"Princess Miku, I do not see how this will help," the princess's most trusted butler, Gakupo, said rather stiffly, adjusting his pen and paper. Miku the princess huffed in her chair, her dress a pool of fabric around her, and crossed her arms.
"It will," she declared confidently. "I will do almost anything to get myself out of this marriage."
"But princess," Gakupo said, looking very uncomfortable in the armchair as opposed to Miku, who laced her fingers together and fluffed up a pillow to put behind her back. "You're eighteen and you should marry, for the country's good."
"Well, I do not care about the country's good and all that, what do they call that, Gakupo, carp?" Miku said, scratching at one of the elaborate curls that managed to slip out from her bun.
"I believe it's called crap, princess, because a carp is a fish." Gakupo said.
"Ah," said Miku.
"Do you still want me to write the letter?" Then, as an afterthought, he added, "it might not work, princess, and I suggest that you stop before any energy is wasted."
"No one's energy will be wasted except for yours," the princess said snappishly, to which Gakupo quipped with an "exactly" that rendered her speechless. She wondered if butlers are supposed to act like that to their masters, but no matter.
Unknown to the pair, Miku's royal parents, the king and queen watched them through a surveillance camera. While the queen was sighing and pressing her hand to her head as though she has a faint spell, the king was looking like he's going to choke while holding back on his laughter.
"Ah, isn't our daughter obstinate?" He said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye away quickly before his wife saw. "I love her stubborn spirit, don't you?"
"I can't say that I don't," the queen admitted grudgingly. "But it certainly gets in the way of everything. She even got Gakupo to help her, look at that."
"Typical Gakupo" is what the king replied to that, and watched as the butler tried to convince the princess to get married and generally behave. His eyes watered and the queen gived him strange looks. In the end she interpreted the tears as tears of unwillingness to see his daughter grow up and she herself teared up as well. The two of them sat down before the computer, both sniffing and quietly sobbing for completely different reasons.
"Ah, okay," the king said suddenly, thinking that his ribs might crack if he continued to hold in his laughter, "if Miku doesn't want to get married so soon, we'll postpone the date while waiting for Prince Rei's reply and give her some time to think about it, then."
The queen let out a choked sob at this, thinking that the king is so protective of his daughter and used Prince Rei as an excuse not to give her away. "You need to get over your love for Miku, you know, if you need her to marry." She said tearfully, and the king blinked in confusion.
"Um," he said quietly. "Yes, well, I love Miku a lot, sure, but I don't really get what you're talking about?" He asked carefully, managing to rein in his laughter. Unfortunately, on the screen, Miku and Gakupo had the funniest conversation he has ever heard. It went like this:
Miku: Okay, Gakupo, I think if we live in this 'modern' world, we must talk like the modern people as well.
Gakupo: I don't follow, princess.
Miku: Never fear, Gakupo, for I have this book on how to talk modern. Or at least it seems like it. The title 'How to Get Girls' seems promising. Will you please practice with me?
Gakupo: Of course, princess.
Miku: Okay, Gakupo ... er, talk dirty to me.
Gakupo: By dirty I suppose you mean toilets?
Miku: No, Gakupo, you're supposed to say something dirty.
Gakupo: Aren't toilets dirty, princess?
At this point the king shoved his fist into his mouth and bursted into tears of laughter, while the queen collapsed on top of him with wails of 'I know, husband, I know'.
In the end, Miku failed to get out of the marriage (but never fear, she thinks to herself, for I will come up with more brilliant plans to carry out) and the king ended up with a stomach ache so bad that he had to stay in his room while the queen and Miku ate dinner alone, with the former shooting long, wistful gazes at her daughter and bursting into sudden tears.
x
"Gakupo, I have thought up of a wonderful plan that will possibly save my life if carried out successfully," Miku said majestically as she can with toast shoved into her mouth at six o'clock in the morning.
"Princess, don't stuff your mouth," Gakupo said automatically. Then, with a sigh, he asks, "and what amazing plan might that be?"
The princess looked over excitedly, swallowing her toast. "We're going to get a fake boyfriend, Gakupo!"
Gakupo raised an eyebrow in surprise. "And may I ask where you got that from, princess?"
Miku proudly brushed her hair away from her eyes, revealing an unhealthy pair of eye-bags. Gakupo flinched backwards. "From the large amount of romance novels I read last night." She grinned triumphantly at her butler. "So, Gakupo, will you please participate in this fake boyfriend expedition?"
"Well, I can't say that it's a good idea, but ..." He eyed Miku's eyes and she tilted her chin upwards to let him look at them more clearly. Finally, he sighed. "On the behalf of your hard work and your happiness, princess, I will accompany you."
