TITLE: Wonder
AUTHOR: Erykah Miszti
EMAIL: erykah@hamadryad.com
WEBSITE: http://www.erykah.net/poison/
SUMMARY: Set in the future, Buffy's dying... Spike comes to see her.
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and some big, nasty
corporations.
FEEDBACK: I die by inches without it.
NOTES: I guess this could be considered to have season five implications but
it's set in the far future.
DEDICATION: To the bands that inspire with a single chord.
-------------------------
Wonder
By Erykah Miszti
"Hello cutie." Came that oh-so-familiar drawled opening line.
Buffy turned her head from the pillow to look in the direction of the window and
there, silhouetted in all his leather-clad glory, stood the last person -
vampire - that she wanted to see. One hand hung loosely by his side, whilst the
other was jammed in his trouser pocket, flaring his long coat and making the
stance seem more threatening for it's casualness.
"Come to gloat?" She managed to ground out icily past pain pursed lips.
It had been creeping up on her for weeks, years now. That ache in her head that
no drug could take away anymore. A curse planted so long ago that had been
killing her, by inches, for the past thirty years.
She couldn't see the man's face in the darkened room but she heard his sharpely
drawn sigh at her words.
"There I thought you'd have mellowed after all these years but I see you're
still the all-American bitch."
A lighter flared in the darkness and was touched to the end of a cigarette. It
glowed bright as he took a drag from it. His face was briefly illuminated by the
small glow. He looked tired.
"Put it out Spike." She instructed harshly and launched into a coughing fit of
epic proportions. To her surprise the cigarette was immediately extinguished by
being thrown out the window.
"You alright?" He asked softly.
"I'm dying!" She cracked back and coughed some more. It was a harsh retching
sound in the otherwise silent room.
The figure crossed to the nightstand and poured some water from the jug into a
nearby glass. He brought it over to her and, cupping her head off the pillow in
a suprisingly gentle hand, brought the glass to her lips. Buffy drank greedily.
He pulled the glass away.
"Small sips." He told her and brought it back. She drank more slowly this time.
A few moments passed as she sipped. Finally he took the glass away and retreated
back a few paces.
"Thanks." She muttered with bad grace.
The dark silhouette moved back in the direction of the window and Buffy
panicked, suddenly not wanting to be alone. Even he was better company than none
at all.
"Spike..?" She called after him but he was just getting a chair. He pulled it up to her bedside and sat himself down.
"The light.." She motioned weakly with her hand in the direction of the small
lamp on the nigthstand.
"I don't need it." He told her and she glared up at him, fully aware that his
vampire vision meant he could she her clearly. She wanted the light on so she
could see him. The darkness gave him an advantage and even now she didn't want
to give him the upper hand.
The faint moonlight glow allowed her to see the ghost of a smile on his face as
he reached for the switch. He knew, damn him. Buffy winced and turned away as
the light flicked on.
Slowly her pained eyes adjusted and she turned to face him. As she took in the
eternal youth of his face she was astonishingly aware of how she must look lying
there; old before her time, withered and vulnerable.
"What do you want Spike?" She asked as she met his eyes.
His face was cut into sharp planes and shadows by the direction of the light.
His features were set in his habitual cold mask. She had seen so many emotions
on his face but, as ever, his composure was the most frightening.
"Paying my last respects." He replied looking away.
"I'm not dead yet." She stated.
"How long have they given you?" He asked, still not looking at her.
"Why? Did you come to speed it up?" She mocked. "What is it Spike? Where you
worried that Darla's curse would kill me before you had a chance to?"
"Do you want me to?" He demanded as his suddenly turned to look her in the eye.
Buffy was taken aback by the blunt statement and actually lost for words for a
few seconds.
Spike sighed and racked a hand through his overlong bleached hair. A wayward
part of Buffy's decaying mind noticed the way it fell forward over his forehead.
He was wearing it in the current style of retro-Victorian Gothic and it suited
him too well. Far too well if even a dying woman managed to notice it. She
forced her focus back to his words and the realisation dawned that he was
serious.
"No way Spike." She told him in a very tired tone. "I wont give you your fourth
Slayer."
"Bloody hell Buffy!" He erupted as emotions, anger and pain, chased each other
across his face. "That wasn't what I.." He stopped short and turned away again.
This time he did not look back.
Buffy collapsed further back into her pillow but kept her eyes on his back.
Melancholy settled over her.
"So much pain." She muttered and closed her eyes. She heard the creak of
leather, which probably meant that he'd turned back, but she didn't open her
eyes.
"Do you need medication for the pain?" He asked in a tone that she almost took
for tenderness. She shook her head.
"Not now." She said. "I meant that I've seen so much.."
"It's strange Slayer.." He mused softly. "That it's come down to you and me."
