Hi Everyone... If you haven't heard from me before, yay - no bad rep! Otherwise, I'm so sorry, I'm working on it and I won't abandon any fanfic! Ever! This plot bunny has caused me many a sleepless night over the last month, so I've finally taken heart to sit down and write again.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. I own nothing and no one and I'm not getting any money for this.

Pairing: Doctor/Rose (as if that wasn't obvious)

Beta: Looking. Any volunteers? Any help would be appreciated. IM me or leave a review.

Warnings: AU and OOC

Five months. Five long months and still no sign of him.

The blonde woman found herself staring at the dark, empty and seemingly endless corridors of the blue ship. Light had long since been economised on due to both their needs to keep running as long as possible. She found herself wondering once again what Mickey was doing, how long it had been for him - three months? Three days? Three hours? Years? Decades? Had he guessed what happened when the Tardis' doors had closed behind him and the ship had disappeared in front of his eyes? Did he know? Did he tell her mum?

Another long-suffering sigh escaped slightly cracked lips as her body sank down to the floor. Every part of her was screaming, begging not to do it, to escape, to run... except she knew beyond a doubt that here was no escape. That this was the only way to keep living, no, surviving. Her current way of life couldn't be called living. Barely any food, kept healthy by supplements only, exercising by swimming in the pool - water the only luxury she'd had that didn't have to be economised on. Even the heating had dropped to temperatures that required her to keep moving constantly or curl up under a mountain of blankets and duvets (thankfully, she was not lacking in that respect at least).

And besides, her only friend needed it - to keep them both alive, to await their thief's return - Rose blinked and it took another second before her mind had caught up to the thought that had gotten away from her. He wasn't her thief, no, if anything he was her saviour, the man who had rescued her and shown her what life could be like. The Tardis was the one he'd stolen. But sometimes, these days, it was difficult to separate their thoughts, to discern which part was her and which part were seemingly innocuous barely remembered glimpses of timelines or the Tardis' thoughts.

Bonding with the ship in the way she was simply wasn't done. Not only was it insanely dangerous considering what you were forcing into your body - never mind your brain - but, more importantly, you were essentially sharing your heart and mind with an eleven-dimensional being that's hundreds of years old. No matter how well-intentioned the Tardis was towards her, her mind operated on wavelengths even the Timelords couldn't begin to fathom. And it was overwhelming to a human - the sheer fact that Rose had withstood it the first time sufficiently to still be herself - somewhat - spoke not only of the sheer love the old girl held towards her, but also her own sheer single-minded determination and spirit.

Hands fastened on the grating, Rose breathed in deeply and centered herself. She couldn't just force herself through it; bitter experience had taught her that much. No, she needed to want it, to remember her reasons for going through with this, her reasons which would always align with the Tardis'.

Protect the Doctor. Save him.

Another breath - her life, her humanity, she'd given it all up to him. And she'd continue doing so, now and forever, every day until he returned or until her body gave in.

The grating fell away and blinding golden light filled the console room and the Tardis song thrummed through her head until all other thoughts fell away and only one was left - My Doctor, My Thief... everything aligned and she could almost feel the inner explosion as all of time and space spread out before her.

It felt the same as it always did, an unusual familiarity in the sensation of her mind and body separating until all pains and aches fell away and her awareness of her body had left entirely. And then she was awash in a sea of gold, a calming hum she identified as the Tardis around her and spread throughout all the timelines she saw floating up ahead.

Her mind subconsciously reached out for one, caressing the golden strand and, instead of the future she'd expected, the past rose around her.

- "I suppose you think you're very clever." - "Well, without any undue modesty, yes!"

Bad Wolf smiled softly. Her Doctor, her thief. She reached for another strand, letting that one drift back to intertwine, fall back and spread out around the others. Her senses were only slowly attuning themselves back to the influx of information and she still had trouble discerning past and future as she reached for the next one.

- "Stay calm! Just one question... Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?"

The urge to laugh at her newly regenerated Doctor - a potential future version, this time, her mind asserted - rose up in her but died down just as quickly. She picked up another point in that strand of time, but then allowed it to drop unseen, instead attention fixed on the strand that showed the Doctor's past.

At her command she could see various points of the Doctor's life play out before her. She'd looked for happy moments, not wanting to see the pain he'd had to endure in the past; pain she couldn't fix or help with.

- "What do you mean, 'maybe'? What do you think it is? A space helmet for a cow?"

- "A little gratitude wouldn't irretrievably damage my ego."

- "Quite so. What I don't comprehend is why you want me dead. No. No, let me rephrase that. It would satisfy my curiosity to know why you should go to such extraordinary lengths to kill me."

- "I hope you are not about to lecture me about taste, Doctor?" - "I'm not sure what you mean."

- "And stupid! If the square on the hypotenuse equals the sum of the square on the other two sides, why is a mouse when it spins? ... Never did know the answer to that one."

- "You're being childish!" - "Well, of course I'm being childish! There's no point being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes."

- "We've come out of the time vortex at the wrong point, that's all. A few years too late." - "How many?" - "...30,000."

- "Homo sapiens. What an inventive, invincible species. It's only a few million years since they crawled up out of the mud and learned to walk. Puny, defenceless bipeds. They've survived flood, famine and plague. They've survived cosmic wars and holocausts. And now, here they are, out among the stars, waiting to begin a new life. Ready to outsit eternity. They're indomitable. Indomitable."

