Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any Barlow Girl music…I would kill to be that multitalented. Oh, and this is for those rare few who think that each and every italicized phrase is a part of the lyrics: it is not true. Some are, some are not…but read them as they have been written, they are thoughts. This is not a song fic.
You waited for him today, but he didn't show…again
You needed him today…where was he?
He had told you to come, said he'd be there…this is the newest in a long list of broken promises.
"We cannot separate, because you're part of me."
The words ring in your head, once spoken to signify that though away, he was still there in your heart.
Words you had once believed but that now ring hollow…
Somewhere in all those unfulfilled longings for him, they had lost their meaning. Whenever he didn't show, the ridge between you two would increase and now…you are standing on opposite cliff-sides.
But he still acts like nothing is wrong and it is eating at you. The suffocation is too much, the expectations from his family too unrealistic but worst of all are the cooing phrases your friends make, telling you how lucky you are to be dating such a strong, calm, hot man…if only they knew.
The relationship has become a prison and you want out…you want to leave them behind, all of them. It's too much, the frustration is almost engulfing you.
The heated argument you have with him that night is all the reason you need. The words he says tear at you and leave you bleeding…it's just the anger and fatigue talking, he doesn't mean them but…but they're enough to drive you over the edge of your cliff-side and plunge into the ocean where he'll never find you again.
You slam the door with no goodbye…it was time.
You walk towards the Hokage's office; he is working late…again. People around you just seem to fall into routines.
Standing straight before his desk, you inform him that you accept the mission. He fixes surprised azure eyes on you and blinks, twice.
"Are you sure?" he asks and you nod. In-fact, you have never been more sure of anything in your life, but you keep this fact to yourself.
The Rokudaime Hokage fidgets slightly, as if he truly has a problem assigning the mission to you, but you wait patiently. He has no other choice.
"Alright Tenten-chan, you leave in the morning."
You give him a smile, as if to say 'thank you'…he need not know it's fake.
Dawn finds you ready to head out. The assignment is covert and you don't feel the need to tell anyone you're leaving; only the Hokage and his council know. With a final glance at the village you grew up in, you head out for your year-long top secret mission.
The silence you travel in is strangely soothing. It tells you that you're finally on your own, that you're free. No more chest-constricting problems or annoying expectations and finally, no more broken promises…
You are moving away from it all though your reasons for leaving in such a manner are unclear, even to you. There is so much more for you ahead however, and so you continue. Let them wait…you'll shine in your new independence.
Let them just wait…
XXXXXX
Nine months had passed, nine months!
Not a single day of those months had gone by without him asking 'why?'
He had pushed her too far, yes he knew, but he had done his best not to! Emotions could not be expressed easily for him, but… he had tried. Evidently it hadn't been enough for her and he couldn't blame her…not really. His schedule as a freshly minted ANBU captain had been hectic, but he could have made time for her; he just never did, always putting his career before her.
He hated the irony. Now that she was gone, he couldn't summon the strength to concentrate on his work; he was a drowning man.
But why, why, why had she left without informing him, he had deserved at-least that much. On several nights, he would replay that last argument over and over again in his mind, but even with his skills, nothing in her body-language had given him a hint of her drastic decision. It all just left him regretful as the harsh words he had flung at her continually rang in his head.
Naruto had refused to give any information on her whereabouts, and Neji had had to back down – no matter how much he'd wanted to tear the blond to pieces – the whiskered ninja was the Hokage after-all.
His heart ached…he wasn't going to deny it.
He wished she could know, just for a moment, of the love he had tried to show…he would give anything just to see her again.
She had left him a hollow man.
"Neji!"
It was Lee; how the green-clad ninja had found him he would never know. He had tried to avoid them – all of them – ever since she had left but they just kept finding him…one of these days he was going to permanently injure someone.
"Naruto-kun has agreed to let us write a letter to Tenten again. Would you like to add something?"
Neji had just about had it with those idiotic letters. Naruto – in a rare show of wisdom – had told them that souvenirs could help ninja assigned on long-term missions stay focused, that it reminded them of home and the people waiting there for them. Lee had then suggested writing letters and everyone had agreed.
Naruto would send them to her without the Council's knowledge.
The Hyuuga had disagreed…if Tenten had been willing to leave without informing any of them, then how would a flimsy letter change anything?
The tai-jutsu specialist made it a point however, to ask Neji if he wanted to add anything to their letters no matter how many times the byakugan-user refused.
He had never participated in the activity and nothing anyone said had changed his mind.
But as he sat there, breathing slowly in an attempt to ease the pain that rose up in his chest every time he thought of her, his reasoning started to slip.
It wouldn't be right for him to never write anything to her when everyone else had…
"Even if you were invisible, I trust the unseen"
The words invaded his thoughts, completely taking over until they were all he could think about, the whispers in which she had spoken them flitting through his brain…a desire he could not suppress rose up in him. He had to tell her of his own longing.
"Hn," he said, but the way Lee grinned was enough to show he understood.
XXXXXX
The fifth letter arrives at the end of the tenth month. Your mission is almost over and this causes mixed feelings to rise up.
Long-term assignments eventually became boring and tasking, so the thought of completing this one is exhilarating but…then you have to return to Konoha after and face him.
A couple of months after your arrival, it had hit you that perhaps you had acted rashly but it took you another month before you admitted that you missed him. And after the letters started arriving, the hurt you had caused your friends became evident…it was then that the mission seemed to lose its excitement, day by day.
He never wrote though and this upset you more than anything…it broke whatever little hope you had left for salvaging the relationship. His sentiments were pretty clear to you…
He just didn't care.
Shaking your head suddenly to rid it of the depressing thoughts, you swallow to ease your constricted throat and open the envelope.
Ino's gossip makes you smile a little, Shikamaru's complaint's don't come as a surprise and Sakura's medical advice is appreciated while Hinata's polite notes lighten your mood.
Gai-sensei's long paragraphs on youth and how you should keep it intact have you rolling your eyes and giggling even a little.
Lee's stories make you smile fondly and his last words prompt tears to appear in your eyes. He wrote that he loves you and still wishes you were there, that he wants you there…
But how could you go back when the most important person clearly didn't want you there?
Naruto's letter shocks and leaves you feeling rather indecisive. The characters are messy but you can still read that he needs someone to stay in your position, acting as an ambassador to the ninja village you're in. The letter continues to inform you that it's really just a formality to notify you of this but if you want the position, it would be given to you.
Your head reels with the news for a moment. The decision should not be this hard…you have to stay, you just have to. Your friends could visit once in a while since the assignment would no longer be covert and…and you will never have to see him again…
That…that was a good thing…
A remaining piece of parchment surprises you and you reach for it…the words written stop your heart and cause the tears to roll down your face.
His handwriting is as elegant as you remember, but the words it forms almost seem etched into the paper…you run your hand over them as if to determine whether they are real.
Come home
Please come home
They are genuine enough; precise yet full of various hidden meanings and longings, but they are all true…just like you remember him.
Tears blur your vision.
The choice is yours alone now…only you can determine how this story ends.