She opened her eyes and found him watching her. "You and me?"
"The last survivors, pet, of the old crowd." He smiled weakly. "They're all
gone. When you're gone.. there'll be just me."
"Pity the world." She muttered with a wry smile and he frowned in confusion. "No
one to stop you from taking it over."
"There's always the current Slayer. She's a fiesty one." He grinned.
"Yeah but I bet she can't kick your ass as well as me." Buffy grinned back.
"No way, luv. You're the one and only."
They grinned at each other for a long moment as a comfortable silence descended
between them. It grew longer as they stared into each others eyes.
"So, where's the Council's guards?" Spike asked finally. "There wasn't anyone
outside to stop me coming in. Very sloppy."
"Why protect a dying Slayer?" Buffy bit out sharpely. "Unneccessary use of
resources."
"Bastards!" Spike cut in.
"Didn't know you cared!" Buffy stared up at the ceiling.
"Didn't you?" He asked insisently and it sounded so pained that Buffy looked
back at him instantly.
His face was soft but his eyes blazed. She swallowed the lump in her throat and
she put aside the fact that he had been her enemy for nearly forty years. Her
hand reached weakily for his and closed over it in as strong a grip as she could
manage. Deliberately she met his eyes.
"I knew." She told him and watched as his throat worked, trying to hold in his
emotions.
At her words the air seemed to go out of him. His cocky bravado deflated before
her eyes and he brought his other hand up to cover hers.
"So much pain." She repeated.
"I love you." He replied simply.
Buffy shook her head sadly. He clasped her hand tighter.
"I can't watch you die. Not when I can stop it." He insisted. "Just let me.."
Buffy knew what he wanted to do. Make her a vampire. Give her back her life.
"No." She told him.
"But.." He tried. As he leaned forward she could actually see tears in his eyes.
"No Spike." She said more firmly. "I've had a good life. I wasn't even supposed
to see adulthood but here I am.. I made it to my sixties. They'll probably put
me in the Slayer's version of the Guiness Book of Records." Her smile turned to
a pained wince as jolts of bad sensations flicked through her.
"You don't have to die." Spike reiterated. "I can give you forever.."
"I love Angel." She said softly and he drew back as if stung. "I'm sorry. I'll
always love Angel. Taking your offer wouldn't change that.."
"That bloody poof!" Spike snatched back his hand and sprung to his feet. "Dust
blowing on the wind and he still manages to get the better of me!"
"Spike.." Buffy tried.
"Just shut up.. don't say a bloody word." He paced with anger and frustration
evident in his carriage. He stopped dead. "I shouldn't have come here." He swept
towards the window.
"Stop!" Buffy shouted at him and tried to haul herself upright. It wasn't a
good, or painless, move and resulted in another epic coughing bout.
Spike immediately turned back and came rushing over to her. He pushed her back
down into the bed and forcibly tucked her back in.
"Stupid bint." He muttered. "Don't you know what's good for you?"
"Never did." She acknowledged as she settled back into the warmth. The brief
exposure to the night air had chilled her bones straight through. Tears welled
in her eyes as fear took hold. She turned to look up at Spike. "I'm scared
Spike." The tears spilled over.
Spike grimaced but then smiled wryly and pulled her into his arms. She wrapped
her arms around him, seeking any kind of contact and grounding.
"It's okay." He muttered and then made soothing noises, stroking her greying
hair tenderly.
"I've lived with death, expected it.." She blubbed. "Now it's coming and
suddenly I'm scared."
"I'm really the wrong person to talk to." He joked sadly.
"There's no one else." She said into his sleeve and missed his sad smile. He
just stroked her hair soothingly, seeing gold instead instead of silver, and
rested his chin on her head.
They sat there for silent minutes that streteched longer and longer.
"Do you believe in Heaven?" Buffy asked at length. "I've seen Hell but.." She
trailed off.
"I've never seen it, pet." He replied into her hair.
"I'd like to think that the others are there. Xander, Oz, Cordy, Willow.."
"Oh yeah," Spike agreed, flatly ignoring the tears evident in his words. "Red
will be there. She'll be there waiting for you. Angel too, I expect. It'd be
just like that bastard Peaches to actually make it to Heaven."
Buffy laughed outright, aware that she should move out his arms now but not
wanting to. It had been a long time since she'd been held like this. She didn't
know that Spike didn't want to pull away because he didn't want her to see his
tears. She knew he was crying. It felt weird but nice.
"You'll be okay." Spike told her.
"You too." She replied firmly. "You're the Big Bad. Remember?"
"Yeah." He said unconvincingly. "Always more Slayers to fight."
"Where'd we be without you to keep us on our toes?" Buffy closed her eyes.
