On this day Uzumaki Naruto was celebrating his forth birthday alone in his run down apartment again in the town of Konohagakure as the festival of the nine tailed fox was going along in the streets with everyone joyous smiling and laughing everyone except poor Naruto siting at his window looking at the happy crowd trying to suppress the feeling of jealousy in his heart at the happy faces of the village.
"I wish I could join them" sighing at the exclusion of his presence in the festival he decided to ignore them and go to sleep.
"OY I think he's in here" shouted a man behind the door to the room.
"Oh shit gotta hide!" scrambling to get out of danger he bolted further into the apartment looking for a place to hide.
Bursting through the door the man and his group of drunks ran into the apartment spotting the little child he grinned psychotically at him
"There you are you little shit you're gonna pay for what you did!" running straight at the boy he rammed the bottle in his hand right his skull nocking him out in one blow.
"Come on I wanna get a shot in as well" the mans friend spoke up accompanied with yeahs and come ons.
"Alright fine have at it just let me have the last hit eh?" he said with a grin.
"What are you doing?" another person said at the back of the group with said group becoming completely quite all of a sudden.
"killing a demon of course" too entranced with the the beating he was giving.
"So This child is a demon?" he asked with an inquisitive tone.
"You're not from around here are you?" turning around with a grin and immediately losing it staring at the giant looking down at him in samurai armour and a sword taller than he was.(A/N Sir Aloone armour and sword with scabbard from dark souls2)
"No I'm not however I will ask that you leave that boy alone or else…" placing his hand on his sword and drawing it by an inch he stared right at the man in front of him.
"Tch fine I'll leave" walking around the taller man he saw his group butchered in pieces, heads caved in arms broken in half and stabbed into hearts, organs force fed into others he stood there staring at the pile of corpses unable to process how they were killed without a sound and he felt something stab into him seconds stood until the pain registered and a hand covered his mouth unable to scream he cried in pain and looked back at the giant who spoke in a whimsical voice.
"Not so fun now is it dickhead?~" he gripped on the spine and pulled "Forgive me if I get this wrong I saw it on a game once and I always wanted to try it" slowly pulling the mans spinal column out gripping his hand on the mouth as hard as possible to ensure he cannot call for help "I'm gonna enjoy this but your not gonna like it NOT ONE BIT" having a moment of ax crazy
A geyser of blood erupted in the room splashing all over the giant continuing for a minute satisfied at his handiwork he said two words "Fatality bitch" throwing the body and shaking some blood off himself on the floor releasing a vibrational pulse he looked straight at the kid walking right over to him, he checked his pulse confirming he's still alive started a medical analysis "A crack in the skull needs to be readjusted to properly heal, multiple bruises also a blood transfusion will be necessary to replace lost blood but the probability of this happening again absolute need to investigate the unnatural energy and seal" finishing the analysis he picked him up and stepped into the expanding shadows mumbling a few words "So fucking glad I learnt how to teleport by shadows helps me deal with this shit" disappearing into the shadows not to be seen in the fire country for years.
A few hours later
Naruto woke up in a medical room with a throbbing headache looking around he saw a giant man sitting in armour next to him starring right at him being in a awkward moment he spoke up.
"Where am I and why do you look like a samurai?" asked the small boy at the taller man.
"You're in my house right now I saw that you were being beaten so I saved you from those men and why I'm dressed like this well it's a long story"
"Can you tell me pleaseeeee?" making puppy dog eyes at him in an attempt to make him talk.
Answering all of life's problems by being a dick about it "mmmm...mmmm...maybe...no"
"Why not?" continuing the ineffective puppy face at him
"Because if I did you would cry and properly not believe half of what I say anyway I decided to take you as a test sub...I mean student...yes student...hehehehe" continuing the evil laughter in his mind for a while.
Not having the necessary survival instincts to realise the horror of what was to come and not really listening to him except the word student he eagerly agreed.
Eight years later
"I keep telling you dickhead! we should have turned left hours ago!" shouted the father of a two metre tall 12 year old boy...man.. whatever.
"Fuck you old man how was I supposed to know how to read this shitty map!"also shouting was Uzumaki Naruto wearing standard chunin clothes with rolled up sleeves and a black flak jacket with a Uzumaki symbol on its back with medical tape on on both his pants holding an upside down map but he doesn't know that does he?.
