Disclaimer: No own LoK or its characters or any mechanical monkeys or
robotic sheep
_____________________________________________________________
A/N: Okay, this fic may not be very weird at first, but by the end it'll be plenty weird. Oh, and Magnus' actual fanfic doesn't begin until {Magnus' Fanfic begins} comes up and ends when {Magnus' Fanfic ends} comes up. Well, hope you'll enjoy this!
[The scene ISN'T the Pillars, but instead it's Moebius' house. Magnus has snuck in and decides to steal Moebius' computer then spray paint "Moebius is stupid on a wall. When Magnus snatched the computer, Moebius came down and saw him]
Moebius: (in uber-whiny voice) Heeeeeey, what're you doing?
Magnus: MAGNUS IS STEALING MOEBIUS' COMPUTER!
Moebius: But it's mine!! I'll get my two girlfriends to beat you up!
Magnus: OHH, MAGNUS IS REALLY SCARRED!! NOT!
Moebius: Girlfriends, help me!
(then the Olsen twins come down the stairs from Moebius' room)
Magnus: MOEBIUS IS AN OLD LOSER!
Mary-Kate: No he's not, he's handsome!
Ashley: Yeah, he's the perfect gentleman!
Moebius: Ha!
Magnus: OH LORD, MOEBIUS IS PATHETIC!
Mary-Kate: Don't say such things about him!
Ashley: Yeah! He can kick your butt!
(then Magnus ate the Olsen twins)
Moebius: (screams like a sissy)
Magnus: OH COME ON, MAGNUS SIN'T EVEN A MAN!
Moebius: Yes I am!
(then Mabes enters, who was listening to the argument)
Mabes: Yeah, he IS A MAN! JUST CAUSE he didn't hit puberty till he was 90 years old
doesn't mean I thing!! Do you have sugar Magnus?
Magnus: YOU PEOPLE ARE FREAKS!! I'M RUNNING AWAY!
(then Magnus runs away with Moebius' computer)
Mabes: HEY, YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME IF YOU HAD ANY SUGAR CUBES!!
(then Mabes goes prancing around like the hyperactive mother she is and Moebius is
miserable)
[The scene is now the Pillars, and it's nighttime and everyone's asleep. Magnus sneaks in and plugs the computer up because the only socket in Nosgoth was in the Pillars. Magnus turned the computer on and was halfway through with writing his fanfic when Raziel woke up and found him]
Raziel: What're you doing here?
Magnus: MAGNUS IS DOING NOTHING!!
Raziel: Hey, you have a fanfic! Let me read!
(and so Raziel reads the summary of the fic out loud)
Raziel: (reading the summary) One day, Magnuz dezides to go oute and fiind the Great
Holy Meat and he meats tons of peple on hees way.
Magnus: (looks up at him)
Raziel: You are quite possibly the worst speller in the entire world. Let me read what
you have so far.
(Raziel reads it. When he's done, he has a disgusted look on his face)
Magnus: WHAT?
Raziel: This has to be one of the dumbest things...ever. I'm going back to bed. You
must've had about 200 spelling errors. I'm off.
(Raziel leaves and Mangus finishes his fic and posts it on Fanfiction.Net under Legacy of
Kain. Magnus goes by the name Magnuz_Meat_Loveeeer)
Magnus: MAGNUS IS SATISFIED. BYE BYE!
(then Magnus leaves. And here is his totally stupid and spelling error- filled fic)
{Magnus' Fanfic begins}
Dizclamer: Magnuz does not own LoK or eets carakterz ___________________________________________________________________
[One day, Magnuz and hees serrvent Melchiah wer walkin in a forezt when Magnuz finaly has an idea. Magnuz had ben hungrey for a long time now and had desided that he would do something about it]
Magnus: You know what we should do, servent?
Melchiah: (had on a backpack with many backup limbs) What, my grayshous master?
Magnus: We should go and find the Great Holy Meat!!
Melchiah: The Great Holy Meat master!?
Magnus: Yes! But Im hungrey right now. Magnuz feeels like a drumstick would taste
yummey now.
