundings to put a face to the voice and was soon met face to face with a Soc and a couple of his friends.
"What?" I mumbled, wishing I could get out of this situation.
"We just wanted to see how the little baby was holding up?" The mimicked me and earned laughter amongst the group. I only rolled my eyes and continued to walk up the stairs, not wanting any trouble. But they pulled on my shoulder, causing me to turn around.
"I don't want to talk to you." I gritted through my teeth.
"Oh, he's getting fiesty. You wanna fight little greaser? Come on, hit me." He pointed to his cheek with a smile. I tightened the grip of a fist but quickly released it to calm myself. I let out a long sigh and ignored him, continuing to walk up the steps.
"You know your friend Johnny? And that other one Dally?" I stopped in my tracks. I didn't bother to turn around, I didn't plan on talking, I only stood there still, and listened, "Well they deserved to die. Little shits couldn't do nothing right as a measly greaser." He yelled at me as I felt him coming closer. The anger inside me boiled like never before. I so badly wanted to punch him, but I settled for something more calming.
"Go to hell." I told him as I began to walk off. But I was stopped when a rough hand gripped my shoulders and pulled me back. I closed my eyes out of fear. Due to this choice I had no idea what was going on. I felt punches and kicks come against my sides, legs, and a few to the head. Suddenly it stopped and I heard a teacher's voice.
"Get off that kid!" He barked and the relief of no pain flowed over me, but so did the sores. I groaned in pain as I felt someone kneel beside me and place his hand on my shoulder, "You alright kid?" He asked me in his gruff voice.
I finally opened my eyes to see an older man with a rough beard and a slightly tan skin. His clothing was formal and so was his touch. His eyes were concerning and filled with empathy.
"Ya, I'll be fine." I told him, I wasn't convincing myself nor him, but I couldn't honestly answer to him or myself.
"Let's get you to the Nurse." He said helping me up, I dusted off my jeans and started to pick up my stuff.
"Nah, I'll be fine. I don't want to be late for class." I rejected his offer and hurried to my first class before be could refuse to accept my answer. I didn't bother looking at anyone, I'm sure the story of the wimpy kid getting beat up and saved by a teacher has already spread around the classroom. So I rushed to my seat and sat down in it wishing I was somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. But wishing can only do so much in reality.
I was lucky, the bell rang before anyone could get over to me and my safe bubble of quietness. The teacher, Mrs. Jones, walks into class with her red slim dress and cat like glasses. Her hair is a brown messy ponytail and the sound of her heels hitting the floor filled the room. All eyes were magically on hers. She started to right something on the board. In big bold leaders it read, "CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT" She then placed the chalk down and looked at everyone.
"What is, character development?" She asked the class, a few hands excluding mine shot into the air. She called on a Soc in the second row, "James?" I recognized him, the same Soc who called me out only seconds ago and beat on me. But I let the grudge go simply for education purposes.
"When a character changes over the course of the story from bad to good." Most of us nodded in agreement.
"Would you all agree with that?" Mrs. Jones asked the class, I quickly raised my hand in disagreement.
"Ponyboy?" She asked for my opinion.
"I wouldn't say it has to be good to bad. A character could be good from beginning to end, I guess it just changes the characters thought process and choices. Opens a new door and offers light to a character. Or it could be the exact opposite. It all depends." I answered proudly.
"Excellent job." She applauded me as I earned a devilish look from James, "As an assignment I want you guys to write two paragraphs that show some type of character development."
Multiple people, including myself, wrote down notes to remind ourselves. She explained to us the assignment as we wrote down the receive information.
"Any questions?" She asked, I raised my hand, "Yes?"
"Does it have to include character from a real book or real life?" I asked.
"No, it may all be made up if you'd like. The rules are up to you." She smiled with an answer and nodded at my question, "Any other questions?" The reply came as silence.
"Can Horseman ever learn to shut his mouth?" I heard James mutter low enough so that Mrs. Jones couldn't hear. This remark earned a roar of laughter amongst the class. I simply sunk into my seat.
"What was that James?" Mrs. Jones asked him, tipping her glasses.
"Nothing Ma'am. I was only thinking out loud." He lied a confession.
"What what were you questioning? We may be able to help." Her attempt at helping only earned more laughter.
"No no no, I've already figured it out." He smiled and received a decent amount of chuckles.
"Alright, now I want everyo-" I zoned Mrs. Jones out when the boy next to me, Mark, handed me a paper, a note! We were passing notes!? I've always wanted to do this.
I mouthed a 'From Who?' And he pointed to James with a smile. Oh no, this could never be good.
