Harry Potter and the Almost Perfect Life
Chapter 1: The Start of His New Life
"Harry… Harry wake up! Harry, it's alright!!!"
"Is he okay, Lily? What's wrong with him? I told you that Petunia had put something in the chicken! We should never go to the Dursleys' house again. Harry has food poisoning."
"Jesus James! Don't blame Petunia! You're the one who played Quidditch with Harry and pushed him off his broom!-"
"It was an accident," James said convincingly.
"I'm a horrible mother!!! He probably has a concussion!!!"
"He is sweating, and his face has a greenish tinge to it… what the hell, Lily? Why'd you slap me?"
"He isn't waking up!!!"
"Ginny, do me a favor and shut up!!!" Harry mumbled, turning around so he was facing the wall of his room in Godric's Hollow.
"Ewwww… he thinks we're his girlfriend!!! That is just wrong on soooo many levels, Harry!" James said as he gets up from Harry's bed in disgust.
Harry opened his eyes and slowly turned around to face his parents. "What the fuck!?! AHHHH! Am I dead?!?"
"Language, Harry James Potter!"
"What are you talking about, 'am I dead'? I think you had a nightmare, Harry…"
"Oh shit!-"
"Harry! One more warning, and you aren't allowed to go to Diagon Alley with Hermione, Ron, and Ginny today! Do you hear me???"
"-If I'm dead, then that means Voldemort is still alive!!! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!"
"That's IT!!! You're staying home today, Harry, and NO arguing!" Lily snaps, raising her finger and wagging it at Harry in disapproval. "And Voldemort has been gone for a LONG TIME, HARRY! Don't bring him up again, okay? I don't like to remember him. Do you realize that I had to stay at home parenting Claire and Annie, while James goes hunting him down? I still can't believe you snuck out with your father, and the only thing you did was leave a note. How in the world did you kill him, no one knows… At least he's dead."
"But I'm not dead?"
"Of course not, Harry, or else you would be talking to your grandpa, not us." James smiled at Harry.
"But you're dead…! Aren't you?"
"You had a really weird dream… I guess we need to play Quidditch," James said as Lily glared at him "Jeez Lily, It will clear his mind, okay?"
"Harry is supposed to be getting a punishment! Seventeen year old boys shouldn't be allowed to do what ever they want. Or else Harry'll turn as big-headed as you were at his age… no one wants that, James!"
"I need to talk to Hermione and Ron…" Harry mumbled, getting out his wand.
"What do you think you're doing…?" Lily asked
"I think he just apporated, Lily…"
"Right, James… I think I got that once he spun around AND EVAPORATED INTO THIN AIR!!!"
"Is he okay? He's acting sort of odd…"
"Was acting, James… he apporated, remember!!!"
"You're in a bad mood this morning, Darling."