The princess's eyed brightened and she looked a great deal happier. She still had that sleepy look on her face, however. "Thank you, Gakupo! I shall be in your debt forever." Then she bowed as courteously as a drowsy person with their mouth stuffed with toast could manage. Gakupo bowed back on instinct.
The head maid, Teto, who had been listening to their conversation (they were actually forced to, since Miku talked very loudly and besides, the dining hall made every sound seem ten times louder than it actually was) stepped forward, her eyes eager and excited. Gakupo flinched for the second time that day. "Ooh, yes, princess, what a splendid plan! May I please participate as well?"
Miku looked pleasantly surprised. "Why, of course," she said. "You know how to talk modern better than the both of us, head maid Teto, and you know the modern dress code well too. I suppose we need someone like you in our group. Welcome."
Teto wasn't sure what to think of that, so she curtseyed gracefully. Several of the maids leaning against the walls watched the trio with interest. "Well, if you two want to be as convincing as possible, I suppose you will need to dress in more ... well, fashionable clothing."
"I read something about princess coats. Can I have a princess coat?" Miku asked.
"No, you may not," said Teto. "It is summer and it is immensely hot. Princess coats are for winters."
"I read something about french berets. Can I wear a french beret at least?" Miku begged.
"No, you may not," said Teto. "What sort of books were you reading, anyway?"
"Romance novels," Gakupo answered. "She stayed up late to read those." Everyone's eyes swivelled to look at the princess, who yawned widely as if on cue.
"There was one series called Twilight and something else that I forgot, with black covers and bleeding objects," she said thoughtfully.
"Did you get your knowledge of princess coats and french berets from there?" Gakupo asked.
"No, I did not," said Miku.
"What was Twilight about?" Teto asked curiously. "I see things like Still a Better Love Story than Twilight all over the internet."
"Blood-sucking humans," said Miku. Then she yawned again.
"I have the feeling that you are very tired, princess, you must go to sleep." Gakupo declared to the room. Several butlers nodded.
"But I haven't finished my toast yet," Miku protested. Gakupo and Teto pushed her off her chair and started to drag her to her room. A butler offered his serving trolley for them to push the princess with and was very graciously refused by the three of them.
After Miku got her five hours of nap, they woke her up and after a lot of coaxing on Teto's part, Gakupo and Miku dressed in jeans and collared shirts which they buttoned all the way so they looked extremely stern. Teto was almost done with their neckties when she remembered the real purpose of all the dressing up and made them wear t-shirts instead. Miku would not part with her cotton shirt ("it is very warm, indeed," she said. "it is summer and it is very warm outside, you wouldn't need it," said Teto) but allowed Teto to unbutton the first few buttons. The whole process took nearly one hour.
"Aren't you coming along, Teto?" Gakupo asked when they were done, shifting around uncomfortably in his shirt. Teto shook her head and smiled.
"I have head maid duties to tend to," she explained. "But it's okay, for I am contented to be just your fashion adviser."
"Well, I will let you do your head maid duties, then," Miku said after some thinking. "Thank you, Teto, you have helped us greatly in our mission and you will be rewarded a week off from your head maid duties whenever you want."
Teto looked pleased and astonished. In the castle, the staff rarely got day offs and they were very happy with that, for they enjoyed working with the hilarious (they do not tell them this, however) king and queen and their eccentric children. Princess Miku in particular. Off days were usually a treat for them and an excuse to gossip with the townsfolk (or citizens) about the royal family.
"Let us go, Gakupo," the princess then announced, and with a lot of gusto and imaginary cloak swishing (accompanied by very realistic sound effects by head maid Teto), they exited the door and ventured into the modern world with princess coats and french berets.
x
"Gakupo, we have been searching for one hour straight and we have failed in our boyfriend plan." Miku complained with a mint-flavoured ice cream in her hand and a pair of heels on the other. She and Gakupo were indeed walking for an hour without stopping, and now they had their first break on a bench. Miku took off her shoes whilst eating ice cream in hopes of soothing her blistering feet, but the scorching sun did not help. It just made her cheeks pink with heat. Gakupo kept his on, however, for he was used to standing and walking around all day. He was sweating a bit under the shirt and it made his muscles cling to the shirt. This resulted in both men and women staring at the pair admiringly.
"Don't fret, princess — I mean, Miku, we shall be able to find a suitable fake boyfriend for you soon." Gakupo said assuringly, licking a bit of his strawberry ice cream. Miku found out that he had a bit of an unmanly obsession with strawberries and pink things in general, which both irked and weirded her out.
"But one hour," Miku whined, flapping at her hair. "I'm exhausted."
"Which was the reason why we stopped for a break, pri— I mean, Miku." Gakupo said.
"Well, next time we are going to take a shortcut," Miku decided suddenly, licking ice cream off her hand.
"Shortcut to where?" Inquired Gakupo.
"I have no idea," said Miku. "Let's just take one anyway."