I very carefully opened the paper to find a very terrible drawing of a sentitaur as a way to mimick my name as 'Horseman' and the words, "DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF" I frowned at the letter and was distracted by a flashing color. I looked around and saw that James had took a picture of me. Great, just amazing. Of course he has a camera. In class! He's rich.
I crumbled up the paper and threw it away, I decided to start listening to the lesson on my way back.
"One might say Robert Fro-" But I ended up interrupting her on accident when James held out his foot in front of me and tripped me. I fell face first to the hard concrete floor. The sound of marble screetching filled the room along with the loudest laughter of the day. Even Mrs. Jones showed a little chuckle. Out of shear embarrassment I quickly rushed back to my seat and hid my head.
"Aww, did Ponyboy get a boo boo?" James mocked as kids laughed.
"Alright alright, that's enough. Back to the lesson." But I once again didn't listen to the lesson I was too overwhelmed with embarrassment. I didn't even bother looking Mrs. Jones in the face. So for the rest of the class I stayed like that, quiet and introverted. It was the only method I knew that worked better than the others. Now that doesn't mean it always worked, it was just the best.
Once I heard the bell ring I gathered my stuff and hopped out of my seat so quickly that I was the first one out. I then rushed to the boys locker room to prep for gym. I thought that if I was there early, no one would bother me. So once I reached my locker I calmed down and slowed my breath. I finally took a second to settle in and went to open my locker. As I opened the cold metal container a small note fell out. It landed face up on the floor and I carefully read it.
"KILL YOURSELF PLEASE"
It must have been from James. I sighed and picked it up. I slowly crumbled it and grew sickened by his pleasure in my torture. I threw it away and went back to my locker. I wish that for one day, he would leave me alone. But speak of he devil in he walks with his typical gang. I tried to ignore him.
"What do you want James?" I asked harsher than I should.
"Just wanted to check up on ya bud." He lied.
"Asshole." I told him loud and clear.
"Hey hey hey, your brothers wouldn't like that language now would they. Then again, they don't even care about you." He made a fake crying sad face with his hands as I sighed, "You're just another problem." He gritted at me as I continued to attempt to calm myself, "Come on, you have to realize it by now. You cause soooo much stress. Soda had to drop out because of you! And Darry works two jobs! Wow, now look at who's the ass." He pushed at me with so much cruelty I felt like crying right then and there, but I didn't. I held it all back.
"Come on James, I think that's enough." One of his friends tried to plead.
"Oh No, I'm only getting started." I felt James smirk, "They just see you as another mouth to feed." He whispered at me to bother me.
"Come in Ja-" His friend attempted once more.
"A mistake."
"Ja-" Again.
"A problem."
"James, sto-" He gave up
"Because one day, you'll end up just like your petty little parents and die too too young. And you know what?" There was a moment of silence where no one said anything, "No one. Will Fucking. Care." He whispered into my ear as he slowly backed away. I struggled hard to keep back long held tears.
I slammed my locker shut with a loud bang and fought back the urge to turn around to beat the tar out of him right now, but as I said, I didn't. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it anymore. I rushed out of not only the locker room, but the school as well. I ran out of the school, escaped it, and headed straight for home. I ran faster than I ever had before. I felt the wind gently push against me as my legs stiffly carried me to my home. The run took only 15 minutes but I soon was there. Out of breath as well. And then I realized that going home wouldn't help me. No one was here to help me. I would be all alone. Then again, it was better than being at school. So finally relaxing my muscles, I walked up to the house and entered into its safety. I walked to my room and laid on my bed, finally feeling calm. I was so tired from my experience that my eyes dropped tiredly and I soon fell into a dark sleep.
* * * * * *
I soon awoke peacefully. It was still light outside so I must've lost track of time but not slept that long. I gently got up and wiped my eyes. I had planned on walking into the living room to see what time it was but after exiting my room I was met with a calm Soda and a very angry Darry.
"Uh, hey." I greeted awkwardly.
"Where were you?" Darry asked me harshly.
"In my room?" I said smartly.
"I mean at school you smart ass." Darry cussed at me.
"I had to leave." I explained simply, leaving out everything important.
"And why is that? Do you think you can just skip?" Darry was yelling at me now.
"Some kids were making fun of me. And Mom and Dad!" I yelled back.
"That gives you not a damn reason to leave school. You ignore them!" He yells at me.
"It's hard to." I lower my voice, feeling tears swell in my eyes. I look over at Soda for help but he only shakes his head.
"You think Soda is gonna side with this one? Oh we already talked." Darry confirmed my thinking.
"Pony, you can't do shit like this!" Soda was yelling at me. Soda. My brother that I trusted with everything. Yelling at me? What was going on? Did they not understand what I had been through! I let loose and felt the hot tears stain my cheeks.
