The world as they saw it through tarnished eyes was divided into two cells - one of life, and one of death. Where the air was light, the sun shone through cracked windows, illuminating the room with a golden yet desperate glow. It illustrated peace, and the release of anger, but the lingering affects of sorrow. The atmosphere was calm and sterile, and very well-balanced. The walls were lined with pipes that connected to an oxygen regulator, keeping the air clean and still, just the way she liked it. She was happy in her own little world inside of this one room, where the world would be perfect, and you could pass happily in luxurious solitude.
But she was not happy. She did not enjoy her perfect world. In fact it was much a torture. She was lonely and empty, and without a soul to fill her, she was not happy. She shut the light away from herself as much as possible, taping the curtains to the window as to keep them still. There was nothing she wished for more than to have her once-perfect life back. But that memory was shattered, forgotten, and the relationship she once cherished was absolutely shattered. It was no longer possible to repair things amongst them.
She loved him to death, and wanted nothing more than to construct the perfect relationship between the two of them. But he was too different, and trying to fix all these flaws about him was hurting him in more ways than she could see. The trust between them was splintered, and he became the one thing that all guys become after a bad breakup - single. He took an interest in a childhood friend, and being a freshly-dumped civilion, she grew very upset and went on a rampage, tearing apart every single memory they had together.
She never realized how good of a gift she had until it was forever stolen from her grip.
All she ever wanted was to say how sorry she was, how stupid she was, how selfish she was. She just wanted him back. He was the only one that really knew her better than she did. She was his Princess, his pride and joy. He had betrayed her and she had shunned him. It was much more than a present-day story of the beauty and the beast. They never spoke one word to one another again after the fight. They simply lived out their lives as heartbroken and misunderstood adolescents. They knew nothing of how one felt about the other. They knew nothing of how much they meant to each other. They simply never got another chance to tell each other.
Her room was tidy, and yet it was a mess. Everything was put in plain view for her ease on shelves and on the vanity. The furniture was worn, few stains on the brown cushions. Books were strewn about the room, some empty, others with pages bent and folded. She had lost her tidy positive edge. She had grown weak, spineless, intimidated by the simplest things. She thought perhaps reading would bring back the old her, the old confident, boastful, proud girl she once was. She held a diary in her open, dusty hands, looking down at the melancholy ink sprawled in swirls along blue lines. Her diary was her friend, the only one she could spell all of her feelings to. She knew she still loved him; she knew she was sorry. She knew what she did was inhumanly selfish. She wished she could tell him to his face.
She looked up at the wall mirror, staring at the blank, pale entity of herself. God, she was a mess. She wore nothing but a long brown tunic and long socks, never seeking the courage to get dressed for the day. Her very dark, honey-colored eyes were dull as a butter knife. What are you looking at, you bitch? She said internally, narrowing her eyes and gritting her teeth. Get the hell up and do something.
A sigh escaped her lips, and she glanced up at the oxygen regulator. 100%. If it ever stooped below about 10%, she would suffocate and eventually perish.
Glancing back at the mirror, she felt a tear fall, knowing that behind that very wall, was the darker cell, and was the one person she wanted to be with the most.
Cold as iceShe felt herself shake trying to hold back tears as she whispered out words to him, whether or not he could hear her.
And more bitter than a December winter night That's how I treated you And I know that I
How desperate was she to make word to him. Come on. Hear me. I need you.
I sometimes tend to lose my temper And I cross the line Yeah, that's the truth...
She willed herself to get up, walking over to the mirror. She placed her palms against the cool quicksilver, heart aching and face moist. She got a little louder, hoping he could hear her. If only he could hear her.
I know it gets hard sometimes But I could never Leave your side No matter what I say
She ripped the thread from her throat, earning herself burns in little red streaks, and it took quite a valiant effort to tear through the cord. It fell from her limp hand, dropping onto the dull worn wooden flooring, tumbling a few inches before stopping.
'Cause if I wanted to go I would've gone by now But I really need you near me To keep my mind off the edge If I wanted to leave I would have by left by now But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myself...