Gakupo agreed to her strange suggestion, and they finished their ice cream cones unwillingly and very slowly, since Gakupo ordered two scoops of strawberry. But in the end they managed to eat everything, and after they washed their hands in a restaurant toilet, Miku dragged Gakupo into a dark, dangerous alley that no one except for stupid humans would go into. And maybe those spies and assassins in movies. Unfortunately, Miku and Gakupo were neither, they were just two tired people trying to take a shortcut to literally nowhere.
When they were halfway through the alley, a loud chorus of voices sounded from the side and a split second later, a gang of rather drunk men around Gakupo and Miku's age appeared, much to the butler's dismay. He was just about to pull Miku out of the way when the men's eyes found Miku and their mouths raised into a lustful leer. Miku didn't really seem fazed by them.
"Why, what a pretty little lady you have there," one of them said, his eyes sparkling red in the flimsy light. "Care to share her with us?" The others hooted and yelled at this. Miku snorted softly.
"No, I don't wanna share," said another. "I want her all for myself." He licked his lips suggestively at Miku.
"How about we take turns?" One at the back suggested. All of the men cheered with approval at his suggestion. Miku backed away a little bit. It caught their attention and their grins widened.
"She's scared of you, idiot," the leader said, flicking his long fingers angrily. He leaned towards Miku, his breath a horrid combination of cigarettes and beer. "Aren't you?"
Gakupo flared up beside Miku and pushed the man away from her. "Get away from her, you imbecile!" He growled.
The man blinked, then he laughed, along with the others. "Imbecile? Who talks like that? Think you're Shakespeare, huh, punk?" He spat.
Gakupo's face twisted with anger and he reached out to grab the man's collar and pulled him upwards so that they were face to face. Since Gakupo was extremely tall, the man's feet dangled off the floor. The other men looked shocked and they hurriedly backed away from Gakupo, not bothering to help their leader.
"Don't you dare to talk about her like that," Gakupo growled.
"Wow," said Miku.
The leader still grinned, although he was evidently frightened. "Is this all you can do, you pimp? Hold me up in the air and threaten me?"
That was enough for Gakupo. He punched the man straight in the jaw so hardly that he fell to the ground in a faint. Then he started on the other men who said anything about Miku.
And suddenly, there were police sirens.
x
"You shouldn't have done that," said Miku in a very serious tone. Gakupo sat in the cell, his head drooping with shame. He looked like a sad dog and Miku rather pitied him.
"But they were going to abduct you and do disgusting things to you, princess," Gakupo whimpered, holding the ice pack that the police very nicely offered to them to his cheek.
"Well, yes, but we could have called the police," Miku said reasonably.
"But they'd be gone by then," Gakupo said forlornly.
"That's quite true," Miku agreed, and they sat there in silence for awhile, when a male policeman with bright yellow hair came to them. He placed his hands on the bars of the cell. "Why, hello," Miku greeted.
The policeman smiled kindly at her, then gestured towards Gakupo. "Your friend will be interrogated soon, but don't worry, he'll get off. We just want to ask him about the group just now," he said. Gakupo sniffed.
"Oh," said Miku. "How about me?"
"You can wait here," he said, dipping his head politely. "Officer Yuri will be accompanying you while you wait." At his words, a woman with long hair as golden as his walked in. She smiled at them and nodded at the policeman, who bowed before flicking his ponytail away from his shoulder and took Gakupo away to another room.
"Charming, isn't he?" Officer Yuri said, smiling at Miku knowingly. She blinked, then realised she had been staring.
"Well, yes," she admitted. "I haven't seen anyone as polite as that in ages." She said, rather truthfully. Excluding the castle staff and her family, actually, there was no one polite at all in the castle. Mainly because the castle was constructed of castle staff and her family. Which meant that she was the only rude person in the whole castle. The thought made her feel bad and she resolved to treat everyone else better in the future. Officer Yuri then spoke up, cutting off her musing.
"It is refreshing," she agreed. They sat in a pleasant silence until Officer Yuri offered Miku some lemonade, which she took gratefully, not realising that she was thirsty for all that time.
"Officer Yuri," Miku said suddenly. She just had an epiphany, and despite everyone saying that epiphanies weren't going to end well, she decided to go along with it.
"Lily would do," she said with a kind smile. Miku had an urge to hug the woman.
"Okay, Lily, then," Miku said, and Lily just continued smiling. "What was that officer's name?"
Lily barely hid her grin. "Why? Is he a potential love interest now?" She seemed rather taken with Miku.
"Um—"
"Actually, he is," said Lily thoughtfully. "He is single and he is young. And he is indeed very handsome and charismatic." She stopped to grin widely at Miku, who wrinkled her forehead rather irritably.
"He is," she agreed with a scratch of her head. Lily blinked at her bluntness. "But it wouldn't work unless I know his name, Lily!"