"Exactly." Spike agreed.
"Spike." Buffy whispered and moved back.
It seemed for a moment as if Spike wouldn't let go of her, then he did. The tears
on his face made gleaming streaming in the light. They still held hands.
"Make it four Slayers." She stated softly.
"What?" Spike demanded hoarsely.
She removed one hand from his and moved it weakly up to her neck. Once there she
used it to pull her silver hair away from her throat, exposing it to him.
"Darla wanted me to die like this, ill in my bed. I don't want her to win. I
want to die like a Slayer should." She looked deep into his eyes.
"Don't make me." His voice cracked. "Don't make me feed on you Buffy."
"You've been ready to do it a hundred times Spike." She pointed out.
"When you could fight me, yeah, I'd have ripped your throat out happily but.."
"Then I'll fight you." She stated firmly.
"Buffy.." He said her name in a chastising tone. He raised placating hands to
her shoulders. "I don't fight kittens."
"Kitten?!" She pushed off his hands, drawing all of her fading strength. "Never
underestimate me, Spike."
Buffy pulled a stake from behind her pillow and brandished it at him. He ducked
it easily, caught her as she feel forward. She didn't stay still, hands flailing
and clawing at him, she attacked as violently as she could. He tried not
restrain her and not fight.
"Come on Spike. I could beat you, even like this. Cure your loneliness for you."
She punched him. "Send you to Hell." She backhanded him. "You're soft Spike. No
demon at all. The Initative's chip was an excuse, huh? Bet you liked not being
able to hurt anyone back then. Once a wuss always a wuss." She mocked and
punched out again. " Angel would have the balls to do this!"
That did it. He growled and his face changed. He easily shoved her back on the
bed and straddled her. She still fought him all the way. Sweat broke out her
brow from the pain but she didn't pause. He grabbed her thin wrists and pinned
her down.
"Kill me." She demanded angrily up at him.
That ruined it. It broke the spell her invocation of Angel had created. His
anger melted away and the demon quietened down, returning his face to it's human
profile.
"No!" Buffy complained and tears fell from her eyes again. She turned her head
away.
"Look at me." He ordered. She looked back defiantly to meet his tear filled
eyes. "You really want this?" He ground out.
"Yes." She told him softly.
"I love you." He repeated.
"I know." She sighed and smiled sadly at him. "Please."
He bent forward and kissed her lips softly. She let him. She even surprised
herself by liking the tender sensation. He didn't raise his head again. She felt
his eyelashes against her cheek as he closed his eyes. She closed her own in
response, waiting for the new pain. She felt the change come over his features
and they brushed her face. His lips kissed her neck, she could feel the fangs
poised there and screwed her face up in the anticipation of pain.
Even though she was expecting it, it was sharp and sudden. A burst of white light
Exploding in her mind. She could feel his teeth, his lips, the suction of his mouth, his
tongue. She could feel her whole self being pulled towards him in an almost
sexual manner. She had shared this connection with Angel once. This feeling of
not knowing where you end and the other person begins. She understood how a
childe could feel such love for their sire, having experienced this moment of
total connection and lived through it. She loved Spike at that instant with a
pure sexual thrill that her weakened body shouldn't have been able to feel. She
almost wanted to beg him to turn her. She wanted to moment to go on and on, even
as she could feel her own heart slowing. It skipped a beat.
Spike must have felt it because he tried to move back, only to find her arms
still locked around him. Through blurred vision she looked up at him. She could
see her own blood on his mouth as the human asserted itself over the demon once
more.
"Thank.. " She managed as she heart slowed, it turned into a gasp and the last
thing Buffy Summers was aware of was the lips brushing her temple and tears
falling onto her cheek.
Epilogue.
Spike sat by Buffy's bedside for a long time after she was gone. He even hoped
that she had made it to Heaven and her friends. He felt nervous and jittery,
bouyed up by the Slayer blood he had consumed. Even aged, withered, dead, the
woman in the bed still held his heart. The act had cemented a closeness between
them that he hadn't expected it to. It just made things worse. He'd loved truly
three times in his life and never really had any of them.
"It's not bloody fair!" He muttered angrily.
Finally, he decided that he had better move or the sun would be coming up and
he'd be trapped with the dead Slayer in a Watcher's Council house. They'd probably
leave him tied out for the sunrise if they caught him there. Much as he had loved
Buffy, he wasn't ready for that just yet.
Spike took one last look at the dead woman on the bed and said his silent
goodbyes. He would miss her forever. Then he turned and climbed out of the
window and landed in the moonlit street with a sudden burst of energy.
"Woah!" He shouted for the whole world to hear as years of tension fell from his
shoulders. "The Big Bad is back! Watch out Slayers! Spike is here!"
The End