"Really? Do you guys not know what happened today?!" I scream at them.
"Well neither do you because you weren't there for half of it!" Darry yelled back at me.
"Oh my God!" I semi groan and yell, rolling my eyes. I was sick of Darry always jumping on my case. I had just lost two best friends and a while back my parents. Did he not understand? They were his parents too. His friends too.
"I'm sure you'd love to use that attitude when a social worker comes 'round." Soda argued with me.
"A social worker? Really? Since when do you care?" I argue with Soda, "I bet both of you would loooove it if I were taken away from you. Wouldn't you?" I yell at them.
"Well if that's what you want you we might as well call them now. Say our brother is too much of an ass to care anymore and we don't want him." Darry yelled at me.
"Fine! I don't care!" I yelled with a few tears.
"You should! Do you know what we do for you! We give up everything for you! And you just throw it all away! As if we mean nothing!" Soda yelled at me.
"It doesn't matter how long you work! What matter is whether or not you make me feel loved and important. And y'all are doing one hell of a job!" I argued with him and he was taken aback.
"I can't. I'm done." Darry left the room by exiting the house and jumping into his car. I quickly heard the car drive away and I was left with Soda.
"I hope your happy. All you seem to do is cause trouble." He gritted through his teeth and leaves the house as well, more than likely going to fetch Steve or catch Darry. So I was left alone in this house that no longer felt like home.
I didn't know what to do. Everything seemed to be falling apart. Darry was harder on me. Soda and I weren't as close. Steve never liked me in the first place. And Two-Bit just never was sentimental with me. He didn't care enough to look out for me like I wished for. And Cherry moved, she moved a while back and I haven't seen her since. It's not like I can hang with Randy, there are rumors that go around school that say I only hang out with people so I can "get it on" with them. Which is a lie, I just want to hang, some friends. I sighed and laid back on the couch. I want to make things better, but all I can seem to do is make things worse. I roughly placed my hands down and suddenly felt hot. Thinking it would help, I took off my jacket. Too my surprise something fell out of my hood. A piece of paper. Then I thought back to when James was harrassing me in the locker room. I didn't bother facing him. He must've slipped something into my hood. I gently gripped onto the paper and unfolded it with care. There, in James's all too familiar handwriting, were the words I hated hearing from him.
"DO THE WORLD A BIG FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF" It read. Instead of crumbling it up I ran my fingers over the words. I took in a deep breath and harshly let it out. I was considering taking James's advice. I was failing all my classes. I had no friends at school. Socially, I was just downgrading every day. I seem to only cause trouble with Soda and Darry. Having them run out and me and each other. Maybe they did love me. I'm sure they did. But they can still love me in heaven. It would be easier. I would always be happy, they wouldn't struggle financially, and nothing could stop them from loving me. It also wouldn't matter to the kids at school, it's what they want. So now all I had to do was find out a way to do it and write a note.
I walked into the bedroom I shared with Soda and walked over to my desk. I gently sat down and pulled out a paper and pen. I made sure there were no creases and easy to see. I wrote with my best handwriting.
Darry and Soda,
I'm sorry for skipping today. It was a stupid decision. So I've decided to make one that counts. Don't go off blaming yourselves for MY choice. Overall, you did nothing. You only tried to take care of me. But I seem to be breaking down, and taking everyone else with me. I've tried to fix things, but ironically it seems to only get worse. I'm not doing well in school and to be honest, I'm getting bullied really bad. I've been taking all of this stress and putting it on you guys, I can't let this to continue. I've decided to end all the pain and confusion for everyone. So don't miss me when I am gone, because that's not what I want you to do. I want you to make the best of your lives. Trust me, I'm making the right decision, I will be happy. I'll also get to see Johnny, Dally, Mom, and Dad. I'll be happier than I've ever been. So, I guess it's goodbye for now. I'll be watching over you, don't worry. I love you.
Ponyboy
I sighed at the letter and read over it once more, checking for spelling errors. Once I felt like it was good enough I placed it neatly on the desk and put the pen away. I then slowly walked to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I decided on the Advil. If I take the whole bottle that might as well do it. But after shaking it I found that only a few pills were left. I sighed and angirly threw them into the cabinet. I then walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. This would have to do. I didn't like pain, but I was too afraid of guns to shoot myself and we didn't have any rope, so a knife would have to do. I carefully examined it and watched as the light dressed over it. So I walked back to the bathroom and placed it on the toliet. I then started to run a bath. While I waited for it to fill the tub I realized I never made a note for Two-Bit. I didn't want to bother with Steve, but Two-Bit didn't do anything wrong. So I figured I'd call him. It was the least I could do. Plus, there was nothing he could do to stop me. So I walked over to the phone and dialed his phone number. He immediately answered.
