The Birds That Stay
Disclaimer: Animorphs belongs to Scholastic, and the Crow belongs to James O'Barr. I make no money from this.
My life closed twice before its close,
And yet remains to see,
If immortality unveil
A third event to me
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell
Parting is all we need of Heaven
And All we need of Hell.
-Emily Dickinson
Erek
They're dead.
They're all dead.
It was all my fault.
Visser 3 received a communication that said that the Council of Thirteen was going to be sending another Kandrona so they could put more yaks on earth, and begin open conquest. When I heard this, I verified it. They were going to do it. It never occurred to me that they would use the real thing as a trap.
I am an android, so of course, I remember that day in perfect detail.
I remember the exact striping of Jake's coat, in tiger morph. I remember Rachel's bellow of anguish, as Tobias was burned down, even as her own arms were ripped off. I can still see Jake, as he becomes human again, to hold Cassie, as she pumps her hearts blood onto the cold deck. Ax and Visser 3 finally have it out, and Ax loses. Marco told a joke as he put the ship on auto-destruct.
I was on board already, to give the Animorphs a way in to the Blade ship. They met up with it in mid air. They were successful on the end, but at the cost of their lives.
Visser 3 and I were the only ones to survive the blast.
I have seen the deaths of so many in my time, but I have never seen braver than that of their sacrifice.
One year later
'Tis not dying hurts dying hurts us so,
'Tis living, hurts us more.
For dying is a different way, a Kind behind the Door
Memories swirled through her head. They didn't make any sense.
The nameless girl wondered around, not knowing where she was. It was all so surreal.
She bumped into someone.
"Hey, honey, you okay?" she heard asked.
Meaningless chatter. It meant nothing to her.
She wandered around the town. She passed a brick building.
It was a school, she thought. It was my school.
Flash-
The door is in the school-
See? That guy noticed you/ But he didn't even remember my name-
Becoming a rat to do an experiment-
How much did she pay you to say that?
Then it was gone. They were important; she knew that. They were keys to remembering who she had been.
Squawk!
She looked up in time to see a big, black bird fly by her. It landed in a tree, and stared down at her.
Flash-
Feeling the wind blow across her feathers-
Desert-
Tobias, stuck in morph-
Then it was gone again.
She shook her head in frustration. Why couldn't she remember?
The continued her rambling down town. She passed a pastry shop
Flash-
Can we eat cinnamon buns now?
Blue alien-
Home, in forest-
Scoop-
There was a safe place she could go, in the woods. That was where she would go. The crow landed on her shoulder. She could feel its approval. Well, then, she thought. Let's go.
It took her a while to get there. It never occurred to her to try to find some other form of travel, so she walked.
Erek
When Erek had bumped into her, he couldn't believe it.
He had seen them all die a year ago!
Yet, there she was, apparently healthy and whole, right in front of him.
"Hey, Erek," said one of the true Controllers from the Sharing. "What are you looking at?"
Cursing inwardly, in ways that his makers would have been shocked to hear, he turned away.
The girl was walking barefoot into the forest, in only a black unitard. The crow was guiding her now. Once night had fallen, she had been lost.
Then, she found it.
A part of her thought that it looked exactly the way it had when they had left it, but she didn't know who 'they' were.
It was very compact. There was a TV inside it. It had broken, and was now a bird's nest.
"I thought you might come here," said a voice from behind her.
She whirled around. It was a guy she had known… Hadn't she?
"I don't know how you came back, Cassie, but it's good to see you," whispered Erek, tears streaming down his holographic face.
"Cassie," she repeated. Then, clutching her head, she cried out
It all came back then. The trap, having a Hork-Bajir blade slice through her gut, and feeling herself slip away, as Jake watched in horror. Knowing that she hadn't been there when they needed her, and feeling the love in Jake's eyes turn to sorrow as he realized that he couldn't save her.
Then, she remembered the guilt. She had been the first to go down, and understanding that deep in her gut, that if she had made it long enough, she could have helped them win. That they could still be alive today, if she had held up and kept fighting. She hadn't.
She hadn't.
The Southern custom of the Bird
That Ere the Frosts are due-
Accepts a better Latitude
We are the Birds that Stay.
She wanted to cry, but she couldn't.
The yeerks had killed them, like they were killing her world. She had to stop them. She had to get Vengence.
"Erek," she said hoarsely.
"Yes?" he answered, wondering what she wanted.
"I know that you and your kind don't believe in violence, but will you help me?"
"Help you do what?"
The smile on her face made him cold.
"Destroy them all."
Erek
I didn't understand how Cassie had come back from the dead. I didn't want to. I knew, though, that my soul hungered for the same revenge that she wanted.
My kind are pacifists. We are androids, and because we are almost immortal, our makers designed us so that we would not have to live with the horror of the deaths of other creatures on our conscience.
Now, I didn't care.
I took Cassie over to my house. She asked for some face paint, black and white. I got them. Then, she asked who was in charge on earth. It was still Visser 3.
