Serendipity
Chapter One – Rachel
The rain was really coming down hard today. Trains of smoke filled pellets that rushed at the ground, smashing upon impact; bolts of white-hot fire illuminated against the darkening sky; roars of a lion so deafening the earth trembled and wept over the waves of a dark glittering sea.
And all I could do was watch from behind a window. Safe protected from the elements… yet so blind. Blind to the rage, blind to the happiness that sprang from the rain, somewhere over the rainbow…
There's gold at the end of the rainbow you know…
But first, there needs to be rain.
And as I stood there, I felt as though I'd forever be on the outside, looking in.
Cassie had come by earlier this afternoon. Crying as always, seeking comfort from someone whom could give her none. I sometimes wonder why she bothers to drop by anyway, and whether she does so more often to check on my well being than to actually grieve over Jake's misfortune.
Jake's misfortune. Now there's an interesting way of putting it. I make it sound like it's something so trivial, and maybe it is… but who am I to pass judgement? Loss, no matter how terrible the feeling, is just something we all have to live with, whether we want to or not. But Jake's lucky… he can regain that loss, compared to those who can't. He has the best doctor money can buy, friends to support him…
Do you still consider me a friend, Jake? Do I?
I nearly laughed aloud at the thought. No, he'd disown me as a cousin if he could. After all that, after all the blood it took to end the war.
Was that any way to treat your dear, dear cousin?
Reflecting back, my actions may have been fueled by some other motive. In fact, I think they were, but even now I can't be too sure. Vengeance, loss… those are strong feelings only too impossible to dispel.
I find it amazing that no matter how advanced civilization becomes, no matter how far we evolve, it will always be those inherent prejudices and bias that segregates society and defines the moral code of right and wrong. That it was okay to kill the hosts because they had been infested, that it was and is okay to bully and torture people because they are black… that it was and always will be right to kill another in revenge.
Human kind is so weak. It's taken me this long to realize it… and for the first time in my life, I'm ashamed to be a part of the human race. To think that I can be so easily manipulated by simple emotions, innocent smiles…
But no more. That was Rachel five years ago. Today I'm something else.
Something I don't want to be.
Chapter Two – Jake
"I don't want you to see her anymore."
"Who the hell do you think you are, to tell me who I can and cannot see? I love you Jake, Rachel too, but the two of you have to put an end to this bitter feud once and for all."
I pursed my lips together and tried not to think of the indignant way Cassie was probably pacing across the room, but the sound of her footsteps blended that image right into my thoughts. She just didn't understand.
"And just how do you propose that?" I asked sarcastically. "Go over there to that little hermit home of hers and let her kill me too?"
One month ago, Cassie would've slapped me. She would've slapped me, then stormed out of the house and gone to complain to Marco and his wife Lucia about what a bastard I was being.
But one month ago, a person could not see the pity in her eyes.
"That was cruel Jake. To Rachel."
"She's not here now, is she?"
Cassie grew silent as her pacing stopped. I sighed. The ticking of the clock grew louder with each passing second, and I would've screamed if it had not meant waking up Joshua in the other room.
"So when's your next appointment?" She asked flatly, changing the subject. "Dr. Baskin's seemed very hopeful the treatment would work at our last visit."
"Tomorrow." I replied evenly, masking the distress I felt. "But Josh has his Little League game on tomorrow, and I don't think you'd want to miss that."
"True, but you'll need some help getting there."
"I'm not an invalid for God's sake," I spoke through clenched teeth. "I don't need you to mother me like I'm some four year old!"
The instant the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them.
"Cassie, wait-"
There was a loud wail from the room opposite the hall.
"That's Josh. I've, I've got to…"
I heard her moving across the carpet, then closing the door behind her. I balled my hands into fists and silently used every swear word I knew. I'd recognized the tear in her voice. The stutter. The hesitation… I'd hurt her. I'd never wanted to hurt her… I once swore I'd kill the guy who'd dare try…
But everything you touch begins to grieve.
Shaking, I felt around for the coat I'd carelessly tossed onto the bed when I walked in. I couldn't tell what time it was, but the cold had elicited goosebumps all over my arms and my legs. I was guessing that it was around five 'o clock, and that Cassie would have dinner ready in around an hour. Until then, I had some spare time to myself.
To think.
Marco. Marco would know what to do, how I could make it up to Cassie…
Forgetting the coat, I took two steps forward, cursing myself as I bumped into the bed. But three steps later, the phone was in my hand. By memory, I dialed in the number. Someone picked it up almost immediately.
"Hello." Came the preppy voice of the phone. "This is Lucia."
"Lucia, this is Jake, Could I speak to Marco please?"
There was silence at the other end.
"Jake? Just a sec."
She put me on hold and I drummed my fingers along the side of the bed as elevator music blared into the earpiece. A moment later, Marco picked up.
"Hey man. What's up?"
"Everything." I said without thinking. "Cassie, Rachel… I'm bloody mess Marco. My thoughts tell me one thing, my feelings another… I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"Whoah, slow down Jake."
How the hell could I be calm?
"Now take me through this bit by bit, what happened?"
Before I answered a bitter irony ran through my mind. Just three years ago, I'd been counseling Marco about his love life, callously saying such a thing could never happen to Cassie or I… and now, here I was, turning to Marco for help while the rest of the world mocked me from the shadows.
"Cassie confessed to seeing Rachel earlier today. I got mad, told her never to do such a thing again, then I made some remark about the killer that is Rachel. Recap enough for you?"
That didn't come out the way I intended it, but at least it got the message across. Marco's response was to sigh.
"You can't continue blaming Rachel you know. Sooner or later, one or both of you has to realize that it was all an accident."