(then Melchiah rips off one of hees legs and Magnuz eats it. Then Melchiah pulls a spare leg out of his backpack and attaches it to himself)
Magnus: Yummey, my goood serrvent, yumm.
Melchiah: Where to go first, oh grate master? We should get some companions.
Magnus: Agreed. Let us go.
(then Magnuz and Melchiah wander throu the forezt and is at the exit when a vishous snake springs out at them. Melchiah weeped with terror and almost peesed himself in fear)
Maelchiah: What now my brave master, what now? Only you can defeat forest fires and
safe us.
Magnus: Don't worry, I shal kil it.
(so the brave Magnus grabbed its head and cover'd its eyes. But then the snake's
nostrils sniffed out Magnuz and bit him)
Magnus: Ow!! Pees, it hurtz! Owwiey!
Melchiah: (cowering like a coward) What are we gonna do? I'm really scared!
Magnus: Die!
(then Magnuz bravely throu the snake on the ground and then Magnuz pulled out a bazooka and blew up the snake! Then Magnuz aate the bazooka)
Melchiah: Wow, Magnuz safed us, hooray! Magnuz is strong and brave! Whoopie!
Magnus: Just doin my job!
[Then the brave trio consisting of Magnuz and Melchiah walked off into lands unnown. They had no clue wher to start looking first, but Magnuz thought to look under a Pepsi can. Wasn't ther. So Magnuz searched ferther and they eventually stumbled upon a castle. Inside the castle, ther was truble]
King of Castle: Where is my lovely dauter?
Queen of Castle: Yes, where is our lovely DAUGHTER! King, it's daughter, not dauter!
King of Castle: Who cares?
(then their daughter, princess Kain of Camelot, walk'd forward. Kain was in a lovely blue dress, blond hair in a scrunchy, and in lovely high heels. Other than that, this Kain loooked a lot like the lord of Nosgoth heemself. Oh, and this Kain had boobs)
Kain: Father, Mother, what do you want?
King of Castle: We want you to marry somone you hate!
Kain: But why?
King of Castle: Becauze thats the way it is! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Kain: Please no!
Queen of Castle: I'm sorry, but we love to see you suffer. Go get ready!
Kain: Okay papa, mama.
(then the princess Kain went to hees/her room and loooked out the window)
Kain: (in crappy singin voice)
Tonight tonight
I will wed tonight
To sombody I don't know
Tonight tonight
Love not for me, not my knight
Who will save a fair maiden like me?
(fortunately for him/her, Magnuz and Melchiah wer right under hees/her window at the time)
Melchiah: There is somone we could save and take with us!
Magnus: Let's rescue the fair princess Kain! First, can I have one of your arms?
Melchiah: Sure! I love having a kind and great master.
(so Magnuz ate the arm, Melchiah puled out a new one from hees backpack, and they stormed the castle! They kiled everyone and then got to the King and Queen)
Magnus: Let the gorgeous princess Kain go!
King: Never!
Queen: Die!
(then Magnuz killed the Queen!!!)
King: No!! I will kil you with the help of my robotic monkeys!
(then the King and 6 robot monkeys attack!! In this heart-pumpimg battle scene, Melchiah gets so scared he peeses himself while Magnuz kils all of the bad guys, including the King)
King: You are truly brave Magnuz...
Magnus: Where' the Holy Great Meat!?
King: Seek out the smartest vampire in the world, he shall know...
(then the King dies and Magnuz drags the princess Kain out of the castle as the castle explodes. It explodes for dramatic effect)
Kain: You saved me!
(then princess Kain jumps up and hugs and kisses Magnuz then goes over to Melchiah)
Kain: Thank you Melchiah! You are brave and strong!
Melchiah: You're welcome!
Kain: And I want to make out with you since I'm a slutty princess!
Melchiah: Good for you!
Magnus: Well come on everybody, we're off to find the smartest vampire in the world!
Kain and Melchiah: Yay!! We owe our lifes to Magnuz!
