Committed
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You promised me there wouldn't be anymore questions. But I guess your fingers were crossed when you said it. I had been out with Riku, just a semi-romantic date for the two of us. It was nice, normal. And I felt loved, which we don't seem to get very often at home.
As our parents work from sun up to sun down. Then again you said you'd love me no matter what. You said you'd protect your twin. And yet when you found out about Riku and myself, your response was immediate and terrifying. In a single movement and I was on the ground, a hand pressed to the burning sting spreading across my face.
Your eyes were laced with murder. Hell has no fury as dark as the one that burned off you. I closed my eyes. The pain came once more.
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Ever since I was little you swore that nothing would change how you felt about me. And you said you would never hurt me. At that young of an age I played along, asking questions of 'what if I did this…? Would you still love me?' and you promised you would.
You promised Roxas... We never did discuss that sensitive subject of people outside our home. The ribbon of time has continued to unwind and mask of the real world has fallen. You said you'd protect me. You promised.
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There is no sky. There is no scenery. Just the terrifying shaking of the trunk of your car as we speed away somewhere. You knocked me unconscious. The knot at the back of my head proves it. It seems that you've taken me away.
Away from our home, away from Riku. I wonder if you will notice that you are hurting me and my love for you is fading as my fear increases. Here, in the dark I'll cry, scream, whisper, plead, pray… but no one will ever hear. And you know it.
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Mother never trusted you. She saw deep into your soul, realized that were a nobody and you scared her. But there wasn't anything she could about it. Father was oblivious to her fear or he never cared. He loved you the most and damned Mother and me to hell.
Then again you never cared either, unless he spoke out against me. Those were the only times that you two ever fought. Mother would just shake her head and lead me away. I never seemed to understand.
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With the scrapping of tires the car finally comes to a stop. I hear nothing for a while, then your footsteps echo outside. I know the sound well; from night time explorations to every time we walked together. Back when we were equals and you could stand me being away from you.
Calmly you walk around the car and stop at the latch that opens my prison. You hesitate and I can feel the emotions pouring off you, even in here. You don't want this, but your promise has been broken and I don't want to be broken; but maybe I want this.
Should I be punished for my so-called sins? You know everything I've ever wanted because it's all you've ever wanted too.
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I've seen the way you look at him. That redhead, your best friend. It's just how I look at Riku. Axel, of course, has always been oblivious and maybe you didn't care, simply being content as being that close to him. Then again is he why you have cracked?
Why I'm here huddled in the dark, listening to the slow clicks of the trunk being opened? I wish he could have loved you… maybe it all would have ended up differently.
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I'll never see the sun again. The clouds have closed in like a dagger to the throat of the world. You've taken me to a sea of harvested corn rows. Nothing but dirt for miles on end unless you count that one wayward tree. You stand ahead a feathered mask in your left hand and a gun, father's gun, in your right.
You gesture to both, a silent question. Which path will I choose?
I take one and put it to my head and stare into the eyes of my closest friend. It's your move now. Roxas, you flash that dangerous grin –you know, the one that leads to the stories on the news— and lift the other object in your hand.
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I know you're not sorry, I know you still care somewhere, and I know, as the rain begins to fall, that blood truly is thicker than water.
So dear older brother I'll watch you pull the trigger because I moved on and fell in love with another and was loved back.
I won't cry because I'm the one that left you behind.
Even if you were the only one to promise…