"What the fuck did you call me! brat don't make me have to kick the shit out of you!" raising his hand to signify the ass kicking he was about to give him.
"Bring it on old bones come and get some!" raising the finger up at him and smiling with glee and paled when he saw the hand turn into a fist which then promptly slammed into his face and he flew into the sky, in fact he went so far that he even did that shining star thing in the middle of the day(If yon don't get it watch pokemon).
The older mans response to this predicament? "Fuck" was all he said and walked in the direction of where his son flew.
A few hours later
Walking into a village by himself was refreshing to say the least the last time he and Naruto went into a village they started a brawl so large that the entire village was on fire...in the middle of winter in the snow country its apparently still on fire...somehow returning his thoughts to the present he walked straight too the bar intending on finding his limit of alcoholic consumption level and destroying with a hammer or fist or... whatever I guess.
Walking in and hearing the words "what can I get for you..." brought a smile to his face really being three metres tall is pretty funny and in that self smug moment he smashed his helmet into the door frame clutching his head in pain and hearing the giggling around the bar grunting in pain walking up to the barstool that immediately snapped when attempting to sit on it half annoyed and slightly embarrassed he used earth bending to will a cylinder of earth for a seat everyone gasping at what he did they immediately did what any rational person in this universe does ignore like a bastard son until it's gone.
"Give me the strongest stuff you have I need to forget many things for tomorrow" having finished ordering... an unholy concoction of many types of boozes or booze I forgot how to say it anyway It was at this moment that Tsunade Senju the drunk that lazes around on the floor appeared sitting next to him half drunk and looking at him with suspicions eyes which would have raised caution in him if she wasn't drunk like really drunk, so drunk in fact that she was slobbering all over the counter and kinda snoring in between here and there(I've seen drunk people its pretty funny)"how did you do that?" she asked in a drunkish tone(A/N watch the anime it's pretty funny seeing her drunk).
"I bent the earth to my will why is it not common here?" already knowing the answer but its rude to ignore people especially females right?
"Well you're doing it without hand seals so thats pretty impressive only experienced or highly skilled ninjas can do that but you're not are you?" glancing with a curious look while still being wasted on the counter pretty Impressive considering that she's still drunk as hell while somehow still lucid enough to ask questions. (her grandfather must be proud)
Meanwhile in the pure world (name of the afterlife on this world if you didn't know pretty good name for the afterlife isn't it?)
Harashima Senju the first hokage was sitting in a circle playing poker with his friends (why does the afterlife have poker you ask Fuck You thats why anyway) he spoke up "My insult senses are tingling"
"Well of course they are you're kind of a pussy brother" spoke Tobimura Senju his brother "I agree the with the brother killing asshole next to me you can use nature as a weapon but when you're criticised you become a mopey child" spoke the king emo Madara Uchiha "Yes I have realised that as well why do you do that?" Asked his wife Mito Uzumaki with a passive stare truly curious about why her husband acts like a little bitch sometimes.
Back in the impure world (these names for the worlds really fit don't they?)
"Nope I'm not though the closest thing that classifies me is a jack of all trades I guess?" answering with a shrug removing his helmet to get at his drink that finally arrived grabbing it and drinking it and savouring the taste and realising that everyone was staring at him even the drunk lady sitting next to him"umm why is everyone staring at me?" whispering to lady next to him she whispered back "You do realise that you're hairs white right? like pale white even your eyelashes are even your eyes are pale as well"
Shocked at this revelation and the fact Naruto never asked or said anything about it (little shit no wonder he kept calling me a fucking fairy!) he griped his cup tightly until it was grounded to dust turning to the lady next to him "No no one sought fit to inform me of this especially my son... anyway hello my name is Aloone and your name?"
"Tsunade Senju" face still planted on the table.
"Hm mooring rope strange meaning" taking a sip of his drink and looking back at her to answer an obvious question.
"So Aloone? I've never heard of a name like that before are what part are you from of the elemental countries?" growing more interested with the strangers origin her body responding to her curiosity by sitting up properly kinda...
"Oh yes I am sort of a traveller and a bit of an exile...slightly" frowning at his answer "don't dodge the question"
"I'm not really dodging they don't like people knowing where they live and my exile? what I did Its more a general disagreement on my government who was being a cock and I who told them to fuck off and they had a massive hard on for my death and the rest is history as they say".
