Disclaimer: I don't own anything by CS Lewis. Song belongs to Kelly Clarkson and her handlers.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Susan remembered standing in Cair Paraval in her green dress looking down on the crowds gathered. She remembered people looking up to her and whispering "The gentle queen". It seemed like just yesterday…
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
Susan could remember the feeling of Aslan's mane. She could feel joy and wonderment rushing over her, surrounding her. When she was in his presence she felt that nothing could go wrong.
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Susan lay on the cold ground on the other side of the wardrobe. She took one shaky breath in and rubbed her sore fists as a solitary tear slid down her face. No matter how hard she tried, the wardrobe wouldn't let her back in.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Susan didn't understand. Her place was in Narnia. Her place was with her people. Aslan knew that. Aslan knew …
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Susan looked at her reflection. She choked back tears as she dragged lipstick along her bottom lip. She wouldn't let him see her pain. Aslan didn't deserve to see her pain. She would be strong. He would NOT get to see her cry.
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Susan remembered waking up to the smell of Spring; the warm breeze blowing through her window. Susan remembered the faces of friends, loved ones, greeting her day after day. Susan remembered being happy once.
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
Susan looked at her green dress in the mirror and held her head high- ruby red lips smiling back at her.
So together, but so broken up inside
She would overcome this. She had to. She turned away from the mirror, ready to face a new day.
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Susan looked at the faces of her siblings. They were worried about her, she could tell. She put her bruised hands in her pockets, pressed her lips together and smiled for them.
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Susan couldn't look at the statue of the lion she passed on her way to school each morning. She hated him… she hated him for what he did to her.
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore
Susan couldn't look at the lion statue, so she didn't see him looking back at her. She didn't see the lion crying all the tears which she was holding back. She wouldn't look at the lion, so she didn't hear him call her name over and over again.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Susan blinked back tears for the last time. She saw a boy from her class and smiled. Susan vowed to herself that she would not cry, on the outside, anymore…