Disclaimer: I own adsolutely nothing. Everything is property of one awesome Naoko Takeuchi. I'm only borrowing because I love. Don't sue.
Notes: Another piece written for my girlfriend, but grew into a rather long "drabble". Setsuna-centric and with mention of Haruka/Michiru and hints of Setsuna/Michiru. Inspired by Pluto's first theme song from the stage musicals, "Stay Alone". The starting and ending lines are from the song "Sorezore no Elegy", the duet-part between Pluto and Usagi. The line in italics near the end is from her second theme song "Forbidden Hades". Nice music, all of it. I can only encourage people to listen to it while reading this. Takes place somewhere in between episode 167 and 168.
Beta: Thanks, rinhonjou at LJ, for the beta. Remaining mistakes are my own.
Of the Essence
This unending loneliness is my destiny…
She hears the door to their bedroom open and close, two pairs of feet padding across the hallway towards the front door. The living room is bathed in a silvery darkness, the door that she's left ajar only allowing entrance to a thin slice of light from the corridor on the other side. Voices (one deep and husky, the other soft and light) – deliberately kept low not to wake up the rest of the house, she decides – converse shortly near the entry hall. Only a few detached words without much coherence and no context reach her.
"… me behind… stretch your wings…"
"… be fine, Michiru… just need some…"
"… back soon, ne… careful, Haruka…"
"… yare yare…killed now… admit…"
Sipping her tea as muted laughter fades into the eloquent silence of a kiss, Setsuna wonders – only for the briefest of moments – what it feels like to have someone to share your mission with in the way Uranus and Neptune do. It must be a relief… yet, knowing their story… such a great burden as well. After all, when it comes to these kinds of things, she of all people understands that nothing is black and white.
The thump of the front door falling shut is followed by the click of the lock and the remaining pair of feet – bare, judging by the sound of it – heading for the kitchen. As the lights are turned on, Setsuna blinks, not entirely prepared for the intruding whiteness of the kitchen lamps. Turning her head, she watches silently as Michiru pours herself a glass of water, her short silken nightgown riding up her thighs as she leans in over the tabletop to peek out the window. Outside the growl of an engine grows fainter until it finally dies out, swallowed up by the distance.
"She always gets restless when she's worried," Michiru says in a tone that bears every indication of her typical lenient smile – an expression Setsuna has only seen few people besides Haruka causing. Emptying the rest of the liquid into the sink and putting the glass aside, the aqua-haired Senshi turns around, cocking her head. "So I was expecting her to be unable to sleep, really – but that can hardly be your excuse…"
Crossing her legs, Setsuna lifts the cup to her lips, but doesn't drink. To say that she's surprised at the younger girl having become conscious of her presence in the room without even sparing her a single look would be an unnecessary lie. When all comes down to it, Michiru knows many things that she hasn't been told. Just like Setsuna herself…
"Hotaru hasn't had any nightmares tonight," Setsuna informs the other woman instead of reacting to the friendly, but obvious taunt, closing her eyes and allowing herself another mouthful of lukewarm green tea. Ever since the night Sailor Pluto returned, bringing baby Hotaru with her, the black-haired girl has slept uneasily, as if her body is aware of the unnatural changes taking place within her… It will not be long now… she senses the tides of time approaching much like an old man can feel the upcoming storm by the way his joints ache… soon they will know…
There's no sound to prove it, but amidst her troubled thoughts, Setsuna gets the distinctive feeling that Michiru is chuckling… at her.
"Always knowing, but never telling, ne?" the shorter woman comments, sitting down in the opposite end of the couch, Setsuna sensing the fabric under her tauten and adjusting to the added weight. Opening her eyes, Setsuna gives her a subtle, sideway glance. Michiru has snuggled up in the corner of the sofa, her feet tugged up underneath her as she warms her fingers on a newly prepared mug of tea. Returning her interest without any reservation, Michiru lets her eyes run up and down Setsuna's figure in a quick confirmation of whatever she has been thinking.
"Sitting here in the darkness, all alone… I don't think it's very good for your health, Setsuna…" Her voice is soft, her teasing almost unnoticeable this time, but still there as an edge to her words. It's the special kind of voice Setsuna has heard her use on several occasions when Haruka and she forget (or choose to ignore) that there are other people present around them…
Though compassionate all the same… and somewhat intimate…
"You should try and get some sleep…" Michiru advises her, blowing on her tea a couple of times before taking a tentative sip.
Minutes tick by; the old grandfather clock in the corner of the room splitting the peacefulness of the night – the pregnant quietness between the two of them – into audible seconds and calling for a reaction that Setsuna is not sure she can deliver.
"I do not mind the solitude..."
An answer it's not and yet it is the most truthful response she can think of. Her mission does not allow something as unimportant as loneliness or fatigue to weaken her resolve. She would hardly be worthy of the confidence Queen Serenity showed in Pluto millennia ago by trusting her with the keys to the Door of Space-Time and her Garnet Rod if she were to put her own personal needs before what is acquired of her.