"Not really specific are you?" picking up a cup and staring at it "And for what reason should I be?" also looking at his empty cup not realising its empty because blindness.
The two chatted and drank until he decided to go to a hotel and she...was drooling on the floor asleep paying for both he flipped her over his shoulder he then headed to the nearest hotel going to the counter he asked for two rooms and in the surprise of the century was told only there was one left to tired to care and desperately needing sleep he just paid the guy and went to the room went in the room closed the door threw her on the bed still drooling and dropped to the floor asleep.
The next day
The greatest medic alive awoke in the morning with a headache that could crack a mountain in half, slowly getting up from the bed and looking around she saw that guy from yesterday on the floor still sleeping deciding on some coffee to pass the time.
Waking up to the smell of coffee was pleasant enough to warrant getting up from the floor of sleep sensing where the great smell was coming from and walking towards it and noting she was sitting there with a mug in both hands "here" she states handing him a mug "thanks" was the reply to that moment of awkwardness.
Hours passed as they talked about stuff but it was a particular subject that reignited a real conversation "You know how to get too Konoha?" "Well I used to live and train there" "So you know exactly where it is?"
"Yes" raising an eyebrow at his forcefulness and desiring to ask the obvious "Why do you want to go there?" "Well I don't my son however is supposed to live there however because he didn't get along with the villagers he was treated like shit and they almost killed him because of it, so I trained him in case they tried it again eight years later here we are returning to the place again and because he can't read maps were lost"
"So where exactly is he?" "Oh I punched him into the air when I got pissed off at him so I'm searching for him now I know he's in this general area".
Sweat dropping at the casual answer of violence but can't really say anything against it god knows its her main response "So what now?"
"Well I gonna go look for him wanna come with?" surprised at his request but having nothing better to do "I guess I have to find my apprentice though" ""Does she carry a pig?" surprised and feeling threatened at his unusual perception she prepared for an attack.
"Yeah how'd you know" her suspicions growing at the man in front of her she readied her strength technique.
"I can smell it from here she's on the other side of the village and you smell like a medic therefore she must be the same except she has a pig making her stand out more".
Sighing "Alright lets go then" keeping her suspicions aside for the moment they both headed out.
An hour later
"Tsunade sama~" Shizune glanced around looking for her teacher while holding her pet pig ton ton hearing the reply "over here Shizune" running straight up to chastise her teacher for ditching her to drink again she was surprised to find a giant next to her.
"Um who is this?" looking at the new person in her presence
Deciding to answer before she comes to the wrong conclusion "hm? ah right this is Aloone I met yesterday in the bar and long story short I was asleep and we shared a room in the hotel"
Gasping at her teacher's answer"You shouldn't sleep with random men when you get drunk Tsunade-sama its not right!"
Smiling at her obliviousness he whispered to her "Your student doesn't have much faith in you does she?" glaring at him for the snark and sighing "No I guess not and no I didn't sleep with him now were searching for his son and then I'm going back to sleep I still have a hangover so lets get going" grumbling at faithless apprentices and snarky men the three of them walked onto the road.
Hours later
"So... do we actually know what your son looks like?" Shizune asked the taller man.
"He's blond and wears a Uzumaki symbol on his back and he's really loud in fact he's louder than her when she snores" pointing right at Tsunade who's eyebrow was twitching dangerously and trying to suppress the desire to kill him keyword "try".
Realising the desire to kill him coming from the older woman he remembered what his father said to him in one of his very rare serious moments"your blunt personality makes you say stupid things so when that happens you immediately change the subject and then complement them on something that is how I avoided get killed by your mother for many years" seeing the rare wisdom being told by the massive man child he agreed.
Returning to his situation he put into practice"Impressive level of chi chi very impressive for one so young(emphasis on the 'young')" finishing he's compliment he waited for the results.
Back to Tsunade
Tsunade was surprised a male tried to change the subject by complementing her skills not her breasts it was...a very nice change from nearly everyone especially Jiraiya sighing at the thought "so how should we look for your son?" turning to her "thats easy we track him by his energy signature" surprised again by him "I never expected you to be a sensor type"
Giving her a inquisitive look "A sensor whats that?" sighing at his answer "you really don't know much about ninjas do you? surprise covered his face he then gave a grin that grew and grew and grew until it his whole mouth was one giant grin both women stepped right the fuck back while he stood there and started laughing.