Her lips wanted to curve into a smile at the Doctor's speech. He'd always been unduly fascinated by their species but unlike the rest of the Time Lords he'd actually developed a sort of admiration for them. Her mind, carried by the positive emotions, almost automatically sought out her most like future path with the Doctor. Again. As she'd done every time here - and every time she'd had to ask the Tardis to lock the knowledge away from her until the next time she entered her Heart and carried the Vortex in her mind.

Up here (or was it down?) it was easy to see what could be fixed and what couldn't - fixed points in time, potential timelines and new possible futures were spread all around her and flew up at her will. She knew what could be changed - and, by default, what couldn't. But she was human - and the idea of having to go through all that without the reassurance of the more disastrous futures at her fingertips, made her fairly certain that one point or another she'd break and either reveal to the Doctor or attempt to change things on her own; either possibility ended in catastrophes of previously unknown proportions.

Hers and the Doctor's timelines were intertwined from the moment they met - as all his previous companion's had been with him. But hers would leave and return, again and again, and, in the most likely current future set out before her, she would stay with him. Rose Tyler and the Doctor - in the Tardis, forever. The way it should be. Could be. Might be... if it all went right - no, wrong but in the right way. Without it, the Doctor would die and with him the entire universe; a consequence that was entirely unacceptable, even if it meant she'd have to go through all the pain and suffering she'd seen.

Almost unwillingly, her mind traced along the strands and important moments floated up and rose around her on their own accord, their events causing almost bumps in the timeline; either of monumental importance to the universe but, more likely, of emotional importance to one of them, twining their timelines ever tighter together, reaching for one another.

- "Am I ever going to see you again?" - "You can't."

- "That friend of yours... What was her name?" - "Her name was Rose."

- "Oh, but look. There's still one word with the power of the day." - "The naming won't work on me." "Oh but your heart grows cold... The north wind blows and carries down the distant... Rose?" - "Oh, big mistake! 'Cause that name keeps me fighting."

- "If you talk to Rose, just tell her... tell her... Oh, she knows."

- "NOO! Hold on!"

- "Systems closed." - "NO! BRING ME BACK!"

- "Your friend, the one you lost, did she trust you?" - "Yes, she did. And she's not dead; she's so alive."

- "Being stuck with you... that's not so bad."

- "I love you." - "Quite right too... And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it, Rose Tyler-"

- "I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."

- "I'm not the first, am I? How many women have you abducted?" - "That's my friend's." - "Where is she then? Hopped out for a space walk?" - "She's gone." - "Gone where?" - "I lost her."

- "I spent Christmas Day just over there; the Powell Estate with this... family. My friend, she had this... family. Still... Gone now."

- "They took her face! They just took her face and left her in the street! And, as a result, that makes things very, very simple. Now there's no power on this earth, that's going to stop me."

- "I had... It was recently... Rose - Her name was Rose. And- we were together."

- "Now, first things first. Have you got a Rose Tyler on board?" - "I'm here! It's me!"

- "Staring me right in the face and I can't see it... Rose would know. This friend of mine, Rose, right know, she'd say exactly the right thing."

- "No one's ever meant to have that power. And if a time lord did that, he'd become a god; a vengeful god. But she was human. Everything she did was so human."

- "She's gone, Jack. She's not just living in a parallel world, she's trapped there. The walls have closed."

- "How long are you going to stay with me?" - "Forever."

- "What did she look like?" - "She was... blonde." - "What was her name?" - "I don't know." - "Donna, what was her name?" - "She told me... to warn you... she said two words." - "What two words? What wording? What did she say?" - "Bad Wolf."

- "You're clever... clever enough to save the world. So don't stop there."

- "Except that implies... in this big grand scheme of gods and devils... that she's just a victim. Now, I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods, bad gods, demi-gods, would-be-gods... and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing... I believe in her."

- "You two... who are you?" - "Oh... Stuff of Legends."

- "No, I'm going to wait for the Doctor... Just like he'd wait for me."

Slowly she allowed the pulsing timeline to subside and find its place amongst the billions and trillions of other potential futures that were laid out. If she never went to Bad Wolf Bay the first time, if she never got lost in that other universe, the Doctor wouldn't get the warning about the stars going out, wouldn't regenerate and Donna wouldn't be able to swoop in and save the Doctor and with him and his 'hand' the world.

So many things could go wrong, but one thing she could change... she wouldn't let him drop her off at Bad Wolf Bay a second time. Under no circumstances would she allow him to leave her behind. There was nothing to be gained by it, and everything to be lost. The timelines which involved her escaping that dimension a second time were few and far between... exclude any which included her stranded in the void and there were only a handful left out of several billion, no trillion potential timelines.

Bad Wolf once again stared out at the time vortex, the amount of timelines stretched out between, below and above and everywhere around here, all emitting faint lines. The Doctor's own, doubling back over itself frequently, jumped between all of them, intertwining with a few for short periods and stretching out over the cosmos, saving entire planetary systems as he went along. Even her own timeline had changed once it had touched his. She was no longer just a faint colour running among millions, looking like just any other human...

No, her own timeline was irrevocably intertwined with the Tardis and the time vortex. Time Lords only ever caught glimpses of the wonder and terror the vortex offered them, they saw timelines but never their own. The Tardis saw everything, every possibility, every reality, here and now, everything that could be, would be and never was. And Bad Wolf... she saw something no three-dimensional person had ever seen. All of time and space at her finger tips. The vortex's power at her beck and call should she wish to use the endless power it offered her.

There was no other like her, nor would there ever be in any universe or any reality. There was only ever one Rose Tyler, only one Bad Wolf. It would only ever take a thought from her and she could extinguish people's timelines. Her power was as limitless as the time vortex... as long as she could bear to hold it within her, at least. The Doctor's return was impending, close - soon they'd be reunited.

