It was hard for Beth to sleep with rain beating on the tarp overhead and what might have been a small rock digging into her hip from below. She couldn't find a comfortable position, so she rolled onto her back and stared up at ratty blue plastic. After a few minutes, she leaned up a little to glance at Daryl, who was sitting just inside their little makeshift tent with his crossbow at his side. Beth let her head drop back onto her folded sweater and thought maybe it was time to get her courage up and talk to Daryl about something that had been bothering her for the past couple of days.
"I cried for Jimmy."
Daryl didn't respond, but when she looked at him, he had his head turned just enough to let her know he heard her. Beth wasn't sure if the movement was just acknowledgement that she'd spoken or permission to continue. She chose to interpret it as the latter, so she turned her eyes back to the tarp and continued.
"You were right about Zach, though. I couldn't cry for him. It's terrible, but I couldn't. I didn't even want to. I'm not sure he would've cried for me, either. He was nice and I liked him, but I think we were just good distractions for each other."
Beth waited for a response, but got none. She didn't really expect one, anyway. She listened to the rain for a moment and thought. Since she'd started, she might as well get it all out, right? This time she had to take a deep breath before speaking.
"You were wrong about the other thing, though. I didn't do it for attention. I really did want to die. Maggie called me selfish, but I wasn't. It was stupid, and I regret it, but it wasn't selfish. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I was ready, but when I saw the blood, everything inside me just… started screamin' to live. I don't know why. I'm glad I didn't go through with it, though."
After a minute, she rose up on her elbows to look at Daryl again. This time he was actually looking at her over his shoulder; that was something, at least. He dropped his gaze quickly, but looked back at her when she spoke again.
"I don't wanna talk about it again, but I thought I should clarify." She paused, then lay back down and rolled onto her side. The rock was still there, but she didn't mind it as much this time. "Wake me up later so I can take watch?"
"Yeah."