[So all three walked off into the sunset, for their adventures to continue in the next chapter of "I Love Meat" chapter 2]
___________________________________________________________
This is Magnuz. Hope you liked mine fic. Magnuz will post next chapter soon if Kain doesn't kill Magnuz. Don't forget to review!
{Magnus' Fanfic ends}
[Well, the next day Magnus goes to Fanfiction.Net and finds that he already has 7 reviews!]
Magnus: (to himself) LET'S SEE WHO REVIEWED MAGNUS' FIC! (then he goes to the review screen)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- I_can_swim_you_can't! (aka Rahab) SIGNED "Hahahahahaha! This fic was hilarious! Kain is a pansy after all! Keep it going, I loved this fic! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Banana_Pudding_Yummy (aka Zephon) SIGNED "Woohoo, this was good. Not stupid or weird at all though. I want a robot monkey! Hehehehehe! Well, can't wait for them to meet the smartest vampire ever! Oh, and great portrayal of Kain!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- TheJackass (aka Dumah) SIGNED "Yep, that was weird. And stupid. I might never read this again. But you're right about Kain being a sissy though" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- I'mLikeALego! (aka Melchiah) SIGNED "AAAHHH! YOU SCARE ME!! But you had a realistic Kain, hahahaha!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- PopStar (aka Turel) SIGNED "Hahahahaha! Kain sings like a little girl, too! Hahahahaha!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- TheSavior (aka Raziel) SIGNED "Wow. That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever read. I think I've just lost 50 I.Q. points. SNAKES DON'T SMELL WITH NOSTRILS! And a TRIO IS THREE PEOPLE! Your spelling sucks! This was stupid. Right about Kain though." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- IruleYouSuck (aka Kain) SIGNED "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! That's what you all think about me!? Well, f*** you Mangus! And f*** you Razzyboy, f*** you Melchiah, f*** you Zephon, f*** you Rahab, f*** you Turel!! Dumah, you're still cool! F*** YOU ALL! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------
_____________________________________________________________
Well, is said this was gonna be weird. Really weird. Will intentionally bad spelling. Well, I hope someone out there liked this weird fic, if you did, review! If not, don't review! Well, until next chapter...
A/N: Okay, this fic may not be very weird at first, but by the end it'll be plenty weird. Oh, and Magnus' actual fanfic doesn't begin until {Magnus' Fanfic begins} comes up and ends when {Magnus' Fanfic ends} comes up. Well, hope you'll enjoy this!
[The scene ISN'T the Pillars, but instead it's Moebius' house. Magnus has snuck in and decides to steal Moebius' computer then spray paint "Moebius is stupid on a wall. When Magnus snatched the computer, Moebius came down and saw him]
Moebius: (in uber-whiny voice) Heeeeeey, what're you doing?
Magnus: MAGNUS IS STEALING MOEBIUS' COMPUTER!
Moebius: But it's mine!! I'll get my two girlfriends to beat you up!
Magnus: OHH, MAGNUS IS REALLY SCARRED!! NOT!
Moebius: Girlfriends, help me!
(then the Olsen twins come down the stairs from Moebius' room)
Magnus: MOEBIUS IS AN OLD LOSER!
Mary-Kate: No he's not, he's handsome!
Ashley: Yeah, he's the perfect gentleman!
Moebius: Ha!
Magnus: OH LORD, MOEBIUS IS PATHETIC!
Mary-Kate: Don't say such things about him!
Ashley: Yeah! He can kick your butt!
(then Magnus ate the Olsen twins)
Moebius: (screams like a sissy)
Magnus: OH COME ON, MAGNUS SIN'T EVEN A MAN!
Moebius: Yes I am!
(then Mabes enters, who was listening to the argument)
Mabes: Yeah, he IS A MAN! JUST CAUSE he didn't hit puberty till he was 90 years old
doesn't mean I thing!! Do you have sugar Magnus?
Magnus: YOU PEOPLE ARE FREAKS!! I'M RUNNING AWAY!
(then Magnus runs away with Moebius' computer)
Mabes: HEY, YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME IF YOU HAD ANY SUGAR CUBES!!