Cassie had gone into the bathroom to put on her makeup. I went in a little later to see what she was doing, and found her staring at the huge crow that I had noticed following her. They seemed to be talking.
I thought of some old legends of the native Americans that I had heard long ago, and wanted to shudder.
Then I saw her face. It had been painted a dead white, with black covering the lips and eyes, making them into caricatures of what they had been. Gentle Cassie now frightened me.
"You need anything else?" I asked from behind her.
"Weapons," she replied. "Dracon beams if you have them, but guns will do if you don't."
I nodded, and went to raid the yeerks' armory.
I brought back two Dracon beams and a Shredder. I had found various knives, and ammunition. She was waiting for me in the living room. A few other Chee were there, but they were so shocked to see her that they didn't ask questions. I was just as happy. I was not looking forward to explaining to my elders what I was helping do.
I helped her suit up, and asked her what now.
"You stay here; you've done enough. I go hunting."
She left through the front door, and I never saw her again.
Cassie remembered the door in the Gap, but figured that it would be too well guarded for her to get to unnoticed. She decided to go to the heart of the trouble. She went to Chapman's house.
Kicking the door in, she found Chapman sitting at his desk.
She smiled, and asked, "Remember me?"
"You, Cassie?" he asked, looking like he had seen a ghost. He had.
"Not just that," she said coldly, "I was one of the Andalite bandits
"What?" he exclaimed.
"Where is he, Chapman?" she asked, and kicked him.
He doubled over, and tried to fight back.
She caught his clumsy punch, and twisted his arm.
"Argh," he moaned.
"I ask you again, where is Visser 3?"
"Go to hell!" he spat back at her.
"Been there, done that, read the book. Wrong answer, Chapman. Where is Visser 3?"
"He'll kill me!"
"I'll kill you right now if you don't tell me. Now, or later. Your choice," she said coldly.
Just then, Ms. Chapman came in. She gasped at the scene before her.
"Hi," Cassie said, and aimed her gun, and shot her between the eyes.
Chapman gaped.
"I thought you Andalites didn't kill without reason!" he shouted.
"Guess what, Chap? I'm not an Andalite. I am Cassie, and I am dead. The rest of the so-called bandits are dead, too. I guess that means we're getting company soon, huh?" she told him, and aimed for the bridge of his nose.
"All right! All right! Let me live, and I'll tell you. He's at the Yeerk pool."
"You better be telling the truth, Chapman, because if you aren't-"
"It's the truth, dammit!" he screamed.
"Thanks," she said, almost kindly. Then she pulled the trigger.
Bang!
Cassie left.
Rats, she thought absently, I forgot to ask him where the entrance was.
Oh, well.
She decided that she would go through the Gap entrance anyway. It didn't really matter is she was noticed, so long as she killed Visser 3.
She decided to go in after the mall was closed. It would cut down on casualties she didn't need.
Once most of the lights were out, she went to one of the doors, swung back her elbow, and broke the glass.
The glass in the door shattered, and she reached in and unlocked the door. Stepping inside, she walked to the Gap. It took her only a moment for her to locate the dressing room booth, and with the crow winging behind her, she went through the door.
Now that she was dead, it didn't bother her the same way that it had the first few times. All she could remember was how much it hurt to she her friends die as she lay bleeding, and being unable to stop it. Right and wrong lost all meaning for her then. All that mattered to her was revenge. She would kill Visser 3. She would kill them all.
The smell and the shrieks of that place echoed up the tunnel. They registered to her only vaguely.
It took her a long time to get there, but when she made it down, Visser 3 was standing right in front of her.
She started her run with an opening salvo toward his guards.
Dracon beam fire showered the Hork-Bajir Controllers. She then started a cover spray at the other Controllers in the room.
She started to the yeerk pool itself. She had once felt compassion for some of those creatures, before they had destroyed her life, and the lives of her friends. Now, all she felt was contempt.
A few of the blasts from the Controllers would hit her ever so often. It would pass through her, and she would just shrug it off. Pain meant nothing. She healed immediately.
She fired directly at the pool. It caught fire, like a lake of oil.
She laughed.
Cassie smiled as several Taxxons rushed her. She burned them to the ground.
A human-Controller grabbed her from behind. She tossed him over her shoulder, and in a swift motion, grabbed both sides of his head and broke his neck.
Several more attacked bare handed. She did an easy skipping side kick, and turned to punch another on her left. Cassie then did a roundhouse, which she turned into a hook kick.
They went down.
Very soon, she started to run out of targets, which was good, because she was running out of ammunition.
Taylor, now a working directly under Visser 3, aimed at her. She fired, and her pellets went straight though Cassie, and didn't even slow her. She just kept coming.
"Visser," Taylor choked, "What do we do?"
You stay here, while I run, he said calmly, and pushed her before him, and took off running.
"No!" Taylor screeched. "NO!"
Cassie was expressionless as she came up to her.
"I'm sure you remember the hawk that you tortured, correct?" Cassie asked her politely.
Cornered, Taylor answered shakily," Y-yes."
"Good. You'll know why I killed you."