"ha...haha...ha...hahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA NINJAS REALLY NINJAS! OH I'VE HEARD MANY THINGS IN MY LIFE BUT THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE BIGGEST PILE OF SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD FUCK WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PEOPLE USED STEALTH REALLY? THE FACT YOU GUYS CALL YOURSELF THAT WITHOUT SEEING THE IRONY IS HILARIOUS OH MAN I HAVENT LAUGHED LIKE THIS IN YEARS AHAHAHAHA"
Both women staring at the man who was currently lying on the ground still laughing after insulting their way of life before they could get angry at him and realise the actual irony of their way of life Naruto burst through the bushes stating"They you are! I've been looking all night for you asshole!" looking at the other two "Who're these two? and why are you still rolling around on laughing? hearing the reply "They said there ninjas! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto was now on the ground laughing with his father at them.
Tsunade was now furious and walked right up to Aloone and punched him very...very hard in the face causing him to fly through the trees and a few large rock and then into a side of a valley which then crumbled onto him the point I'm trying make is don't make fun of women with superhuman strength okay?.
Sitting right up from the mega punt that he received from the uber medic "Damn girl can punch good well I better apologise" and disappeared in a flash.
Back with the other three
Naruto was first to speak up after the mega punt of doom coming from jugszilla to his father "Nice punch lady your form was a bit off though like you've been out of practise for a while" both women sweat dropped at the males casual answer Shizune decided to speak up "Um shouldn't you be a bit worried about him?" "Oh him nah he's fine I mean he was wearing his armour as well right? and that thing is ridiculous it didn't crack when she punched it did it?" giving the older woman a smirk, giving the boy a glare for the snark and winching in pain she looked at her hand and to her immense surprise it was broken responding with one word "huh" grunting in annoyance at her hand she set off to set the bones back into place.
Naruto just staring at Tsunade turned to Shizune "Wow she's pretty tough isn't she?"
"Well she is the greatest medic currently alive"
surprised at the revelation "Thats a pretty impressive title for a depressed drunk that oozes self pity"
"The fuck did you call me brat!"
"You heard me you old bag You reek of booze and self pity and have the audacity to get angry at me!"
Flashing into the argument without a sound "Well thats enough children seriously I could hear you all the way out there now... apologise Naruto".
Two words exited with his mouth while giving a blank look "Fuck no"
Having the perfect threat/counter argument for situations like these "Do it or I summon MARTHA" giving him a slasher smile just to creep him out more.
Naruto paled so much he looked like white zetsu(watch the anime he's very pale) You...you wouldn't...you won't...I know you won't" traumatic and highly suppressed memories resurfaced while he was on the floor spasming quite violently and everyone watched him his father was being a dick and laughing and the other two were standing just staring at Naruto unsure if they should intervene.
Meanwhile in Naruto's memories 6 years ago
Aloone was sitting on a large rock waiting for his student loosing his patience he started looking around"Naruto its time for your next lesson!" looking around for his student getting fed of looking used seismic sense to locate him "there you are" unseating his sword he aimed it right at the ground commanding it "Extend" shooting into the earth faster than the eyes could see "Damn I missed or he dodged...eh whichever" shrugging at his miss he simply aimed again "Barrage" shadow duplicates were formed behind him and they extended into the ground and retracted instantly and repeated the process after a minute of the earth getting more holed than an ant hill he stopped "Hm he really has improved his dodging skills but ah...fuck it why not?" meshing his fingers together he focused his energy and prepared to give his apprentice an asswooping he probberly deserves.
"Jintoi: Genkai Hakuri(Dust Release: Detachment of the Primitive World)."
"Lets see you escape this Na-ru-to" grinning like a madman he shot it into the earth waiting for the results and explosion tapping his foot and glancing at the ground getting sick of waiting he started walking away then suddenly! Naruto burst out of the ground in his tailed beast mode "You fuck Dust release seriously? are you trying to obliterate me from existence?"