(then Mabes goes prancing around like the hyperactive mother she is and Moebius is
miserable)
[The scene is now the Pillars, and it's nighttime and everyone's asleep. Magnus sneaks in and plugs the computer up because the only socket in Nosgoth was in the Pillars. Magnus turned the computer on and was halfway through with writing his fanfic when Raziel woke up and found him]
Raziel: What're you doing here?
Magnus: MAGNUS IS DOING NOTHING!!
Raziel: Hey, you have a fanfic! Let me read!
(and so Raziel reads the summary of the fic out loud)
Raziel: (reading the summary) One day, Magnuz dezides to go oute and fiind the Great
Holy Meat and he meats tons of peple on hees way.
Magnus: (looks up at him)
Raziel: You are quite possibly the worst speller in the entire world. Let me read what
you have so far.
(Raziel reads it. When he's done, he has a disgusted look on his face)
Magnus: WHAT?
Raziel: This has to be one of the dumbest things...ever. I'm going back to bed. You
must've had about 200 spelling errors. I'm off.
(Raziel leaves and Mangus finishes his fic and posts it on Fanfiction.Net under Legacy of
Kain. Magnus goes by the name Magnuz_Meat_Loveeeer)
Magnus: MAGNUS IS SATISFIED. BYE BYE!
(then Magnus leaves. And here is his totally stupid and spelling error- filled fic)
{Magnus' Fanfic begins}
Dizclamer: Magnuz does not own LoK or eets carakterz ___________________________________________________________________
[One day, Magnuz and hees serrvent Melchiah wer walkin in a forezt when Magnuz finaly has an idea. Magnuz had ben hungrey for a long time now and had desided that he would do something about it]
Magnus: You know what we should do, servent?
Melchiah: (had on a backpack with many backup limbs) What, my grayshous master?
Magnus: We should go and find the Great Holy Meat!!
Melchiah: The Great Holy Meat master!?
Magnus: Yes! But Im hungrey right now. Magnuz feeels like a drumstick would taste
yummey now.
(then Melchiah rips off one of hees legs and Magnuz eats it. Then Melchiah pulls a spare leg out of his backpack and attaches it to himself)
Magnus: Yummey, my goood serrvent, yumm.
Melchiah: Where to go first, oh grate master? We should get some companions.
Magnus: Agreed. Let us go.
(then Magnuz and Melchiah wander throu the forezt and is at the exit when a vishous snake springs out at them. Melchiah weeped with terror and almost peesed himself in fear)
Maelchiah: What now my brave master, what now? Only you can defeat forest fires and
safe us.
Magnus: Don't worry, I shal kil it.
(so the brave Magnus grabbed its head and cover'd its eyes. But then the snake's
nostrils sniffed out Magnuz and bit him)
Magnus: Ow!! Pees, it hurtz! Owwiey!
Melchiah: (cowering like a coward) What are we gonna do? I'm really scared!
Magnus: Die!
(then Magnuz bravely throu the snake on the ground and then Magnuz pulled out a bazooka and blew up the snake! Then Magnuz aate the bazooka)
Melchiah: Wow, Magnuz safed us, hooray! Magnuz is strong and brave! Whoopie!
Magnus: Just doin my job!
[Then the brave trio consisting of Magnuz and Melchiah walked off into lands unnown. They had no clue wher to start looking first, but Magnuz thought to look under a Pepsi can. Wasn't ther. So Magnuz searched ferther and they eventually stumbled upon a castle. Inside the castle, ther was truble]
King of Castle: Where is my lovely dauter?
Queen of Castle: Yes, where is our lovely DAUGHTER! King, it's daughter, not dauter!
King of Castle: Who cares?
(then their daughter, princess Kain of Camelot, walk'd forward. Kain was in a lovely blue dress, blond hair in a scrunchy, and in lovely high heels. Other than that, this Kain loooked a lot like the lord of Nosgoth heemself. Oh, and this Kain had boobs)
Kain: Father, Mother, what do you want?
King of Castle: We want you to marry somone you hate!
Kain: But why?
King of Castle: Becauze thats the way it is! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Kain: Please no!
