The Musical Revenge Remix
"Now (It's Just the Gas)" Little Shop of Horrors and "My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada" Avenue Q
A/N: This started as an attempt to do the 10 songs meme. Somewhere along the way the songs started pairing up in weird and sometimes random permutations (see the above song pairing). I never could follow rules very well.
Karofsky swore as he stumbled again. Without a hat, mittens or boots, and only his cheaply lined letterman's jacket, the bitter February wind was cutting to the bone. He looked back towards where his truck had gone off into the ditch. It had sunk in the drift up to the carriage. It was going to take a tow truck to pull it out. "Or you know, Spring," Karofsky snarled. He curled his shoulders harder, trying to move his collar so that it covered his ears.
Spring was probably when anyone would even come looking for him. He blamed it all on Puck. If he hadn't been bragging in the locker room again about his tail count, Karofsky wouldn't have had to roll out the fake Canadian girlfriend. He wouldn't have had to brag about how he was going to see her this weekend. He wouldn't have been on the road to his family's cabin where he could hide out for the weekend and not blow his cover. Fuck Puck and fuck Kurt, for that matter. If he hadn't turned him queer in the first place, Dave could have knocked up his own cheerleader already. Karofsky kicked a snow bank in retaliation and then swore when his frozen toes cracked against the inside of his shoes.
A sweep of headlights up ahead perked Karofsky up. He stuck a bluish thumb out. "Come on, come on." The SUV even looked familiar, although it was hard to tell at this distance. As it got closer, he realized where he knew the car from. It was Kurt's car.
Dave dropped his thumb. He was going to die out here.
His jaw dropped when he saw the SUV pull over to the side of the road. The overhead light came on and a figure seemed to be looking back at him. Dave broke out into a slow, slipping run. It took him a few minutes to reach the passenger side door. "Thank you so much man," he grinned. Leave it to Kurt to be the bigger man. He pulled on the door handle, but his frozen hand couldn't quite manage it. He tried again. It wasn't working. He knocked his knuckles on the glass. "Little help?"
Wide eyes met his. Kurt had his cell phone up to his ear and seemed surprised to see him there. "Help?" he seemed to echo back to Dave. Any color in the other boy's face drained. One of those carefully manicured hands jerked down to the lock and clicked it over. His other jerked the gear shift into drive. Dave had to jump back to avoid being run over as the car peeled away.
"Damnit," Karofsky swore. The little queen was going to leave him out here to freeze? Who did that? "Can't you take a joke?" he shouted after the retreating headlights.
Screw this, he decided. He needed to get inside somewhere before he froze to death. He started moving back to his truck. At least he had a blanket in the back. He could clear the snow away from the tailpipe, turn on the engine for a while, then try again after he had warmed up.
He had made it back to the truck when he noticed there was already someone there. The guy was so thoroughly wrapped up that all Karofsky could see from this distance was a nose. What really caught his attention was the tow-truck he was hooking up to Dave's truck.
"Hey kid," he heard a gruff voice welcome him over. "If you give me a hand, we'll get you back on the road asap."
Dave kinda wanted to hug the man. He settled for shaking his hand despite the way his icicle-filled fingers protested. "Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver."
The man waved him off, handing him a stout chain to attach to his back bumper. When Dave made his way back, the man handed him a spare pair of gloves. "My son makes sure I pack extra." Together they were able to wrench Dave's truck back on the road. Dave made to jump in the truck and the other man stopped him. "Let me check under the hood before you go anywhere. Make sure the snow didn't damage anything."
Dave popped the hood for him and started the engine. His baby started right up. He petted the rapidly warming dash with affection.
The other man dropped the hood and came around to the driver's side. Dave tugged off the loaned gloves and climbed out of the truck to tell him thank you once more. "What do I owe you?"
"Nothin'" the man told him.
"Seriously, I would have been a popsicle if you hadn't stopped." Dave pulled out his wallet. There was a grand total of thirty dollars in it. He offered it all to the stranger.
"Keep your money, kid. Any person with a conscience would have done the same." He tucked the gloves into one of the many pockets in his coverall.
"Not everybody," Karofsky muttered, thinking of disappearing taillights and Bambi eyes.
"Yeah, well, I wasn't including you in that."
"Sorry?"
"I know who you are," a hard finger hit him in the chest. "I don't think you realize who I am yet. Although as often as you sorry excuses for humans call my house, you should recognize my voice."
"What is your problem, man?" Karofsky realized he was backed up against the door of his truck, cornered by some crazy trucker with a crowbar in his hand.
"You know, when he called me, I really wanted to leave you out here to freeze. I was real tempted. Would have saved me a hellavalot in tuition fees, let me tell you. I could also see my son more often than once a month. Thank you the hell for that," the finger was punctuating every word now. "Tell me what gives you the right to drive my son away from the only family he has left? From his friends?" The man threw a punch that landed dangerously close to Dave's ear. He heard the glass of the driver's side window crack. "I'd offer to pay for that, but the way I figure it, you lot owe me about three bay windows. Guess it's two now."
Dave closed his eyes, trying to swallow past his dry throat. "I don't even know you," he managed to whisper.
A hand was shoved in his face. Numbly, Dave shook it in a mockery of an introduction. "Burt Hummel of Hummel Tire and Lube. My son Kurt is the kid you threatened to kill."
Dave knew that if he could, he would be peeing his pants right now. "I didn't mean it," he tried to argue.
"Yeah, you did," Mr. Hummel countered. He backed a step away. "Just like I'm going to trust you now to mean it when you promise to never ever lay a hand on Kurt again. Or Finn, for that matter."
"I promise," Dave managed to stutter out.
"Good." Mr. Hummel motioned for him to get back in his truck. "Get home. I'm sure your parents are worried."
Karofsky nodded furiously. "They're expecting me for dinner at five," he lied. "If you kill me, people will come looking for me," is what he really wanted to say, even if it was a bit of a lie.
Mr. Hummel chuckled lowly, as if he could tell Karofsky was lying to him. "Drive safe." And then Mr. Hummel was gone, climbing into his truck and pulling away. Dave managed to climb into his own vehicle, but had to sit for a few moments before his hands would stop shaking. That had been close.
He was a block away from his house when a realization hit him. That psycho was a mechanic. That psycho had been under his hood. Karofsky yanked the truck into the driveway as quickly as he could, half-convinced the man had rigged the engine to explode. Maybe he could con his dad into trading in the truck for a different car, Dave considered. There was no way in hell he was getting back into that death trap if he could help it.