And now it was time to let go. Her body called to her, the strain having brought it to its limits once again. Bad Wolf wondered why it was so easy to leave all this wonder, all this power behind. It should've been hard or at least a decision to be made. The power alone should have been addictive, even if the terror might have incited the decision to run... But no, this was something different, and it took a moment to pinpoint.

Power was... nothing. Rose Tyler didn't care. More power, less power... none of it made a difference to her. All that mattered was the Doctor and power was only a means to an end. A means that had cost her the last version of her Doctor, something to be treated cautiously and used sparingly. The only reason she'd done it now was for Mickey's and the Tardis' survival.

Bad Wolf surveyed the chaos and order that was the time vortex, sent a last silent goodbye out to the Tardis before submitting to the call of her mortal body.

She blinked sluggishly, trying to focus on the clock in front of her. Three and a quarter hours... either that or fifteen and a quarter. God, she hoped it had been only three, even though she knew full well it had been fifteen. Her hold on the vortex was growing stronger every time.

Her last vaguely coherent thought was that at least the console room had grown brighter, before pain overwhelmed any other conscious thoughts. Her limbs trembled, muscles ached as though she'd run a marathon and her entire body writhed against her will. Screams escaped her throat, just her body looking for another - any - release from the overwhelming suffering as the foreign particles rushed through her body, forced minute changes in her cells, forcing her very biology through yet another rewrite and her body protested again, as it had so often - and, as always, fruitless, forced to bow to the greater power of the time vortex as the rest of her body followed suit and adopted the newly rewritten cells as its own.

But her head was the worst - childhood, teenage years and her short adult life were scrambled and fired across in a rushed blur in no particular order while trying to rewrite the synapses, to allow the foreign intrusion further without frying any more memories. She didn't know how many she'd lost in her first forays with the Tardis before her brain had sufficiently adjusted to allow her to take in the vortex without losing precious - or maybe less precious, no way to tell since they were irretrievably gone from her mind - memories. It wasn't so much a matter of building more brain - humans had plenty of brain, thank you very much, more of a matter of building more sophisticated matter and synapses, allowing more memories and faster access.

And she could always feel afterwards just a bit more of the golden threads of time and the song of the Tardis, interweaved with her own memories. She dreaded to think what would happen if she were ever mentally separated from the ship. The connection between them by now seemed to be just that - inseparable. Her very existence and the ships were wrapped around one another. She had given up her mind, her memories and her humanity for him, her Doctor, before she ever understood what she'd done. And now, since then, she'd knowingly opened the grating, time and again, knowing exactly how much havoc she was wreaking and how much she was changing herself, knowing what she was giving up - and she wondered if that wasn't the hardest of all.

Another blink from her as more conscious thoughts intruded and her body shivered - this time with the cold from the air and the cold sweat she was covered in. Experience told her it would be another ten minutes at least before she'd have sufficient strength to reach for the blanket next to her, but that still didn't stop the instinctive attempt to grab it. She bit her bottom lip the next moment, eyes shut, frantically praying for the pain to abate. Her body needed time to settle.

"You okay?"

It took a moment for her to realise she'd closed her eyes to the exhaustion and she opened them. The figure in front of her was heart-breakingly familiar, as was the slight see through quality. Her northern Doctor, leather jacket and all, was kneeling beside her, blue eyes focused on her. Only instead of concern and affection, his eyes were cold; she knew why.

"Don't-" Rose coughed, thus interrupting her attempt to speak. She swallowed some of her own saliva to moisten her throat which was still rough from her earlier screams. "Don't expend too much energy."

Her northern Doctor cocked his head to the side inquisitively. "You were in need of reaffirmations, Rose Tyler. Your spirit is waning."

The blonde let out a dry chuckle even as she forced her body into compliance and hefting herself upright before dragging the blanket over her cold body. She was still shivering - good. When the shivering stopped, that's when you had to worry.

Her eyes, still glazed with a disconcertingly familiar mix of pain and exhaustion, found the Doctor's again. She appreciated the Tardis' silent acknowledgment of her request not to show her his current face or form. She missed that him, too, of course, but that him was the one who'd also hurt her and until his actual return she didn't want to see him; it would only amplify the pain.

Northern him never had hurt her that way. The lack of emotion in his eyes was still somewhat unsettling, but as the Tardis had no physical body, a projected image was the best she could do, so emotions would never really be a part of it. She could feel it though, an almost visible current running between her and the ship, could feel the deep well of concern in the old girl and smiled softly in response.

"'s okay. 'm just a bit tired, that's all. I mean, I know he's coming back and all... but I... sometimes I wonder if I'll still be here, is all. The windows to her time are closed and the system is out of synch. Five minutes for him could be five years for us and I... I just don't know if I can last that long. I... I miss him. This him, last him..." the tears never came, as they often hadn't in the last month. She'd spent too many crying over him anyway.

"'m fine, don't worry so much. We'll be fine, we'll keep on surviving."

"And yet, that is the very thing concerning me. There have been a lot of humans wandering my halls over the centuries, and utilising the word surviving suggests an important distinction to living. You know yourself that most of the timelines suggest a reunion in the very near future. Keep faith, Rose Tyler, and keep spirit." Her northern Doctor's hand hovered inches from her cheeks, a gesture so tender and familiar; it finally drew the healing tears forth even as she refused to close her eyes, refused to lose sight of the man in front of her.

"To allow you maximum comfort and retain the pool until our next union, I will close down the projection." Her Doctor disappeared the same moment her face twisted into a grimace.