Now believing that Miku was a super cool girl who wasn't afraid of chasing after boys openly, Lily's grin widened so much her mouth looked rather scary. "Chief Kagamine. Or Len, actually. An impressive achievement for a young man like him. He is a hotshot between the ladies but don't tell him that."
"Okay," said Miku. Then she began chanting the name "Len" over and over again whilst listening to Lily tell her everything there was to know about him. In a short span of thirty minutes, Miku learned that his favourite colour was the exact shade of her hair, which weirded her out and thrilled Lily to giggles, that he had a little sister and was incredibly protective of her, that he had a habit of flicking his ponytail over his shoulder, and that he liked to eat bananas but never admitted it. And a lot more things. She felt strange, knowing all these things about a stranger.
But he was essential in her plan, so she brushed away the strangeness and waited for more knowledge on Len, when the very man emerged from the room, talking animatedly to a very happy Gakupo. A tiny blonde girl who looked like a female copy of Len trailed behind them, chattering excitedly. Lily waved at the girl and she grinned widely, running over.
"Lily!" Tiny female Len clone trilled, flying towards the woman excitedly.
"Rin!" Lily yelled in reply, spreading her arms open. A very cosy reunion ensued.
Meanwhile, Gakupo and Miku had a not-very-subtle conversation. Gakupo pointed at Len behind his back before pointing his thumbs upwards, indicating that Len is a suitable man. Miku waved her hands and mouthed 'I know' back. Len smiled at Lily and Rin (who were gaping at Miku and Gakupo), oblivious to the two people pointing behind his back.
"Okay, Le— Chief Kagamine," Miku said loudly, to get Len's attention. Apparently she wasn't aware that he was already looking at her before that. He blinked and hurriedly pretended that he wasn't, but the other three knew that he was looking at her, so it was quite pointless to pretend.
"Len would do," he said, sounding a lot like Lily.
"Okay, Len, then," Miku said. "I am about to make an announcement. Please listen carefully for this is very important." She took a deep breath. Lily was making suspenseful noises and Gakupo looked on sternly. Rin's eyes were darting between Gakupo, Len and Miku at high speed. "I would like to recruit you as my boyfriend. Husband. Boyfriend. Same thing." Then she bowed. "Please. My life depends on this."
"Depends is exaggerating," said Gakupo. He looked uncomfortable, but then again Gakupo is always uncomfortable.
Len blinked with confusion, the poor boy. "Um. What?"
Lily nearly yelled with happiness. She surged forwards and engulfed Miku in a very tearful hug. "You brave, brave, girl, you!" She weeped. "That was the best confession I've ever seen! It weird, a bit, yes, but it's still a better love story than Twilight!"
"Oh!" gasped Miku. "I recall hearing head maid Teto mention that. She said she saw it around on the internet!"
Everyone (excluding Gakupo) gave her strange looks. "Haven't you?"
"Guys, I don't think we are supposed to be worrying about that now?" Len said hesitantly. "She just ... asked me to be her boyfriend?"
Rin the tiny Len clone tugged at his shirt. "Why don't you, brother?" She asked innocently. She even had this cute high-pitched voice that melted Miku's heart. She could see it melted Len's too, because he immediately softened.
He bent down to pick up his sister and swung her around, much to her delight. "Do you want me to?" He asked, holding Rin to his chest. She clung to his shirt and giggled.
"Yes! Big sister is pretty! Just like Lily!" She yelled. Lily held her face in her hands shyly, laughing. Gakupo smiled at her.
Len turned to smile at Miku. He looked very kind then. "Very well then, miss, I will ... be recruited as your boyfriend. Well, that was weird." He smiled down at Rin. "If that's what Rin wants, then I'll do it."
Miku stared at him disbelievingly. This man ... was it possible for someone to be so romantic? She cringed a bit.
"But I don't know your name yet," Len said abruptly. Miku blinked. Gakupo groaned. Lily sighed and mumbled something about love at first sight. Rin continued to scream.
"Well, it's Miku," said Miku, bowing. Len dipped his head in return. Gakupo nodded in approval. Lily blinked and mumbled something about not knowing Miku's name as well.
Then, quite suddenly, Len backed away and stared at her with wide eyes. "Miku ... Hatsune Miku! Aren't you that princess?"
Miku grinned and clicked her fingers. "Yes, I am! You are in fact the first person to realise that!"
"And ... I am the princess's boyfriend?" Len asked disbelievingly, nearly dropping Rin.
"Well, it's a worldwide crisis," said Miku. Everyone (excluding Gakupo) looked at her. "I'll explain later."
Then, Len did the most normal thing anyone would do when they're in his situation. He bent over, covered his face, and groaned.
Meanwhile, tiny Rin pointed at Gakupo and yelled gleefully: "Purple man!"