"An accident?" I repeated incredulously. "Is that how you want to put it Marco? Is that how you really fucking see it?!"
"Look," He said tersely. "If you really want to place the blame on someone, place it on the Yeerks. Both you and Rachel did what you had to do-"
"I did what I had to do." I interjected. "I did what probably saved thousands and thousands of lives. If not for me that bomb would've gone off and the whole city of Manhattan would've been destroyed. What Rachel did was dictated by selfish and unwarranted actions at people who deserved none of her hatred. Hatred directed at me."
I paused; breathing heavily as the memories began coming back.
"I never wanted to kill Jordan. I loved her dammit, I use to give her piggyback rides when I was little, and she was the closest thing I had to a younger sister. Don't any of you get it? Killing her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." My voice become hard. "But no matter how many times I apologized, Rachel just couldn't see it that way."
"What do you expect Jake?" Marco said quietly. "Even now you could say sorry a thousand times over, but it would do no good. We know you're sorry, repeating it won't do any good. Fact is, you did it without informing any of us. You committed an independent course of action, did you realize the consequences of that?"
"Ax and the High Council agreed it was the right thing to do."
"At the time. Nevertheless, you could've at least had to guts to confront Rachel about it."
"But that doesn't justify what she did to me."
"Goddammit Jake!" He yelled. "You make it out to seem that everything you did was justified. But before you place yourself on a pedestal high up there in the clouds, I think you should have at least considered what Rachel must have felt at the time. You hurt her Jake. In a way, you might've killed her. Jordan was all she had left, and I don't think I need to tell you why."
"I still mourn Marco. You don't think I do?"
"No. I'm just saying that Rachel had a reason, however immoral, to do what she did. You killing Jordan only worsened things. If Tom hadn't-"
"Don't you dare bring Tom into this."
"Isn't he what this is all about?"
"Good bye Marco." I said curtly. "I was hoping you'd take my side, but I guess you've finally shown your true colors. I now know where you stand."
"Now just wait a -"
I threw the phone onto the floor, hoping to hear the satisfying clang of metal against wood. None came, just a dull thud. Just the sound… and blackness. Will I forever see the world in black?
Chapter Three – Cassie
I shivered beneath layers and layers of warm clothing as I stepped outside into the bitter wind. Snow had lightly frosted the ground with specks of white, and the sky had turned a lovely orange-red. There was no sign of the rain that had earlier hammered down on the earth. In the distance, cottony peaks rose to meet the sky.
Shortly after I fed Joshua, I'd returned to our room to find him curled up and asleep on the bed, the cordless phone lying innocently by the foot of the closet. It was only four in the afternoon, so I decided to take a walk out and try to clear my mind.
I started walking in no given direction. Just headed down one part of the street, and kept on going. By the time I'd rounded the corner the cold had disappeared, and instead a hands of confusion and grief clawed at my chest, burning, aching; gasping, I reached for a wall to steady myself.
I just couldn't accept.
"I'm sorry."
Physically, I could feel nothing wrong with me. Just a burden; a memory that just wouldn't go away.
"I'm sorry but…"
Closing my eyes, I slowed down my breathing, then took two steps forward.
"Your husband's blind."
Tears tracked down the sides of my cheeks, even though I hadn't meant to cry.
"Oh God Jake." I whispered, closing my hands over my face.
"Will you ever get your sight back?"
The scene at the hospital replayed itself over and over again in my mind. At first, I'd been numb; in denial… but the moment Jake opened his eyes and saw nothing but blackness…
You just won't accept.
I wiped my eyes and continued walking, to infinity, to where, I didn't know.
The road would never end.
High above, an eagle soared across the sky.
And a fall from above marks the end of a day.
Chapter Four – Rachel
I think about Tobias sometimes.
More like all the time.
More like every second of every day.
Mom, Jordan, Sarah… from the beginning, they'd all reserved a special place in my memory. But Tobias… he was one of those things you'd never expected to happen. One of those wonderful, amazing things that filled your days with warmth and joy, a gift of life you'd thought you never deserved… but a cost.
The cost of dying yourself the moment they're gone.
I never deserved someone like Tobias. All I could give him with my grief, my pain at losing Sara, Mom, and then Jordan… all I could give him was an empty shell. But yet he stayed with me, right until the moment Tom plunged the dagger into his back and he crumpled onto the ground. Even now his last words still ring in my head, words that are the only things which prevent me from plunging a dagger into myself. And at least, I have the comfort of knowing…
He died human.
Four worn photographs sat in front of me, all holding different faces, different identities.
All killed in the name of war.
Gingerly, I picked up Jordan's photo and stared at her innocent face.
All murdered.
All I have left are photographs now. And what are pieces of paper compared to the people who they once were? Keepsakes? Memories?
Constant reminders that they're gone.
Slowly, I picked up a match and tapped it against the edge of the table. The box laid a few centimeters away. It was so tempting. To strike the match and set those photos alight. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't destroy the only memories of their existence I had left.
Better to hurt than not at all.
Sighing, I tucked the photographs back into the drawer than turned to the window again. Snow had replaced the rain, white instead of black. Then all of a sudden, fire, burning flames…
Jake had gone blind in a fire, hadn't he?
Sooner or later it all goes up in flames…
Five years later, four deaths… and there were still no ashes to be seen.
Note: In an attempt to clear up any confusion caused, I was trying to blind the audience through revealing the past ambiguously and in bits and pieces… which you may even not entirely get. Ugh. Well, you're probably not convinced anyway, which was partly my fault since I was trying to be a bit too ambitious with the storyline. Also, I know Jake is a bit OOC, but I decided to go with the idea of how he would act if traumatized.