"Don't say union - that sounds... weird." She could almost see the smirk on the projection's face before the last particles disbursed into the air, leaving no trace of him. "Thanks, old girl." The wordless, answering emotion flooded through her from the ship, along with a sense of mischief.

A tired chuckle escaped her. The Tardis was very much like her thief - old and experienced in ways Rose found difficult to comprehend and yet so childlike frequently in attitude.

She missed him - her Doctor.

She still remembered the first time she'd understood that he actually cared for her. Her first Doctor had just been fresh from a war he'd fought in for god-knows-how-long and he'd just lost his entire species... and yet...

"Here, one room just for you courtesy of the Tardis."

Rose blinked. He'd told her the ship was a living being, but the thought was still difficult to comprehend and accept. It simply didn't look like any living being - even the trees she'd seen had faces, eyes, something that made them familiar and tangible as sentient beings.

"Erm... thank you?", her voice and eyes were uncertainly directed towards the ceiling, but she didn't miss the Doctor rolling his eyes at her. She'd blushed then and stuck out her tongue at him, causing his lips to twist into an amused smile for a short moment.

"So... See you tomorrow then, Doctor?"

Another eye roll but she interrupted him before he could talk.

"Nope, don't want to hear it. I'm off to bed, stupid apes needing sleep and all that." His gaze was searching for a moment, and the effort to keep the smile on her lips was harder than it should have been. Finally, he shrugged and acquiesced with a murmured 'Night'.

She smiled warmly and slipped into her room, allowing the door to close behind her before the first tears finally slipped down her face. Her body shook under the silent tremors as more and more tears escaped. Rose gasped for breath, her throat oddly choked and finally crawled into a corner of the room, grabbing a nearby cushion to hug to her chest for comfort.

It was hard. There was no doubt that it was worth it and that she loved travelling with him but... she hadn't appreciated it before. People had died on Earth, even Wilson, the chief engineer, someone she'd known... but it hadn't really affected her then, she hadn't really grasped it's... permanency, in a way. But this time, Gwyneth, she had been so young - younger than herself probably - and she hadn't even had time to experience life. She'd had the same life as Rose used to have - before the Doctor; get up, go to work, go to bed, a never-ending cycle of survival. But Rose had had her mum, Mickey and Shireen and experienced friends, love, life. And then the Doctor had shown her the stars.

Gwyneth had none of that. She'd never even kissed the boy she fancied - and now she was dead. Dead in a gloomy basement in Cardiff, saving the world and giving her life in the process - and no one would ever know. Unremarked by history and survived by none that would remember the brave, young woman who was the only reason Rose was even alive and had a London to live and work in, in her time.

More tears and another choked breath escaped as she tried to muffle her sobs, curled up in the corner of the dark room, breathing in the soft scent of leather as she tried desperately to calm herself.

It took another few moments before the realisation really took hold and she found herself glancing up into the dark blue eyes of the Doctor. Swallowing, she wiped away the tears, trying to wipe away the tears.

"Sorry, 'm fine, Doctor, really."

She heard the long sigh from the man above her before she felt his arms encompass her easily; one beneath her knees and one on her waist and within seconds she was airborne as he carried her to bed.

Her heart raced and she couldn't help but stare at him even as her hand automatically grabbed his jacket to secure herself. The next moment the Doctor had gently laid her down into bed with uncharacteristic tenderness. Her hands only slowly released his leather jacket, watching with a faintly bemused air as he plopped down on the edge of the bed next to her.

"Now, I'm not really good at this bit." She watched as he squirmed ever so slightly before settling down and looking at her. His blue eyes were firm and steadfast in their declaration and yet soft in their emotions for her. Rose felt as though all breath had left her and for the first time in her life, she felt as though for this one person, in this moment in time, she really was the centre of the universe. No outside distractions, nothing would tear him away from her until she was well and truly ready to let him go. Not even his own discomfort.

"But if you need an ear - or a shoulder... I'm here."

The tears came before she'd even made a conscious decision and the first silent sob shook her. She let go and cried the way she normally only would in the quiet and darkened room, away from all eyes and she felt herself being pulled into an almost hug, felt her body cradled safely in his arms, his lips planting a warm, soft kiss on her hair.

Her throat was tight and choked and the only noises she emitted were the occasional sniffle and the air being hastily expelled when she felt lightheaded from holding her breath too much. She felt more than heard the Doctor's chest heave with a deep sigh.

"It's okay, Rose. I'm here. Not gonna leave, me. Been around for a while now and found it's rather hard to get rid of me, you see, and ... look, all I'm saying is, you can let go."

The puzzled look in her eyes must have been obvious in spite of the redness and the tears when she chanced a glance up to him. She could feel the sorrow in him when he pulled her closer than before and pressed his lips to her forehead in a rare display of affection.

"Stupid apes." Her tears had subsided somewhat and she was just concentrating on evening her breaths out now while waiting on the Doctor's clarification of his thoughts. The only reason she'd not shoved him away upon his words of stupid apes were the affection she'd heard in the term for the first time - and the sadness.

"There's a reason you can hear a baby cry and why some spoilt children will burst into tears when they don't get what they want. It's a cry for help and kids have figured out that if you cry your pain out to the world, someone will come and help you and get what you want... The only reason for kids and adults to cry that silently - barely making a noise, the way you are... is you've learned that no one's gonna come and help you. No one will come to wipe the tears away and make it all better. No one is going to care..."

Rose stared at him, heart aching as the words resonated in the empty room. She had long ago learnt that people may come when you're crying, but they never help and all you do is make them feel bad and expose your vulnerability; it hadn't come as a conscious decision then but she'd started muffling her cries and grown steadily quieter, curling up with her teddy pressed tightly to her chest until she finally fell asleep.

