June 28
Well, this is mighty strange. I'm sure no toy has ever written in a journal before. Well, I've always been one to try new things. Why not try this? Ya know, Bonnie's mom has really been pushin' Bonnie to write more in her journal. I remember Emily kept a journal, and she always told me how important it was that she kept one. She said that you needed to keep a journal so that you could always remember things you never wanted to forget. I thought it was a great idea, so I found some sticky notes, some tape, and the next thing I know, I had a journal! There are some things I don't ever want to forget, so I decided to take Emily's advice and write it down.
These past few weeks have been crazier than a chicken with its head cut off. Andy just up and went off to college, and now we're here at Bonnie's. I really love this place, but sometimes I really miss home. At Andy's, I really learned to love all of them toys, and I grew so close to each and every one of them. Thank goodness I can still stick with 'em and have new adventures here at Bonnie's! She's such a creative gal! She reminds me a lot of Emily. I'm glad that she's our owner now. Why, just the other day, she was playing with all of us, and she told us that she'd never let anythin' bad ever happen to us. I know that she speaks the truth, and I'm glad Andy loved us enough to give us such a great owner. I wish that kid the best. He's gonna do great things with his life, I know it.
The real reason I wanted to write…well…it's gonna sound kinda embarrassing, but I really wanted to write about Buzz. I'm not one to get all mushy and gushy (heck, I'm the complete opposite!), but I think I need to write some things down about the silly space toy. I never expected to feel the way I do about him, but the truth of the matter is that I have very strong feelings for him. From the moment I first saw him, I thought he was a sweet space toy, but honestly, I couldn't see some romantic relationship ever developin' between us.
I can recall one time when Buzz tried to talk to me a week after I'd come to Andy's. He tried many times to talk to me before, but this particular time has always really stuck out to me. I thought maybe he had some serious speech impediments or somethin', but I couldn't understand why he could talk just fine to Woody and everybody else. Somethin' just wasn't adding up. Being the oblivious girl that I was, I assumed that it was some problem he had, and I didn't think much about it. Well, this continued on, and for years I simply thought somethin' was a bit off about the guy. Sure, he was nice, but he was a bit weird. He never acted normal around me, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Of course, now it's obvious why, but I still can't figure out what he sees in me. I mean, I'm just a plain ol' cowgirl doll. I'm nothin' special.
It's funny because I've been asked by Dolly, Trixie, Mrs. Potato Head, and even Woody when I knew that I was in love with Buzz. The thing is…I can't really pinpoint the exact moment. I think deep down in my stuffin' I've always loved that space boy. I don't know why it took ten years for me to figure that out. It makes me shiver to think what would've happened had I never figured it out. How much would I miss? How much did I miss all those years? Well, I can't linger on the past. What's done is done, and it's best if I just move on. Buzzy and I are together now. That's all that matters.
Ya know…the more I think about it, the more I can kinda guess when I figured out I was head over heels for the space ranger. Sunnyside (I shudder to even think of the name) really opened my eyes. When Buzz was turned to his space ranger mode…I can't even describe the way I felt. The best I could say would be a mixture of horror and despair. I was horrified of what had happened, and I blamed myself for ever deciding to go to the daycare in the first place. I thought I'd caused harm to Woody through my actions, and worst of all, I thought I'd lost Buzz forever. That thought nearly broke my heart (figuratively of course). I thought I'd never hear his nervous chuckle, see him fidget with his hands, or look deep into his big blue eyes before he'd turn away ever again. Suddenly, everythin' clicked. I loved him. I still loved him. I always would love him. He was mine, and I was his, and there was nothin' that could ever change that.
Now, when he turned into his Spanish mode, I sure did like it, but it wasn't the Buzzy I'd fallen in love with. I was so surprised by the sudden outward expression of love that I was afraid when he turned back into his old self, he'd forget everything. I was scared he wouldn't be able to show me how much he loved me. I wasn't afraid to show him, and there was nothin' that was gonna hold me back now, especially not after I'd made my huge discovery. Like I said, I'm not some romantic, but I can't even describe the way I feel around him. He's my other half. He completes me, and not only that, he makes me a better person. The way his arms wrap around me…I can't even explain the security I've found in him. He is my best friend. I can tell him things, and he listens and genuinely cares what I love, what I'm scared of, my pet peeves, my favorite pastimes, everything! It feels too good to be true! How could I have had such a great man for all these years and not known? Sheesh…
I'll try my best to be there for him like how he's been there for me. I love him with every fiber in my body. I didn't know I was capable of so much love. I'm blushin' right now just thinking 'bout him. I may be tough, but I can still love and care for somebody just like everyone else. No matter where the future takes us, I'm happy. I've never been so happy in all of my life, and it's because I know he loves me, and he's all I need to be happy.