She pulled her legs to her chest, feeling her hot tears drip onto her patched skin and leak down her thighs in little trails. "Duncan...where are you?"
o 0 o O o 0 o
The room was dim and gray, with no life whatsoever to its appearance. The sun was a cold, heartless shade of blue, filling the room with shame and grief. It was a dark feeling, almost of hatrid and distrust. It was obvious the room was meant for endless solitude and isolation. The walls were plain, the dull paint chipping and peeling, the room pungent with the scent of musk and blood. The skulls of miscellaneous animals were nailed tightly to the wall as decoration, the slack-jawed expressions matching the cracked windows. The plants were dead and scrawny, splintering and reaching out at every which way. The furniture was black and worn, and the wall shelves were filled with bottles of rum, gin, and bags of various explosive items. There were matches, firecrackers, bottle rockets, flints, lighters, gun powder canisters, wicks, flash powder, tubs of kerosene, and nitroglycerin. There was various torture equipment in place of side coffee tables and such. All that was intended to cause pain, was covered in metal spikes both large and small. The dark table in the middle of the room was piled with bottles of rye and vodka, and shot glasses stacked within each other.
All alongHe ran his fingers through his dark hair with such rage, such ferociousness, such urgency. This was crazy; he couldn't be feeling like this. He hated her, he despised her. She ruined him. She ruined the trust between him and goth girl by making up an obscene lie that he had made out with her behind the girl's back. It was all jealousy. She was jealous, and intended on making him feel the same. It was mutiny from the very first breath. I tried to pretend it didn't matter If I was alone But deep down I know If you were gone For even a day I wouldn't know which Way to turn 'Cause I'm lost without you...
He dug his nails into the sides of his head and growled, craning his neck around to stretch a tick. Oh, who was he fooling? He was mad for her and he knew it. She was the cause of his ailment.
I know it gets hard sometimesThe wall mirror seemed to melt into a looking glass, and in an instant he could see the inside of the lighter room. There she was, that bitch, looking up at him with a tearful face. She had gotten much thinner and slightly paler, and her hair had been shorn down to mere inches. What had she done to herself? He thought. Fuck her. Who could ever care about a wench like her? But I could never Leave your side No matter what I say
No, she was stronger than this. She was better than this. She wasn't going to let him take her pride away from her. She turned to straighten up her room whilst he threw everything across his in a rageful fit. Afraid that things were somehow ending up in her room, she felt the urge to clean. He yelled at her back, yelling for her to face him to be tormented. But she was better than this.
She turned back around and yelled out the words to him, joining him and proving that she was strong, that she was still the brave woman she had always been.
'Cause if I wanted to go I would've gone by now But I really need you near me To keep my mind off the edge If I wanted to leave I would have left by now But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myself...
He dropped the remains of the organ into the puddles and collapsed to his knees in the corner, as she collapsed onto her bed. This internal battle of two forces was tearing them up inside and driving them to the brink of insanity. She wanted him back dearly, and he wanted her dead dearly. It was inhuman almost, the change in emotions rather shocking.
She stared at the ceiling, body heavy with regret.
I get kind of dark Let it go too far I can be obnoxious at times But try and see my heart
Their eyes met and the whole world trembled. She saw true sorrow in his eyes, true passion. She felt her eyes melt under his stare. She saw in an instant that the cause for his madness, was her. 'Cause I need you now So don't let me down
They both stood to face each other, faces hard and jaws locked. She tied the locket around her wrist, as he dropped his lighter to his feet.
The only problem was, he hadn't turned it off.
You're the only thing in this world That I would die without...
He watched as the flames rose up and as she cowered backward. He saw her mouth to him, What are you doing? He was too pumped with adrenaline to temper with her rue any longer. He screamed out, arms outstretched.
'Cause if I wanted to go I would've gone by now But I really need you near me To keep my mind off the edge
She yelled sweet words to him, which he refused to hear, as she banged on the glass. If the smoke came into her room, it would be the end. She couldn't afford the polluted air. There was no ventilation system in her room. It was all in his, and she sobbed as she realized it was there for a reason, and one reason only - to end her.
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myself... I would've gone by now But I really need you near me To keep my mind off the edge If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
'Cause if I wanted to go
He tied the locket around his neck and ran his fingers through her hair. Oh, how he always loved that soft brown hair of her. He always felt as if that were her very best asset. Her body was like a masterpiece, before he saw how anorexic she had become. Her legs were like branches, her arms like pocky sticks. Her stomach was slightly distended from the lack of proper nutrition. God, what has he done to her? He ruined her, that's what. He felt hot tears prick at the back of his eyes. He couldn't believe it was over. But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myself...
If only she was still alive.
He picked up her frail and feather-light body and set it down comfortably on the bed, sprawling her limbs out as if she were sleeping. He felt his muscles quiver as he tried to offer a smile. And upon leaving her with sweet words, he kissed her goodnight.
o 0 o O o 0 o