The blue eyes above her had darkened, correctly reading her nonverbal response and dropping another affectionate kiss on her forehead.

"I will always come. I will always be there. I may not be able to fix it, but I will listen and help if I can. I'm here, Rose. And I'm not gonna leave."

She tried to bite back the sobs, quieten the tears, but they refused to be calmed and she soon flung herself at him, hugging him tightly to her, as she fully descended into a sobbing, incoherent mess, trying to vaguely explain about Gwyneth between the tears - rather unsuccessfully by the confused frown on his face - but that didn't matter. What mattered was that he was still here. That he held her in spite of his own discomfort at the closeness. That he cared enough for her to drop everything else just to take care of her.

She'd never come first before.

Shareen was very much your typical gossip-girl. She'd been a more superfluous girl and not prone to deep emotions as Rose was. They were good friends, but she wasn't the sort of girl who'd analyse things or who you'd go to for advise on sorting problems out.

Mickey was a good friend too, the one who'd helped her find herself again after the Jimmy Stone debacle... But Mickey loved sports and he was a typical guy; could talk endlessly about machines but only ever had half an ear on what Rose was saying. Even when she'd just escaped the explosion at Henrik's he'd been keen to go to the bar and watch Sports rather than help her get over the shock or listen to her emotional problems. A great friend, there in a pinch, but never someone to put her first.

Her mum... her mum was great. Even when they barely had enough to make the food that week, she'd always made sure that Christmas was celebrated at their house and invited all their friends so it was a warm, family dinner. Even if they had no money for presents, there had been plenty of love. But her mum had been very lonely after her father's death and she'd started looking for men to, as she said, provide a role model for her daughter and help with the income. And, Rose silently added, to chase away the loneliness.

Some men were good, some not so much. None had ever touched her, but one or two had become abusive towards her mum. And some had resented the responsibility of children. Her mum hadn't noticed, too distracted by the new relationship, when Rose had to make her own breakfast. Or her own lunch for school. Or her own dinner; or all three.

On one memorable occasion, the first anniversary of her father's death, her mum had spent the entire weekend in a drunken stupor and Rose had been forced to provide for herself and take care of her mum. And then, when she had first gone to school, she'd given it her all and done her best in all her classes. Her goal had been to make her mum happy, to make her smile. All the work, stress and loss had aged her quicker than it should have and made her frequently upset. That was not the way it should be and, to her young mind, she'd thought Jackie would be proud that her daughter was good at school...

Instead, she'd caught her in the middle of putting on the uniform for her second job and her mother had told her words she'd frequently repeated since then. Rose was not to be getting airs, and all she'd ever do was work in a shop. Any time she'd brought good tests home, her mum went on the same rant about not getting above herself and soon she learned to hide the tests and to simply achieve merely a passing mark; her mother was certainly happier then. She'd understood then that she simply wasn't enough - not good enough at anything to make her mum happy.

Her mum never meant to; she loved her, of that Rose was certain. But sometimes she needed to forget that she had a daughter so that she could forget about Pete. And sometimes she needed the reassurance that her daughter would not abandon her, as her father had done; that she wouldn't be left behind alone. Not again. But as a consequence her mother had never once asked what it was that Rose wanted to be or do, what she aspired to, what she wanted for her life.

Even though he was long gone, Pete still always seemed to come first and Rose second. She'd never had anyone who put her first, anyone who cared more about her dreams and her problems or her emotions rather than their own. She'd never been good enough, other people had always been better or more enticing - whatever, others had always come first.

Until now she'd thought that there would never be anyone like that. There would never be someone who'd just sit there and listen, no one who'd just hold her and no one who'd ever tell her she could be anyone she wanted to be.

Until him. Until the Doctor had swept into her life. Even now he was consoling her, helping her when no one else ever had. The entire universe, every woman past and future at his fingertips and he'd chosen her. She was the entire focus of this brilliant man that went around all of time and space saving entire planets as he had on the first day she met him.

It was awe-inspiring. And for just a moment she felt her heart swell with affection for this man; a man she'd barely known for a few days and yet he'd already wormed his way into her heart and mind.

And he was the man who put Rose Tyler first. The tears came again, new ones came running down her face with alarming frequency, but yet her lips had curled into a smile as she burrowed herself closer into his jacket, breathing in the mixed scent of smoke from the explosion, leather and Doctor... and it soothed away a pain deep within she hadn't known existed until then.

He'd spent the night in her bed - innocently, thank you very much. She'd never clarified whether it was because of her death grip on him or because he'd wanted to be there for her. The next day he made no mention of the vulnerable side of herself she'd exposed to him and she felt her affection for him amplify all the more for it.

Maybe that was why they had both been so horrified at the police's suggestion of sex just the following day; it was like being caught red-handed in bed together the previous night even though nothing untoward had taken place.

But ever since then she had been able to coax the Doctor - though wisely omitting any mention that these things could be 'misconstrued' as domestic - into a more relaxed, display of affection around her. He was frequently reading Charles Dickens to her when they both curled up on the couch in the library until she was too sleepy to move and he'd end up carrying her to bed. Though admittedly sometimes he read Shakespeare to her and at other times still he'd read her Sherlock Holmes novels. She loved it - all of it. Listening to his northern voice reading out stories, imitating voices until he had her in his arms, shaking with laughter, a barely-there smile curling up his lips; a real one, not one of the fake, wide ones he used to hide his pain.