"Hey?"
"Hey Two-Bit, it's Ponyboy." I sighed.
"Oh, hey Pony. What do you need?" He asked.
"I just wanted to say bye." I informed him and I could feel his confusion.
"Why? Where you going kid?" He almost laughed but knew it was too serious to laugh.
"I better place I guess." I answered giving him small answers.
"What do you mean? You ain't doing anything stupid are ya? Soda and Darry are over here if you wa-"
"No," I cut him off, "I'm fine. I'm just gonna...leave."
"What do you mean?" I sighed as he asked.
"It'll be better for everyone." I informed him.
"Ponyboy Curtis what the HELL are you doing!?" He yelled at me.
"Goodbye Two-Bit. I'll say Hi to Johnny and Dally for you." And with saying that I hung up.
By the time I reached the bath tub it was already full, so I turned the faucet off and very gently placed my body into the water. I gave myself around five minutes to adjust to the water. It took a while because it felt weird having clothes on while in the water. I was considering waiting a few more minutes to adjust when suddenly I heard the front door slam open. I knew, that it was now or never. I grabbed the knife and placed position. I heard who I assumed to be Two-Bit, Soda, and Darry rush into my room. And then a moment of silence, they were probably reading the note. I took this time to make my move. I very scarecly ran the knife down my left arm. The cold metal against my skin felt extrusiating at the touch but after I pulled the knife away, it felt better. I watched as the blood poured from my forearm and I shakily moved the knife to my over hand and did the same to my right hand. After finishing I heard a banging on the bathroom door that I had locked.
"Pony!?! Ponyboy!!! Ponyboy open this door!" I heard Darry yell and bang the door louder. I only ignored him as I relaxed in the tub and allowed myself to bleed out. I didn't feel like I was slipping away right now, but soon, I knew I would . No more than 30 seconds into banging on the door I heard Darry kick it down. The door hinges broke off as he slammed the door open and all three friends rushed over to me. I wasn't unconscious, or dead for that matter, but I sure as hell was weak.
"Oh My God!" Soda exclaimed as he put his hands over his mouth. Darry acted opposite of Soda and held me into his arm and pulled me out of the tub.
"Two-Bit get me a towel." Darry ordered, but Two-Bit was in shock, "KEITH MATTHEWS A TOWEL PLEASE!" Darry yelled and Two-Bit quickly grabbed a towel as Darry covered my arms, allowing the towels to absorb my blood.
"Oh honey, what have you done?" Darry shook his head and very careful held me in his arms. I was too weak to respond. My eyes only slowly followed everyone as they did what they had to.
"Two-Bit can you call an ambulance?" Darry asked and Two-Bit immediately head for the phone and called for help. Darry and Soda went to tending me. I was expressionless but kept my eyes open.
"That's right, stay awake for us baby." Soda attempted to soothe me but too many tears flooded down his cheek.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry." Darry apologized, now he was crying.
"Please stay Pony, come on." Soda was bawling by now, but both brothers quickly wiped their tears away when Two-Bit came in.
"An ambulance will be here in 2 minutes at the latest, they said keep him awake." Two-Bit informed as he kneeled down to me as well, "Is he responsive?"
"No. But he's awake." Darry said, he was at least happy about that. I then felt Two-Bit smooth back my hair.
"You know, you never did dye you hair back to brown kid." He smiled as I awarded him with a half smile and was faint but noticable. And then I saw something I've never seen before in my life. Two-Bit Matthews was crying. It wasn't anything hard as sobbing like, but a few tears escaped his face, "It's funny." He drew a quivering breath, "You aren't even blood related to me, but you feel so much like a brother." He smiled at me with so much meaning, "I guess I took advantage of that feeling." He frowned at the realization and I then knew, I had made a mistake. This wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay.
"It's...O-Ok..." I choked out and earned a group of smiles from everyone at my voice. I started to cry as well, not sob, but cry. I had made the biggest mistake of my life, something I couldn't fix. No matter what happened, everything would change. Whether I made it or not.
"Now you stay right here kid, cause I've got some Math homework I really need some help with." Two-Bit smiled at me and Soda added on.
"And I've got this new book I saw that I know you'll love." Soda smiled.
"And you still owe me a game of football." Darry added on with a smile and I instantly felt more loved than I ever had before.
"I...love...you...guys..."I spurted out as I fell into a deep dark sleep and relaxed in Darry's arms.
And that's the end of the first chapter! I hope you liked it! Expect more posts coming soon! Please Review!