Cassie used a spear hand thrust, and ripped out her heart.
Cassie sighed. Again, she had killed someone who could tell her where the Visser went. She would have to get out of that habit.
Casse heard a cawing, and looked up. The crow was flying toward an exit that she hadn't seen before.
"Thank you," she told it, and walked over to it.
It opened into a fighter hanger. Visser 3 was over on the far end, trying desperately to get one of the Bug fighters going.
Start! he shouted at the stubborn control panel. Start, you stupid thing!
"Hello, Visser 3," Cassie called out to him, and calmly walked over.
YOU! he started when he saw her. Who are you? What do you want with me!
"My name is Cassie, but you wouldn't know that, now, would you? Tell me, Visser, what did you want to do to the Andalite Bandits? Be honest, because your death depends on it," she said, her voice colder than space.
I- uh, well, I wanted to - to- he stuttered, knowing that there was no right answer.
"Beep. Times up, I guess I have to kill you slowly."
No you won't! Visser 3 shouted, and struck with his tail blade.
Cassie sidestepped barely in time, and he still carved a shallow slice in her arm. Cassie drew one of her guns, and shot at him. Or she would have, if she had any bullets left.
Tossing it away, she tried her remaining Dracon beam. It had lost its charge.
Visser 3 realized what had happened.
You don't have any of your weapons left, do you? What was your name, Cassie?
"Yes," she hissed, "and don't you forget it, in your last few seconds, before I send you
to-"
Visser 3 tried to strike again. This time, he slashed her across the chest.
"Huhargh!" she cried out.
She doubled over, clutching at herself, while her healing took over.
You were one of he Andalite Bandits, weren't you? he asked, incredulously.
Cassie looked up, hate filling her eyes.
I can't believe it, he mused, watching her. He was coming closer, getting ready for the kill.
All this time, you were humans. Pitiful humans, and yet, you nearly have destroyed my operations. Amazing. I wish I knew how you survived the Blade ship explosion. I guess I'll have to kill you correctly, this time.
He had come within striking range.
Cassie's hand slid down behind her back.
He struck!
Cassie's knife was in front of her face, blocking.
Repeatedly he rained blow after blow at her, and again and again, she parried. Finally, he slowed a hair, and she caught his tail in her other hand.
Arrgghh! he screamed, as she twisted it in her hand, and started sawing through it.
"Feel that, Visser?" she asked, almost lovingly. "This is just a little of the pain that you have made my friends and the rest of the galaxy feel."
It came off in her hand. She took it, and kicked his knees in, one at a time, to his bellows of pain. She didn't want him to get away.
"You know, the person I was before you and your kind killed me, was a gentle person. If I was still really she, I would be reeling in horror at what I had just done. Too bad you killed her, Visser," she commented.
"Too bad for you," she went on, and started on his eyestalks.
Stop, please, he moaned. Please, I beg you.
"How many begged for their lives, Visser?" She kicked him again. "How many pleaded for their freedom, you gutless coward!" she shrieked, and hit him. She pelted him with her fists until he was bloody. Then she started with her knife.
Visser 3's host was little more than so much butchered meat. She didn't feel any sorrow for him. He had committed crimes that made him almost has evil as his yeerk.
Visser 3, the yeerk itself, squirmed out of Alloran's ear. She picked it up gently.
"Hmm," she mused. "I wonder how far along on you feeding cycle you were when I came back. Do you want to see?
She took the yeerk back to the scoop, and waited.
It took it one day to die.
When it had become a shriveled, dried out ball of mucus, she just stared.
Finally, she started to cry.
Cassie cried for all that she had lost. She had lost her parents, to her own death. Her chance at a life with Jake. Seeing her best friend get married, and any children they might have had. She cried for the pain she had caused. She cried, because she had nothing left to cry for.
It was late that evening when the crow came for her. She felt it come, and knew it was time to go. Picking herself up, she said goodbye to the world.
The Shiverers round the Farmer's Door
For whose reluctant crumb
We stipulate till pitying snows,
Persuade our Feathers Home.
Kiss the world one last time, she thought, as she reached the cemetery where she and the other Animorphs had been buried. Looking up at the night sky, drinking it in, she sighed.
I am ready not to be.
Erek
It was ten years ago that I saw Cassie. I never saw her again.
I decided something that night, and now, I am ready to carry through.
I stood before the memorial that I and the other Chee put up the Animorphs.
To those Heroes that the World will never know.
That inscription seemed more right than it had at the time.
The Andalites came, after Cassie had single handedly wiped most of them out. Of course, they took all the credit.
I and the other Chee used the brain wipe method that the Andalites use, and we freed the hosts, and gave them normal lives. No one but us knew about the sacrifice that my friends made. No one else ever will.
Death had always been a part of the natural order of things. I had come to peace with it long ago. I wasn't afraid.
I looked out again on this beautiful world. I imprinted the memory of the flowers, the trees, and the dogs, of course.
It was time. I reached into my circuits, and took myself off line.
Fin
Comments? Death Threats?