There were rare times when she managed to convince him to bring her to pink beaches with green water and had delighted in seeing him blush at her bikini. Most times they cooked together, the Doctor patiently explaining unfamiliar ingredients from future or past times and different planets as they experimented together and left the more traditional recipes behind. A few times she'd managed to convince him to watch movies with her; she enjoyed his sarcastic and non-stop commentary, bursting into laughter and exchanging teasing remarks and smiles with him... and during all that time, they grew closer.

Even when Jack was onboard, he'd only seemed to intensify their natural chemistry. Jack had been full of innuendo and teases, frequently causing her Doctor to growl and reach for Rose and giving the other man clear signals that she was unavailable and to back off. A few times he'd stomped off in a huff, which usually meant Rose would find him in her room, waiting for her; those days he'd sleep in her bed, ranting for hours until she'd successfully teased him out of his mood or until she fell asleep. But he'd always stay until morning, even if she barely ever saw him sleep, he'd always stay there... watching over her.

That man had put her first. That man had loved her. And even though this version was far more physically needy, even though this man had told her "Not to you", even though he'd been the one who would've been described - at least visually - as more her type, he'd also been the one to prove what she'd learnt when she was much younger.

Rose Tyler was not enough. She'd not been good enough for her mum - no marks high enough, not clever enough, good enough to make her mum love her unconditionally. She'd not been enough for Mickey; not interested enough in Sports, not a good enough girlfriend to warrant more attention than any of his other best mates were getting. No one had ever put her first, no one had ever loved her unconditionally; but her first Doctor had. He said he hadn't changed - different personality and looks, but same emotions, same memories... if that was true... then what had she done? Was it because she hadn't believed in him when he'd changed?

She didn't know. All she knew was that all this Doctor had done was to try and re-establish the boundaries. He hadn't come to her at night anymore, no more casual kisses on her forehead and only one evening had been spent in the library together just before meeting Sarah Jane. Somehow, once again, she'd circled right back to being not good enough. Somehow, his love for her had become conditional. Somehow, she'd once again taken second place and he had been gone for months now with the precious, beautiful, French aristocrat. The woman who outstripped Rose Tyler on all levels; more intelligent, far ahead of her time in her views, more beautiful, better at pretty much anything she could think of - music, history, debate. Clever and cultured - how could he resist? How, indeed?

She wasn't stupid enough to think he loved her. The Doctor knew her fate; she'd die in a few short years; far too young, really. But, more importantly, he wouldn't fall for anyone on a superficial level. He judged people by their actions not their words. But she'd certainly enticed him. A renowned courtesan, beloved of the King of France, interested in him. This version of the Doctor craved physical touch the way she did, always seeking out her hand, a hug and now kisses from courtesans.

Rose sighed. This wasn't helping. She knew he'd had to leave - knew with certainty that he had to rescue her to keep the timelines intact. Madame de Pompadour was a vital part of history that couldn't be allowed to disappear.

But why hadn't he taken her along? Why had he left her behind? God, she wished Mickey was still here. He'd been a good distraction at least and he'd provided her with some much needed human contact even if it was just hugs after yet another fight.

But she'd had to send him home. There hadn't been much of a choice left at that stage. They couldn't have both survived on these food rations for this long. She'd been at her strongest then and that was her only way of ensuring they both survived.

Technically speaking, her control over the vortex had grown considerably stronger since then, but her body had, in turn, only lost in strength. It still scared her to bits when she would lose a considerable amount of weight within two days of looking into the Tardis' heart. Spending time with the Tardis, in the Vortex and changing her body always burned an enormous amount of calories and with her lack of food to regain the calories spent, she found herself always losing weight.

Whereas as a teenager, Rose had sometimes (following the spurts and admittedly variable throes of fashion) searched for a good dieting method, now she was just frightened. The amount of weight she'd lose in one fell swoop was frightening; especially now when she had no food or other way of compensating and still needed to continue daily exercises so as to not lose her 'running muscles'.

She needed her mum's tea and blathering on about unimportant gossip... or the Doctor's exuberant hugs and million-miles-a-second nonsensical blabber about some-thing-or-another with the Tardis... or the quiet, reminiscent moments in the library, which had slowly started to return with this new Doctor - albeit interspersed with excited rants mid-reading about someone he met or something he saw and suddenly remembered. She missed it - all of it.

Mickey had hopefully kept his mouth shut in front of her mom, otherwise that would be a more interesting problem when they next came over for a visit. She hadn't really explained anything to him and only managed to leave him with a letter courtesy of the Tardis.

Stumbling to her feet, Rose carefully and slowly made her way to her room and once again rubbed the walls in a silent thank you to the ship for moving it to just opposite the console room months ago.

She gratefully sank to the floor in the shower, allowing the Tardis to send a stream of hot water at her that finally stopped her shivering entirely. It took another few minutes before she actually took of her now soaked clothes to enjoy the shower and soak in the heat with her entire body.

She'd been forced to send Mickey out two months ago.

"Y'know, if you want to wait a bit longer, I don't mind."

Rose chuckled at her ex-boyfriend.

"That's not what you said yesterday."

Mickey grinned carelessly.

"Yeah, but I know how much he means to you." His eyes widened, "I mean-"

"'S okay, Micks, you're not wrong." Rose shrugged, smile fading slightly as she stared at the door of the Tardis; the door that lead to the fireplace that had started this entire debacle.

"Anyway, reckon he can find us once he's back. 'S not like we'll be gone forever. So, get your stuff packed. Now, this is very important." She turned fully back to him, studying him. She knew he'd do what she asked once she was finished talking; as long as he believed her, at least. And lying had never been her forte, which made this all the more crucial to get right.

