Anderson woke up slowly, the first thing he realized was he was definitely not in the care of Iscariot. There was no way they would stick him in a coffin, no fucking way. He felt a mild tinge of claustrophobia along with the mild panic of exactly what must of happened. He heard a low chuckle and felt a cold hand run down his side.

"Good morning, did we sleep well?"

Anderson felt like screaming rape at the top of his lungs. WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE DOING IN ALUCARD'S COFFIN?!? He tried to move to do anything and realized that apart from breathing he couldn't move at all. Apparently Alucard had done something to him, either that or he was just to weak from the injuries that psychopath had given him.

"I believe it is the latter." Alucard's deep voice was right by Anderson's ear. Not. Pleasant.

Another dark chuckle and the vampire resumed the stroking. Anderson snarled, bad enough that he had to lose to some punk ass brat but he had to be rescued by a God damned vampire. Fuck. Alucard's hand slipped lower. Anderson stiffened.

"Get yer filthy undead hands off me demon." He snarled.

"Why, you enjoyed it last night." Alucard purred.

Oh dear fucking God. He didn't… He hadn't… He couldn't have… there was no way… oh Jesus Christ… Then it clicked the reason he could feel Alucard's hand at all… he wasn't wearing any clothing… fucking wonderful… just fucking wonderful… he was going to kill someone the moment he could move his arms again.

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME DEMON!!!" Anderson thundered.

Alucard's feather light touches stopped immediately and there was a loud thump outside the coffin, followed by Alucard's laugh. Anderson growled and let out several more memorable curses he should have never even dreamt of using. He continued shouting even when he heard more people coming into whatever room the coffin was in.

"PALADIN! ANDERSON! ALEXANDER SHUT UP FOR A GOD DAMN MINUTE!"

Anderson fell silent. Integra was not exactly someone to mess with.

"Alucard get some clothes on." Integra added sounding slightly put off.

"Aye and while yer at it why don't ye give me mine back YE UNDEAD FILTH!!!" Anderson added feeling even more disgusted.

The moment he could move.

"An-Anderson? Did I hear that right?" Integra sounded severely shaken now.

"Ah don know lass what did ye hear?" Anderson snarled bitterly.

"Are you… naked?" Integra asked nervously.

"Ah have nay idea lass but ah'm beginning to get the feeling ah am." Anderson said sadly.

"He is. You are." Alucard added happily.

"AH'M GOING TO SEND YE STRAIGHT TO FUCKING GOD DAMN HELL!! DO YE HEAR ME ALUCARD?" Anderson thundered once more infuriated past the point of worrying about his soul.

Alucard laughed again and Integra ordered him to put some clothes on and apparently the draculina walked in before he could. The end result was an extremely pissed of irish priest swearing his head off inside a coffin, the leader of the Hellsing organization demanding her vampire put some clothes on, a powerful and ancient nosferatu laughing his ass off and a startled draculina screaming her eyes were burning.

"SILENCE!"

Silence fell immediately, for an old man Walter could really shout.

"Now Sir Integra, I believe that Maxwell is on the line in your office, Miss Victoria I believe Pip was looking for you and Alucard if you don't put some clothes on I believe you will be visit that lovely room Sir Integra found you in. And Father Anderson, please be patient I'm sure this matter will be resolved quickly." Walter said calmly.

"Blood sucker I may be but you," Alucard said, "are a fun sucker."

"Go an' burn in hell ye undead filth." Anderson snarled.

As everyone wandered off to do as they were told, Anderson found himself still inside the coffin. He sighed moodily, how the hell was he going to explain this to Maxwell? Still he'd have a small amount of time to come up with an excuse… hopefully he'd be able to come up with a good one.

Makes you wonder who beat Anderson up so baddly Alucard mannaged to strip him doesn't it... Anyways my first Fic so please don't kill me but constructive critism would be very much welcomed! Anyways I hope you enjoyed! Oh yes and review if you want me to update, cause if no one reads it then there's really no point in writing it!

Oh yes and of course I don't own Hellsing, if i did i would be rich and would be able to have lots of lovely Anderson Alucard bits put in!