A/N: HEY. This is the new project courtesy of British-Bella and Bellamydarling. It will be amazing. Hopefully. Just an idea of BMD's that has been KILLING her for a while now and needs B-B to help her write it. We came up with the title in our new R.S. lesson (where last year we could have been replying to reviews, this year we have to make do with looking at the random phrases stuck on the walls (they are actually the most hilarious things!!)). We think it fits pretty well although that may not become clear for a while – if you never get it, feel free to ask.
Disclaimer: We don't own anything at all except 28 and a bomber jacket.
"Ladies and gents – it is my pleasure to welcome you to Alice and Jasper's rehearsal dinner. What with the beautiful buckets of water pouring from the sky I am sure there is nowhere you would rather be than in this increasingly crowded restaurant. I myself am looking forward to the point where we will have to leave the central heating and stand outside in the rain arguing over who gets the first taxi. It reminds me of a night, similar to this, when I came home one night sopping wet and went into my roommate's bedroom in search of a hair dryer – only to find her in bed with my brother. Naturally this was all very distressing for me, not only because I never got the hair dryer, but because I could already foresee many nights of headboards banging and shouts of pleasure whilst I myself was trying to entertain certain guests. This went on for a very long time – as everyone knows, Alice doesn't't undertake anything lightly (or quietly) – until I grudgingly moved out. Alice, always eager to help, pointed me in the direction of her oldest friend and there I spent my days with Bella. In fact – it is Bella who got the position of Maid of Honour (unlike myself) and would be giving you this speech instead of me if she weren't to busy entertaining Jasper's best man in the restroom (which are actually very nice, don't you think?). Do not, my friends, look upon me with such shock (and in some cases scorn) for our little Bellamadonna is not quite the angel we thought she was. In fact, I happen to have found out some shocking (and exceedingly interesting) pieces of information during our many drunken adventures – like the time we ended up (in Europe) staying in a (slightly shabby) women's hostel that turned out, would you believe it, to be a brothel! And I give up dear Alice (and also little Jasper) to be married with the saddest of hearts – not just because I unfortunately foresee an end to our worldly travels, but because I pity anyone who has to give up their freedom. Just know, brother (and sister), that I will not be forced to chose sides in the upcoming divorce that is entirely more statistically likely than a happy marriage. And so, let us raise our alcoholic beverages and give a toast to the downfall of statistics! May you break the mould."
A/N- Review?? We actually promise hand on heart to respond and we will not abuse you or hurt you in anyway!!
S+F
Xxxxxx
P.s.- BMD wrote this so I, b-b take no credit. Lol xxxxxx