"Micks, I need you to wait just outside this door. Don't open them. You'll see golden light and you won't hear anything until the doors open wide. Then I'll need you to run straight through and out the door! Remember last time how the doors slammed shut behind me? You need to be out before that happens. I can get her to open the doors long enough for me to get out, but not both of us. So you need to be out already. Clear?"

"Still not used to this machine being alive. 'S like Herby."

Rose snorted involuntarily before she glared at her boyfriend, well aware he hadn't promised anything yet.

"'M not joking, Micks."

His smile fell from his lips and she watched carefully as he studied her face, before finally sighing in defeat.

"You promise?"

No hesitation - no doubt, Rose told herself as she forced yet another lie from her lips. It's for him. And for the Doctor. And the Tardis.

"Promise. I'll be right behind you."

"Okay then." His smile was wide again - he trusted her. It was difficult to lie to Mickey. She'd known him since she was a child - in more ways than one since her trip to the past to meet her father - and he knew her too well. But not well enough, luckily.

The console room doors closed behind him and Rose allowed the false smile to finally leave her lips as she leant against the Tardis' column.

"Can I-", She bit back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. This wasn't as easy a decision as it had been back when the Doctor's life had been threatened. She'd been afraid then, for his life and it had overwhelmed her fears for her own life to such an extent that she'd barely spared it a thought. If the Doctor survived, then it was worth it. So simple. But nothing about this situation was simple.

However, if she didn't do it, then Mickey wouldn't survive. The Tardis would be okay for long enough until the Doctor's return, but she'd have lost a significant amount of strength. There really was no choice at this point. She made her choice three months ago when she started to walk this path; and she'd known then there would be no returning, no turning back time.

"Can you show me the voice interface?"

Her Doctor, leather jacket, northern accent, blue eyes, appeared mere moments later and not for the first time she wished she could once again drown in this arms. He'd always made her feel safe.

"Rose Tyler." She smiled at the burr in his voice, the soft quality to it that he always seemed to have when he used her full name.

Abruptly his tone changed and she could almost feel the sorrow accompanying his words.

"You don't have to do this."

That brought an almost-smile to her lips.

"Yeah, I kinda do. And you know it."

It was almost easier this way and she was unspeakably grateful to the Tardis for it. Arguing in reverse, arguing for what would ultimately most likely result in her death was easier than giving into her fears and arguing against it.

"Your chances of survival, though better than ever before, are still below 8%. The two trips will drain you. Your body has never had to hold onto the vortex for so long and you've never had to use it before to navigate."

Rose found herself shrugging almost dismissively.

"But if I do survive, I'll be back with you. I'll wait for you to come back to us. And if not... If- If I don't survive, then at least Mickey is safe and the Tardis is with you. I've instructed Mickey to go on one more trip with you so he can land in the parallel world; I remember that it was important for that to play out so... Anyway, I've also asked him to keep his gob shut. I trust him. You won't know. You- ... The Doctor will just... I don't know, think I got run over by a bus or something."

She took another deep breath. It was time, she knew what she had to do.

"Thank you. I needed that. Are you ready?"

The image dispersed and an affirmative hum filled the room.

"Make sure Micks doesn't hear me, won't you?"

There was no need to check; the Tardis had made sure everything was soundproof. Sinking to her knees, her hands fastened around the grating and with another deep breath she opened it.

This time it was different - usually she'd just be an energy conduit for the Tardis; she'd let the vortex flow through her and back into the Tardis, which, according to the ship, had a similar effect to refuelling. Rose filtered through the energy by letting it run unfettered throughout her body before it flowed right back into the ship. She basically revitalised the power before feeding it back to the Tardis.

But the process also provided her with access to the Vortex and its power; and all the timelines. She loved seeing past Doctor's past or Sarah Jane's and she'd even seen her mum as a kid for a time. All that ever was or could be, at her feet. But this time was different.

She stubbornly clung onto her body and instead of allowing the power to flow back into the Tardis she threw her will around a small part of it. Her body stood automatically as her subconscious walked her over to the telepathic flight console.

No one ever used it - and for a reason. The kind of bond that you had to have with the Tardis to use the interface was strictly forbidden; not only would it potentially give the Time Lord access to all this power, but it would also send him into insanity. The Doctor came closest to having any kind of telepathic bond with his ship - ever the rebel - though his had been made in the desperate throes of regeneration, with his mind barren and empty of the millions of voices that used to echo there. And in that split moment of loneliness he'd reached out to something, anything - and the Tardis, having lost all her sisters in the war, had answered.

Still, even he could not operate the ship telepathically - she imagined there'd be a lot more accurate landings if that were the case. She smiled faintly at the thought even as her hands sank into the shimmering liquid console required for telepathic contact with the ship.

Her mind, which had become attuned to time strands and familiar with how to operate them, automatically called upon her Sarah Jane's. It was easy enough to find the spot where she intersected with the Doctor again - and just as easy to find the spot where they separated.

Now she had a time and date. She couldn't send Mickey home - her mum was too adept at squeezing any information out of him; no, that was out of the question. That's why she was sending him to Sarah Jane. The woman had offered her a hand and an ear any time she needed it, and that's what she was asking of her now.

She went further along Sarah Jane's time stream to give her a few days to recover from her final goodbye to the Doctor. Mind set on a time and place (Sarah Jane's house), she used the power of the vortex to encompass the Tardis and then she pulled on the strand of time, pulled until the Tardis started dematerialising and she could feel their journey through the Vortex, travelling closer and closer and closer still, until - NOW!