"Oh you're alive good didn't want to have to resurrect you anyway lets start the lesson now that you two are synchronised you'll have to learn to use the elemental releases again and power limitation in some situations where you don't have to level a country...or two but before any of that..."
"Oh fuck no he's not going to summon that is he?" deep within the seal Kurama answered "He takes supreme pleasure in our continued suffering what do you think?" "Not helping in our situation! fuck it focus all chakra into a sword form we'll slice it open!".
Back to Aloone
Standing still with his arms folded across his chest and watching his student panic and then get ready "Well he's had enough time to get ready now..."switching his eyes to the rinnegan meshing his fingers together and uttered the words his student despised more than his training
methods.
"Are you ready Naruto?" a sound could be heard from the other side "Noooooooooooooooo..." Well too bad TENGAI SHINSEI(Heavenly Obstacle Quaking Star or more accurately as asteroid spamming of doom)
Deciding to scare his student a bit more "Here comes MARTHA THE HARBINGER OF PWNED"
Bursting through the clouds was a colossal asteroid shaped like a hand with its middle finger stuck right up aimed straight at Naruto.
Naruto however refused to take this lying down finishing his preparation for his technique"Raiton:Sen no Raijin(Ray of the Thunder God)"
pointing his hand straight up a long pillar of condensed lightning shot out into the sky turning to the asteroid and bringing his hand straight down splitting the asteroid in half.
With Aloone
Watching MARTHA split in half was surprising to say the least who knew the brat could do it? but MARTHA ah he's going to miss that giant mass of trolling power...oh well he can carve another asteroid into the shape he needed but his apprentice needs to be congratulated using Shunpo(Flash Step) to quickly get to him seeing on his apprentice on his knees was amusing "So you defeated MARTHA impressive my young apprentice very creatively I might add using supercharging a lightning release's piercing power to slice through it very imaginative"
Taking deep breaths to unterrify himself "Ha...what was ha...this...about?"
"To get rid of your hesitation in decision making during critical moments and to see how your control suffers during stressful moments oh and you passed both" taking a seat on a rock that miraculously hasn't been destroyed in that clusterfuck taking out a clipboard and ticking off both "Now I am going to teach you something special today in fact this is the second time I taught this to someone do you know what it is?"
Picking himself up and his scratches all healed sending a thanks mentally to his tenant who grunted in response he thought about the question they already covered all basic elements with fire and earth being hardest to learn but he eventually learned them they moved onto advanced wind manipulation, meshing elements together and properly understanding how they work then moved onto lightning release and its many applications but nothing came to mind "Nope don't have a clue".
"well thats slightly disappointing but whatever my fault for not giving you hints anyway this is what I teach you" holding a hand out and a bonsai started growing out of it until it started flowering.
Staring at his teachers hand his eyes almost falling out of there sockets "No...way Mokuton! I thought it was impossible to learn it?"
"Normally yes as you must be attuned to nature to even think about using it (or steal the firsts DNA) however being spiritually aware you bypass that restriction completely aren't you glad that your furry friends energy has been mixing in with your own slowly raising your spiritual awareness to the level required to use it" giving his apprentice a small smirk and immediately crushing the bonsai growing out of his hands losing his smirk and hardening his gaze at his apprentice "Do remember this Naruto what can create life can also take it what Harashima refused to use the other side of this ability is the reason why Mokuton isn't considered the most terrifying kekkai genkai in existence watch this valley ingrain this image into your mind and remember that you will one day wield this power".
Mokuton:Mori no Kaikon Shi(Wood Release:Forest of Cultivated Death)
A tidal wave of black roots descended upon the valley each bearing a hunger unimaginable to human minds every tree touched shrivelled to dust, every animal torn to pieces drained of blood their bones grounded to dust all grass was white all nutrients drained every animal dead and devoured even birds weren't safe there was an empty valley with nothing living inside of it and the teacher turned to his student and said "This is the true power of Mokuton Naruto to devour life and use the resulting life energy for offence or defence Harashima couldn't understand just how powerful he was and used his chakra as a substitute he saw this as an inhuman thing to do ironic when he enslaved the tailed beasts when they were thinking beings but thats humanity for you anyway isn't it beautiful?" glancing at his non responsive student and realising he was passed out "Oh well Its not like I didn't pass out the first time I performed this well I guess thats it for today".