"Not minding and liking are two very different things," Michiru tells her (as if Setsuna didn't know), turning her attention to her own distorted reflection in the surface of the hot flavoured water splashing around in her cup. Her skin glows in the warm light from the kitchen, and Setsuna has no trouble understanding why people would call this girl… no, woman… beautiful. Even now as the pink shine of her dress clashes with the dark teal of her hair, it only seems to emphasize the contrasts of her innocent appearance and knowing words. She's mysterious. Not in the same way as Setsuna – who is holding the answers to the most dangerous questions in this world and all the worlds surrounding it in her hand – but intriguing nonetheless.
Just like Neptune has always been…
Setsuna remembers clearly the first time she met the Princess of Kaiosei, one of the chosen protectors of the Moon Kingdom. The other Senshi never allowed herself to become so troubled by her assignment that she lost focus of her original motivations for fighting… but Pluto didn't and still doesn't have a choice like that. She cannot afford to ignore her obligation, even for a second. What she has been charged with is the very origin of calamity and despite what people may think, time never stops distorting and collapsing on itself. This is the nature of her element, like loneliness is the nature of her duty as its Guardian.
"I am aware that it is an inhuman task I'm passing on to you," the Queen had said, "but I know of no one besides you who will be able to bear it."
So Setsuna has long ago resigned herself to her fate. Staying alone is just a small part of it…
"Sometimes," she says, looking out the window into the darkness of night and feeling the premonition of destruction once again rear its ugly head in her heart, "you have to pretend that not minding is enough to spur you on." Pause. She has never been a woman of many words, because… who did she have to share them with?
"And at some point even not minding becomes a strong inspiration…" Michiru continues for her, proving Setsuna wrong when she thought that maybe the Ocean Senshi (who has always been fighting more for her destined partner than for Earth itself) wouldn't understand.
Yes… at some point not minding had become enough of an encouragement to lead her down the path it was intended for her to walk…
She can't find any reply to Michiru's insinuation – what can one say to deny the truth – so Setsuna remains quiet. Over the silence the clock keeps ticking. Even though most people will never be able to hear it, she acknowledges its melody… it is a never-ending tune that repeats itself time after time until its beginning has been forgotten and its end is so far out of reach that you can only wait patiently for the next couple of notes.
Listening quietly, Setsuna waits.
From the other end of the couch, Michiru is watching her; she can feel it like a warm tingle under her skin – a not quite inquiring look that is wondering what thoughts she can be hiding behind her wordlessness.
The real question is, of course, whether Michiru would understand, even if she knew…
Sighing, Michiru finally puts her mug back on the coffee table and stands up. The sound of a car parking in the garage can be heard above the singing whisper of the wind… the fourth resident of their home has returned, bringing her element with her.
Smiling without any real emotion, Setsuna knows that she does not envy Haruka that she has Michiru or the other way around… however… sometimes she would wish…
"I never worried much about destiny," Michiru notes gently, coming to a halt next to her. As Setsuna raises her eyes, their gazes meet; purplish-red and clear blue. Even though Setsuna is older than time itself – Michiru so very young in comparison – there has never been any question of their equality; or of the non-verbal acceptance between them.
They are both women of perception.
"I cannot begin to imagine the heaviness of your yoke, Setsuna-san…" The use of the honorific in that voice of Michiru's, a harsh softness much like the waves biting into the sand, makes Setsuna cradle her cup a little tighter. She will not accept any degree of pity, even though she knows very well that it will probably be the last thing she is ever to get from the aqua-haired girl. "But please remember that being alone isn't a completely unknown concept to neither me nor Haruka…"
The rustling of keys makes the matter appear all the more pressing. Looking away, Setsuna is about to raise her cup to her lips once more, allowing this second to slip between her fingers like the material of time has a tendency of doing, but Michiru stops her, fingers closing around her wrist slowly. Without saying anything, she takes the cup from Setsuna's hands, placing it next to her own on the table.
"I do know…" Michiru's eyes show none of the pity Setsuna doesn't want, despite the memories of loneliness that her voice unfolds, "… how it is…"
Remembering how the Senshi of the Sea had to reawaken on her own, Setsuna feels frail fingers tilting her face to the side. Leaning in, Michiru ever so carefully presses her lips (soft and slightly moist from her tea) to Setsuna's forehead, the kiss warm against the normal coldness of her being. Time seems to stop… without her commanding it to…
… to protect… that is why I wait here…
One heartbeat and a sharp intake of breath later, everything around them starts to move again; Michiru gone – the Senshi who isn't Soldier of Embrace for nothing – in a flurry of sakura blossom coloured silk, leaving Setsuna behind in the living room as she rushes out to greet her returned lover.
Nevertheless her last words remain, hanging like perfume in the air; a gentle scent of the ocean:
"You don't have to stay alone forever… Pluto."
Deciding to go check on Hotaru once more, Setsuna leaves both Michiru's and her own cup behind on the coffee table with an acquiescent half-smile on her lips. Perhaps cleaning can wait till tomorrow.
After all, time isn't always of the essence…
Because I was able to meet you, I understood love…