One more pull, a scramble to get the timeline straight as she'd accidentally reached further than she'd intended and then finally everything was lined up. Now all the Tardis needed was power. Eyes glowing with the vortex she'd kept within herself, she finally released the power pushing her intent behind it, focusing all her being on being in that one spot in time and space with the Tardis. The ship heard and she could feel its own pull joining hers once they'd aligned their senses to the right time. She felt more than she heard the landing when the time vortex dissipated.

She could feel the ship's exhaustion and it pulling, trying to gather any resources around her to have sufficient power for the trip back. Rose closed her senses momentarily, feeling her body screaming and she knew she'd once again screamed out in pain. Her throat was sore but the pain in the rest of her body more than matched it. Her brain screamed in pain, far more than even the first time she'd looked into the vortex. Using the vortex the same way the Tardis did was foolish and any Time Lord would tell you it was fairly impossible for a human.

Rose knew there wouldn't be much time until she'd have to risk the return trip, but until then she gratefully allowed her body to sink to the floor, watching as the grating closed itself momentarily. Before she'd been worried about making it back alive; now she was fairly certain that wasn't going to happen. At this stage she was worried she might leave the Tardis in the Vortex without any way for the Doctor to get access to her.

Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes, telling herself it would be better if she did this quickly.

The console room doors flew open and she watched Mickey run past her and out the doors; she knew he'd seen her out of the corner of his eyes but it hadn't registered until he was half-way out the door.

She watched him whirl around, wide-eyed, staring at her pale, shaking form, blood running from her nose and ears, eyes glowing golden. His hand reached for her and she watched as he was about ready to bolt back to her; the Tardis, still connected to her and understanding Mickey's intention, closed the doors on him, pushing him the rest of the way out.

Faintly she could make out her ex-boyfriend hammering on the doors and Sarah Jane's confused queries beside him. And she could feel time adjusting and knew that there wasn't much time. Rose's way of commanding the Tardis still expelled too much vortex; not only attractive to many species but also a way of tracking the Doctor and his miraculous 'machine'. She couldn't let the ship fall into anyone's hands.

Everything swam in front of her but that didn't matter. Her physical eyes didn't need to see - she knew where she needed to be.

The grating fell open again and golden light and a song filled her heart and mind, temporarily erasing the pain before it came back far worse than before. Never before had she tried to operate in the vortex with such physical awareness; usually all pains and aches left at the same time as her mind expanded outwith her body. She gasped, golden eyes open wide as her hands scrambled for the telepathic interface.

Her hands sank in and the pain in her head amplified even as she felt the ship prepare to take off into the Vortex, awaiting her push so she could start to help along. Right, focus, she reprimanded herself. Pushing through the pain was easier said than done, though. Her body was begging to just lie down and it was all she could do to remain leaning against the coral strut while her hands were in the gloopy liquid.

'My Doctor', the voice echoed through her head, a reminder of a time not long ago when she and the Tardis had been truly one and she'd used the Vortex to save the man she loved. It gave her the push and determination she'd needed to carry on, gritting her teeth and finally focusing back on the ship she'd come from. This time she already had a time and a place, so the return should be simpler. A gasp of relief escaped when the Tardis had helped her smooth the journey into the time vortex. Past and futures, planets and civilisations passed her by until she found the right one. Her entire being focused in on that point of time, pushing aside all other concerns.

Her breathing was short, her heart was racing, trying to keep up with the demand she was putting on it and another scream wrung itself from her hoarse throat, tears running down her face unheeded as she pushed and pushed until she could feel the Tardis aligning herself with the right time and space.

The energy was leaving her and Rose sank to the floor, hands kinked to still keep within the liquid. Golden mist hovered in front of her and horror dawned on her as she realised the Tardis was half in, half out of the Vortex, its winds tearing at the Doctor's precious ship. She need the push, the energy. Grasping desperately, she reached out with her mind, will and determination unbroken and gave a last gasp as the power dispersed into the ship and finally her hands fell down next to her as her mind confirmed the correct landing.

Mouth open wide, she could only stare up at the time rotors as they slowly stopped moving. Her screams had doubled over and no sound was coming from her throat anymore. As her body bowed and twisted in grotesque ways in a futile attempt to escape the pain that came from within, she wondered how the Tardis was going to get rid of her body. Then her mind got overwhelmed, too, as her body started to bleed and her mind pushed against its physical restraints, burning with the energy it had been flooded with.

It was too much, all too much and soon her mind fell into blissful oblivion as it got overwhelmed.

The Tardis watched as her daughter's body abruptly stopped moving, like a marionette whose strings had been cut. There was only one way, only one solution, and it was endlessly simple to the eleven-dimensional being.

The grating fell open again, giving way to her heart and she allowed it to open up further until her Wolf's body fell through. She waited and watched, hoping for the timeline that was likeliest to come true.

And then she felt it - a gasped breath, a heart slowly beating and her daughter's body was catapulted back up until she lay beneath her rotors again, still unconscious. Now they would forever be bonded and tied to one another. The Tardis let go of the moment, allowing her consciousness once again to expand; focusing on a single moment in time took a lot of strenuous attention and it drained her even further. Now was the time to soak up as much from the Vortex as she could while her attentions weren't needed on this singular plane of existence.

Crawling into bed, covering herself with her flannel pajamas, a hat and two duvets, Rose settled in to sleep. Soon, very soon, they'd finally be reunited. Her Doctor.

A/N:

Despite what it looks like, this is actually not going to be totally AU. Hope you'll enjoy it; let me know what you think.

And if anyone wants to beta for me, any reviews would be welcome. I hope I haven't made anyone to OOC, but it's hard to tell without a second opinion. Any input? Any volunteers?