Goodbye
"It's not the 'goodbye' that hurts... it's the flashbacks and memories that follow."
Severus was numb.
He had heard from Lucius who had heard from a Ravenclaw who heard from a Hufflepuff who heard from Pettigrew who heard from Potter.
He was going to ask her to marry him.
Potter was going to ask Lily, Severus's Lily, to spend eternity will him.
"Isn't it ridiculous, Severus? Another pureblood disgracing his name and being wed to a mudblood." Lucius spat, his face convulsed into utter disgust.
Severus stiffened. Yes, he himself called her that filthy name two years ago. A name that sent her crying into Potter's arms.
If Severus had the slightest inkling that Potter was using her, he would have broken his face. But he knew.
Potter loved Lily and Potter was the best thing for her.
If Severus would ever marry Lily himself, the Dark Lord would demand her loyalty. He wouldn't, no, he couldn't let that happen.
Severus loved her because of the pureness of her heart. It was the polar opposite of Bellatrix Black's.
He couldn't stand Bellatrix Black.
That might have been a reason he loved Lily.
But it was also much more.
Lily, with her beautiful red hair and innocent green eyes, was the bane of his existence.
He knew that if she worked for the Dark Lord, he wouldn't have a bane.
He wouldn't be able to live without her.
If she must marry Potter for her to survive, so be it.
There was nothing Severus wanted more than Lily's happiness. True, he ached for it to be beside him. But it wasn't.
He could accept that in time.
There was a thin wire left between himself and the love of his life.
He knew what he had to do.
So, striding toward the large willow tree beside the Black Lake, millions of different scenarios ran through his mind.
She could hate him.
She could forgive him.
She could love him instead.
All Severus knew, is that he had to tell her.
Every morning, Lily woke early and would sit for a couple hours under the tree, mulling over her life and problems.
But he would get there first.
And he did.
She walked towards her usual spot barely a minute after.
The moment she saw him, she froze, a meter from where he was.
Something flashed in her eyes. Pain, sadness, hope.
"Snape." She hissed, stomping her foot down in anger and glaring at him.
"Hear me out, Lily."
She hesitated. It was a good sign. "You have one minute."
He sighed, thanking Merlin for her good disposition.
"I know you love Po-James. He loves you as well and is planning on asking for your hand," he paused as she gasped and then continued on, each word breaking his heart into another piece, "and I know you will never be happy with me. I love you, Lily. I have loved you ever since I first saw you. It seems cliche but I couldn't help it. Now, as you are probably going to marry my worst enemy, I have to say my last words to you."
He stopped momentarily as she reached forward for his hand.
"It doesn't have to be that way, Sev. You can still be my friend."
He wrenched his hand away, ignoring the tingles sent up his arm from the physical contact.
"Please don't make this any harder for me than it already is," he pleaded. "I love you but you won't love be back the way I want you to. You are happy with Po-James. You love him. I just want to tell you as my last few moments as your best and oldest friend, goodbye, Lily. I will always love you but you must promise me to be happy with James. Promise me." He urged her, looking deep into her eyes.
A few tears were running down her face. "I promise," she choked out, her body shaking.
"Thank you. Always, Lily. Remember that," he took a few steps until he had walked past her but he turned at the last moment to stare into those green eyes he knew so well and to gaze at that red hair he used to play with. "Goodbye."
And he walked away, leaving the one woman with the key to his heart.
It wasn't the goodbye that hurt him. It wasn't what cut through him like a sharp knife. It was the flashbacks and the memories that followed.