Queen of Castle: I'm sorry, but we love to see you suffer. Go get ready!
Kain: Okay papa, mama.
(then the princess Kain went to hees/her room and loooked out the window)
Kain: (in crappy singin voice)
Tonight tonight
I will wed tonight
To sombody I don't know
Tonight tonight
Love not for me, not my knight
Who will save a fair maiden like me?
(fortunately for him/her, Magnuz and Melchiah wer right under hees/her window at the time)
Melchiah: There is somone we could save and take with us!
Magnus: Let's rescue the fair princess Kain! First, can I have one of your arms?
Melchiah: Sure! I love having a kind and great master.
(so Magnuz ate the arm, Melchiah puled out a new one from hees backpack, and they stormed the castle! They kiled everyone and then got to the King and Queen)
Magnus: Let the gorgeous princess Kain go!
King: Never!
Queen: Die!
(then Magnuz killed the Queen!!!)
King: No!! I will kil you with the help of my robotic monkeys!
(then the King and 6 robot monkeys attack!! In this heart-pumpimg battle scene, Melchiah gets so scared he peeses himself while Magnuz kils all of the bad guys, including the King)
King: You are truly brave Magnuz...
Magnus: Where' the Holy Great Meat!?
King: Seek out the smartest vampire in the world, he shall know...
(then the King dies and Magnuz drags the princess Kain out of the castle as the castle explodes. It explodes for dramatic effect)
Kain: You saved me!
(then princess Kain jumps up and hugs and kisses Magnuz then goes over to Melchiah)
Kain: Thank you Melchiah! You are brave and strong!
Melchiah: You're welcome!
Kain: And I want to make out with you since I'm a slutty princess!
Melchiah: Good for you!
Magnus: Well come on everybody, we're off to find the smartest vampire in the world!
Kain and Melchiah: Yay!! We owe our lifes to Magnuz!
[So all three walked off into the sunset, for their adventures to continue in the next chapter of "I Love Meat" chapter 2]
___________________________________________________________
This is Magnuz. Hope you liked mine fic. Magnuz will post next chapter soon if Kain doesn't kill Magnuz. Don't forget to review!
{Magnus' Fanfic ends}
[Well, the next day Magnus goes to Fanfiction.Net and finds that he already has 7 reviews!]
Magnus: (to himself) LET'S SEE WHO REVIEWED MAGNUS' FIC! (then he goes to the review screen)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- I_can_swim_you_can't! (aka Rahab) SIGNED "Hahahahahaha! This fic was hilarious! Kain is a pansy after all! Keep it going, I loved this fic! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Banana_Pudding_Yummy (aka Zephon) SIGNED "Woohoo, this was good. Not stupid or weird at all though. I want a robot monkey! Hehehehehe! Well, can't wait for them to meet the smartest vampire ever! Oh, and great portrayal of Kain!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- TheJackass (aka Dumah) SIGNED "Yep, that was weird. And stupid. I might never read this again. But you're right about Kain being a sissy though" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- I'mLikeALego! (aka Melchiah) SIGNED "AAAHHH! YOU SCARE ME!! But you had a realistic Kain, hahahaha!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- PopStar (aka Turel) SIGNED "Hahahahaha! Kain sings like a little girl, too! Hahahahaha!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- TheSavior (aka Raziel) SIGNED "Wow. That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever read. I think I've just lost 50 I.Q. points. SNAKES DON'T SMELL WITH NOSTRILS! And a TRIO IS THREE PEOPLE! Your spelling sucks! This was stupid. Right about Kain though." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- IruleYouSuck (aka Kain) SIGNED "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! That's what you all think about me!? Well, f*** you Mangus! And f*** you Razzyboy, f*** you Melchiah, f*** you Zephon, f*** you Rahab, f*** you Turel!! Dumah, you're still cool! F*** YOU ALL! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------
_____________________________________________________________
Well, is said this was gonna be weird. Really weird. Will intentionally bad spelling. Well, I hope someone out there liked this weird fic, if you did, review! If not, don't review! Well, until next chapter...